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  #121  
Old 23.03.2011, 20:03
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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So, aa_248, do you have anything to say about the subject of the thread, which is "Losing contact with 'back home'", or what?
Apologies DB for getting sidetracked (but was too much fun to drop it) - I agree that you lose contact but I do not think it's due only to geography. Some posters alluded to this and I concur that you can grow apart within the same country or city if there's a change in status (married/single, working/unemployed, own a house/don't own a house, earns a lot/doesn't earn, etc).

Those that remain no matter what changes in your life are the ones to cherish and the rest are not worth to waste the time to find out why they grew apart even if it was because of a change in one's own behaviour.
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  #122  
Old 23.03.2011, 20:04
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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May be but I believe you get what you put in. If you expect good or bad behavior from people, you will generally be right either way. Just like when I groaned at her, I expected a nasty response and I got it.
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Mom? Is that you?
That is what you call nasty response? It was actually a pun, a joke.... you know? Never mind...
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  #123  
Old 23.03.2011, 20:07
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

When I last lived in London, I lived in Hampstead and close to the Heath. On one of the ponds was a mating pair of swans, that returned every year to have their signets, in late spring/early summer.

Once the signets were big enough to leave the nest and swim in the pond, they were always escorted and protected by the parent birds and if any person ever got too close the parent bird would rear up, flap it's wings and hiss - looking quite menacing.
A common and known reaction for parents protecting their young.

At the end of the summer, when the young were fully fledged (but not fully grown and still with dark feathers), the parents then did the complete opposite. They started to peck and chase their offspring to get them to fly away from "their" pond and if any ever returned to that pond, they got the same treatment and mobbed by both parent birds, until they took flight again.

Maybe, it's this way with (some) people, too.
Maybe people have to find their own way in life and leave the past behind .... but not everyone.
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  #124  
Old 23.03.2011, 20:21
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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May be but I believe you get what you put in. If you expect good or bad behavior from people, you will generally be right either way. Just like when I groaned at her, I expected a nasty response and I got it.
But then again, this is my experience and my opinion. She is free to treat her parents as she wants, but she might be losing a great opportunity to learn or to teach and witness the change..

Just a thought...
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No relation to you at all. I made sure.
No offense but I strongly resent people who talk unkindly of elder people especially if those happen to be one's parents regardless of what they behave. In my opinion, they deserve your respect regardless..

Where and when did you get a nasty response ?

Also "you get what you put in" absolutely does not apply to in a relationship with one's parents. One makes choices for the other, and the other can only accept. Now most us have decent loving relationships with our parents, some do not, and it's not for anybody to judge.

Age has nothing to do with deserving respect. Only love deserves respect.
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  #125  
Old 23.03.2011, 20:26
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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Do you find yourself gradually losing contact with people you used to know in the 'old country'? If so, when you speak to them, do you find it difficult to find anything to talk about?

Do you find their cultural references unfathomable? Do you tire of the latest buzzwords (if I ever hear anyone finish a sentence with "End of.", I am liable to hang up on him without further ado)? Do you find their relentless discussion of politicians and celebrities you've never heard of and care little about boring beyond belief?
This is the subject which we were asked to discuss. Either we get back onto it, or the Thread gets closed. It is an interesting subject. Have we said all there is to be said?
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  #126  
Old 23.03.2011, 20:35
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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May be but I believe you get what you put in. If you expect good or bad behavior from people, you will generally be right either way. Just like when I groaned at her, I expected a nasty response and I got it.

But then again, this is my experience and my opinion. She is free to treat her parents as she wants, but she might be losing a great opportunity to learn or to teach and witness the change..

Just a thought...
Thats a fair comment you've made about "you get what you put in". You are totally entitled to your opinions but the point that I (and a couple of others) are trying to make here is that not every situation is that black and white. Some people (as parents) are just down right impossible - fortunately, I've not been pushed to the breaking point - although I've come close many times - but a little less rigidity wouldnt go amiss.

Sorry for the slight hijack Herr DB. Back on topic!
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  #127  
Old 23.03.2011, 20:43
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

Ok Longbyt, you're completely correct.

I have no idea what "back home" means and yet I feel that part of me is also over there. Though I really look American (or Irish) I stick out over there as I'm subject to something called "culture shock". Local people laugh at my amazement for objects and customs that are part of daily life over there.
Definitely one can feel "out of synch" and lose touch when you can no longer find points in common. This can happen even with family members.

For instance, I'll spend hours wandering around an American supermarket just looking at the assortments. It's impressive to see 3 aisles of breakfast cereals..... and the sizes/portions of food are just enormous. Locals crack-up laughing and then ask me if I speak Swiss

Yes I can see where and how one would lose touch, and the effort it does take to stay aware of the other's world.

You can really love a place and struggle to understand.
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  #128  
Old 23.03.2011, 21:11
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

I walked out of my home town aged 18 and never went back there to live. From then on I was 100% focussed on getting through university, getting a job, keeping the job, changing the job, struggling to pay the bills, getting married, getting a mortgage, having kids, paying bigger bills, moving country, moving back, moving country again.

Of course as I moved on, I lost touch with old friends, made new friends, moved on again and so the cycle repeated. I didnít set out to lose touch with friends who stayed put. It just happened. I can make excuses for myself. Life moves on, people change, different interests etc. But thatís a cop out. My wife has been through most the above with me but sheís kept in touch with all her close friends - whether from her school days or friends sheís met along our journeys. And sheís done it the old fashioned way - letters, phone calls, greeting cards.

Thereís no magic. She makes the time and puts in the effort. Me? If Iím honest, Iím lucky enough to have a close family and extended family. Thatís enough for me.
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  #129  
Old 23.03.2011, 21:25
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

My OH's family moved again and again, every couple of years - and he never had a chance to set roots. He is only in touch with ONE university friends. However when we do meet up with friends or relatives I've made the effort to stay in contact with, either from my childhood, or places we've lived together in the UK- he loves it. We often take holidays with friends we've met, many spread out all over the world, he loves it too. And now he has chosen to adopt MY roots- and he feels very comfortable with them - so that's great. But even with his family back in UK, it's left to me to keep in touch, organise meet ups and holidays. That's just the way it is.
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  #130  
Old 24.03.2011, 07:36
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

One word: Facebook.
You'll be so "connected" you'll want to move away again!
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  #131  
Old 24.03.2011, 08:08
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

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. That's just the way it is.
That's just men (most of them anyway)
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  #132  
Old 24.03.2011, 08:42
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

I give my parents all the respect they're due. (work that one out).

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Do you find yourself gradually losing contact with people you used to know in the 'old country'? If so, when you speak to them, do you find it difficult to find anything to talk about?
We moved around a fair bit in the old country, so nothing's really changed here. It's difficult to get passionate or interested in some of the social changes/politics, because frankly, I don't care anymore. Facebook is good for maintaining a continuity.

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Do you find their cultural references unfathomable? Do you tire of the latest buzzwords (if I ever hear anyone finish a sentence with "End of.", I am liable to hang up on him without further ado)? Do you find their relentless discussion of politicians and celebrities you've never heard of and care little about boring beyond belief?
I didn't know what a chav was for a long time. Now we get BBC TV, we generally keep up with the latest developments. I can keep track of politicians, but celebrities - I've no idea who about 50% of them are.

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Am I just a miserable old sod?
Yes, of course.
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  #133  
Old 25.03.2011, 18:08
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Re: Losing contact with 'back home'?

I've read many of the replies to this thread and I think one of the problems might be confusing friends with acquaintances. I know it is particularly true in the U.S. where I live, to refer to anyone one has ever met in their lifetime as a "friend." I read somewhere if you have one friend, someone who is available to you day or night should you need them, wherever you are, you should consider yourself lucky. I tend to agree.
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