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  #141  
Old 15.09.2010, 10:44
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

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What about all the western women who "harpoon" Swiss men to get into this country? Why is this thread following the narrative that people from the developing world are all after a piece of our wealth? As if locals don't do the same thing... Does this make us feel superior somehow? And why not use statistics and data rather than just making sh*t up and calling it "obvious"? Who's educated here?
What is wrong with you? Why so much agressivity? Do you read french? Because the article will answer a lot of your questions. No one here is talking about being superior. We talk about swiss sociology regarding relationship here. You want stats, look at the article, it is full of stats.

No one is being arrogant, pretentious or mean. We are just having a conversation about the reasons why the swiss views on marriage have changed, from what to how and the maybes.

That's all!
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  #142  
Old 15.09.2010, 10:51
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

Maybe she's pregnant?
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What is wrong with you? Why so much agressivity?
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  #143  
Old 15.09.2010, 10:55
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

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What about all the western women who "harpoon" Swiss men to get into this country? Why is this thread following the narrative that people from the developing world are all after a piece of our wealth? As if locals don't do the same thing... Does this make us feel superior somehow? And why not use statistics and data rather than just making sh*t up and calling it "obvious"? Who's educated here?
Well, I live in a mixed marriage and we have been faced with the stereotyes many times. You know what: Stereotypes have usually some true cores and I personally met some of the ladies one could describe as a mail order bride. What is the most interesting part: They usually have no problem at all to admit that they wanted to leave their home and "looked for a foreigner" for material reasons beside love. I do not judge this at all, but can actually understand them very well. So you can keep your political correctness for your own, thank you. Denying their existence is PC gone wrong and the article linked by Mr.Vertigo showed how marriages with some developing countries went up by thousands of percents over the past decade - ignoring a discussion is not more political correct.

To make a bit of a balancing argument to JLRs remark: Yes, I equally feel that it "looks wrong" to see some of the couples with an old greasy guy and his 25yr old Thai girlfriend. But I do not think it is fair to blame it entirely on him or "the West": Many of the girls are divorced or have children from previous relationships. In many traditional Asian societies does this mean that they are basically "unmarriable"... no guy could marry them as their families would not accept it (and families matter far more over there). So it is not just our wealth, but also the cultural differences that attracts them.
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  #144  
Old 07.10.2010, 14:03
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

Well I posted the first thread 2 years ago and I was going through my spam folder and came across a few links from this thread. I can't believe it's still going!

I'd just like to say that after being here for 2 years I've finally gotten used to the stares. It doesn't offend me as much as it used to. These days I just smile and give a short nod, and I always receive a smile back.

My husband and I still get stared at when we go out, but we are both so used to it that we hardly even notice it now. I think what is important is to have a positive attitude. Also I feel that when people see that we are happy and communicating well with one another, they wonder how a mixed couple could relate so well together. This is what a Swiss friend of mine told me, and I can also see in people's eyes sometimes. Even if my interpretation is wrong, I am now most comfortable with it. I know I am a well educated, successful Asian-Australian and if others choose to stare and think different then so be it.

Very different to my first post, I know. But hey people grow.
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  #145  
Old 07.10.2010, 14:45
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

Get ready to be stare at more especially if you look far too younger than your partner! Sure they will think: mailbride! period.
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  #146  
Old 07.10.2010, 14:56
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

'They looked Yugoslavian'.

Damn that is quite a funny comment. Respect!


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Is anyone else in a "mixed" relationship? Last night I was at a shopping centre with my Swiss partner and was given dirty looks by (actually they looked Yugoslavian?) two women for no apparent reason. Then there are stares, peoples' eyes literally popping out as you enter a restaurant and the people who stop talking as soon as you walk into a shop etc. Does this happen to anyone else? For the first few weeks I brushed it off and figured it was just my own projections or whatever, but its happened so often that it is becoming *slightly* annoying, which ruins the experience of my boyfriend and I going out etc.

I know that mixed couples are not so common around Luzern, and people are bound to stare etc. Coming from multi-cultural Australia though, makes it SO weird for me to experience this. Anyone own a t-shirt printing business? Perhaps I could get a I AM NOT A MAIL-ORDER BRIDE top in German.

Thanks people for letting me rant.
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  #147  
Old 17.12.2010, 21:22
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

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Is anyone else in a "mixed" relationship? Last night I was at a shopping centre with my Swiss partner and was given dirty looks by (actually they looked Yugoslavian?) two women for no apparent reason. Then there are stares, peoples' eyes literally popping out as you enter a restaurant and the people who stop talking as soon as you walk into a shop etc. Does this happen to anyone else? For the first few weeks I brushed it off and figured it was just my own projections or whatever, but its happened so often that it is becoming *slightly* annoying, which ruins the experience of my boyfriend and I going out etc.

I know that mixed couples are not so common around Luzern, and people are bound to stare etc. Coming from multi-cultural Australia though, makes it SO weird for me to experience this. Anyone own a t-shirt printing business? Perhaps I could get a I AM NOT A MAIL-ORDER BRIDE top in German.

Thanks people for letting me rant.
Im a black woman with dreadlocks. And Im sure peope here dont think of me as being charmlingly exotic unfortunately. Im not a bride, mail order or otherwise, so it makes it all worse. Nor do I have a Swiss hsuband on my arm. Pity, that.
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  #148  
Old 17.12.2010, 21:45
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

Here in the village there is a couple, she a 25-odd year old Thai, he a 50-odd year old CHian, people stare, but only those who do not know them.
Olive-brown on pinky white, a good and working combination, who cares, they love each other. period.
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  #149  
Old 18.12.2010, 00:46
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

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Well I posted the first thread 2 years ago and I was going through my spam folder and came across a few links from this thread. I can't believe it's still going!

I'd just like to say that after being here for 2 years I've finally gotten used to the stares. It doesn't offend me as much as it used to. These days I just smile and give a short nod, and I always receive a smile back.

My husband and I still get stared at when we go out, but we are both so used to it that we hardly even notice it now. I think what is important is to have a positive attitude. Also I feel that when people see that we are happy and communicating well with one another, they wonder how a mixed couple could relate so well together. This is what a Swiss friend of mine told me, and I can also see in people's eyes sometimes. Even if my interpretation is wrong, I am now most comfortable with it. I know I am a well educated, successful Asian-Australian and if others choose to stare and think different then so be it.

Very different to my first post, I know. But hey people grow.
@Icephrys - A great post and good for you! (The "Thanks" icon has long since disappeared, otherwise I would've added mine as well ). You are spot on about the importance of having and maintaining a positive attitude. The stares were a problem for me too when I first came here, especially after having grown up in one of the most multi-cultural cities in the world, where nobody cares about such things and mixed relationships are very common. However, in time I got to realize that often the stares are not meant in a bad way and that people genuinely find you interesting and would like to know more if given a chance. These days I just smile warmly at starers (except dodgy looking blokes) and which usually is appreciated. Cheers .
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  #150  
Old 18.12.2010, 13:40
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

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Here in the village there is a couple, she a 25-odd year old Thai, he a 50-odd year old CHian, people stare, but only those who do not know them.
Olive-brown on pinky white, a good and working combination, who cares, they love each other. period.
My 28 year old stepson (as CH as they come, tall, blond) is engaged to a 36 year old Thai.

Tom
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  #151  
Old 18.12.2010, 13:47
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

should be aware of the fact that people generally are staring here in switzerland and for no apparent reason
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  #152  
Old 20.12.2010, 01:06
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

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should be aware of the fact that people generally are staring here in switzerland and for no apparent reason
They're sizing you up to see if you'd fit in their freezer
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  #153  
Old 20.12.2010, 01:18
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

As to thouse starings, maybe it is just because you have a "foreign look"? I have an asian face, so even I walk alone, I usually get a lot of unexpected attentions like you described.

My husband is swiss and I am chinese, so it fits into your "mixed relationship" category,.From my experience, no matter what country I go, in europ or in asia, I always get a lot of "stares" from the locals,even in my own country! I suppose, sometimes it's because my husband look "foreign", sometimes it's because I look "foreign" I have already get used to it, or at least I tell myself not to take it as a big deal. Just relax.
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  #154  
Old 07.01.2011, 13:15
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

I wonder if the staring happens more on the German side. I've been dating an Asian off-and-on; nobody pays attention to us out in public. We tend to stay on the French side of CH, though, if not going into France on weekends.
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  #155  
Old 07.01.2011, 13:46
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

My experience is that the staring is less prevelant on the French speaking side.
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  #156  
Old 07.01.2011, 13:59
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

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Hi. I'm Indian married to a Scandinavian. Most of the people assume that my husbands Swiss and that I've married him for his Swiss passport. I've been asked a couple of times where I was imported from??? I'm sorry to say but the Swiss are really racist in this aspect (you cant blame them really-they're ignorant, zenophobic and not very well educated-so this kind of behaviour is to be expected).
Swiss and Scandinavians don't usually look alike, do they? lol
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  #157  
Old 08.01.2011, 12:34
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

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As to thouse starings, maybe it is just because you have a "foreign look"? I have an asian face, so even I walk alone, I usually get a lot of unexpected attentions like you described.

My husband is swiss and I am chinese, so it fits into your "mixed relationship" category,.From my experience, no matter what country I go, in europ or in asia, I always get a lot of "stares" from the locals,even in my own country! I suppose, sometimes it's because my husband look "foreign", sometimes it's because I look "foreign" I have already get used to it, or at least I tell myself not to take it as a big deal. Just relax.
You should go somewhere where both of you look foreign at the same time...africa? good luck
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  #158  
Old 09.01.2011, 12:15
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

My wife has this problem too.

We used to think it was because she was Caucasian but since I am too, we figured it was because she's got huge cans.

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  #159  
Old 12.01.2011, 09:49
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

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I wonder if the staring happens more on the German side. I've been dating an Asian off-and-on; nobody pays attention to us out in public. We tend to stay on the French side of CH, though, if not going into France on weekends.
Having lived in southern Germany, I would say it's more a German thing. I personally feel the staring is even worse in Southern Germany and more intrusive and offensive... to the point it's led to some heated moments in my time there. I was even left gobsmacked when some German walked specifically over to us to look at my wife. The Swiss have more class than that!
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Old 13.01.2011, 18:32
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Re: We are not all mail-order brides!

As already stated, nothing beats giving them a huge grin and waving.[/QUOTE]


GREAT CALL. I live in Luzern as well and have this happen to me on a near daily basis. After feeling like I was wakling around with Something About Mary hair I finally said enough! So now I smile extra sparkly at the women who give me dirty looks and if Im feeling perky enough, I may throw them a friendly wave for fun.
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