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Old 30.06.2011, 21:23
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Turned down my dinner invitation

I have a close friend who I have known for years. We often have dinner together, at his place or mine. We both have girlfriends, but neither of us live with them. I invited him to dinner at my place recently, going to great trouble to prepare to make him welcome. However, one day before, he cancelled, saying he had to see his girlfriend that night. I was furious, and still am. He sent me an SMS to apologise after telling me personally, but I didnt answer, as I feel pretty let down. He's a good mate.

Do you think I am wrong to be angry? We work in the same bank, but I have now avoided him for 3 days. I dont want to stop being mates with a good friend, football mate, drinking buddy, but I am pretty pissed off. I hate cooking, but went out of my way to get in stuff for a nice evening. My girlfriend says drop him, as you just dont do that to a friend.

What do you think?
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Old 30.06.2011, 21:28
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

Stuff happens, get over it.

When I make dinner for people (which is quite often), I always assume that someone may drop out on short notice.

Tom
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Old 30.06.2011, 21:32
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

So, have a nice evening meal with your girlfriend instead, with all the nice stuff you bought.

Invite him for a beer and bbq`d Bratwurst next time.
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Old 30.06.2011, 21:32
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

Get over it, friendship is worth much more than a dinner.
Perhaps he was having issues with his girlfriend and needed to get them sorted out.
You won't know until you are ready to be a friend again.
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Old 30.06.2011, 21:35
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

As they said already- what sort of friend are you if you don't understand this. Get in touch and make sure he is OK, and when you find the right moment, explain you were a bit upset at the time, but you understand.
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Old 30.06.2011, 21:35
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

It is pretty rude and I think I would be pissed off, too. Try to bring up the subject with him and ask him why he cancelled. At least then you might find out if there was a good reason for the sudden cancellation. Maybe his girlfriend was sick or upset about something, for example.

Perhaps he is feeling a bit crap about it, too, so might welcome an opportunity to explain.

You know your friend best, is this something out of character for him?
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Old 30.06.2011, 21:36
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

Jesus you sound just like a woman
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Old 30.06.2011, 21:45
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

yeah... go easy on the guy.. stuff like that happens all the time.... what got me going was:

"My girlfriend says drop him, as you just dont do that to a friend"


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Old 30.06.2011, 21:46
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

On the positive side, you do get to eat all the food you prepared
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Old 30.06.2011, 21:58
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

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What do you think?
I think you are behaving worse than a chick!! If you didnt clarify that you both are blokes and drinking buddies, I would have thought I was giving advice to a girl.

Avoiding him for 3 days?? And still ignoring him after an apology? Putting effort into a meal? Heck, I would have thought that men would have simply thrown a steak or sausages over the barbie.

Dude, seriously - simply tell him that its not cool to have cancelled the last minute. Dont let this incident spoil the friendship. Think of the big picture. If he hasnt pulled this stunt before, let it go but of course, beers are on him the next time
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Old 30.06.2011, 22:15
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

Dude, you are the one in the wrong now for refusing to be understanding about this and not accepting his apology! Stuff comes up, people have to cancel. As has been said, not worth forfeiting a good friendship! If you have been friends for so long, has there really never before been a time when either one of you had to cancel plans in the past? And a whole day's notice on his part is certainly better than telling you 30 minutes before he was due to show up.

Why don't you talk to him, patch things up, and issue another invitation to dinner in order to give him another chance? If he flakes out a second time, you will know there might be an underlying problem.

And it would seem that you might want to consider meeting up at a restaurant or ordering from the prepared foods counter at the grocery next time if it is such a stretch to cook for your friend.

P.S. You will need to adjust your expectations for these types of things prior to you and your friends having children, coz the rules definitely change when babies/kids/sitters/sicknesses, etc. are involved.
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Old 30.06.2011, 22:20
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

If I ever asked a buddy of mine to have an evening dinner one on one this is what I would get:


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Old 30.06.2011, 22:31
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

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I have a close friend who I have known for years. We often have dinner together, at his place or mine. We both have girlfriends, but neither of us live with them. I invited him to dinner at my place recently, going to great trouble to prepare to make him welcome. However, one day before, he cancelled, saying he had to see his girlfriend that night. I was furious, and still am. He sent me an SMS to apologise after telling me personally, but I didnt answer, as I feel pretty let down. He's a good mate.

Do you think I am wrong to be angry? We work in the same bank, but I have now avoided him for 3 days. I dont want to stop being mates with a good friend, football mate, drinking buddy, but I am pretty pissed off. I hate cooking, but went out of my way to get in stuff for a nice evening. My girlfriend says drop him, as you just dont do that to a friend.

What do you think?
Could it be a culture clash? I know the Swiss often make plans weeks or months in advance, and consequently expect ample notice of cancellation. On the other hand, in the U.S., I don't think it'd be considered anywhere near as big a deal, so long as it's an isolated event.

Certainly I get pissed if someone cancels the same day, but before? I'd accept the apology and get on with life.

Besides, you may not know why someone had to cancel. Maybe one of his girlfriend's family members is in the hospital? Or they had a fight that needed to be worked out? And possibly, it's one of these things and they want to keep it private.
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Old 30.06.2011, 22:33
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

I consider 1 day notice as enough to cancel a dinner. He has for sure good reasons. Avoiding him 3 days......woooow unusual male behaviour.
I'd rather go to him and tell him how he missed the best dinner ever made by a friend for a friend.
Or could it be that his gf is a better cook than you?

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Jesus you sound just like a woman
PMS made him react like this
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Old 30.06.2011, 22:40
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

seems the gf and him dont get along? maybe he is not comfortable any longer. but yeah , get over it and go have a beer with him.
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Old 30.06.2011, 23:06
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

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short notice.
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sudden cancellation
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the last minute

I guess I'm too lenient. The friend called THE DAY BEFORE to cancel, to me, while that is a bit short, it certainly isn't "sudden" or "last minute" - and to the OP, def not such short notice that I'd ignore someone for days over it.

We were to entertain one of hubby's coworkers this past Sunday but he took ill, called a few hours before dinner to say he couldn't make it. I'd not started cooking anyhow, it wasn't a big deal.

Sorry your evening plans didn't work out as planned, hopefully you're adaptable enough to figure out something else to occupy your evening.
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Old 30.06.2011, 23:10
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

So someone cancels a dinner the day BEFORE and that's last minute....I don't think so. I appreciate that you have gone to a lot of trouble but being told a day before is not last minute and is not rude especially as he told you personally AND followed up with an SMS

It might be worth taking a little while to figure out why this has upset you so much - avoiding him for 3 days does suggest like a bit of over reaction.

A good friend understands that sometimes things can come up that may make someone change their plans at the last minute, so why not check that all is okay with your friend rather than add to possible worries because a good friend (you) is ignoring him.
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Old 30.06.2011, 23:17
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

I'm in the "get over it" corner. It's crowded here!
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Old 30.06.2011, 23:27
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

Unanimous does not happen often on EF.
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Old 30.06.2011, 23:27
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Re: Turned down my dinner invitation

if i didnt know the gender of any of the people involved, I would have in mind that the dinner-host is in love of the guest and jealous that the guest preferred spend the night with the partner.
But I do know the gender, so I cant understand why you cannot forgive your mate. Before I got married I used to have only manfriends and 1 girlfriend and we made plans together and if they cancell for football or some other thing it would have been a bit of a deal but still nothing to stop talking to them, just some name calling and then laughing about it. BUT specifically if they were going to be with the girl, not only i didnt get pissed but i would tell them not to forget the flowers, woman love flowers and c0nd0.... I didnt want them to be parents soon And as for the girlfriend, she will still come to me but to get makeup and hair done
You need to do some serious thinking on what is the real reason for being upset with him.
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