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  #101  
Old 23.03.2011, 08:38
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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  #102  
Old 23.03.2011, 09:16
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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As TheSpouse said, this is what may happen in a hypothetical situation. The sentiment that I feel she is trying to convey is that, when the shxt really hits the fan, your true friends will drop everything to help you; not in a 'I'm taking over' way but in a 'whatever I can do to help, I will' way.

I think that you took her hypothetical example too literally.
On reflection probably so, but as Nil said you don't have to be over 40 to have such friendships

Anyway I am sure The Spouse didn't mean her initial post to be so patronising, words can get messed up online.

Last edited by Nickers; 23.03.2011 at 09:28.
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Old 23.03.2011, 09:18
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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Here's an example: When we know we are traveling back to the US, I email our friends. I tell them exactly which dates we will be arriving and when we will be leaving.
I tend to tell them how long I will be staying with them...

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When I first moved away, I used to write people back home letters (in the days before internet) and now and again they'd write back. But as time goes on you gradually lose touch - particularly as people get married, have kids, go their separate ways etc.
You mean that YOU gradually lose touch. I still write and I am still in touch with those who got married, had kids, had grandchildren...
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Via Facebook, I've got back in touch with kids (all in their 40s now) from my school and earlier this year went to a reunion. It was a good job I'd seen their photographs on Facebook as I wouldn't have recognised half of them. Most of my contemporaries still live in the area I went to school in - and it was actually appreciated that I'd made the effort to come all the way from Zürich and paid for a hotel etc so I could show up at the reunion.
We, too, have had reunions for 'our started at the school in 1951' school year and folk roll in from America and New Zealand too, so with my hop-over from Switzerland it's no big deal. Anyway, to those who said, "Wow, Switzerland", I pointed out that one still has to do the washing-up and clean the kitchen floor...
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  #104  
Old 23.03.2011, 10:51
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

I don't see how you can keep the same interests over time... - I don't know much at all about what's on TV in the US, and things that are important in the day to day lives of some of my friends escape me. And while people don't change in "essentials" (I keep quoting Jane Austen), day to day stuff does matter (my words, obviously). Patterns of speech, even, expressions are going to differ over time. Makes sense to me.

It is normal for people to grow apart when they don't live in the same environment. So I know that some of my friends have different perspectives on things, and friends that I've had for a long time have different priorities and experiences - children, grandchildren, illness, aging parents, different jobs and so on.

But i do have friends that I can pick up where we left off, no matter what the time or place, and I know that there are people I can rely on. But when we visit, we fit into their lives as much as they make time for us. I mean they're glad to see us, but they also have their own lives and stuff to do. And I agree that age has nothing to do with friendship.

I also liked what Longbyt said - when people say "wow Switzerland", she's right - you still have to do the menial living tasks here - you have to take out the trash (in the right bags, which often gets a laugh from Americans). I usually add, however, "yeah, it doesn't suck to be me. " I guess that's sort of obnoxious. Oh well, no one's perfect.

Last edited by edot; 23.03.2011 at 10:55. Reason: clarification, maybe
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  #105  
Old 23.03.2011, 13:56
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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I don't see how you can keep the same interests over time...
I think I just got stuck - music, books, language, sport, family - ours and theirs, school systems, housing, medical matters, art... same as then.


Added later - I quite forgot one passionate interest which never faded - teaching people things. I loved teaching friends to do things I liked doing and I taught some folk things I couldn't do myself.

Last edited by Longbyt; 23.03.2011 at 19:54.
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  #106  
Old 23.03.2011, 14:48
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

I agree - and yes, I've changed, they've changed- but we grew up together and spent our wild teenage years together- and that friendship remains, somehow. Had a friend over for lunch yesterday- he was one of my brother's best friend, and later married my best friend (who sadly died of pancreatic c. aged 52, 10 years ago). If we met now we probably wouldn't give each other the time of day - we often totally disagree on political matters for instance, but he'll always be a friend. Very different of course, from those friends i've made over the years because we are on the same wavelength. Mind you my best friend from the UK is a devout Christian and I am a fervent agnostic - but this has never stopped us.
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  #107  
Old 23.03.2011, 15:23
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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"Oh yes," she sneered. "A nice place in the suburbs? Any nice delis round there?"

... What would we do with one if we had one?

There's a whole world of snobbery that no longer makes any sense to me...
DB, ya big Dame, it's not necessarily snobbery. Asking the question was surely taking interest in your welfare. Some small towns are frightful places to live if you're interested in more than simply living in a box, calling something of another species a friend and having the chance to drink a weak beer in a pokey local. Are you over 40?

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...why oh why do you call your genitals "junk"? Are they trash?), and they are baffled by mine...


I wasn't born 'back' home, left the place a lifetime ago and lived in many places since. I don't understand the question.

Those I meet on return journeys enjoy philosophical chat over a beer: the Hows and Whys of their current life status, rather than 'slebs and Walmart. Many people aren't too keen / open on the 'inner'; those who've moved about tend to realise it's the only common bond. Fellowship of common history is not friendship.
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  #108  
Old 23.03.2011, 17:17
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

Since when has slang or lingo made sense anyway...
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  #109  
Old 23.03.2011, 17:45
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

Many of friends still think women don't shave under their arms here in Switzerland and won't believe me when I tell them they do.

How can I prove my point?
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  #110  
Old 23.03.2011, 17:53
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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Many of friends still think women don't shave under their arms here in Switzerland and won't believe me when I tell them they do.

How can I prove my point?
Why they think that? Women used to not do that here, in recent past?

I was used to hear it about the french women... never about the swiss...
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Old 23.03.2011, 18:18
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

You'll find it is more a German thing actually. FKK Freierkorperkultur linked to naturism.
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  #112  
Old 23.03.2011, 19:04
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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Mom? Is that you?
No relation to you at all. I made sure.

No offense but I strongly resent people who talk unkindly of elder people especially if those happen to be one's parents regardless of what they behave. In my opinion, they deserve your respect regardless..
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  #113  
Old 23.03.2011, 19:17
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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No relation to you at all. I made sure.

No offense but I strongly resent people who talk unkindly of elder people especially if those happen to be one's parents regardless of what they behave. In my opinion, they deserve your respect regardless..
I think giving a "no matter what" opinion puts you on a precarious pedestal indeed. Everything is context dependent and if you don't know the context, as in this case, hush.
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  #114  
Old 23.03.2011, 19:21
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

Well yes in general I agree. My parents were human and I truly believe they always did their best for us , in their own kind of way- which is why I respected them and their wishes all the way to the end. But I'm afraid some of my friends have had abominable parents- who behaved very badly towards their children- so I'm not sure parents can demand automatic respect, irrespective of their own behaviour.
All I'd say is that parents do not live forever, getting old is not easy so a little patience and understanding will actually make YOU (the child) feel better when the time comes, especially if you live far away.
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  #115  
Old 23.03.2011, 19:25
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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No offense but I strongly resent people who talk unkindly of elder people especially if those happen to be one's parents regardless of what they behave. In my opinion, they deserve your respect regardless..
Filal piety is a great attribute to have (in fact, its one of the biggest no-no in my culture to disrespect parents). But for sanity's sake, sometimes we need to know when enough is enough. No?
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  #116  
Old 23.03.2011, 19:25
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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I think giving a "no matter what" opinion puts you on a precarious pedestal indeed. Everything is context dependent and if you don't know the context, as in this case, hush.
You're free to have your opinion just like I am to have mine. Feel free to ignore my comments if you don't like them or if you feel offended.
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Old 23.03.2011, 19:30
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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You're free to have your opinion just like I am to have mine. Feel free to ignore my comments if you don't like them or if you feel offended.
Yes but don't opînions require a certain amount of information upon which they are based in order to be formed? My opinion is that your opinion loses its relevance the more blanket and less information based it becomes. Just a thought.
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  #118  
Old 23.03.2011, 19:39
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

aa_248 seems to believe that elders and parents AUTOMATICALLy deserve respect irrespective of the past, their behaviour, or whatever, so s/he does not require further information (as said above, I disagree).
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Old 23.03.2011, 19:44
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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Filal piety is a great attribute to have (in fact, its one of the biggest no-no in my culture to disrespect parents). But for sanity's sake, sometimes we need to know when enough is enough. No?
May be but I believe you get what you put in. If you expect good or bad behavior from people, you will generally be right either way. Just like when I groaned at her, I expected a nasty response and I got it.

But then again, this is my experience and my opinion. She is free to treat her parents as she wants, but she might be losing a great opportunity to learn or to teach and witness the change..

Just a thought...
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Old 23.03.2011, 19:47
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

So, aa_248, do you have anything to say about the subject of the thread, which is "Losing contact with 'back home'", or what?
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