Well, you know: I am not Swiss, but an European married to an Asian woman. We met in college, so we are both the same age, both the same highe education level and both have good jobs.

Do we experience discrimination from time to time? Yes. My wife has been chat up by some old Swiss guy on Bahnhofstrasse before: "Hi! Where are you from?" "Me? China" "Ohhh - so you work in a restaurant!!!" "No, I manage a team of software developers in a bank." "Ohhh- that's a very good job..." I found the way some Swiss men expect Asian women to be uneducated and only here for the social insurances pretty ignorant. But from some of the comments here are not only Swiss having these thoughts.

But to be absolutely honest: We met far more and far worse stereotypes in Asia. Not from some strangers but even friends: "You are still working? Why? I thought you married a foreigner..." As I said: We met in college in an international course in a third country. So both of us used some agencies to study abroad. Hers has a website with "past students" giving some success stories. She made a great career and they could really show off with her success story. What did they write under her name and study year? only one sentence: "Married a foreigner."

I think the younger the Swiss men are the more they defy (and don't worry about) clichés.

The more languages you speak, the better educated you are, the more you travel the more likely you are to have a foreign girlfriend and the less likely you are to settle with a local gal, it's that simple. Most of my University educated friends who speak good English have foreign girlfriends, all who don't have Swiss girlfriends. Nothing wrong with Swiss girls, but why limit yourself to the one nationality/culture you already know?

But this, and lots of other comments, implies that we have a choice as to who we meet and fall in love with. Surely, most of the time this is out of our control, assuming that we are talking about the normal rules of attraction that apply when you meet someone face to face (as opposed to choosing someone on the internet).

When I went to the RAV (because I started getting desperate with the dead-end job search), the woman took a look into my file and asked me in a polite-honest way:

"Why are you even looking for a job? Your're married to someone that works in a bank!"

Makes me sad that they expect foreign women to be just leeches

of course you do! you control who you meet through what you do, where you travel and who you speak to!

I would not see discrimination in that: SWISS women are from my experience on average fairly old-fashioned when it comes to gender roles - the man makes the money and the woman stops to work. You will see that many Swiss girls try to "catch" a high-rolling banker as a husband. And they typically marry fairly late, when they feel like it is the time to start a family. So when you get married, the girls stops working and gets pregnant...

So: I do not think it was any bad comment on your nationality, but probably really an honest question that gives away more of the mindset of your RAV counsellor...

When I went to my first interview to start teacher training at Uni, as a mature student with 2 young kids, in the UK, the guy said to me 'Well, your husband has got a good job- teaching is not a hobby for bored middle-class housewives you know!' and I could have punched his lights out. Next interview 'your husband has a very demanding job, what does he think of you going back to University? It is going to upset the apple-cart no?' and she was a woman.

Trev - why is it that people get really cheesed off about stereotypes (me included) unless it's about the Swiss

Well, yes. But my point was more about the fact that these days people travel so widely that you could fly to Thailand looking for a bride, and fall in love with a German!!

I'm a younger non-Swiss man married to an older Swiss woman.

I feel like a page number from a catalogue

Of course, but it's also a simple case of probability. When travelling or working abroad many men are more relaxed, open-minded and meet more new people, not surprising that they meet their partner there. Furthermore, many foreign girls coming to Switzerland don't have an existing network of friends and need to go out and meet new people which makes it easier for guys to get to know them too. I meet so many nice girls while travelling and it's quite a bit harder here because it's not so easy to meet new people in your daily life. The only reason why bi-national marriages are not more common in CH is because most young people don't bother to marry.

nothing wrong with that. quite a few girls still want to be a full time mum. many such girls i know are working now for a while to earn a bit of extra cash, but then will give up work permanently.

i asked my ex a couple of months ago if she would now want to maintain a career after kids (part-time) now that she had been promoted. she laughed and said "no way!" she also already earned more than her new bf before the promotion...

I put no doubt that some women want to be home makers, Phil_MCR. The sadness comes from the stereotype, which I wouldn't expect anywhere in Europe, that women stay at home after they marry, to be breeding machines that explore their male counter part. And if we take certain books/public opinions into consideration, that foreigner women are more prone to stay at home and leech on the social money, since they are harpies on the hunt for rich German bankers.

Having to face reprehension because I haven't popped a kid yet (not only am married for over 4 years, but also just crossed the 3rd decade), and then having to hear in a subtle way I am expected to use my reproductive organs instead of my brain, it hurts a lot. Especially when it comes along with a "your 7 years of University in a 3rd world country count for nothing here"...

There is indeed nothing wrong with choosing not to work- but there is something wrong about the assumption that women do not WANT to work.
It is all about choice, and those choices being enabled by the system and the culture to some extent.

Helm our posts crossed.

You said it in a much clearer way *high-five*

Probably the freeby section..

But the surprising thing here for me was that the culture part was in no way pushed by males on the women, but far more from females.

As some know will I leave Switzerland. Had some chats with Swiss folks about it. The fact that I would give up my job and follow the wife to another country - and it is HER who got a good offer there, without me having one on my own yet... really did not meet their expectation on how a man should behave. Quote: "Isn't you letting the wife work and not making money not a bit anti-social?" "I don't intend this to be a permanent situation" "Yes, but still... that's not how it should be like, no?"

"The ad said I would float on air and it could lift 200 pounds.... I guess that's another way of writing 'marriage and husband' "

the toyboy section ! wearing only some speedos I presume ?

I am starting to wonder whether I am actually Asian and married to Treverus... My husband colleagues had a shock when he answered to the question "Why did you move to Switzerland?" with "My wife got a job here, so I followed her."

According to them, it's not proper.

I've met two men here who followed their wives jobs. Both were subject to jokes and in both cases, the families left sooner than had been planned. Obbviously, I don't know if that is the reason why, but I'd venture to guess that it had something to do with it.
The striking thing to me was that it was both women and men who jumped on the 'not a real man' wagon.