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Old 29.08.2011, 11:12
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Am i loser? no direction.

I am like crazy mother recently..no idea how to set down, always change mind, i felt m lost in my life.

Actually we moved to Zurich since beginning of this year,before we lived in Germany,that's why i always want to move back to Germany, want to have relax life...coz
1)my kid is still not the right age to enter Public kindergarten, if go to private kindergarten, that costs too much.
2)we are living in a small town, outside of Zurich city..not easy to find housewife as friend, mostly ladies in my town, they need go to work everyday, i am like a stupid mother, who only take kid play around.

3) i cannot understand the local language. coz I am not EU, only learned Hogh German..

Would anyone like to give me suggestion? how can I make my mind clear and set down quickly..i know i cannot continue like this.and my husband would be crazed by my changing the whole time..
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Old 29.08.2011, 11:20
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Re: Am i loser? no direction.

Have you considered taking a Swiss German class at your local Migros Klubschule? They often have childcare available. It would give you something 'useful' and scheduled to do, let you spend a couple hours a week with other adults (often moms who are in a similar situation!) AND improve your Swiss German so that you can start to communicate better.
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Old 29.08.2011, 11:31
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Re: Am i loser? no direction.

No your not a loser. You're in a new location with a new language and without your usual support networks and probably still going through the culture shock cycle. The best thing I did was to stop being so hard on myself and to use that energy to fuel things I wanted to do! I'd suggest sitting down and thinking about where in 12 months you would like to be emotionally and what you would like to have achieved. Then start making little steps to get there. For example: 'I'd like to be able to *read a magazine article in German from start to finish and only have to look up 3 words*' Whoops, just reread your post and realised you know German. Replace with 'have a conversation in Swiss German' . Or start a new hobby and set yourself a goal to complete a project.

You're not alone. We've all been at the end of our tether. But the best thing you can do is attempt to stop beating yourself up as only fuels the cycle of negativity and makes it harder to get out of, find some kind of purpose and attempt to accomplish something you're a little proud of most days, this will make you happier and make for a much happier family (it worked for me )

Oh and you might find this thread helpful
Tips for Trailing Spouses

Last edited by nic80; 29.08.2011 at 11:40. Reason: added thread link and updated for relevance
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Old 29.08.2011, 11:37
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Re: Am i loser? no direction.

Hi. I feel your pain. It is much harder in a small area.
Have you joined the yahoo group families in zurich? Maybe if you join and then send an email to ask there will be people living in your area that you could meet with.
Can you join a Speilgruppe in your town?
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Old 29.08.2011, 12:51
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Re: Am i loser? no direction.

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Have you considered taking a Swiss German class at your local Migros Klubschule? They often have childcare available. It would give you something 'useful' and scheduled to do, let you spend a couple hours a week with other adults (often moms who are in a similar situation!) AND improve your Swiss German so that you can start to communicate better.
oh, yeah, Swiss German course, i like to try. Thank you!
actually i have never thought about that. my mind was only stoped by current situation, everyday think of old friends in the last city, missed all the program which i had before..never tried in Switzerland.
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Old 29.08.2011, 12:53
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Re: Am i loser? no direction.

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No your not a loser. You're in a new location with a new language and without your usual support networks and probably still going through the culture shock cycle. The best thing I did was to stop being so hard on myself and to use that energy to fuel things I wanted to do! I'd suggest sitting down and thinking about where in 12 months you would like to be emotionally and what you would like to have achieved. Then start making little steps to get there. For example: 'I'd like to be able to *read a magazine article in German from start to finish and only have to look up 3 words*' Whoops, just reread your post and realised you know German. Replace with 'have a conversation in Swiss German' . Or start a new hobby and set yourself a goal to complete a project.

You're not alone. We've all been at the end of our tether. But the best thing you can do is attempt to stop beating yourself up as only fuels the cycle of negativity and makes it harder to get out of, find some kind of purpose and attempt to accomplish something you're a little proud of most days, this will make you happier and make for a much happier family (it worked for me )

Oh and you might find this thread helpful
Tips for Trailing Spouses
find sth to do.
since two people sugget me to take Swiss German course, it will be my new goal . i hope i will be busy with that.
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Old 29.08.2011, 12:55
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Re: Am i loser? no direction.

I didn't join the yahoo group families in zurich yet..it would be nice of youif you like to tell me the link?

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Hi. I feel your pain. It is much harder in a small area.
Have you joined the yahoo group families in zurich? Maybe if you join and then send an email to ask there will be people living in your area that you could meet with.
Can you join a Speilgruppe in your town?

Last edited by Longbyt; 29.08.2011 at 12:56. Reason: PLEASE leave square brackets and their contents in place when quoting.
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Old 29.08.2011, 12:56
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Re: Am i loser? no direction.

tks for your idea!
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No your not a loser. You're in a new location with a new language and without your usual support networks and probably still going through the culture shock cycle. The best thing I did was to stop being so hard on myself and to use that energy to fuel things I wanted to do! I'd suggest sitting down and thinking about where in 12 months you would like to be emotionally and what you would like to have achieved. Then start making little steps to get there. For example: 'I'd like to be able to *read a magazine article in German from start to finish and only have to look up 3 words*' Whoops, just reread your post and realised you know German. Replace with 'have a conversation in Swiss German' . Or start a new hobby and set yourself a goal to complete a project.

You're not alone. We've all been at the end of our tether. But the best thing you can do is attempt to stop beating yourself up as only fuels the cycle of negativity and makes it harder to get out of, find some kind of purpose and attempt to accomplish something you're a little proud of most days, this will make you happier and make for a much happier family (it worked for me )

Oh and you might find this thread helpful
Tips for Trailing Spouses
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Old 29.08.2011, 12:59
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Re: Am i loser? no direction.

It took me about a year and a half to finally feel a sense of "normalcy" living here -- like this was really my home now. So I would give it some more time...

But as for a social life and meeting other people, you really have to put the effort into that yourself, because I think it is harder to make new, close friends once you're older. And of course, living in a foreign country probably only makes that all the more difficult (especially considering the fact that the Swiss aren't really known to be the extroverted, extremely friendly type).

The few very good friends that I have made here I had met through my German classes. Those classes pretty much served as my "social life" for the first year or so. And it was comforting to be in touch with people that were in situations so similar to mine. So please just try to keep in mind that you are NOT alone in what you've been feeling and experiencing.

I hope you find peace and happiness here.
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Old 29.08.2011, 13:27
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Re: Am i loser? no direction.

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It took me about a year and a half to finally feel a sense of "normalcy" living here -- like this was really my home now. So I would give it some more time...

But as for a social life and meeting other people, you really have to put the effort into that yourself, because I think it is harder to make new, close friends once you're older. And of course, living in a foreign country probably only makes that all the more difficult (especially considering the fact that the Swiss aren't really known to be the extroverted, extremely friendly type).

The few very good friends that I have made here I had met through my German classes. Those classes pretty much served as my "social life" for the first year or so. And it was comforting to be in touch with people that were in situations so similar to mine. So please just try to keep in mind that you are NOT alone in what you've been feeling and experiencing.

I hope you find peace and happiness here.
After reading your example, it stimulate me to look for a German course in Switzerland..but as a mother, i donot know if its harder to find similar situation friends.
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Old 30.08.2011, 15:05
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Re: Am i loser? no direction.

Try and find a local playgroup to go to. You'll meet lots of mums, and really its only Germans who only speak high German that they get annoyed with, not people who've already had to learn German as a foreign language. That's my experience anyway. No one cares that I don't speak Swiss German, and at the beginning made an effort to speak high german to me. Now they speak Swiss and if I don't understand, they explain. They're just impressed that I bothered to learn German in the first place.
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Old 30.08.2011, 15:33
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Re: Am i loser? no direction.

been there,done that...
just keep in mind that time works for you
maybe in the future you could moove with your family in the city,that is helpfull
also try to keep contact with friends and family
some extented vacation with them??
many many women in similar condition
i always wondered how they coop
but sooner or later everybody does
dont loose track of yourself: you have a child that depends on you x
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Old 30.08.2011, 15:48
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Re: Am i loser? no direction.

definitely not a loser, perhaps a bit of a drama queen.

Your issues are not unsimilar to many who come over here. The best bet is to tighten up a bit, and go out and attack without hestitation or fear of negativity.

perhaps some perspective? You have a loving husband and child---those are two points that many who experience the integration issues don't have and constantly strive for. Use them as supports and device to further you acceptance into this strange world.
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Old 31.08.2011, 21:02
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Re: Am i loser? no direction.

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Try and find a local playgroup to go to. You'll meet lots of mums, and really its only Germans who only speak high German that they get annoyed with, not people who've already had to learn German as a foreign language. That's my experience anyway. No one cares that I don't speak Swiss German, and at the beginning made an effort to speak high german to me. Now they speak Swiss and if I don't understand, they explain. They're just impressed that I bothered to learn German in the first place.
Thank u for ur suggestion!
but small town really not as easy as in the big city
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Old 31.08.2011, 21:28
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Re: Am i loser? no direction.

You're not a loser. Lots of us here have been in your shoes and survived; so will you.

Have you found your local playground? There must be one somewhere, hopefully it's near your house. If there are other stay-at-home-mothers near you, that is where you are most likely to find them. If you've found it already and there's never anyone there, pick a different time of day to go (where I am, there is rarely anyone on the playground between 13.00 and 14.30, but that could just be our backwater). And if you still don't meet anyone, at least you'll be out of the house.
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Old 31.08.2011, 21:38
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Re: Am i loser? no direction.

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Thank u for ur suggestion!
but small town really not as easy as in the big city
Hi and good luck, I think I know the type of cabin fever one gets in a new place, without the comfort of social network and with a little kid. It will get easier, I promise. Maybe you can organize yourself with your other half in terms of having an evening or two off, alone with some other ladies or friends? Book club? Coffee and chat? Just to get out of the routine...Or a class.

Please, if you manage, abstain from textspeak, I know it is short and you probably have a little person tugging on your clothes as you type, but we have people here who might not know the chat/cell talk. Ta.
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Old 31.08.2011, 21:41
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Re: Am i loser? no direction.

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make my mind clear and set down quickly..i know i cannot continue like this.and my husband would be crazed by my changing the whole time..
... that happened to me too... turns out I was preggas...

you just need one person to talk with and your world will change

there are the yahoo groups, the facebook page and you can always let us here know which town you are in... we might know something nearby
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