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  #21  
Old 18.06.2011, 09:20
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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Amidst all this therapy, yoga, deep breathing, positive attitude waffle no one is mentioning the clear and obvious fix for this: Heroin.

A simple injection every couple of hours in the gents toilets of some 'golden brown' will ensure any subsequent insults fly straight past your desk (if you can make it back to your desk that is) and the day will pass in a dreamy blur.

I'm at a loss why doctors don't prescribe it more.
apology of drug usage? I hope for you that you're joking and no one is taking it seriously.
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  #22  
Old 18.06.2011, 10:00
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

Hmmm...I won't give you any zen advice or accept the mountains, ignore the people thing.

I'd say, yes, things are different since people know here, there is really no repercussion, and things are allowed (or used to be and some get the changes slowly).

It is about how much you allow yourself to take in, and, most of all, if you decide not to take crap from your superiors, how to word things smart way, how to get ready about them not taking it too keenly, etc.

I think it is really not about low education, might be. More about low exposure to what is correct, to limits, to other cultures and norms.

If your superior persists with offensice, unnacceptable comments, ask him why do people think it is ok here? And, most of all, do not let him know that it bugs you, chance is, he is doind exactly because of this. Or he wants you out and is trying how much you take...you gota judge the situ yourself.

I surely do had people pick, too, especially at the beginning, now things calm when people see I keep laughing and scold them ocassionally, little bark back in a humorous way helps, hahahah...

So, no, don't take crap and then get a punching bag for home, I think that would be escaping. But, honestly, people with self worth troubles or people comparing a lot, not thinking their chances are good (or degrees are lower) will try to make you feel miserable. Here or anywhere (elsewhere less obviously, since mobbing is illegal). If a superior picks, and his edu is less suitable for the job, he certainly might be afraid of you over passing him little later, so he will pick. In fact, he is giving you a compliment without him realizing it, and telling you, get ready to take it further than me in the future, that's why I am afraid of you....The degree system is different than abroad, and sometimes, newcomers from abroad are better suited for what is needed here for certain roles. On the other hand, it is good to realize that what sometimes seems super offensice, is actually innocent, just a silly fun thing, when people do not know how to relate so they make some culture jokes, about nationality, etc.

Shrugg it off feeling sorry for them, retaliate in a humorous way, whatever, but do something that makes you feel more in control over what you allow to be done to you and what not. In my experience, those who bark a lot like what you said your supervisor does, do not stay long in higher, managerial positions. And, newcomers, especially foreignes, gota work 2x hard to prove themselves, before anyone gives them any hope for promotion.

And yes, so basically it does not boil down to education per se, but more what you have under your belt that makes you a threat to your colleagues or bosses. And that is not unique to here only. Thinking about these things makes one resilient.
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  #23  
Old 18.06.2011, 10:22
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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Unfortunately, discrimination isn't really an indicator of good or bad education as such, but rather an indication of closed minded upbringing, whether by family or community (or both).
Maintaining a closed minded (discriminatory) attitude is one's own fault I think but it can also be habit more than belief (brought up to think nothing wrong of telling discriminatory jokes) r.
Is it REALLY a case of "discrimination" or just a dull and somewhat stupid humour of somebody who loves to make jokes about all others ? Does the "culprit" realize how stupid his jokes are, and that they ARE discriminatory ? Most likely NEITHER.

While his attitude is entirely HIS fault, I suppose that his attitude has caused problems for many, so that the OP most likely is NOT the first one who became victim.

You might ask some blonde women working around him, what his "comments" are when they make a mistake !?

The problem so possibly is neither one of education nor of closed-mindedness as such.

Back to the OP, as outlined above, the only way for HIM is to take it with humour, laugh or at least chuckle at the jokes, and if possible add some REAL Polish jokes.
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  #24  
Old 18.06.2011, 11:03
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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You might ask some blonde women working around him, what his "comments" are when they make a mistake !?
It's not about how some redneck addresses everybody at work. It should be ok because he also goes after other people? Because some poor blond girls have to also put up with some ill taste stuff that has no place at work?

I think it is more about what OP considers harmless and what is making him perform less at work, because of the inappropriate behavior of that said redneck.

I'd say cultures influence one another. Sometimes professionalism at work here needs that little inspiration from abroad.. (if OP can take the possible wrath afterwards that is).

Come on, OP, just laugh and tell him "I will bite your big butt with my giant Polish teeth", hahahaha
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  #25  
Old 18.06.2011, 11:34
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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Really aggressive, I was so close to take my bat from the trunk (in my mind I beat them to pieces).
Cool your avatar, keep it!!!

Personally I like that attitude of yours above there.
As it isn't always possible to speak ones mind directly and exactly as one would want to sometimes,
why not say it in your own head and picture what you really feel like doing to them.

At least it'll be nothing but the pure truth right?!

I still think people should hang up a punch bag somewhere in their house to let off steam.
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Old 18.06.2011, 12:17
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

Sada.... wouldn't it be better to get to the point of calm where you don't feel like that ?
Isn't that what the OP is looking for by the very nature of the thread title ?
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  #27  
Old 18.06.2011, 12:54
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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Sada.... wouldn't it be better to get to the point of calm where you don't feel like that ?
Isn't that what the OP is looking for by the very nature of the thread title ?
I don't know. People think down different lines depending on where they come from. Different solutions for different people I suppose.
Also I think the OP found already the answers, some people are just so stupid no matter what and its not worth getting worked up about them.
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  #28  
Old 18.06.2011, 13:58
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

And of course: watch "analyze this"...

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  #29  
Old 18.06.2011, 15:00
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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Sada.... wouldn't it be better to get to the point of calm where you don't feel like that ?
Isn't that what the OP is looking for by the very nature of the thread title ?
It's true that frustration to the point of being paralysed is useless. But I also think that if people get healthily intolerant of certain unhealthy treatment, it might not a bad idea at all. It's like saying to the kid, if you get bullied, give him the other cheek. May work for adults in certain situ, but at work, where OP might be tested how much abuse he takes, or where decency and civility is seen as a weakness, he might need a change of strategy...Door mats haven't made it far in career. One can protect himself, while being completely decent. Oh, the power of seemingly innocent words...
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  #30  
Old 18.06.2011, 16:14
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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Cool your avatar, keep it!!!

Personally I like that attitude of yours above there.
As it isn't always possible to speak ones mind directly and exactly as one would want to sometimes,
why not say it in your own head and picture what you really feel like doing to them.

At least it'll be nothing but the pure truth right?!

I still think people should hang up a punch bag somewhere in their house to let off steam.
I really respect this point of view.

Why not actually do it. Get your bat, wait for them after work & beat them to the point where their lives are hanging by a thread. You'll only get a couple of years if you plead that they were racist & intimidated you & it will feel great...
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  #31  
Old 19.06.2011, 07:40
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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I really respect this point of view.

Why not actually do it. Get your bat, wait for them after work & beat them to the point where their lives are hanging by a thread. You'll only get a couple of years if you plead that they were racist & intimidated you & it will feel great...
Now now, I know you don't mean that transition!

What I meant is, that sometimes,
the only way to be true to oneself, is to say or imagine, in your head, what you really think or would do about a situation.
I find that to have a very calming effect upon one's mind.

In reality words & actions need to be weighed and adapted for the good of everyone of course.

But all that probably needs a certain maturity and you have to be in your right mind too.
Put that method forward to an idiot and devastating results you'll get.

Simply one another way of looking at how to calm oneself down.
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  #32  
Old 19.06.2011, 12:39
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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Now now, I know you don't mean that transition!

What I meant is, that sometimes,
the only way to be true to oneself, is to say or imagine, in your head, what you really think or would do about a situation.
I find that to have a very calming effect upon one's mind.

In reality words & actions need to be weighed and adapted for the good of everyone of course.

But all that probably needs a certain maturity and you have to be in your right mind too.
Put that method forward to an idiot and devastating results you'll get.

Simply one another way of looking at how to calm oneself down.
In the sense of getting it all off your chest rather than bottling things up this is correct. Going over thing continuously in your head only makes matters worse. It is best to talk the situation over with sombody in a calm manner. This is far better than 'blowing a fuse' and saying something that you may later regret. That risks alienating the people you are trying to get on side, also making things worse.

Communication is the key. You may get a response like "If only you had said something earlier" or "I didn't realise that you felt that way" etc. If not, then you can decide whether to take formal action, ignore the situation or leave etc.
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Old 20.06.2011, 19:23
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

Thank you for all the interesting replies, I sure have something to think about.

As an update to the happenings at work...

I wrote my manager a polite e-mail, which he discussed with his manager, yet he didnt share all the details, only what was necessary.

He invited me for a meeting today, and told me he read my email carefully and came to the conclusion he was wrong (he is Swiss, so I know it is not easy for them).

I could see from his appearance that he really felt stupid for what happened.

Of course, I accepted and we started talking about the Holocaust, how we see integration and we came to the conclusion that we have quite alot in common.

He said that already when he was making a few jokes back then he could notice that it got to me and he started thinking back then that it was too much.

What can I say, so far we had a great relation at work, although he is a basically a farmer (nothing against farmers, would like to be myself) who likes SVP, is an IT-Manager and has a Hungarian wife.

We had another IT-Meeting today and he still likes to make jokes about anything work-related and always likes to blink and see if I also laugh, so I really can say, Swiss people can be very understanding and say "I am sorry", which so far didnt happen to often.

Oh and btw, they extended my contract.
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Old 20.06.2011, 19:48
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

And yeah I have another problem...

I have been offered another contract which is

A) for almost a year with a Global player
B) waaay more paying which more than doubles my starting salary I got here when first moved in 2009 with 97k CHF as a fixed term employee
C) would bring me in a higher position
D) I seemingly start to have a midlife crisis with 30 (if thats possible?!) that I doubt IT is still where I want to work and somehow I start dwelling to go out into nature and just chop wood for example...
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Old 20.06.2011, 19:53
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

Become a consultant and work half the time for twice the money ...

Is you girlfriend on the Forum by any chance?
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Old 20.06.2011, 20:04
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

IT is rather souless so conecting with nature is a really good anitidote to it. In your off hours try to spend time in the woods or mountains, get back to what is real & you should find yourself feeling so much better.

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I doubt IT is still where I want to work and somehow I start dwelling to go out into nature and just chop wood for example...
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Old 20.06.2011, 20:08
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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Become a consultant and work half the time for twice the money ...

Is you girlfriend on the Forum by any chance?
My wife is
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Old 20.06.2011, 20:11
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

One song describes how I feel, pretty much accurate

Robbie Wiliams - Feel

... cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins, going to waste.
I don’t wanna die,
But I ain’t keen on living either.

Seems I am looking for something I havent found (yet) and my energy goes into the wrong direction (aggression mostly).

I should appreaciate what I have, a loving wife, health, stable finance, parents are healthy, a good paying job.

I dont feel happy at all.

When I was young my parents struggled to make ends meet, I told to myself I will never have this, it seems I have managed, but still, it doesnt bring happiness.
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Old 20.06.2011, 20:24
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

and therein lies the dilema. Things and material wealth do not make us happy they just make us want more. I reckon that is why so many people now look for fulfilment elsewhere be that with yoga, connecting with nature, finding their spiritual side or by jacking it all in & going travelling.

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When I was young my parents struggled to make ends meet, I told to myself I will never have this, it seems I have managed, but still, it doesnt bring happiness.
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  #40  
Old 20.06.2011, 20:26
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

I need the constant challenge, I cannot be happy at work doing repetative tasks, I need the hard ones, where I can sink my teeth into.

Doing anything less immediately attacks my self-worth and self-respect, I carry this over home for example.

I put all the time so much pressure on me to achieve and I have so much need to outplay others, otherwise I dont accept my being as at least adequate.

I need the confirmation to be better, it is really controlling me and bringing me high moments, or close to depression.

I do not accept failure, I simply cannot.

Maybe it is still the past that I just dont want to relive, I guess.
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