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Old 24.03.2011, 20:41
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Do you argue much about money at home?

If my partner tries (or has tried in the past) to tell me I can't spend money on this or that, I really feel like I'm losing a quite a bit of my independance. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type to throw it around relentlessly for my own pleasure but I do like to buy people stuff to make them happy & if I can afford it, I hate any restrictions as that is the way I have always been.

I'm not the argumentative type (as long as close ones do what I want) but I do realise that it is a major cause of domestic rifts with couples.

I don't want to have any kind of discussion about my OH BTW, I always had this problem with any partner who felt they need to have opinions about fiscal issues & it definitely has affected the relationship. It is also irrelevant in present terms for me as I would never consider any issue (like this) apart from cheating, any reason to break a long-term relationship that includes children too.. ..actually we have a good system, we have a separate budget for the house & we (each) have our own money which keeps us independant a bit (my idea)... although sometimes the system has hiccups.. ..recently, there were some snide comments about me buying a Mac Book Air. I was not happy to say the least.

There is nothing else that really gets to me in a relationship except monetary issues, any other subject or antagonism (like the OH being jealous of a woman who fancies me (at work) for example or questioning why I like one holiday a year alone really is water of a ducks back but money... is the root of all evil (arguments).

Would love to hear what people think (especially here as people do complain about everything being so expensive including beer)?
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Old 24.03.2011, 20:51
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

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Would love to hear what people think (especially here as people do complain about everything being so expensive including beer)?
I buy what I want, when I want it. If my girlfriend wants to save money, she can darned well do it herself from her own job.

Works for us. ;-)
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Old 24.03.2011, 20:53
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

I buy what I need when I needed it most ( I live alone )
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Old 24.03.2011, 20:55
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

Do we argue about money? Yes a bit, but it has gotten better as we understand each other's needs. I read that this was the most common "problem" for married couples!
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Old 24.03.2011, 21:00
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

I'm a careful little ant. So yes, I can get quite fussy if there's any exaggerated spending.
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Old 24.03.2011, 21:03
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

no, apart from the common expenses like rent and bills, we do not really care what each of us spends their own money on. i don't know if that woud differ if we had children, though
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Old 24.03.2011, 21:03
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

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Do we argue about money? Yes a bit, but it has gotten better as we understand each other's needs. I read that this was the most common "problem" for married couples!
From my former experience of being married you would be absolutely right.
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Old 24.03.2011, 21:18
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

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From my former experience of being married you would be absolutely right.
Don't want pry into your personal issues Ishaka but how does this destroy a marriage? Just ignore me if you think I'm nosy...
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Old 24.03.2011, 21:23
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

Dear husband used to argue quite a bit with his first wife, as she was a saver and he (relatively speaking) spender. So when we started dating, he was afraid to tell me he just bought a new iMac. I was really as it's his money, he could afford it - why would I mind?
We don't argue, as we have pretty similar outlook in this matter, so no big differences in opinions. I spend a bit on shoes, he buys is computer gadgets, but as long as it's not excessive and we have enough in savings, it's not an issue.
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Old 24.03.2011, 21:28
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

My husband is very good with money and we never argue.

It is simple: My money is my money, his money is my money!

Joke appart, we put our money, expenses, debts all in one pot. When ever we need something bigger (laptop, camera, car, etc) We talk about it, share about what we think and agree with it.

We never fight because of money. And this is a relieve. My ex boyfriend had big holes in his pockets, money was burning is hands and never had any. It was a constant fight!

I got the jackpot with Hubby!
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Old 24.03.2011, 21:32
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

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Don't want pry into your personal issues Ishaka but how does this destroy a marriage? Just ignore me if you think I'm nosy...
Transition - I am happy to elaborate via PM. Send me one to get the ball rolling on that if so. Cheers.
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Old 24.03.2011, 21:46
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

We've been married 12 years. Every major purchase requires a joint discussion and a price comparison and reviews online as well as an assessment of if we really need it or if we will really use it.

We have never really argued about money. I think once I was sternly spoken to (through skype) when I set up an automatic transfer that meant our current account didn't have enough money in it to pay the mortgage

We never buy on impulse, but wait for the best deal on what we are considering buying. I'd be more upset that hubby got a bad deal than if he bought something he needed. One time he bought a camera from a Swiss website that he didn't realise shipped from France (stated clearly in their AGBs) and a CHF 120 VAT bill arrived. Buying stuff and not using it would tick me off though.

Due to the accumulation of too many things in or home, hubby's new rule is that every new thing requires something of a similar size to be sold/turfed out/recycled. I'm still trying to work out what I'm going to get rid of for the hand held Dyson I bought last week
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Old 24.03.2011, 21:59
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

When money was VERY tight and we had children to bring up - yes we did have arguments when OH decided money on a camera was more important than 'other' things. I was child-minding to try and keep us afloat- and spent a lot of time cooking with cheaper ingredients, looking for special offers, and being very careful overall. The proverbial ***t hit the fan when he replied that I could not object, as I had recently had a new washing machine. It's really funny now looking back - but perhaps the only ever time I 'lost it' (in more than 40 years tog).

I am not interested in gadgets, jewellery, cars or 'things' in general, but HE loves all that stuff. Now kids are grown up and mortgage paid- I just think 'fair enough' - and always make a joke that I'll spend him Chuff for Chuff - but I never do. Just not my style. If you can afford 'it' without making huge sacrifices elsewhere and without getting into debt, OK.

Last edited by Odile; 24.03.2011 at 22:27.
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Old 24.03.2011, 22:03
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
“What do you think you're doing?” asks the wife.
“They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans” he replies.
“Put them back, we can't afford them” demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.


A few aisles farther on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
“What do you think you're doing?” asks the husband.
“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: “So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.”

He never knew what hit him.
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Old 24.03.2011, 22:12
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

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The proverbial ***t hit the fan when he replied that I could not object, as I had recently had a new washing machine.
My girlfriend was profoundly happy when I purchased a washier/dryer a year and a half ago.

Hell, my kids are happy too!

Argue about money? Mainly with my elder daughter.

Tom
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Old 24.03.2011, 22:26
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

My husband and I have never argued about money. I should say we have only been married for 16 months.

During the 4 1/2 years we lived together before we were married and whilst I was working neither of us really worried about what the other spent. We split the bills and had a savings account set up that we both deposited into for holidays etc. What more we did with the money we earned was not an issue.

Now that we're married and I'm not working; I look after paying all the bills and the finances. I keep an eye on where we're at money-wise, keep my husband appraised and we discuss and agree what we want to do/ buy/ save for. I check with my husband if it's okay before I spend any decent amount of money and he does the same. If things are a bit tight we both watch what we spend. If finances allow; neither of us are overly concerned on what the other one buys.

So far it's worked for us
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Old 24.03.2011, 22:28
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

Nope never argued about money. We've shared everything since day one. I really don't understand people who have made a commitment to one another either in mortgage or marriage (ie the intention of spending the rest of your life with that person) and who still keep separate accounts and don't share everything. I 'manage' the accounts partly because I need to know where the money is and partly because he took on other responsibilities. We have different views on risk and spending priorities but we discuss them and try to plan as much as possible. It was trickier when we only had 700 GBP a month to live on but still we discussed everything but never argued. Now there's more flexibility so the odd DVD or album doesn't make it difficult to feed the family at the end of the month.

However we can have blazing rows about all sorts of other things.
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Old 24.03.2011, 22:39
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

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I really don't understand people who have made a commitment to one another either in mortgage or marriage ....
That is quite a personal decision that I am sure nobody has to discuss with the outside world. I would never be able to have all joint accounts for instance, not because I do not trust my husband but because I have learnt from my parents
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Old 24.03.2011, 22:47
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

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That is quite a personal decision that I am sure nobody has to discuss with the outside world. I would never be able to have all joint accounts for instance, not because I do not trust my husband but because I have learnt from my parents
I don't have a problem with joint accounts at all, but then i'm the one controlling all our finances
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Old 24.03.2011, 22:47
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Re: Do you argue much about money at home?

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That is quite a personal decision that I am sure nobody has to discuss with the outside world. I would never be able to have all joint accounts for instance, not because I do not trust my husband but because I have learnt from my parents
Good for you on that sista! Seriously, that is one time I should've listened to my folks...

Let's just say there's ABSOLUTELY NO WAY in heaven or hell I would even entertain the idea of having joint accounts ever again...
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