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Old 22.03.2011, 13:21
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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Old 22.03.2011, 13:23
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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when i read these posts it sounds like your greatest accomplishment in life was moving to switzerland. get over yourselves.
off to the naughty corner with you again, scrambled.
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Old 22.03.2011, 13:24
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

got the same issue, mostly still in touch with quit a few from Belgium. USA practically no one anymore (still a few though. )

I miss them but they were uni friends so.....
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Old 22.03.2011, 13:24
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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when i read these posts it sounds like your greatest accomplishment in life was moving to switzerland. get over yourselves.
Sorry, old chap. We've done the negativity thing for this week, Phos is banned and we've all moved on.

Go and troll elsewhere, please.
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Old 22.03.2011, 13:36
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

There were times when I felt a bit bad about losing contact with certain friends, but then, if we really wanted to be in touch, we would have. Therefore it makes me truly appreciate those who are there for me no matter what.

It was nice for me too to read what some other people might think about the topic, thanks!
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Old 22.03.2011, 13:38
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

I keep touch with certain friends that could possibly imagine that living in another country might not be so bad.

The other people seem to think that Switzerland is too close to them terrorists.
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Old 22.03.2011, 13:40
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

Not relating to friends back home has not been the issue for me. But rather that those friends now think that I can no longer relate to them . I was unpleasantly surprised at the number of friends who ignorantly assumed that my life is perfect and stopped talking to me about their normal lives.

On the other hand, I was ecstatic to discover that the handfull that 'get it' (and generally have lived overseas themselves) remain close even though we may only get Christmas cards, a phonecall every 6 months and maybe a face to face visit every 18 months to 2 years

The parents-in-law however are in touch with us more than when we lived in the country!
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Old 22.03.2011, 13:51
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

erm, DB: do you blame anyone for that or is it simply your observation?
i have loads of friends back home and we dont call each other pretty often, but lets say every 3 longest 6 month (50% i see in the time between 1 call and the other), depending on time n stuff. such a call is about at least one hour, at times even 2-3, depending on what is/was going on. and its up to you what you make out of it, what you tell and ASK!? i really do make an effort on keeping things up and get this back.
but i have to say that a couple of mates got lost or the connection is cut off as they dont have to talk much about, dont want to, you simply lose the connection. its weird but fact.
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Old 22.03.2011, 13:54
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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It's not just "them".. people can ride a pretty high horse when they feel superior to those left behind..
I don't think it is a high horse, it is the mind of a person with heightened awareness due to exposure to many different attitudes and cultures. Then, when you look back at the folks in Blighty, you see yourself as you were and appreciate the mind growth you have experienced and the person you are now. Not looking down, just looking back.
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Old 22.03.2011, 13:55
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

I am not sure if that would be the distance or starting the family, one never knows if you do both at once...

I paced myself, wanted to create a network here, while keeping in touch with friends back there, which I think was a good idea, slowly transferred to life in here. Those who weren't patient enough and moved on with their life without me making effort since I had less time, family, new work, etc. would have moved on anyways back home. Those who stuck to me, my band mates, my gfs from school and some from work, my old choir signers, my old accountant, those are lovely people and they are curious what is happening with me every time we talk. We never really related through sport, or anything that would exclude somebody who isn't glued to tv or papers, or is absent, physically.

My friends were always all over the place, dif continents, dif age groups (now I think my youngest friend is 13 and oldest 86) and all sorts of settings, bank squares or punks, one thing they do understand, sometimes I need to hear them all the time, sometimes we aren't in touch for years, and always pick up where we left off. It does need some effort, I love care packs I get, being filled in with gossip, stimulated with a different concerns than here (honestly, sometimes it does feel like the entire country is asleep here)...I love knitting little presents for them and their kids, sending them that really good CH chocolate.

So what that some would say, yeah Wallmart opened. I can say the same thing. Aldi opened in nearby village and Lidl, too, just next door. Matternhorn does not bring substance to people, its just a prop. We love your cheese, Grumpy, don't take it personally...but there is life back home. Even in the US (I tought some classes in rough redneck Chicago, lovely gangster kids, by the way), or ugly suburbs of Prague. There is always life everywhere, no matter how esthetically unpleasing the props can be, or how remote we seem to troubles in our old homes. Not relating to cricket....tragic. The lack in the dept of the latest fad words, hmmmm. Kinda bugs me, since I like words, but, insignificant, innit.

I am fortunate I have great buddies. We all come from weird mixes of cultures, backgrounds and expectations. Our kids play together when we meet, so what it is once a year. Being far does feel lonely sometimes.

Some people I don't hear from, that's life. Thanks for the post, though, made me realize I need to make a couple of calls, send some messages.. I think feeling of not being able to relate depends on us, really. It's relative.
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Old 22.03.2011, 14:06
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

I'm with Paddy and Carlos on this - I'm just not very good at staying in touch - and never have been.
But in all honesty, there probably isn't anyone I can call a good friend from back home, now, anyway.

I started a semi-nomadic lifestyle (well, moved around a few times), over 20 yrs. ago, and had already lost contact with most of my school and college friends by then anyway - moving for jobs in UK (I used to work, honest), serious relationships (waste of time they were)**, all significantly robbed me of serious pool-time down the pub, with the boys. And it was the same for everyone, then, and all of a sudden everyone was caught up in their own private bubble, but would occasionally bump into each other.

But then I went walkabout, and any tenuous ties were severed.

Then it's just a case of work mates and house mates and living and working in a relatively tight community, doing almost everything with the same 20 or so friends and colleagues, then it's time to move on with a "Goodbye, all ... will probably never see any of you ever again ... all the best."

And so it continued.

But I don't resent any of this, and overall I'm glad how things went and worked out. When you meet like-minded people in your travels, it's just an accepted part of life, that normally these friendships often, just come and go.

The long and short of it is (oops ... cliché), that even with the best intentions we are all so caught up in our own little worlds, that contacting long-lost friends (and sorry to say, family too), gets put on a back burner - but it's the same for them, too.

When I do go "home" to visit family (still the same area where I grew up and went to school), if I see anyone whom I think I recognise from those days, I usually try to avoid them anyway, because they give the appearance of not really being any different to how they were when I last knew them - but I am nowhere near the same person, that they might remember [is that bad ... or just lazy? (Can't be bothered to give a synopsis of the last 20+ yrs., in the middle of town)]

This is probably more a guys scenario, than a chics, though.

** immersing myself in former relationships with the wrong gal, cost the slow and eventual loss of many old friends and acquaintances. You have to kiss a lot of frogs .... etc.

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  #32  
Old 22.03.2011, 14:19
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

For me, to move away from home made me realise something even bigger and/or worse than losing contact with old friends...

I realised that my parents were selfish... Sounds harsh? But it is the truth. They always complain they don't have the money to come to visit, they don't see us enough and they are so sad to be so far of their grand-child.

But they buy a new house, do lots of renovation, buy a 1400$ Laptop (for creating little cards, sending email and diaporamas ), They spend hell lots of money but they never have any?

So they don't come to visit and they expect US to be the one who spend money, time and energy to go to visit them.... Because we are the one who decided to leave! So it is not their choice and fault.

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Old 22.03.2011, 14:29
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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Nil you look so cute when angry
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Old 22.03.2011, 14:39
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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Sorry, old chap. We've done the negativity thing for this week, Phos is banned and we've all moved on.

Go and troll elsewhere, please.
now that your life is an amazing swiss adventure at the foot of the ALPS (with real italian food!) you can't be bothered with those boring people back home and their boring lives and their limited perspectives, right? who's being negative?
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Old 22.03.2011, 14:39
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

I lost contact with "back home" in England when I left at the age of 19; I lost contact with the friends I made in the USA when I left there at the age of 21; I'm a tourist in both places now, my home and my friends are here.

I do feel a certain sense of nostalgia thinking about England and I've been back to the house where I spent my formative years (memorable boyfriends, getting drunk the first time, where our dog died, that sort of stuff) and when I read certain posts on the EF. I've even got back in touch (extremely loosely) with an old friend from school who married her then sweetheart and now lives about 3 houses down the road from where she grew up, but - to be very honest - we don't have anything in common anymore except memories
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Old 22.03.2011, 14:42
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

TiMow touched on something else as well. When my Dad retired, he and my Mum moved away from Cornwall, where I grew up, to Hampshire. So visiting my Mum is exactly that, visiting. It's not "going home" for me, and never will be.
I did venture to my old stamping ground back in 2006 after my brother's wedding. We stayed for almost a week and I have to admit, I had a ball meeting up with old school, work, cricket club and drinking friends. Of course, after many promises to "keep in touch" after we got back, we came back and I never did. I'm not sure why, maybe it's the effort involved to maintain a long-distance friendship. I have plenty of friends here, so I just don't "need" the friendships I used to have, maybe that's it. People slag off Facebook, but through it I have at least been able to remain in (albeit infrequent) contact with quite a few old friends and for that it serves its purpose well.
For much the same reasons, I am loath to attend any EF functions; I have plenty of friends here and to be honest, I can't be arsed making any more. Sorry if that seems harsh, but it's the reality of the matter.
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Old 22.03.2011, 15:02
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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when i read these posts it sounds like your greatest accomplishment in life was moving to switzerland. get over yourselves.
It's got nothing to do with moving to Switzerland but everything to do with moving away from "home".

Another thing I noticed with my brother, whenever I visited him in Madrid he seemed to be surrounded by friends. Every bar we went into there was someone he knew, either in passing or as close buddies and I realised he had many more friends than I did where I lived in London.

Now I'm living abroad I have found that I have 10 times as many friends here than I did then. Back in London I was surrounded by my countryfolk but only had about 4 or 5 close friends around the country and about 10 or so local that I could chat to in the pub after work. Being abroad and away from your "safety zone" I think you nurture local friendships more than back home at the expense of course of your old friends.
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Old 22.03.2011, 15:24
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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do you find it difficult to find anything to talk about?

Do you find their cultural references unfathomable? Do you find their relentless discussion of politicians and celebrities you've never heard of and care little about boring beyond belief?

Well?
Well... I remember you doing a similar thread not all that long ago
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Old 22.03.2011, 15:31
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

I've only been here for 1.5 years but I've not lost contact with my good friends. I blame facebook for not allowing me to escape
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Old 22.03.2011, 15:47
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

Yes and no.
Facebook is good to know what's going on with people "you know" but perhaps weren't your closest ones.
My closes group, the "fab five", we keep in touch in a group email almost on daily basis. We started when one from the group moved to the US, and started to write even more after I left too. So I know all about who shagged who, who's turned into a b1tch and should not be in our friend zone anymore, jada, jada...

BUT - going back home always makes me feel weird. It's like time has stayed still since I moved away, NOTHING has changed but me. So I don't feel I relate as much to them anymore, I've just gotten a whole different view of life now.
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I realised that my parents were selfish... Sounds harsh? But it is the truth. They always complain they don't have the money to come to visit, they don't see us enough and they are so sad to be so far of their grand-child.

But they buy a new house, do lots of renovation, buy a 1400$ Laptop (for creating little cards, sending email and diaporamas ), They spend hell lots of money but they never have any?
Yeah selfish or not...
I didn't go home for my mum's 50th birthday last year, because I couldn't afford it. One month earlier I had spent a week in Turkey. She never said anything, but I can sense she thinks I'm selfish for that.
I however plan to see the world and life my life. So sorry, but this bird has flown out of the nest.
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