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Old 13.08.2011, 21:53
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I am not happy :(

I'm not happy living here for way too many reasons, i so want to leave immediately now but i'm stuck.....i'm so attached with my little daughter that i cannot leave, when she once heard me chatting about it on the phone with a friends, she totally broke down crying.

I'm not feeling it's me here, this is not my life, not even close....i miss my freedom, i miss my social life, i miss having an active life, friends, family and lots more things...i feel i'm dying slowly here and cannot do anything about it, after 6 years living here i see myself living the same routine and i'm missing my passion, adventures and motivated ex-life i used to have....i'm always a survivor in the worst times and situations....i can build myself from zero to the top with no problems, but this time i seriously give up and i don't know what to do.....live happily away from my daughter or keep living unhappy beside her.....it's the hardest choice i've ever encountered in my entire life.
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Old 13.08.2011, 22:02
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Re: I am not happy :(

Is there any chance you can move within Switzerland and still keep contact with your daughter? I know it's corny but little things like a better view, a shorter commute or a grocery store within walking distance can really change your outlook on life - more than you'd ever expect. Similarly if particular aspects of Swiss culture are giving you headaches, moving from a big city to a village or vice versa might be just what the doctor ordered. Neighbors too nosy? Move to a big city, fewer people have time to be nosy there. Too unfriendly? Move out to the country and start exchanging Gruezis right and left.

It's just an idea - not sure what else to suggest right now honestly.
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Old 13.08.2011, 22:05
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Re: I am not happy :(

i'm sorry to hear you feel like that...sounds like a difficult poisition to be in.

would you like to share what is exactly that you miss about your ex-life? are all things that cannot be done here?

i do not have children but i guess that a child is happy seing their parents happy and vice versa. surely physical presence means a lot but a depressed physical presence is definately not the best. especially if your daughter "senses" somehow that you are staying here (and being unhappy) "because" of her

i cannot tell you what to do. but consider the following:

- are you sure that you don't remember only the "good" things of your previous life? i.e. idealizing it a bit?
- are you sure that what you miss cannot be somehow replaced with other things here?
- instead of letting your unhappiness consume you, try to pinpoint what is exactly that makes you feel miserable here and how (if at all) you can deal with it.

wish you all the best
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Old 13.08.2011, 22:07
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Re: I am not happy :(

I feel your frustration, I have moved many times also and had to start from the ground up. It's difficult.

I am a single parent here, and my life seems to be work and caring for my daughter and sometimes I want to break free and run off.

But, without my daughter, I wouldn't have a life, she is my life.
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Old 13.08.2011, 22:22
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Re: I am not happy :(

Thank you guys for all the support, i think the problem is the principles of life here, it doesn't relate at all to what i'm used to or believe in wether at home or where i lived / stayed before.......it's just so much stress for no particular reason, it's so materialistic with no human interaction, it's totally ignorant to the importance of the social aspects of human life......it's basically dead for what i'm used to, i just feel i'm just wasting every moment of my life rather than enjoying it.

I haven't felt this way anywhere else but here, it just forces me to be depressed and lonely even though i consider myself blessed to have so many great Swiss friends which almost all of them hates it here too for the same exact reasons (No wonder we became so close friends)......i just feel yesterday, is like today, like tomorrow.....i kinda feel like i actually have to fight to live rather than live to enjoy living.

I won't go into details on what exactly are the points, but everyone knows them pretty much, it's the things that we comment on by "You have been Switzerlanded" or "Welcome to Switzerland"

I would happily live in my homeland Egypt where people are warm and take care of each others, enjoy their life and always stand together for the good and the bad rather than living here.
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Old 13.08.2011, 22:31
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Re: I am not happy :(

Since we moved to Switzerland, I kept telling my husband that I lost my creativity....

I so understand you Honey!
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Old 13.08.2011, 22:34
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Re: I am not happy :(

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Since we moved to Switzerland, I kept telling my husband that I lost my creativity....

I so understand you Honey!
Thank Nil....i'm sure you have felt the same for some reason
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Old 13.08.2011, 22:34
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Re: I am not happy :(

Dunno Movwich, you are describing a situation where you must choose between this and that, no middle ground. In six years, perhaps both that and you have changed, so maybe you better check whether that is what you are imagining it is in reality.

One thing is for certain, if you are unhappy, consciously or unconsciously, it is going to affect your daughter long term. If your choosing that only means loosening the current clinging between you and your daughter, depending on her age, you will both get over it in a reasonably short time and both you and your daughter can be separately happy and meet up when circumstances allow.

In any case, denying yourself and your needs is not going to work out well for anybody.
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Old 13.08.2011, 22:37
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Sorry you're going through this difficult time in your life. I don't have any pearls if wisdom for you but I do wish you and those you love happiness with whatever decision you ultimately make.
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Old 13.08.2011, 22:40
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Re: I am not happy :(

I am sorry you are in this situation Mowich, I can relate to you, at least I could my first 6 months here. I decided to make some changes and as MathNut says I move to a smaller town, so that I would not be bothered by noise, I have more green right next to me and I started something that I actually love which is my little store. I do not make laods of money but it keeps me active and entertained. I also decided to change jobs, I will start my new one next November. I know right now it all looks pointless but think how you could do little changes in your life and start making them, hope that works
HUGS!
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Old 13.08.2011, 22:56
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Re: I am not happy :(

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One thing is for certain, if you are unhappy, consciously or unconsciously, it is going to affect your daughter long term.

In any case, denying yourself and your needs is not going to work out well for anybody.


These are both true.

The other thing to consider is that you have got to keep moving. Static behaviour is stagnation and I find that life equals movement. Not always literally but definitely figuratively.

I had the same problem and found that when I was involved I felt better. The same is true now that I am back in my home country and my old city.

Good Luck to you and your.

And Angela74 is right too. Hugs are good.
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Old 13.08.2011, 23:02
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Re: I am not happy :(

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I'm not happy living here for way too many reasons, i so want to leave immediately now but i'm stuck.....i'm so attached with my little daughter that i cannot leave, when she once heard me chatting about it on the phone with a friends, she totally broke down crying.

I'm not feeling it's me here, this is not my life, not even close....i miss my freedom, i miss my social life, i miss having an active life, friends, family and lots more things...i feel i'm dying slowly here and cannot do anything about it, after 6 years living here i see myself living the same routine and i'm missing my passion, adventures and motivated ex-life i used to have....i'm always a survivor in the worst times and situations....i can build myself from zero to the top with no problems, but this time i seriously give up and i don't know what to do.....live happily away from my daughter or keep living unhappy beside her.....it's the hardest choice i've ever encountered in my entire life.

oh yeah.. it's hard to live in a place that you are
a) not welcomed
b) not warm by nature
c) feel naturally desolated

.. but hey... thats one of the reasons EF exists

...seriously, I've been in the same situation, and ended up realizing that I was idealizing my previous years...
... still I ended up realizing, that it doesn't matter how miserable I am doing the week or next, at least I have a chance to share happy, sincere and loving weekends with my young ones .... that in itself makes me a happy man and makes the "dull" week, not be dull at all, but a positive one... and imagine, how your young daughter will feel when she grows up, and realizes what you've done for you both...

good luck with it all
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Old 13.08.2011, 23:10
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Re: I am not happy :(

It's hard to be smart in situations like these...so I will probably put a giant foot in my mouth, but voila. While part of me totally agrees with you, ie my life before has been 100% the opposite than here, and I get down over the grating, depressing, limiting facts you listed as well, that makes one feel like there is no air to inhale anymore, there is part of me that knows you cannot stop life and go back to the way you lived years ago. You are a different person now. You can get a little break, take a sabatical, rearrange your life so your soul mates can recharge you more, but you cannot stop what you once started. And, starting a family, or having a kid, that is a hell of a reason to rearrange one's life and not feel regrets. You can make all the cosmetic changes you want, but won't be happy unless you realize, sometimes we do not change our life to fit our expectations, sometimes we have to change to fit our new life. I sound so old, well, I kinda am, but this is what truly makes you grow up. You are a dad, and being far would break your kid's heart. She needs you. If you can't grasp the fact you have responsibilities, that might also mean staying over here in a place you don't gel with, change your setting, take a break, travel, get a better job, surround yourself with people who are similar to you, and don't only bond over being negative. Be creative. And, love your kid. But, you already stepped out of her world, in a way, by not having an intact family, so at least, stay near her, until she realizes what missing you means and does not just hurt without understanding. Leave of absence, little holidays and healthy breaks in order to miss CH are inspiring. You get a chance to reconnect to yourself, and find out if what you feel in CH isn't just panic or guilt. Ok, I hope that I am not too hard. I just think you owe it to yourself to try to make things really good here for yourself and the project you have already started by having a child. Not hurt yourself with romanticizing what you life used to be and longing for an escape.
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Old 13.08.2011, 23:25
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Re: I am not happy :(

And a little additional thought...maybe you just need somebody, who will tell you frequently enough (your daughter will in her own words, since kids don't speak the same gratitude lingo we do), that the fact you stayed already so long and actually made your life functioning here, you were here for your kiddo, you took care of yourself, etc. is worth all the applause there is. So, cheers to you! That's what you have your online support service for ...Now, go get drunk. No sad thoughts.
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Old 13.08.2011, 23:27
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Re: I am not happy :(

You did put everything in the right place by your words, though the fact is i tried and i reached the best i can reach in CH, now i feel like i'm standing still and even going back to point zero which is i will never feel home here regardless of how much i tried.....i felt home in other places but not here at all, i even have swiss born, educated and raised friends who spent all there lives here and they feel the same too......comparing here to anywhere else doesn't take so much efforts to understand that it is not the most accommodating society and i'm not referring that Swiss people are bad, on the contrary, they're nice......fact is the entire system of the country is not at all related to what real life aspects is, it's like living inside a bubble, at least this is it for me.....i just feel distant of own myself, my creativity is just vanishing, my freedom being limited, my motivation is nowhere like before and i'm feeling totally insecure....i feel like being totally used rather than being part of an entire society and enjoying contributing to it and living in it, for me this is absolutely dying on slow motion.


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It's hard to be smart in situations like these...so I will probably put a giant foot in my mouth, but voila. While part of me totally agrees with you, ie my life before has been 100% the opposite than here, and I get down over the grating, depressing, limiting facts you listed as well, that makes one feel like there is no air to inhale anymore, there is part of me that knows you cannot stop life and go back to the way you lived years ago. You are a different person now. You can get a little break, take a sabatical, rearrange your life so your soul mates can recharge you more, but you cannot stop what you once started. And, starting a family, or having a kid, that is a hell of a reason to rearrange one's life and not feel regrets. You can make all the cosmetic changes you want, but won't be happy unless you realize, sometimes we do not change our life to fit our expectations, sometimes we have to change to fit our new life. I sound so old, well, I kinda am, but this is what truly makes you grow up. You are a dad, and being far would break your kid's heart. She needs you. If you can't grasp the fact you have responsibilities, that might also mean staying over here in a place you don't gel with, change your setting, take a break, travel, get a better job, surround yourself with people who are similar to you, and don't only bond over being negative. Be creative. And, love your kid. But, you already stepped out of her world, in a way, by not having an intact family, so at least, stay near her, until she realizes what missing you means and does not just hurt without understanding. Leave of absence, little holidays and healthy breaks in order to miss CH are inspiring. You get a chance to reconnect to yourself, and find out if what you feel in CH isn't just panic or guilt. Ok, I hope that I am not too hard. I just think you owe it to yourself to try to make things really good here for yourself and the project you have already started by having a child. Not hurt yourself with romanticizing what you life used to be and longing for an escape.
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Old 13.08.2011, 23:29
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Re: I am not happy :(

How old is your daughter? How about leaving Geneva for Basel (or, I suppose, Zurich)? I don't know anyone personally who likes Geneva.
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Old 13.08.2011, 23:32
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Re: I am not happy :(

Do you really think if you left Switzerland you would be happier? Perhaps then it is time to leave and damn the consequences.

Or stay and hope for the best.

Or ask yourself if there other reasons why you are becoming depressed.

Good luck.
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Old 13.08.2011, 23:34
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Re: I am not happy :(

She's soon to be 6 y.o......and i don't think the problem is Geneva in itself, it's more of the entire point of living in CH.....


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How old is your daughter? How about leaving Geneva for Basel (or, I suppose, Zurich)? I don't know anyone personally who likes Geneva.
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Old 13.08.2011, 23:36
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Re: I am not happy :(

It's not really that easy if you're in my shoes.

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Do you really think if you left Switzerland you would be happier? Perhaps then it is time to leave and damn the consequences.

Or stay and hope for the best.

Or ask yourself if there other reasons why you are becoming depressed.

Good luck.
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Old 13.08.2011, 23:36
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Re: I am not happy :(

Can you take a few weeks off work?Go on a long holiday, say back to Egypt, then return. Sometimes fresh eyes can help you make a clear decision.
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