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Old 17.06.2011, 20:43
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Calm yourself down ...

In the past months I have been going from 0 to 180 in a matter of no-time.

Tranquilizers etc wouldnt really help, making me even more aggressive.

Beside I gained weight from them booh.

Really aggressive, I was so close to take my bat from the trunk (in my mind I beat them to pieces).

I have tried to calm myself down now in the past days, and I think I found a good way to deal with Idiots making stupid remarks at work (while they are still remaining slightly above 0 productivity but still observing others at work and carry complaints to their boss), other cars overtaking me on the right on a highway, people ignoring lines when paying etc

I just started to think, Hey, their education seems to be low, could it be they are NOT aware of their surroundings? Should I raise my voice and tell them to f*** off? Not really (anymore).

Doesnt lead anywhere...

I have started to smile, tell myself, look, even if they had a proper school, they are dumb, they dont care, so let them be stupid.

In the past days I witnessed me being less prone to charge up inside and then unload at home, which is always bad.

So my questions would be...

1) Do you believe low education is one of the reasons (one of the managers in a multinational company where I work as a contractor was making Polish jokes knowing I am Polish in a cig break)
2) How do you deal with this?
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Old 17.06.2011, 22:19
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

Have you tried Yoga and deep breathing?

I also find that too much coffee makes me aggressive...
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Old 17.06.2011, 22:25
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

Why not embrace "I don't give a damn" attitude and enjoy Switzerland instead of the people
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Old 17.06.2011, 22:44
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

Perhaps change your avatar when you are ready for a new way of living ?
The current one seems to reflect your feelings.

People are people are people everywhere.
You can not change them and it would be wrong to think that you can or that you should.
But..... though you can not change them, you can change the way you perceive them.

Try and find out why you feel this way.
Has it always been the case or is it recent ?
If it's recent, do get a full medical check up (allergies, blood test, tolerance/side effects to medications)

Hope you feel better
The very fact that you've decided to speak about it means that you're half way there to finding a way to deal with being so upset.

As for your question.. we're all really different. I'm rarely aggressive with anybody, but if I get really stressed and upset with a situation I sometimes burst into tears, so it's not like I have a perfect solution.
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Old 17.06.2011, 22:53
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

The best way is too show them, that you don't care.... Laugh when they tell Polish jokes... This will put them im uncomfortable situation..
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Old 17.06.2011, 23:02
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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I
So my questions would be...

1) Do you believe low education is one of the reasons (one of the managers in a multinational company where I work as a contractor was making Polish jokes knowing I am Polish in a cig break)
2) How do you deal with this?
I personally don't believe that education level has much to do with the lack of common courtesy since you see a lack of courtesy amongst any and all kinds of people. Not following traffic rules and ignoring lines belies a "It's really just all about me" attitude; evidence of a selfish and inconsiderate moron. I think if you are better able to tolerate no-name jerk-offs and their lack of consideration by telling yourself that they can't help it due to their lack of intellect, continue to do so since it seems to be working for you. What is most important is that you don't allow idiots who you don't know to have any sort of effect upon your personal life by controlling your mood, right?

As for the manager, I think it would be very hard to not take that personally, since he knows your background and chose to make the jokes while you were there. Have you considered telling him that you found the jokes offensive, in a non-confrontational way, of course?
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Old 17.06.2011, 23:18
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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In the past months I have been going from 0 to 180 in a matter of no-time.

Tranquilizers etc wouldnt really help, making me even more aggressive.

Beside I gained weight from them booh.

Really aggressive, I was so close to take my bat from the trunk (in my mind I beat them to pieces).

I have tried to calm myself down now in the past days, and I think I found a good way to deal with Idiots making stupid remarks at work (while they are still remaining slightly above 0 productivity but still observing others at work and carry complaints to their boss), other cars overtaking me on the right on a highway, people ignoring lines when paying etc

I just started to think, Hey, their education seems to be low, could it be they are NOT aware of their surroundings? Should I raise my voice and tell them to f*** off? Not really (anymore).

Doesnt lead anywhere...

I have started to smile, tell myself, look, even if they had a proper school, they are dumb, they dont care, so let them be stupid.

In the past days I witnessed me being less prone to charge up inside and then unload at home, which is always bad.
My own experiences have lead me to believe that judging others doesn't lead to personal peace. Sure it feels great in the moment but better to look at them and find things to LIKE or that you have in common rather than finding ways that you are different and picking out the parts that are annoying / "less than" to you.

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So my questions would be...

1) Do you believe low education is one of the reasons (one of the managers in a multinational company where I work as a contractor was making Polish jokes knowing I am Polish in a cig break)
2) How do you deal with this?
Unfortunately, discrimination isn't really an indicator of good or bad education as such, but rather an indication of closed minded upbringing, whether by family or community (or both).

Maintaining a closed minded (discriminatory) attitude is one's own fault I think but it can also be habit more than belief (brought up to think nothing wrong of telling discriminatory jokes) and it takes a long time to break that habit, especially as it tends to be reinforced. Not many people who continue to live as adults in the same place where they grew up tend to completely change a circle of friends and sometimes that's what it takes.


Meanwhile.
For me, I've always been something of an "escape artist"... I go someplace else in my head when something is bothering me. Eventually whatever it is needs to be confronted but it does help keep from blowing my top at inappropriate times if I continue to cultivate the ability to simply not think about whatever it is "right now."

Whether it is going for a solitary walk, reading a book, playing a game, spending time here on EF, or whatever, "escaping" gives me some time to think of something else while my subconscious is mulling over the other bit. The tricky part is that this can be habit forming, it is hard some days to pull myself into my immediate surroundings and if I get pulled there unwillingly, the lash out at whomever did it can sometimes be nasty with all that pent up stuff coming at them.

So, I wouldn't say that's the whole answer either. You need some release, whether it is a peaceful meditative one (yoga, tai chi, leisurely park or forest walk, things of that nature) or a more physical one that allows for some impact or serious physical exertion (running, kickboxing, hard core cycling), it will help with the aggression and hopefully also help you work through whatever is making you feel that way.


Also though, I'll second what Sky said. See your doctor, sometimes it may be a physical ailment causing this sort of reaction to life, sometimes it may be side effects of medication (allergy / asthma meds for example often contain steroids and can have this effect), so it is certainly something to check out.

Good luck and hopefully things get better.
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Old 17.06.2011, 23:25
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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The best way is too show them, that you don't care.... Laugh when they tell Polish jokes... This will put them im uncomfortable situation..
Start collecting some of the rudest jokes imaginable.
When your manager shares say 'Hey, Bob, that's pretty good. I got one for ya!....Did you hear the one about the Swiss blah blah blah'. Feel free to steal the best jokes from other countries and substitute Swiss for Polish/Asian/African/European, etc. Don't let Bob get the upper hand. Always have an even more rude joke at your command. You'd be surprised how sharing a good laugh with your boss can lower your blood pressure.
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Old 17.06.2011, 23:25
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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Have you tried Yoga and deep breathing?
I did a course in Transformational Breathing in London the other month - looks a bit kooky (especially the drumming on the floor bit) but will definitely help you ditch any unwanted emotional baggage - and get naturally high in the process off nothing more than fresh air!



http://www.breath.ch/
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Old 17.06.2011, 23:27
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

All the advice above is correct.

Change the avatar. Sky is right. All things like this reinforce your feelings.

Avoid excessive amounts of alcohol, coffee, Red Bull etc. Any apparent benefit will be short-lived and probably make you feel worse in the long run.

Take plenty of exercise and get to bed early to get a good nights rest (without any sleeping pills)

Eat a good balanced diet. There is a lot of truth in the saying 'Healthy body, healthy mind'

None of these things will directly solve the problems at work but will put you in better condition to deal with them without losing it.

Good luck.
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Old 17.06.2011, 23:50
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

Idiots making stupid remarks at work (while they are still remaining slightly above 0 productivity but still observing others at work and carry complaints to their boss), other cars overtaking me on the right on a highway, people ignoring lines when paying etc

These are three different problems, G.
Slimy office politics.
Imbecile drivers.
Occasional rude folk.

For No 1, you need to find a technique that works for you (some smart ones suggested above). Work is where you spend most of your day, so needs to be a bearable space. Your job, your call; but every insult against a nationality or any other ...ity should be challenged.
Sounds like you're an articulate and vocal person, with plenty of energy. Just the kind I'd like in my workplace. Reject any kind of abuse.

Number Two: Smile and wave. After all, they'll be dead soon.

Number Three: Smile and say 'Have a nice day'.
Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Good luck.
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Old 17.06.2011, 23:59
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

The sincere smile will take you further than retort and nasty remarks. That's why I always wear pants with side pockets so that I can hide my clenched fists in anger and brush my teeth regularly to produce the wide grin across my twisted in pain face Although how I wish sometimes I could show them middle finger but rather will keep it for "outro" one day.

BTW: @ axewoman: the "Quote" button is the first one of three on the right hand side below the post
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Old 18.06.2011, 00:00
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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In the past months I have been going from 0 to 180 in a matter of no-time.

Tranquilizers etc wouldnt really help, making me even more aggressive.

Beside I gained weight from them booh.

Really aggressive, I was so close to take my bat from the trunk (in my mind I beat them to pieces).

I have tried to calm myself down now in the past days, and I think I found a good way to deal with Idiots making stupid remarks at work (while they are still remaining slightly above 0 productivity but still observing others at work and carry complaints to their boss), other cars overtaking me on the right on a highway, people ignoring lines when paying etc

I just started to think, Hey, their education seems to be low, could it be they are NOT aware of their surroundings? Should I raise my voice and tell them to f*** off? Not really (anymore).

Doesnt lead anywhere...

I have started to smile, tell myself, look, even if they had a proper school, they are dumb, they dont care, so let them be stupid.

In the past days I witnessed me being less prone to charge up inside and then unload at home, which is always bad.

So my questions would be...

1) Do you believe low education is one of the reasons (one of the managers in a multinational company where I work as a contractor was making Polish jokes knowing I am Polish in a cig break)
2) How do you deal with this?
I am blessed with an ability to annoy people much more than they can annoy me. So much so I don't even realise a lot of the time. It is about education in my opinion. Or actually the inability to be able to stimulate ones own intellect. Try not to generalise as they know not, the are just Swiss.
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Old 18.06.2011, 00:19
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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The best way is too show them, that you don't care.... Laugh when they tell Polish jokes... This will put them im uncomfortable situation..
Not only laugh, but contribute a good joke from Poland, which will make it clear that your sense of humour is wide open. Read books of Ephraim Kishon, whose jokes about Jews and Israelis (not necessarily the same) are legendary. Everybody so accepted if he made humourous remarks about others. Or look at Egyptian humour: when on 11th Sep 01 reports said that New York was in grey clouds of dust and sand, Egyptians joked "ahhh, so just like Cairo usually"
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Old 18.06.2011, 02:07
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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1) Do you believe low education is one of the reasons (one of the managers in a multinational company where I work as a contractor was making Polish jokes knowing I am Polish in a cig break)
Well, no. Why there might be statistically more anti-social behaviour in the very low income layer of any society have I witnessed a surprisingly high level in specific areas of line management as well... and they typically have a good education. So education generally raises the chance that you are no ignorant bastard, but it cannot really rule it out.

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2) How do you deal with this?
Well, I am pretty sure that I hear more German related jokes at work than you Polish... funny enough do some of my Swiss colleagues apparently consider me by now local enough to not be one of "them"...(?!) There is no one correct way to deal with it, it totally depends on who does it in what situation... reaction can be anything from smile and think "asshole" to an open confrontation.
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Old 18.06.2011, 07:20
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

Amidst all this therapy, yoga, deep breathing, positive attitude waffle no one is mentioning the clear and obvious fix for this: Heroin.

A simple injection every couple of hours in the gents toilets of some 'golden brown' will ensure any subsequent insults fly straight past your desk (if you can make it back to your desk that is) and the day will pass in a dreamy blur.

I'm at a loss why doctors don't prescribe it more.
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Old 18.06.2011, 07:22
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

Some of the most pleasant people I know can barely write, whereas the most pompous, unfair, judgemental people I know think they have a right to be that way because, well, they are educated and well paid.


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Old 18.06.2011, 07:46
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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Why not embrace "I don't give a damn" attitude and enjoy Switzerland instead of the people
Top advice right there

A few years ago I adopted this as a policy and believe me, you learn how to enjoy life for what it is. Sure, some things will still annoy you, and some days you'll still feel like having a rant, but generally you'll be a lot more relaxed and learn to laugh things off.
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Old 18.06.2011, 07:53
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

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Some of the most pleasant people I know can barely write, whereas the most pompous, unfair, judgemental people I know think they have a right to be that way because, well, they are educated and well paid.
This looks to me like a Scientologist conversation... they seem to be able to stay calm while pushing all your buttons.

Dear Ground
Some people are out to pick on others. It deflects attention away from themselves and their own perceived inadequacies. You choose to react, he will continue to pick on you. If there are others in the group while he tells these jokes, I suggest you actively start talking to the person next to you, changing the subject (to a local news/office item of interest?) the next time he tells his "jokes". This makes him look more stupid than if you were to retaliate with a joke about him. He will move on to the next person to pick on, or learn to change his behaviour. Try it.

To "calm down" - i run or ride a bike. Hard! Aggression needs a safe release. Others wrestle, push weights, play football... This may also help with the weight.

To change your situation, you need a change of lifestyle and attitude.
You cannot change others, but you can change yourself and the way you choose to see the world. Small steps succeed.

Edjakayshun is useless to one not willing to learn the rules of life.
A medical doctor with no personal skills gets no patients because they cannot talk to people. All the degrees in the world are worth shit if you cant get a job because you cant charm the employer.
However your education may be making him jealous.

Oh.. and yes.. 90% of the people you meet in life are idiots, but the 10% of gems are worth sifting through the rest, to find them
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Old 18.06.2011, 08:13
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Re: Calm yourself down ...

Take a step back and realize one thing: difficult situations happen to all of us.
It's how you deal with a situation that will make the difference.

Sometimes people have insensitive reactions in a really vulnerable moment.
Don't let it upset your inner peace.... just let it slide.

Last edited by Sky; 18.06.2011 at 08:25. Reason: correction of thought process
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