I believe in equal rights and therefore, wouldn't worry too much what other people are thinking if I'd be the trailing spouse. It's not like them haters pay your rent etc.
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Choice has to be a two-way thing- ideally in a respectful partnership.
I was just saying this to a girlfriend of mine who has decided to stop working completely after her child is born. Problem is she didn't discuss it with the boyfriend. It really does need to go two ways.
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of course you do! you control who you meet through what you do, where you travel and who you speak to!
Nah ..... not always so.
When I lived and worked in California in the mid-90's, I moved from the Valley, to the Ocean, and rented an apartment with a couple of work mates.
For our house warming we invited a few of the neighbours. In the upstairs apartment, immediately next door came two single women - one of which just happened to be Swiss.
I and my mates, had previously looked at many accommodations, but because we were all non-US nationals with nil credit rating, we had many knock-backs. It just so happened that the owner of where we ended up living was prepared to take a risk on us --- but if I'd ended up in a different apartment ..... who knows?
But I know you could argue that Phil's quote above still applies - but, that for me, is a little too controlled and contrived ..... just because of all the unquantified variables, that had put me in that exact location at that exact time (I also mean working in the US, which "fell out of the blue", and wasn't sought).
"Yes, but still... that's not how it should be like, no?"
"Shouldn't you be milking a cow and sucking the moisture off of their tails instead of wearing a suit, working in a bank, and making money off of the efforts of others, hill dweller?"
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I was just saying this to a girlfriend of mine who has decided to stop working completely after her child is born. Problem is she didn't discuss it with the boyfriend. It really does need to go two ways.
To be fair, she's not stopping working - the work just changes from 8 hours a day / 5 days a week at a reasonable salary to 24 hours a day / 7 days a week for bugger-all...
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To be fair, she's not stopping working - the work just changes from 8 hours a day / 5 days a week at a reasonable salary to 24 hours a day / 7 days a week for bugger-all...
Oh, trust me, I know!! Still, I think these things have to be discussed and not assumed. For all she knows, her boyfriend had planned to work 80%. Her deciding for him is just as bad as him deciding for her.
My husband was born in Germany in a turkish family. They waited and prayed and hoped he would get married. They introduced him to girls from different families from the village, they tried really hard. Hubby didn't want to hear anything about any of them.
His parents were hopeless to see their younger son married with kids.
When he left for his work to Istanbul, their hope raised up again. So many girls, he will find a nice turkish girl, we will be so happy.
One day, he gave them a call and told them he met someone. They were so excited and happy and couldn't believe it! They thought it would never happen.
When they asked the name of the girl and he said my name, they were confused.... This is not a turkish name!?!
Nope, she is Canadian.
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Sadly, Germany has quite a few cases of "honour killings", where Turkish girls are killed because they go out with a German boy. Or they get taken on holiday one summer to find out they are to be married - not to their German boyfriend.
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When they asked the name of the girl and he said my name, they were confused.... This is not a turkish name!?!
Nope, she is Canadian.
I find it amazing how EF members stories are so similar! It's such a small world indeed! When my husband told his family he found someone (after them making a huge party that he was *finally* on the good path to stop being single) it was a shock when he told them my name. That is not a German name! No, she is from West Europe. France? No, more west. Spain? No, more west. The islands of Spain?
The nazi grandmother had some problems getting used to that fact ...
Sadly, Germany has quite a few cases of "honour killings", where Turkish girls are killed because they go out with a German boy. Or they get taken on holiday one summer to find out they are to be married - not to their German boyfriend.
Yes, it is true.
But those are rare stories, and I know about it. But to assume it and make it something general like Treverus did, is in my book wrong.
I know so many turks, girls, boys and famillies and never any of them would have to go through something like this.
Thousands and thousands of families VS few...
Yes, lets create generalisations and assumptions because of some stupid idiots.
And let's also assume that my husband is lucky to be a man, otherwise if it was his sister, my In-Laws would have certainly react differently.
Not bad today! Generalisations on Asian, on Turks and on Saudian.
I was not saying that all Turks are that way, just that there are often double standards. One of the reasons some Swiss women don't even try to climb the career ladder is because they don't fancy a future of working twice as hard for less pay and constant little voices telling her that she has not fulfilled her true duty, i.e. to become a wife and mother. And yet, when she DOES become a wife and mother, on come the "what do you do? ah, you're only a housewife, ok, so what is your real job?" comments. You just can't win...
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But those are rare stories, and I know about it. But to assume it and make it something general like Treverus did, is in my book wrong.
I did not mention honour killings and wasn't even going so far. But to be honest: My mother used to be a teacher. Not in a "normal" school, but a charity institution that gave girls which did not find any apprenticeship a household education. She had over the years many Turkish girls from conservative Kurdish families in her classes as their families actively did not want them to make a professional education. She loved them as they were smart, well behaved girls - unlike the German ones as the only ones ending up in this charity would be the ones who did not manage Hauptschule (the lowest middle school), had so bad grades that employers would not want them - typically especially in behaviour - or outright criminal records. Mom liked the Kurdish girls so much that I even met some of them when I was a kid - something my mom would have never done with the anti-social rest of the class.
From these girls, over several decades, were two thirds forced into marrying a Kurdish guy back home who would therefore get a resident permit for Germany and could then move his entire clan afterwards. In one case did the youngest of three sisters get what was supposed to happen to her during the next summer vacation - when she was 17 - and ran away. I would not go so far and say that she was in danger of a honour killing, but it was not much less severe. Her dad kicked her out of the family as she brought shame to them. Her sisters could only secretly meet her and were not supposed to talk to her anymore.
Claiming that an average Kurdish girl living in Germany could leave her family to work in another country, date guys till she finds the right one and then present him to her parents is frankly naive at best. I know some who can and some who clearly cannot, but on average do they not enjoy that much freedom.
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It's such a small world indeed! When my husband told his family he found someone (after them making a huge party that he was *finally* on the good path to stop being single) it was a shock when he told them my name. That is not a German name! No, she is from West Europe. France? No, more west. Spain? No, more west. The islands of Spain?
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