I realised that but thought it was more fun to keep it like that!

So annoying! It is usually the case when someone talk too much! Shut up and eat!

May I quote you tonight?

Possibly due to being a boarding school kid and the youngest of five, dinner was often a full contact sport.

Grab what you can and dump it on your plate. Hunch over it like Quasimodo with one arm around the plate to fend off others forks/hands/hooks/whatnot. Shovel the food in as fast as you can. Make sure your napkin is still in the ring, unused. Wipe the "speed stripes" from your face with your sleeve/table cloth/sister's sleeve. Butter? Shove bread roll (whole) in your mouth, chew 3 times and swallow.

Obviously eating at an upmarket restaurant (read Burger King, McDonalds etc, eating out with 5 kids is expensive) all the other things you guys mentioned were taken to heart. Unless dad wasn't looking.

P.S. Sunday roast potatoes often disappeared from ones plate during grace. This traumatised me to the point that to this day I still refuse to close my eyes when somebody insists on saying grace.

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Warning: Dyslexic armed with a spellchecker : If yuo can raed tihs tehn dnot cmolpain to me aobut spleling.

Yes it does. It has become instinctive. I have been indoctrinated. My father also insisted the lights be turned off whenever the room is left empty. This means my hand flies up to the light switch on exiting a room, as often as not turning the light on, instead of off

I think almost all of us were. I also think the most important thing isn't to necessarily follow the laws to the letter, but to be aware of these laws and not show an active disdain for them. For example, if a guy gets a call, apologizes and takes it (trying to keep it as short as possible), no harm done. If he picks up and just starts yammering away, that's kind of rude. I think it's endearing when people commit a dining faux pas (and laugh about it) because they're having a good time. Generally speaking, although a minimum of respect is required, people who pay really close attention to these laws and actively judge people who don't are the kind of people I'd rather not eat with unless I absolutely have to.

Do you open doors to the ladies?

Yes absolutely and it's the same with most rules about most things. It's very different reading someone who doesn't know the rules of English and someone who knows all the rules, but is relaxed enough to selectively forget some of them.

My OH is Latina. What do you think

Don't get me started on my MIL's eating speed (glacial is too fast), as well as moving food around the plate (she does eat healthily, but she puts food onghe fork, then takes juuuuuussstttt a little bit off... ooops too much. Put a bit more on... Actually the mix is wrong, I'd like more potato in that mouthful and less meat... - that's for every f@&€ing mouthful) and eating with mouth open...

Joy, it isn't just me!

I am with the chewing-with-open-mouth haters. But there is one thing even worse: Adult people cutting spaghetti to the size of vermicelli. If you can't eat them properly don't order them.

The hardest meal you ever go to is that first meal with your boyfriend / girlfriend's parents. In your mind they seem to have stacked the whole meal with pitfalls for you to show your rough upbringing. In addition your guts are playing up that day and you have to hold in a 400 psi fart for the 2 hour dinner engagement which is then making your stomach rumble like a diesel engine.

Your lips seem to go into some weird spasm just as you raise your glass to them and you dribble wine/water/coffee out of the corners of your mouth and down your top.

The blade of the knife turns to rubber just as you cut into a lamb chop then as it's rebounding off the bone, magically turns back to metal and pings on the plate as if you are trying to crack it in two.

The second dinner is always less eventful - as I remember...

you think that was difficult?

A bit OT but women these days are quite amazed when I do this. Or walk between them and the road down a sidewalk. Or pull out the chair for them in a restaurant. I actually find myself quite often standing in with the chair still in my grubby mits and the lady has walked around to the other side of the table and sat down. I guess chivalry is dying.

Back on topic. NEVER have two different wines from the same glass. At least rinse the glass and best get a new glass. Don't know why but this one really gets up my nose.

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Warning: Dyslexic armed with a spellchecker : If yuo can raed tihs tehn dnot cmolpain to me aobut spleling.

Rule 2: It is totally ok to refill a guests glass when it's empty... "1 dezi" is not enough for everyone.

Mine gave me chopsticks and the only thing on the table yet was a bowl with peanuts...

I also do this, but they immidiately pick up that it's so I can stare at their behiind...

That's why this whole thing was setup, no?

I am left handed. My right hand is pretty useless, if not just for aesthetic purposes. Never comfortable using it for anything. Hence, I got a couple of laughs from my Indian colleagues in Mumbai when they first brought me out for dinner.

pssst....didnt anyone tell you that was a test to see how competent you are with chopsticks?

Another one I remember: Never ask for sugar to go with your chinese tea. Yeap - I have had the honour of meeting someone who did that.

What???? I have said that my friends can behave as they like as long as they are clean and having a good time i don`t care. But if I serve them red wine 1/3 full because I havent taken the time to let the wine breathe before dinner or serve them white wine cold because its rubbish (good white wine doesnt need to be cold) then I shouldnt expect to see them back. Thats being a good host not being good mannered.

My only faux pas is people who have faux pas's

I didn't say it should be cold, it just should be cooler than red wine - or what are wine coolers good for? To throw up in them?

Pardon?......