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  #21  
Old 30.12.2016, 10:47
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

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blimey people are making this way more complicated then it needs to be, emails, meetings, covering arses, softly softly approach etc etc, just ask her if she has a problem with you, she'll say no and life moves on, or she'll say yes and you can take it from there.
I have worked with a few loons in my time and believe me, you need to cover yourself when having a conversation with them.

Why on earth does she have a problem in the first place, causing bad feeling where none should exist.
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  #22  
Old 30.12.2016, 10:48
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

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OK, I was going to say "Office b*tch", because that would be more accurate. In a nutshell, a 30-ish chronically unhappy woman who has been hostile to me from day 1. Doesn't return greetings, avoids eye contact, and jumps on every opportunity to make my life hell.......
How does she make your life hell? Are the mentioned lack of greeting and eye contact doing that already or does she actually interfere with you being able to do your job?

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Ignore her: this I've been doing, but having her sit in the same area literally radiating hostility is slowly eating away at me........
If I were in this situation I would ponder why her ignoring me is "eating away at me". That can be a real eye-opener.
The other thing is vibes. You thinking so much about what you (think you) perceive could cause her to perceive messages she feels she needs to protect herself from.

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For my actual duties, I have very little to do with her as she has a basic admin function.......
As long as someone does not impede me or my work I go with the attitude that everybody is perfectly entitled to not like me and don't think about it any further. I give them the normal, polite office treatment (say good morning/say good night) and don't even put energy in ignoring them.
If they DO impede me I confront them straight forwardly but never with "I think you don't like me" or other "feel-me-stuff" but the facts that cause the problems.

Interesting enough I have many people in work-enviroment who befriended me after a while and "I couldn't stand you at first" is something I heard often.

When things seem awkward with people I immediately turn factual only. It gets me what I want (job done by who ever I need it done by), the necessary distance which gives others no ground to get emotional (what they feel or say behind my back I don't care about ).

My bottom line: Don't give her as much attention - in your thoughts - as you do now. You got little to do with her you said so be glad about that.
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Old 30.12.2016, 10:54
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

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I have worked with a few loons in my time and believe me, you need to cover yourself when having a conversation with them.

Why on earth does she have a problem in the first place, causing bad feeling where none should exist.
+1 for this. I'm not usually one for the softly softly, treading on eggshells approach but playing the long-game can often shorten the pain, especially if she's prone to an over-sensitive / batshit-crazy combo.

Better to tread carefully at this stage than invite all sorts of drama involving HR, a file on the subject and the wrath of those colleagues she's all sweetness and light with.
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Old 30.12.2016, 10:54
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

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blimey people are making this way more complicated then it needs to be, emails, meetings, covering arses, softly softly approach etc etc, just ask her if she has a problem with you, she'll say no and life moves on, or she'll say yes and you can take it from there.
Wording it along that line automatically puts blame on her. Most people will react by blocking, denying, counter-attacking, etc. It's much more likely to lead to a fight rather than a helpful and productive conversation.
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  #25  
Old 30.12.2016, 10:55
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

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OK, I was going to say "Office b*tch", because that would be more accurate. In a nutshell, a 30-ish chronically unhappy woman who has been hostile to me from day 1. Doesn't return greetings, avoids eye contact, and jumps on every opportunity to make my life hell. Oddly, she is all sweetness and light to people she likes. Bipolar behavior from someone who is basically a miserable person. How to diffuse the situation? I have gone over the scenarios:

- Directly approach her and ask her why she is so unfriendly, and whether I said or did something wrong. I hesitate on this one as without a mediator, this could quickly go in a bad direction and make things worse.

- Ask the boss to mediate. This only puts him in an awkward situation and makes him wonder why I can't handle my own situation.

- Ask HR to mediate: from my experience, HR is equivalent to corporate gestapo and only gives them the opportunity to gather evidence/ammunition to lower raise and bonus.

- Ignore her: this I've been doing, but having her sit in the same area literally radiating hostility is slowly eating away at me.

- Ask a co-worker to mediate, one who I get along with, and gets along with her. I hesitate to do this as we work well together and I don't want to put her in an uncomfortable situation.

For my actual duties, I have very little to do with her as she has a basic admin function.

Any experiences or recommendations? I am afraid that maintaining status-quo (ignoring her) will only work for so long before tensions spill over.
You must have done something to generate this level of hostility, whether you realise it or not, or even if it was done inadvertently etc.

Just ask to speak to her and say that you notice there is tension and apologise if you have done anything to upset her, but that it would be great to know what it is and clear the air going forward.

PS: If you really cared about Friday EF drama you would now come clean and tell us she is your ex-wife, a former lover, or that you touched her bum 'accidentally' last time you were both at the coffee machine.
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Old 30.12.2016, 10:57
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

Maybe even more direct "What have I done to upset you?"
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  #27  
Old 30.12.2016, 10:59
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

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You must have done something to generate this level of hostility, whether you realise it or not, or even if it was done inadvertently etc.

Just ask to speak to her and say that you notice there is tension and apologise if you have done anything to upset her, but that it would be great to know what it is and clear the air going forward.

PS: If you really cared about Friday EF drama you would now come clean and tell us she is your ex-wife, a former lover, or that you touched her bum 'accidentally' last time you were both at the coffee machine.

my money would be on the christmas party, a bottle of cheap champagne, a gherkin and that unfortunate incident in the disabled toilets
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  #28  
Old 30.12.2016, 11:12
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

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+1 for this. I'm not usually one for the softly softly, treading on eggshells approach but playing the long-game can often shorten the pain, especially if she's prone to an over-sensitive / batshit-crazy combo.

Better to tread carefully at this stage than invite all sorts of drama involving HR, a file on the subject and the wrath of those colleagues she's all sweetness and light with.
The victim is often the most powerful person in the room. Deadly dealing with them professionally, you can't win.. and yes they always have their allies lined up holding their hand, passing the tissues.

I run for the hills
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  #29  
Old 30.12.2016, 11:14
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

This is becoming a standard EF response.

"My neighbours are horrible!" - give them a bottle of wine and invite them to dinner.

"Someone complained that my child coughed!" - be nice to them and suggest putting them up in a hotel for a few days.

"My co-worker is a nasty piece of work!" - kill them with kindness.

I take it from this that the way to get freebies in Switzerland, and reduce one's cost of living, is to be a complete cnt. I'll make it my NY resolution.
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Old 30.12.2016, 11:15
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

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For my actual duties, I have very little to do with her as she has a basic admin function.
I'm actually just wondering if she senses your way of viewing her - it's a pretty rotten way to describe a team colleague - you only missed out the word 'just'.

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Old 30.12.2016, 11:17
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

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This is becoming a standard EF response.

"My neighbours are horrible!" - give them a bottle of wine and invite them to dinner.

"Someone complained that my child coughed!" - be nice to them and suggest putting them up in a hotel for a few days.

"My co-worker is a nasty piece of work!" - kill them with kindness.

I take it from this that the way to get freebies in Switzerland, and reduce one's cost of living, is to be a complete cnt. I'll make it my NY resolution.
Seems to be the new wave. Up until recently, the standard response was to unleash a Post-it note war then, when they run out, get the police involved.

Ah, the good old days.
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  #32  
Old 30.12.2016, 11:18
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

if the op has very little to do with her why does he even care what she thinks of him???

maybe he also secretly loves her?

invite her round to your place for an intimate new years eve dinner, see the new year in with a bang, just remember that fathers have to pay the mothers maintenance from next year
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  #33  
Old 30.12.2016, 11:25
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

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This is becoming a standard EF response.

I take it from this that the way to get freebies in Switzerland, and reduce one's cost of living, is to be a complete cnt. I'll make it my NY resolution.
Ah, c'mon, we're not that bad, surely.. some fight left

how-deal-difficult-co-worker-i5paadp.jpg
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  #34  
Old 30.12.2016, 11:44
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

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As a manager myself, I won't get involved in any conflicts where my staff haven't tried to remediate the problems themselves. If you were to approach, my first question would be, "What did she say when you approached her about it?" Likely, HR's response would be "talk to your line manager," so bypassing like that won't help either.
Agree and disagree.

When I was a manager, I wanted to be kept in the loop if tensions were bubbling under, but not micro-manage a potential situation. By all means, push the ball back into their court to resolve, but also prevent something escalating into a grievance procedure by providing support at the appropriate level.

I had one guy who was a continuous problem. He was rude and abrupt with his female colleagues, but always quick with the apologies when he was called on it. One day, I refused to accept his apology to a colleague because his behaviour never changed, so his apologies meant nothing. That left him flabbergasted, but it was the turning point for him.


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I have worked with a few loons in my time and believe me, you need to cover yourself when having a conversation with them.
Another +1.
Always have a number of witnesses and give them enough rope to hang themselves.

I had a line manager a few years ago who was very resistant to any change. She was a 'professional northerner' and greatly resented another northerner transfering to her southern office. The more I got along with her little brood of younger women, the more it annoyed her. The crunch came after a year of her being a cow, when she shouted at me whilst I was on a call with a client. I put the client on hold and told her... "If you care to check the initials on the time stamps you'll see it wasn't my work. Now...you're the manager...Manage it!"...and went back to my call.

As soon as I let rip at her, I thought I was in the poop now, especially looking around at my colleagues who were desperately trying not to laugh out loud. I fully expected to be hauled into the office, but nothing happened. In the days that followed, people from other teams, and even other floors in the building (I kid you not) came to congratulate me at lunch for standing up to her.

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my money would be on the christmas party, a bottle of cheap champagne, a gherkin and that unfortunate incident in the disabled toilets
Probably the nasiest woman I've ever worked (who was kind to me but horrid to others) with got caught in the disabled toilets at the Christmas party with two younger guys.
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Old 30.12.2016, 11:54
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

Karl, like this:

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  #36  
Old 30.12.2016, 11:56
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

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You must have done something to generate this level of hostility, whether you realise it or not, or even if it was done inadvertently etc.
I don't agree. There are a lot of bitter ladies working in assistant jobs... some of which can find some pleaure in annoying the productive part of the company with silly ideas or "rules".


I made the same experience as Karl before. But I just shrug it off unless there were concrete reasons to complain... for example when she apparently spent half a day to find me the absolutely cheapest rental car of Zurich for a 1200 km round trip. Some 1 liter micro car for two days on the German autobahn. I usually try it with some form of humor. In this case: "really? I have not been in a car that small since university" Her reply "Small cars improved a lot since YOU were at university". Two hours later she got a message from the management telling her that from now on we rent a Golf or comparable class. Did not make me more popular with her, but here is the thing: I don't think you can make everyone love you. If she is a negative and bitter person will neither a manager nor HR change that. You cannot force a person to greet and smile (well, you somewhat can looking at American restaurants...). But you need to address the concrete issues she creates in your job. In the best case will she remain bitter but knows that she cannot screw around with you. Took about 3 attempts in the case I had and she finally got her message...

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  #37  
Old 30.12.2016, 12:06
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

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Probably the nasiest woman I've ever worked (who was kind to me but horrid to others) with got caught in the disabled toilets at the Christmas party with two younger guys.
Ooh where do you work? I'm there. I can be nasty.
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  #38  
Old 30.12.2016, 12:17
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

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For my actual duties, I have very little to do with her as she has a basic admin function.

Any experiences or recommendations? I am afraid that maintaining status-quo (ignoring her) will only work for so long before tensions spill over.
Then why on earth do you care so much about her behaviour? Behave normally and only if she's creating some impossible situation for you - e.g. as in Treverus' post - complain to your direct manager.
Otherwise, I'm afraid you can't really control what others feel about you...just be firm to keep things professional, if she's in the wrong with something complain to her directly first. Your aim is not her sympathy, just her to keep things professional...and you better let her know that when you have the reasons.
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Old 30.12.2016, 14:11
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

Assuming that it's not you that is the problem, perhaps she has a personality disorder? First step would be to define which one it is. Start here, for example:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_disorder

If her behaviour does fit into a defined category, you could then start looking for info on how best to deal with that sort of person. Perhaps even schedule an appointment to discuss the problem with a pyschiatrist?
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Old 30.12.2016, 14:19
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Re: How to deal with difficult co-worker

I had problems a couple of years ago with a couple of colleagues, one of whom had become my boss. I tried to be constructive and get my boss to organise a meeting between the three of us. No go. No improvement.

Contacted HR and got a meeting with a HR person, myself and my boss. Cleared the air, made things a lot better with my former colleague/now boss. Things were better aftereards. No improvmeent whatsoever with the other colleague.

I then changed jobs (Got contacted by a recuitment agency at the right time for the right job!)

Current job is much better. WRT my two previous colleagues:
- the colleague left CH and the company realised what a cowboy he was (seeminly great client rep, but bad team player and actually not very effective); when he wanted to return, they were not interested.
- the former colleague / boss I still meet up with for lunch. I think he handled the situation badly, but fundamentally was a good guy put in a difficult situation with ill thought out orders (organisational changes, processes and procedures) from above.

Anyway, regardless of what you choose to do, in this day and age ensure that you CYA (cover your ass) as previously suggested (keep notes of conflicts, emails etc). Good luck!
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