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  #41  
Old 14.08.2011, 11:13
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Re: I am not happy :(

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And I get a groan about my feelings? Yep, this is Switzerland!
Hit the groan-button by mistake when reading the thread on my iphone. Sorry. Groan removed
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  #42  
Old 14.08.2011, 11:25
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Re: I am not happy :(

Hey dude, a terrible situation to be stuck in. Best of luck figuring it out. My advise would be as follows:
  • Enjoy the little things. Whatever does it for you, the smell of coffee, the colour of the leaves in the sun, a swim, a jog, a walk, the sound of your daughter's laughter. Just enjoy those. For one day stop thinking about how crap your life is and just walk around looking for the little things that you love.
  • Know that your daughter wants you to be happy more than anything else. She most probably does not think about lifestyle or politics or anything like your adult concerns. She just wants to see a smile on your face and happiness in your laughter. These are the things that children most want from thier parents.
  • Perhaps you need to find some positive people to hang out with a bit. Often this situation with a social group who are constantly hating something, just drag you down.
  • Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy that get you out and about and take your mind off things that you hate. If not, then you should get some. You mentioned travelling. Do some, especially now that the CHF is so strong.
  • Could you not live in France? Would that not be better and you would still be close enough to see your daughter?
Best of luck man.
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  #43  
Old 14.08.2011, 11:29
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Re: I am not happy :(

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  • Perhaps you need to find some positive people to hang out with a bit. Often this situation with a social group who are constantly hating something, just drag you down.

I have found this to be very true in any situation. Misery loves company they say, but it's just not healthy or beneficial on a day-to-day basis.

I'm really sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Best wishes for getting it sorted out.
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  #44  
Old 14.08.2011, 11:35
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Re: I am not happy :(

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Hit the groan-button by mistake when reading the thread on my iphone. Sorry. Groan removed
well now I need to remove my silly joke too then ....
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Old 14.08.2011, 11:43
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Re: I am not happy :(

You say you have achieved everything and basically you have everything (even a social life) and yet you feel depressed?

That's what I call luxury problems!

Why don't you get yourself out there, take a few months off and help others for free, like the old, the poor, the homeless, the sick, the war victims, etc.
This world is full of people who have "real" problems and haven't got the luxury of choice either. Go and help them! It'll make you much more grateful for what you have and might even change your life and attitude forever.
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Old 14.08.2011, 11:43
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Re: I am not happy :(

Sounds trite, but when I'm really down, and I often am, I find going to the gym helps lift the morale. Has the fringe-benefit of keeping me reasonably fit too.
I'm also a great believer in the power of positive-thought.
As other people have said 'Always look on the bright side of life de dum de dum de dum de dum de dum!'.
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Old 14.08.2011, 11:46
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Re: I am not happy :(

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Hit the groan-button by mistake when reading the thread on my iphone. Sorry. Groan removed
Ouf! I thought for a moment that you were Swisser than the Swiss!

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Old 14.08.2011, 11:50
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Re: I am not happy :(

i grow up without a paps. he was never here for me. i see my friends and the relationchip they have with there paps. and.....
i miss this part of my live....still.
to have kids means you`re responsable.
youre not allone.
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  #49  
Old 14.08.2011, 12:09
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Re: I am not happy :(

Well, some people come back to Switzerland from such "months off" and then get into a critising mode about people's lives here ... phew ....
it's almost sickening but also normal somehow.
The contrasts are just so enormous and overwhelming it takes time sometimes to get a healthy balance back somehow.

But yes it definitely changes one's outlook on life and be more grateful for what one has in this country.


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You say you have achieved everything and basically you have everything (even a social life) and yet you feel depressed?

That's what I call luxury problems!

Why don't you get yourself out there, take a few months off and help others for free, like the old, the poor, the homeless, the sick, the war victims, etc.
This world is full of people who have "real" problems and haven't got the luxury of choice either. Go and help them! It'll make you much more grateful for what you have and might even change your life and attitude forever.
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Old 14.08.2011, 12:15
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Re: I am not happy :(

You sound quite depressed and I think it takes alot to share that feeling with others. Since you recognize that this depression is having a severe affect on your mental well-being, its seems you know that a change is inevitable. Are you looking for validation of your feelings? Only you know yourself. Of course your daughter is important and her needs are important to you. But just like on an airplane in an emergency situation, you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. You have a country and a culture that is a part of you and also a part of your daughter. You living unhappily in limbo is hindering your ability to be genuine and sincere in your relation to your daughter. If she could bear witness to the joy and serenity that her dad experiences in his homeland amongst family and friends, she would no doubt share in that joy as well.
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Old 14.08.2011, 12:32
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Re: I am not happy :(

I would also dare to say....a 6yr old gives a tosh about seeing her dad happy if that means saying bye to him. A 6yr old wants to have her dad near. And all the time. Available, teaching her, a role model, for fun.

The bit that people say kids care for parents happiness...sure they do. But why wouldn't parents do all there possibly is to find a compromise between their own, personal, egocentric happiness and the needs of their little kiddo. I always thought kids interests come before ours. When did that change? How ready are we to compromise on our personal happiness when we start breeding. Family is important.

I am not pointing finger at OP, he probably knows me well enough by now, that I am trying to just be dialectic about one point that, after so long of working with kids and having one myself, hits home pretty close.

OP maybe needs somebody else needing him, than his 6yr old. A person who would complete him here, in this time and this place. And then discover together all the perks this place has to offer. It's always so much more fun to do discoveries with some on our side.

Good luck, I am not trying to criticize, we all get down at some points. It's so warm and sunny....you need to inhale a bit of that sunshine in, too. Call up your home, sign up for some wild adventure, learn something new...Take care of yourself well.
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  #52  
Old 14.08.2011, 12:59
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Re: I am not happy :(

Yes at 6 you may be less happy with the concept of not having dad around than having dad happy but that will generally change when you get older and may result in your child actually feeling terrible that you were unhappy because of them. I know I personally have many unresolved issued because of this.

If it is going to be "compromise" then it is never one person always coming before the other. Perhaps that was your own personal decision that your children would always come before you...but I don't think it is universal and I don't think it is really wrong or right either way.

The best path is normally the path with the best balance, where everybody gets to be as happy as possible with any situation. Anytime that things get polarized and rules like "this must always be done like this, else doom!" get introduced, then we loose sight of what really matter.

I would never council the OP to leave his daughter for his own happyness....Rather I would council him to be happy for the happiness of his daughter.
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  #53  
Old 14.08.2011, 13:03
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Re: I am not happy :(

If as an adult you find it hard to adjust to your life imagine what your lil daughter who loves you so much will have go through to get over the drastic change in her life (if you leave CH). I understand your situation but this cant go on forever - You need to decide if you want your family or yr old life.

I can see that you love your daughter so much even if you decide to back home will you be at peace without seeing her?? I DOUBT.

Weigh between your leaving a daughter and getting yr old life . Choose what you want.

Just my 5 cents sometimes the place you grew up is never the same now. Its like Grandfather's paradox when we go back it will never be the same. It is just our perception that it is a better place. Maybe the years you spent back home were filled with lesser responsibilities and you had all the time to LIVE a life. Like a few said earlier.. is it about the place or the new responsibilities?

My humble opinion - it is the same world , people,heart everywhere it is what we perceive or make out of life.

Find new interests , new friends (we are all here for you) life will be more meaningful.
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Old 14.08.2011, 13:15
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Re: I am not happy :(

well, no need to over dramatise about the kid. how many a dad doesn't see much of their own kid anyway, because of work, business travel and all and not to mention the mad divorce rate... or military service or what have you...sometimes there are unavoidable circumstances. (the same goes for mum's just less often.)

also to love someone dearly, be it a kid, partner, friend doesn't necessarly always mean sticking around day and night. I don't think children are asking that of their parents.
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Old 14.08.2011, 13:54
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Re: I am not happy :(

You only get one life. Make the most of it.
If I were you I'd cut my losses and get back to homebase where you feel happy and comfortable, and start again.

As a father, you can sometimes on EF appear to have an unpragmatic philosophy on life and I'm not sure you're a truly positve role model to you daughter, fighting against everything. It may be destructive for her, especially in a super-conservative Switzerland.

Good luck to all involved in your predicament.

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  #56  
Old 14.08.2011, 14:07
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Re: I am not happy :(

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As a father, you can sometimes on EF appear to have an unpragmatic philosophy on life and I'm not sure you're a truly positve role model to you daughter, fighting against everything.
If I ever groaned anymore.....this would be it!

Judging, and more importantly, commenting on somebody's parenting ability especially when they are feeling a bit down feels like crossing some sort of line.

And thinking that the personality which people choose to show on a forum is representative of the whole person is both insulting and naive
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Old 14.08.2011, 14:09
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Re: I am not happy :(

Karl, I am a very proud Egyptian by the way, i so adore my land, my culture, my people and all the problems that comes with that.

I don't care about any of the statistics you mentioned really, as my love to my country is far beyond that and actually if there's a reason i really wanna get back it's because i feel my country needs me and all my fellow Egyptians more than ever and i would rather spend the rest of my life contributing to my country than working in CH for tons of cash and all the privileges you seem to find perfect

In addition, if you didn't ever know that before, there's high salary jobs in Egypt too (Which i were lucky enough to always having one of), but even with less money, the variety, service, options and things to do with this money with all the warmness of the society is way much more than living here in Super CH.

I'm not so materialistic person and i'm never driven by cash nor fortune, therefore it doesn't make any difference living here for me.

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So, from your own posts I see that:
- you have a daughter that you love here
- you have good friends here (Swiss, even)

Add to that:
- you live in perhaps the most safe, politically and financially stable country on Earth
- you live in a beautiful area of a stunningly beautiful country
- Switzerland is a pure direct-democracy where personal freedoms are respected
- You live in a country with some of highest average incomes and lowest taxes in the world.

And you want to move to an poor, over-populated country which is currently destabilized and under military rule, where salaries are a small fraction of what you can earn here, that is if you can find a job (unemployment in Egypt is over 10 percent vs. about 3 percent here).

I think you may want to figure out what is the real problem, which I suspect lies elsewhere.
Nil, Aren't we all G's like that...we can't tolerate a static lives

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CH is beautiful, organised, clean, calm and safe.

It is very very boring for me. I like a bit more chaos, it is challenging and keep me on my toes.
Lizzy, You just hit another vital point that makes me wanna leave, i am actually this sort of person who always go volunteering in humanitarian causes, i would be happily helping in crisis zones (Which i did already several times) and i'm sort of having real ethical and moral values conflict believing in humanitarian aspects and living in CH

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You say you have achieved everything and basically you have everything (even a social life) and yet you feel depressed?

That's what I call luxury problems!

Why don't you get yourself out there, take a few months off and help others for free, like the old, the poor, the homeless, the sick, the war victims, etc.
This world is full of people who have "real" problems and haven't got the luxury of choice either. Go and help them! It'll make you much more grateful for what you have and might even change your life and attitude forever.
Someone also mentioned why i came here in the first place, I were happily living in Egypt, having a great place, a great jobs, lots of friends and great happy life that anyone can wish for, i actually refused relocating here for over 6 months when my ex was pregnant, she just convinced me that she wants to come here to deliver the baby, spend sometime with the family, then when i came here and after delivery, she said it's better off to live here, that why i'm here so far....if she decides to move now to Egypt, all these problem will be solved in no time as i can practically get all my life back if not better in no time.
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Old 14.08.2011, 14:09
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Re: I am not happy :(

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it's so materialistic with no human interaction, it's totally ignorant to the importance of the social aspects of human life...
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She's soon to be 6 y.o......and i don't think the problem is Geneva in itself, it's more of the entire point of living in CH.....
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If as an adult you find it hard to adjust to your life imagine what your lil daughter who loves you so much will have go through to get over the drastic change in her life (if you leave CH). I understand your situation but this cant go on forever - You need to decide if you want your family or yr old life.
Have you ever heard the saying, "You can't go back home?" It's true. Everything that you miss from 6 years ago won't be there... not the same way you remember it being. You may even be disappointed, and if you invest a lot into going back, then you may even regret your decision completely.

I'm having trouble understanding why you think there's not enough emphasis on the social aspects. I'm of the opinion that there is too much emphasis on the social aspects.

Maybe it's the Romand culture you do not enjoy? Or the culture of large, international Geneva? Like others said maybe try a change of scenery within Switzerland, and if social aspects are what you are looking for, maybe Basel and the Germanic culture would be more up your alley?

As for 6 year olds not adjusting well after a move, I'd say it's not true. I think young children are much more capable of adjusting than even their parents. it's when they become teenagers that it gets to be difficult.
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Old 14.08.2011, 14:21
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Re: I am not happy :(

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Have you ever heard the saying, "You can't go back home?" It's true. Everything that you miss from 6 years ago won't be there... not the same way you remember it being. You may even be disappointed, and if you invest a lot into going back, then you may even regret your decision completely.
I have never been disconnected from home, and i totally understand the obstacles of coming back, i find myself more adopted when i go back than my fellow Egyptians who live there already.....i even got offered to get my job, house and everything i left 6 years ago back on the moment i land......i know in the west it might not happen be this way but this is how it works back home.
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Old 14.08.2011, 14:22
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Re: I am not happy :(

If Switzerland was never your idea of a dream place to live in before you came, it wont ever become one, and moving around inside in it you just get variations on the same theme.
You wont find what you want but be careful about what your daughter needs too.
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