Thanks everyone for your vibes of hugs - I know there are others out there who go through the same thing.

Mimi, I really wish you and your boyfriend the best with it all - it sounds like you're doing it tough. *hugs back*

I'll be fine. I still feel guilty though that my husband wasn't there when it mattered, but the fact my father-in-law insisted we go - and would be disappointed if we decided to return for good - is helping me come to terms with it all.