Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Living in Switzerland > Daily life  
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #41  
Old 25.03.2011, 09:54
stephanienie's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: aargau
Posts: 473
Groaned at 4 Times in 4 Posts
Thanked 283 Times in 144 Posts
stephanienie has an excellent reputationstephanienie has an excellent reputationstephanienie has an excellent reputationstephanienie has an excellent reputation
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

We dont argue about money (im a housewife for now) but if my man buys something extra special for himself without me knowing (not that i have to know everything), i would feel abit left out. Not only will i feel jealous, which is one thing since its my concern to economize with home necessities on daily basis out of my own initiative not that we have any financial problems. I dunno if u have a family set up already with these roles but usually its like that.

Ultimately, i guess being "left out" would be the main reason i would be upset about it.
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 25.03.2011, 10:11
nigelr's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Aargau
Posts: 1,712
Groaned at 118 Times in 59 Posts
Thanked 2,140 Times in 942 Posts
nigelr has a reputation beyond reputenigelr has a reputation beyond reputenigelr has a reputation beyond reputenigelr has a reputation beyond reputenigelr has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

With my ex-wife we always argued about money and I earnt much more than I do now, but somehow it all went.

Now with my wife we each control our own money and we are much better off even though we have less coming in. She doesn't like the idea of joint bank accounts - in fact many swiss couples seem to avoid them from what I gather.

We are both careful, which helps, and value for money is always important. We can pretty much buy the things we want but we always surf around first to get the best price.

In my experience arguing about money is the biggest problem in a relationship, if we can avoid that I'd be more than happy.
__________________
Life's what you make it, so let's make it better

Last edited by nigelr; 25.03.2011 at 10:18. Reason: spelling mistake
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 25.03.2011, 10:27
miss_bean's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Zurich
Posts: 525
Groaned at 3 Times in 3 Posts
Thanked 464 Times in 224 Posts
miss_bean has an excellent reputationmiss_bean has an excellent reputationmiss_bean has an excellent reputationmiss_bean has an excellent reputation
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

Money means different things to different people Power, self-esteem, competence, acknowledgment, security, love, commitment, protection, control, independence etc. and hence the reason for arguments would vary.
We don't have heated arguments as such, but would be dishonest to say that we have none.
We have our monthly saving's target, part of mortgage or actual savings. Once that is met no one really cares on what the rest of the money is spent on.

I am fond of gadgets too, but our tastes are not exactly the same. I am all for buying kitchen /house appliances /upgrading occasionally laptops or beamer sound systems etc
A faster processor does not necessarily mean one needs to upgrade to every new model of Iphone or Ipad. It is bit OTT for me
So that's where I argue..

Both of us are spendthrifts in our ways, so the 'arguments' really don't put us off.
Sometimes his simple question, ' Do you really need that cream?' makes me realize yes I have loads of them already. It's not worth it!


So I am happy he does that
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank miss_bean for this useful post:
  #44  
Old 25.03.2011, 11:05
economisto
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

Quote:
View Post
I buy what I want, when I want it. If my girlfriend wants to save money, she can darned well do it herself from her own job.

Works for us. ;-)
mmmmeh. For now. If you got married or entered into a married-like partnership and one of you earned 10 times more than the other, where would you live? Somewhere cheap that you both paid for equally, or somewhere expensive? Fact is, if you live together (not just in the same place, but live your lives together) money has to be thrown into a pot. Otherwise you're basically entering into a business arrangement and that's never going to work.
Reply With Quote
The following 5 users would like to thank for this useful post:
  #45  
Old 25.03.2011, 11:18
summerrain's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Zürich
Posts: 4,350
Groaned at 4 Times in 4 Posts
Thanked 985 Times in 325 Posts
summerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

When we were a double-income household, money was never the issue. He wanted to get the latest gadget? Be my guest. I wanted a lovely pair of shoes? Its mine.

However, it got very tricky when we first become a single income household. Never massive arguments though but many heated disagreements (yes there is a difference!) - mainly because one of us wanted to stinge and save when the other thinks that we should let our hair down once in a while going on a mini-break somewhere, or a cool Nespresso machine for the mutual use of the household

Buying luxury items for oneself were never on the table for discussion anymore, because I guess both of us fortunately, atuomatically realise that sacrifices must be made when its a single income family - though I indulge in alot of shoe porn online from time to time. Things have more or less got back to normal, since I've started giving music lessons this year (and I have him to thank for encouraging me to pursue my passion wholeheartedly without a single complaint, and even investing in a piano) - I may not earn as much as he does but it feels good to be able to buy myself frivalous things without feeling guilty and say "lets go out for dinner tonight, i'll buy!"

In a way, I guess we are lucky to both view money in the same way: never that important to add unnecessary stress on the relationship over.
__________________
Remember when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and b****-slap the mother-f***er upside the head.
Reply With Quote
The following 4 users would like to thank summerrain for this useful post:
  #46  
Old 25.03.2011, 11:20
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Monaco
Posts: 514
Groaned at 61 Times in 27 Posts
Thanked 658 Times in 281 Posts
scrambled has a reputation beyond reputescrambled has a reputation beyond reputescrambled has a reputation beyond reputescrambled has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

either don't get with some shrew who wants to control your pocketbook or make enough so that it doesn't even matter
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 25.03.2011, 11:24
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

For the first 2 years of our marriage, I was in and out of hospital, having operations and having to learn to walk again (car accident) - then 8 years raising our daughters and unable to work because of HIS work. Later on on I forged my own career, and things we different. My spending (careful) was NEVER questioned, I am very happy to say. As said before, arguments only arose when things were very tight, with a mortgage at 19%.
When kid's education etc was behind us - I never again begrudged him spending money on things I personally did not covet. The Boxter he went to buy with one of our daughters was a bit much - but it was his retirement present to himself- so I laughed it off and made sure I drove it as often as I wanted too.. (gone now, no good for the Jura in winter).
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank for this useful post:
  #48  
Old 25.03.2011, 11:38
Phil_MCR's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Basel
Posts: 14,953
Groaned at 295 Times in 199 Posts
Thanked 19,026 Times in 8,002 Posts
Phil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond reputePhil_MCR has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

Quote:
View Post
My husband and I have never argued about money. I should say we have only been married for 16 months.

During the 4 1/2 years we lived together before we were married and whilst I was working neither of us really worried about what the other spent. We split the bills and had a savings account set up that we both deposited into for holidays etc. What more we did with the money we earned was not an issue.

Now that we're married and I'm not working; I look after paying all the bills and the finances. I keep an eye on where we're at money-wise, keep my husband appraised and we discuss and agree what we want to do/ buy/ save for. I check with my husband if it's okay before I spend any decent amount of money and he does the same. If things are a bit tight we both watch what we spend. If finances allow; neither of us are overly concerned on what the other one buys.

So far it's worked for us
i think this is a good way. with my last partner we had the same thing. even when both are earning if you have a mortgage to pay off, then you need to be careful with money and there is a shared responsibility.

we would always talk to each other before major purchases from our own money but in the end, we usually bought what we wanted even if it was after some questioning (what? why do you need another dress? what's wrong with the new one you bought 6 months ago and wore twice?).
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Phil_MCR for this useful post:
  #49  
Old 25.03.2011, 11:39
MathNut's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Kt. Glarus
Posts: 4,415
Groaned at 34 Times in 32 Posts
Thanked 10,952 Times in 3,253 Posts
MathNut has a reputation beyond reputeMathNut has a reputation beyond reputeMathNut has a reputation beyond reputeMathNut has a reputation beyond reputeMathNut has a reputation beyond reputeMathNut has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

Wrote a very long and very self-assured post to add to this thread - and then remembered that husband and I have been married all of nine months.

So, @transition: our financial styles are quite different, but we don't argue. We think this is because we have figured out the secret of not arguing. (We also think we have figured out the secret of parenting, so if you need any tips there too, don't hesitate.)
Reply With Quote
The following 6 users would like to thank MathNut for this useful post:
  #50  
Old 25.03.2011, 11:46
summerrain's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Zürich
Posts: 4,350
Groaned at 4 Times in 4 Posts
Thanked 985 Times in 325 Posts
summerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

Quote:
View Post
we have figured out the secret of not arguing.
You know you can be very very rich right...? (especially getting someone like DB not to argue...)
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank summerrain for this useful post:
  #51  
Old 25.03.2011, 11:47
nic80's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Lausanne
Posts: 801
Groaned at 3 Times in 3 Posts
Thanked 1,292 Times in 422 Posts
nic80 has a reputation beyond reputenic80 has a reputation beyond reputenic80 has a reputation beyond reputenic80 has a reputation beyond reputenic80 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

When we got married and I gave up my job to move here I stopped spending money on myself. I didn't feel comfortable spending money that I hadn't earned. My wardrobe has suffered over the last year and I stopped myself from doing a lot of things as I didn't want to spend the money.

My husband sat me down (I have to be honest it took more than once) and told me that when he married me his possessions become ours. My possessions become ours. The money he earns is ours. And he didn't want me denying myself items I needed. He took me shopping on a number of occasions and convinced me to buy items. And just last week, after taking me shopping for some essentials said "see that wasn't so hard, do it again next week".

But I always check that it's okay for me to buy the item. And even though I never expected it from him, he does the same. For example I get messages "found most amazing toy, 200 chf. Okay?". And I might send "Dress, fits, loooove it. Perfect for winter. 200 chf. Okay?"

And if the budget allows for it, why not? But neither of us mind when the other says no or suggests we put off the purchase for a couple of weeks.

I still don't feel comfortable spending money like I used to when I was employed; I'm still buying a lot less and seriously think through my purchases before I make them. Thankfully my wardrobe is improving and my husband is happy I'm spending money on me again (strange huh? )

But that's what marriage is for us. Thinking things through from the perspective of 'whats best for us', rather than 'whats best for me'.
Reply With Quote
The following 4 users would like to thank nic80 for this useful post:
  #52  
Old 25.03.2011, 11:59
ullainga's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: around Basel
Posts: 1,579
Groaned at 12 Times in 11 Posts
Thanked 2,189 Times in 911 Posts
ullainga has a reputation beyond reputeullainga has a reputation beyond reputeullainga has a reputation beyond reputeullainga has a reputation beyond reputeullainga has a reputation beyond reputeullainga has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

Quote:
View Post
You know you can be very very rich right...? (especially getting someone like DB not to argue...)
I can share mine (we have not had any single fight or argument with husband do far) - just find a person that's really compatible and agrees with you on all the major items. See, easy. well ok we have been together only 3 years, but still.

Oh, and don't sweat the small stuff. Most stuff is small stuff really.
Reply With Quote
  #53  
Old 25.03.2011, 12:04
Meeyat's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Basel
Posts: 680
Groaned at 18 Times in 11 Posts
Thanked 874 Times in 349 Posts
Meeyat has a reputation beyond reputeMeeyat has a reputation beyond reputeMeeyat has a reputation beyond reputeMeeyat has a reputation beyond reputeMeeyat has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

Quote:
View Post
My husband sat me down and told me that when he married me his possessions become ours. My possessions become ours. The money he earns is ours.
Awesome! Like it, you made my day! What a lovely way to see a relationship!
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank Meeyat for this useful post:
  #54  
Old 25.03.2011, 12:12
NotAllThere's Avatar
Modulo 2
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Baselland
Posts: 15,045
Groaned at 307 Times in 263 Posts
Thanked 23,225 Times in 9,432 Posts
NotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond reputeNotAllThere has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

Quote:
View Post
either don't get with some shrew who wants to control your pocketbook or make enough so that it doesn't even matter
If you're married to someone who wants control of the money, then you'll never earn enough for it to not matter.

Quote:
View Post
Awesome! Like it, you made my day! What a lovely way to see a relationship!
It's the way we've always lived. I'm almost (but not quite) surprised by your surprise. It seems so normal to me.

When we made our will, the Notary wanted us to list what assets each of us had brought to the marriage. We were glad to both say - zero. Everything we have is mutually owned.

There's one area, however, where I'll often act alone - that's when it's to do with business expenditure. Although she owns half the company, she leaves me to run it. Even then, if I'm thinking of attending a conference, that would be kind of good to go to, but isn't strictly necessary, we'll discuss it beforehand.
__________________
Down with racism. Long live miscegenation!
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank NotAllThere for this useful post:
  #55  
Old 25.03.2011, 13:19
Karl's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Here
Posts: 2,024
Groaned at 195 Times in 89 Posts
Thanked 2,972 Times in 973 Posts
Karl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

We sat down and went over our budget for the year, what comes in, and what goes out on a monthly basis (on average).

We then decided what we needed to save (we decided to do the full 3 Saule for both of us, and decided at what point we wanted the house paid off).

That then boiled down to a monthly figure, which we set up as an automatic standing order to a savings account that we don't touch.

What's left in our normal accounts is free for spending.

This way there is no argument or spending decisions to make along the way, the decision was made once at the beginning of the year.

Is this such a difficult concept? If everyone did it this way there would be nothing to argue about.
Reply With Quote
  #56  
Old 25.03.2011, 13:33
ullainga's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: around Basel
Posts: 1,579
Groaned at 12 Times in 11 Posts
Thanked 2,189 Times in 911 Posts
ullainga has a reputation beyond reputeullainga has a reputation beyond reputeullainga has a reputation beyond reputeullainga has a reputation beyond reputeullainga has a reputation beyond reputeullainga has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

Quote:
View Post
What's left in our normal accounts is free for spending.

This way there is no argument or spending decisions to make along the way, the decision was made once at the beginning of the year.

Is this such a difficult concept? If everyone did it this way there would be nothing to argue about.
I would guess most people would not argue that bills need to be paid and food bought, so wouldn't this "free to spend" part be the one that causes most arguments? Not if you have 2 incomes and keep separate "free to spend" accounts, but it's not always the case, as shown here.
Reply With Quote
  #57  
Old 25.03.2011, 13:37
summerrain's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Zürich
Posts: 4,350
Groaned at 4 Times in 4 Posts
Thanked 985 Times in 325 Posts
summerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

Quote:
View Post

Is this such a difficult concept? If everyone did it this way there would be nothing to argue about.
No it isnt but life is such that you cant plan everything down to military precision.
Reply With Quote
  #58  
Old 25.03.2011, 13:38
phdoofus's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: City by the Bay
Posts: 2,357
Groaned at 96 Times in 56 Posts
Thanked 3,205 Times in 1,227 Posts
phdoofus has a reputation beyond reputephdoofus has a reputation beyond reputephdoofus has a reputation beyond reputephdoofus has a reputation beyond reputephdoofus has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

Quote:
View Post
When we got married and I gave up my job to move here I stopped spending money on myself. I didn't feel comfortable spending money that I hadn't earned. My wardrobe has suffered over the last year and I stopped myself from doing a lot of things as I didn't want to spend the money.

My husband sat me down (I have to be honest it took more than once) and told me that when he married me his possessions become ours. My possessions become ours. The money he earns is ours. And he didn't want me denying myself items I needed. He took me shopping on a number of occasions and convinced me to buy items. And just last week, after taking me shopping for some essentials said "see that wasn't so hard, do it again next week".

But I always check that it's okay for me to buy the item. And even though I never expected it from him, he does the same. For example I get messages "found most amazing toy, 200 chf. Okay?". And I might send "Dress, fits, loooove it. Perfect for winter. 200 chf. Okay?"

And if the budget allows for it, why not? But neither of us mind when the other says no or suggests we put off the purchase for a couple of weeks.

I still don't feel comfortable spending money like I used to when I was employed; I'm still buying a lot less and seriously think through my purchases before I make them. Thankfully my wardrobe is improving and my husband is happy I'm spending money on me again (strange huh? )

But that's what marriage is for us. Thinking things through from the perspective of 'whats best for us', rather than 'whats best for me'.
You guys sound exactly like my wife and me. My wife hates spending money she hasn't earned and I have to kind of twist her arm to get her to buy something she likes if I see her eyes light up. Yes, I know I'm supporting her studies right now but I don't see why she should live the life of a poor church mouse like I did doing my grad school days.
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank phdoofus for this useful post:
  #59  
Old 25.03.2011, 13:38
Karl's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Here
Posts: 2,024
Groaned at 195 Times in 89 Posts
Thanked 2,972 Times in 973 Posts
Karl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

Quote:
View Post
I would guess most people would not argue that bills need to be paid and food bought, so wouldn't this "free to spend" part be the one that causes most arguments? Not if you have 2 incomes and keep separate "free to spend" accounts, but it's not always the case, as shown here.
OK...what's left in my konto is free for me to spend, and what's left in her konto is free for her to spend. OK, I make more, but then we use more money from my konto to cover bills. In any case we both have free access to all accounts online so money is reshuffled as required. Of course together we earn quite well, so usually there's not much to discuss. We basically have all we need, so I am just talking about the odd meal out, her buying clothes, me buying the odd gadget...nothing significant.
Reply With Quote
  #60  
Old 25.03.2011, 13:40
Karl's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Here
Posts: 2,024
Groaned at 195 Times in 89 Posts
Thanked 2,972 Times in 973 Posts
Karl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond reputeKarl has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

Quote:
View Post
No it isnt but life is such that you cant plan everything down to military precision.
Try Excel.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
evil, money, root




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Transferring Money Home RegQPR Finance/banking/taxation 5 14.02.2010 11:30


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 04:37.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0