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  #41  
Old 29.01.2011, 11:00
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Re: Who is the trailing spouse in your relationship?

I've trailed twice for our two big moves. In the first case, I found a good job a year later, although I was more than happy to leave it when my husband found another opportunitiy here, and I did very much encourage him to take the job here. Lilike Lilith said above, it can beat working in a not so great environment.

But I've always had the opportunity to study, go to school, pick up part time work and travel. And because we are who we are, this seems to work out just fine.

Now that I can't work for a few months, I'm grateful to be the trailing spouse because it gives me time to get better. I was older when we married, and had already worked, and had been quite independent. The first trailing spouse thing was hard, because we went somewhere I wouldn't choose myself, but this time, I was all ready for the challenge and I;m glad I did.

I don't think anyone is truly that dependent though - what you both do is important to your families, IMHO.
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  #42  
Old 29.01.2011, 11:39
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Re: Who is the trailing spouse in your relationship?

Sometimes, it comes by cycle, I feel down. I look at my life and I am thinking if this is what my life became?

I mean let's face it. I am an housewife! I clean, I cook, I iron, I take care of the kid(s) and that's all. No rewards, no promotion (beside passing from one child to 2 with all the extra work coming but no pay check).

I studied hard and I worked my ass off for my career and this is what I became? An housewife???

But when this cycle is over, I see how lucky I am to have an husband who works HIS ass off to make sure we are happy and comfortable. I never have to ask money for what ever the reason, the money is there, it is OURS. We both are working for it, we both are making sacrifice and he might have better recognition for his work, but I have the best recognition from him and my daughter.

How lucky am I to be able to raise my daughter without having stress about money (most of the time), stress to go back to work because we don't have choices... I can see her growing, I can be the one who is there for her, who educate her and make sure she gets the values we believe in. I don't have a broken heart every morning when I have to send her to the daycare because I don't have any other choices.

I feel so much for those mothers who would love to be at home with their kids but can't afford it. And me, I have this luxury. Yes I do find it difficult, I sometimes am exausted and angry because I am not a nanny, I didn't study to work with kids all day long and I find it difficult to have to intertain my daughter all the time. But I still find myself lucky to have so much time with her, to have so much fun and great memories.

I would love to go back to work and I hope that eventually we will go in a country where I have opportunities to do so. But even if I was able to work, I made the decision that no matter how hard it can be on me, I want to raise my kids for at least their first 3-4 years of life. When this will be done and if jobs are available for me, I'll be very happy to go back to work.

I made the decision to sacrifice my career for my husband's career.
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  #43  
Old 29.01.2011, 11:50
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Re: Who is the trailing spouse in your relationship?

And that was a very good choice Nil.
Choosing the well-being of loved ones always is.
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  #44  
Old 29.01.2011, 17:07
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Re: Who is the trailing spouse in your relationship?

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Like it or not, the term "trailing spouse" is widely accepted in the ex-pat community and corporate world in general to describe the partner who accompanies the transferee.

Hey, it beats "barnacle" or "parasite". To the OP, if you need a lighter perspective on the trailing spouse experience in Switzerland, have a look at my blog. I have a few posts specifically for male trailing spouses in there somewhere.
I do find the term "trailing spouse" to be rather demeaning, whether it is an accepted term or not. Personally I do not know what I would do without my "domestic engineer". When we move it is a team effort, no more, no less.
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  #45  
Old 29.01.2011, 17:36
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Re: Who is the trailing spouse in your relationship?

Interesting reaction on the trailing spouse expression:
I recently was told I should use a other one because too negative...
Well, believe me what is mostly shared amongst trailing spouse community is humor and self-derision…that’s why the image of the happy trailer fit most of us.
More seriously, there have been very serious studies, thesis, books written in HR field using these words.
I consider myself as a professional in the trailing spouse area since my company offer dedicated career services to this community to which I belong) and I use the wording trailing spouse on my website.
Keep on line, I will send out latter this weekend an invitation for those who have writing skills and like to write a funny, original or touching article to be published on my website next month!
Greeting to all the trailing spouses of this forum and excellent weekend to all of you.
Sandrine
PS: I see more and more male trailing spouses and even offer a slightly adapted program
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  #46  
Old 29.01.2011, 17:39
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Re: Who is the trailing spouse in your relationship?

+1 for your blog. LOVE IT. You're hilarious. If you keep this up, you will be become the female version of Dave Barry in my book. Really, you are that good.

DavidSJC

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Like it or not, the term "trailing spouse" is widely accepted in the ex-pat community and corporate world in general to describe the partner who accompanies the transferee.

Hey, it beats "barnacle" or "parasite". To the OP, if you need a lighter perspective on the trailing spouse experience in Switzerland, have a look at my blog. I have a few posts specifically for male trailing spouses in there somewhere.

www.trailingwife.blogspot.com
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  #47  
Old 29.01.2011, 17:39
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Re: Who is the trailing spouse in your relationship?

I'd never even heard the term until I started reading posts on here in 2008. It wouldn't have occurred to me to think of it as being negative anyway as it exactly what I did - Wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge...

I suppose it was much easier for me than for a lot of folk on here as I wasn't really a career girl and I managed to find wonderful jobs (mostly with very little or no remuneration but enormous satisfaction) when our children were a little older. As Mr L isn't going anywhere any more, it looks like I've finished trailing and can spend time (for no remuneration but enormous satisfaction) on here.
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Old 29.01.2011, 17:44
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Re: Who is the trailing spouse in your relationship?

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I suppose it was much easier for me than for a lot of folk on here as I wasn't really a career girl and I managed to find wonderful jobs (mostly with very little or no remuneration but enormous satisfaction) when our children were a little older. As Mr L isn't going anywhere any more, it looks like I've finished trailing and can spend time (for no remuneration but enormous satisfaction) on here.
Did you find that people were looking down to you for not being a career girl? People here, or back home, old friends or family?

Last edited by Nil; 29.01.2011 at 17:58.
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Old 29.01.2011, 17:54
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Re: Who is the trailing spouse in your relationship?

I don't think it ever bothered me all that much what people thought about me at all. I was too busy doing things I liked doing. And later, I got quite a 'reputation' for the way I did it.
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Old 29.01.2011, 18:30
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Re: Who is the trailing spouse in your relationship?

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Like it or not, the term "trailing spouse" is widely accepted in the ex-pat community and corporate world in general to describe the partner who accompanies the transferee.

Hey, it beats "barnacle" or "parasite". To the OP, if you need a lighter perspective on the trailing spouse experience in Switzerland, have a look at my blog. I have a few posts specifically for male trailing spouses in there somewhere.

www.trailingwife.blogspot.com
Love your post on hoarding. So true!
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  #51  
Old 29.01.2011, 19:37
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Re: Who is the trailing spouse in your relationship?

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I'd never even heard the term until I started reading posts on here in 2008. It wouldn't have occurred to me to think of it as being negative anyway as it exactly what I did - Wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge...
Does that mean you've ever had a say in the destination? I could not do that. One of the reasons we are moving back to Asia is that it appealed me more than my husband's first idea to move back to his home town .He knows that I don't want ever to go there. In Asia, I'll have opportunity again to work just part time, as i want to do. If I'm going to be a trailing spouse I'd rather do it when I don't have to worry about the cleaning, ironing and can instead go for massages and spas. I've never experienced the real expat traling spouse experience. Here in Europe i'd rather call it simply being a housewife!
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Old 29.01.2011, 23:43
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Re: Who is the trailing spouse in your relationship?

I (the husband) am for now. I actually trailed by a couple months and just got here today. Previously my career took the drivers seat in the relationship because it paid more but we decided it was time to let my wife's career have some time in the spotlight. Sure it was a dumb decision financially but there is much more to life than money.

I'm planning on staying the trailing husband until our shipments of stuff arrive and we are moved in (instead of using rented furnishings).. The bulk of the goods are scheduled to arrive in early March. I look forward to a month of shopping for furnishings, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the dog etc.. and especially look forward to catching up on all the sleep I lost while working a full time job and doing all the packing etc for the move!!!!
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Old 30.01.2011, 19:20
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Re: Who is the trailing spouse in your relationship?

I am the trailing spouse at 26 years old. For a guy who worked in the States between 48-60 hours a week, this has been a treat. Relaxation for me.
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Old 01.02.2011, 22:19
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Re: Who is the trailing spouse in your relationship?

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Does that mean you've ever had a say in the destination?
Well, I followed him here. I can hardly say that I prefer to live somewhere else. I was fortunate that we went back to my home country for two years and other trailings were just different regions within the same two countries. It meant a different dialect, new schools for the children, new friends for me, but wasn't like travelling halfway round the world or anything - perhaps this doesn't really count as trailing.
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Old 01.02.2011, 23:24
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Re: Who is the trailing spouse in your relationship?

Trailing spouse really is a remarkable expression. Having said that I was trying to come up with a better expression and haven't come up with something yet. Have to check with my wife...
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Old 01.02.2011, 23:29
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Re: Who is the trailing spouse in your relationship?

Fast follower may be the other term for trailing spouse you are looking for?!? Hmmm....I think you gotta have kids to be okay with the trailing spouse concept as otherwise it is really hard to get a network of people. The expat schools are great for making friends!
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