We dont argue about money (im a housewife for now) but if my man buys something extra special for himself without me knowing (not that i have to know everything), i would feel abit left out. Not only will i feel jealous, which is one thing since its my concern to economize with home necessities on daily basis out of my own initiative not that we have any financial problems. I dunno if u have a family set up already with these roles but usually its like that.

Ultimately, i guess being "left out" would be the main reason i would be upset about it.

With my ex-wife we always argued about money and I earnt much more than I do now, but somehow it all went.

Now with my wife we each control our own money and we are much better off even though we have less coming in. She doesn't like the idea of joint bank accounts - in fact many swiss couples seem to avoid them from what I gather.

We are both careful, which helps, and value for money is always important. We can pretty much buy the things we want but we always surf around first to get the best price.

In my experience arguing about money is the biggest problem in a relationship, if we can avoid that I'd be more than happy.

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Life's what you make it, so let's make it better

Money means different things to different people Power, self-esteem, competence, acknowledgment, security, love, commitment, protection, control, independence etc. and hence the reason for arguments would vary.
We don't have heated arguments as such, but would be dishonest to say that we have none.
We have our monthly saving's target, part of mortgage or actual savings. Once that is met no one really cares on what the rest of the money is spent on.

I am fond of gadgets too, but our tastes are not exactly the same. I am all for buying kitchen /house appliances /upgrading occasionally laptops or beamer sound systems etc
A faster processor does not necessarily mean one needs to upgrade to every new model of Iphone or Ipad. It is bit OTT for me
So that's where I argue..

Both of us are spendthrifts in our ways, so the 'arguments' really don't put us off.
Sometimes his simple question, ' Do you really need that cream?' makes me realize yes I have loads of them already. It's not worth it!


So I am happy he does that

mmmmeh. For now. If you got married or entered into a married-like partnership and one of you earned 10 times more than the other, where would you live? Somewhere cheap that you both paid for equally, or somewhere expensive? Fact is, if you live together (not just in the same place, but live your lives together) money has to be thrown into a pot. Otherwise you're basically entering into a business arrangement and that's never going to work.

When we were a double-income household, money was never the issue. He wanted to get the latest gadget? Be my guest. I wanted a lovely pair of shoes? Its mine.

However, it got very tricky when we first become a single income household. Never massive arguments though but many heated disagreements (yes there is a difference!) - mainly because one of us wanted to stinge and save when the other thinks that we should let our hair down once in a while going on a mini-break somewhere, or a cool Nespresso machine for the mutual use of the household

Buying luxury items for oneself were never on the table for discussion anymore, because I guess both of us fortunately, atuomatically realise that sacrifices must be made when its a single income family - though I indulge in alot of shoe porn online from time to time. Things have more or less got back to normal, since I've started giving music lessons this year (and I have him to thank for encouraging me to pursue my passion wholeheartedly without a single complaint, and even investing in a piano) - I may not earn as much as he does but it feels good to be able to buy myself frivalous things without feeling guilty and say "lets go out for dinner tonight, i'll buy!"

In a way, I guess we are lucky to both view money in the same way: never that important to add unnecessary stress on the relationship over.

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Remember when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and b****-slap the mother-f***er upside the head.

either don't get with some shrew who wants to control your pocketbook or make enough so that it doesn't even matter

For the first 2 years of our marriage, I was in and out of hospital, having operations and having to learn to walk again (car accident) - then 8 years raising our daughters and unable to work because of HIS work. Later on on I forged my own career, and things we different. My spending (careful) was NEVER questioned, I am very happy to say. As said before, arguments only arose when things were very tight, with a mortgage at 19%.
When kid's education etc was behind us - I never again begrudged him spending money on things I personally did not covet. The Boxter he went to buy with one of our daughters was a bit much - but it was his retirement present to himself- so I laughed it off and made sure I drove it as often as I wanted too.. (gone now, no good for the Jura in winter).

i think this is a good way. with my last partner we had the same thing. even when both are earning if you have a mortgage to pay off, then you need to be careful with money and there is a shared responsibility.

we would always talk to each other before major purchases from our own money but in the end, we usually bought what we wanted even if it was after some questioning (what? why do you need another dress? what's wrong with the new one you bought 6 months ago and wore twice?).

Wrote a very long and very self-assured post to add to this thread - and then remembered that husband and I have been married all of nine months.

So, @transition: our financial styles are quite different, but we don't argue. We think this is because we have figured out the secret of not arguing. (We also think we have figured out the secret of parenting, so if you need any tips there too, don't hesitate.)

You know you can be very very rich right...? (especially getting someone like DB not to argue...)

When we got married and I gave up my job to move here I stopped spending money on myself. I didn't feel comfortable spending money that I hadn't earned. My wardrobe has suffered over the last year and I stopped myself from doing a lot of things as I didn't want to spend the money.

My husband sat me down (I have to be honest it took more than once) and told me that when he married me his possessions become ours. My possessions become ours. The money he earns is ours. And he didn't want me denying myself items I needed. He took me shopping on a number of occasions and convinced me to buy items. And just last week, after taking me shopping for some essentials said "see that wasn't so hard, do it again next week".

But I always check that it's okay for me to buy the item. And even though I never expected it from him, he does the same. For example I get messages "found most amazing toy, 200 chf. Okay?". And I might send "Dress, fits, loooove it. Perfect for winter. 200 chf. Okay?"

And if the budget allows for it, why not? But neither of us mind when the other says no or suggests we put off the purchase for a couple of weeks.

I still don't feel comfortable spending money like I used to when I was employed; I'm still buying a lot less and seriously think through my purchases before I make them. Thankfully my wardrobe is improving and my husband is happy I'm spending money on me again (strange huh? )

But that's what marriage is for us. Thinking things through from the perspective of 'whats best for us', rather than 'whats best for me'.

I can share mine (we have not had any single fight or argument with husband do far) - just find a person that's really compatible and agrees with you on all the major items. See, easy. well ok we have been together only 3 years, but still.

Oh, and don't sweat the small stuff. Most stuff is small stuff really.

Awesome! Like it, you made my day! What a lovely way to see a relationship!

If you're married to someone who wants control of the money, then you'll never earn enough for it to not matter.

It's the way we've always lived. I'm almost (but not quite) surprised by your surprise. It seems so normal to me.

When we made our will, the Notary wanted us to list what assets each of us had brought to the marriage. We were glad to both say - zero. Everything we have is mutually owned.

There's one area, however, where I'll often act alone - that's when it's to do with business expenditure. Although she owns half the company, she leaves me to run it. Even then, if I'm thinking of attending a conference, that would be kind of good to go to, but isn't strictly necessary, we'll discuss it beforehand.

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Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!

We sat down and went over our budget for the year, what comes in, and what goes out on a monthly basis (on average).

We then decided what we needed to save (we decided to do the full 3 Saule for both of us, and decided at what point we wanted the house paid off).

That then boiled down to a monthly figure, which we set up as an automatic standing order to a savings account that we don't touch.

What's left in our normal accounts is free for spending.

This way there is no argument or spending decisions to make along the way, the decision was made once at the beginning of the year.

Is this such a difficult concept? If everyone did it this way there would be nothing to argue about.

I would guess most people would not argue that bills need to be paid and food bought, so wouldn't this "free to spend" part be the one that causes most arguments? Not if you have 2 incomes and keep separate "free to spend" accounts, but it's not always the case, as shown here.

No it isnt but life is such that you cant plan everything down to military precision.

You guys sound exactly like my wife and me. My wife hates spending money she hasn't earned and I have to kind of twist her arm to get her to buy something she likes if I see her eyes light up. Yes, I know I'm supporting her studies right now but I don't see why she should live the life of a poor church mouse like I did doing my grad school days.

OK...what's left in my konto is free for me to spend, and what's left in her konto is free for her to spend. OK, I make more, but then we use more money from my konto to cover bills. In any case we both have free access to all accounts online so money is reshuffled as required. Of course together we earn quite well, so usually there's not much to discuss. We basically have all we need, so I am just talking about the odd meal out, her buying clothes, me buying the odd gadget...nothing significant.

Try Excel.