Again this is not intended as a rant, but I suppose you could call it one.
Went for a stroll over the Herbstmesse, loud noise and garish light funfair thingy in Basel yesterday, I am not too much into crowds and tend to back away from more than 10 people in a bunch, but I steeled myself and dove into the fray, about 15 minutes later my people tolerance fuses started to smolder and I went back to the bike. On the way I passed a stall selling Worschtle (sausages) and meat skewers and other edibles, I opted for a skewer , smallish as they were, scarcely the width of my hand and more like Döner- bits stuck on a stick, I gave the bloke 20 Chuff´s and to my dismay I got 10 Franks, 50 Rappen back.
That came to about 4.50 Chuff´s a bite but you get to lick the stick for free.
By this time I really, really should know, anyway I felt again $witzerlanded and it set the tone when
this morning I went to the Strassenverkers-und Schiffartsamt to change my SG number plates to the BS ones, “BS” that stands for “Basel Stadt” and not what you are thinking.
I had prepared myself in advance as you do in these matters and felt confident that I could take on anything the Strassenverkehrsamt could dish out.
“Grüzi, my name is Slammer and I want to change my numberplates.”
“Grüzi Herr Slammer.”
“I need paper “X””
Slam! On the table.
“Now do you have document “Y”?
Slam! On the table
“You are well organized” for a foreigner, she just managed not to say.
Then she had me..
“Now go to the men´s room and wash these plates, I can´t send them back like this.”
I set Sarcasm to stun.
“You want them ironed too?”
“No! Just wash them.”
I should know by now not to waste perfectly good sarcasm on a Swiss person.
Then she tallied the bill:
Car: 277 Chuff´s
Bike: 109 Chuff´s
Boat trailer: 90 Chuff´s
Blue Area parking thingy: 60 Chuff´s, valid until end January 2012.
I walked out of the Amt with tears in my eyes and a 20° list to Starboard.
I also needed a new set of Plateholders as the old ones had disintegrated so I stopped at a Ford garage.
“Yes I can give you a set, that will be 20Chuff´s, he must have read my mind.
“You know that everything costs money in Switzerland.”
I let him have it, a full blast, with red ears he went and got the holders as I reloaded.
So that has been my day up to now and yours?

I would be glad to tell you but that will cost you 20 Chuff's.

Wait, you forgot to add the adminitrative fee..

Was the Herbstmesse any good? Apart from the crowds and over-priced food. In other words, what is it actually *for*? What differentiates it from the crowded over-priced Christmas market?

The beer stalls were selling cans of beer at 5 CHF each...

The shop just 10 meters down the street was selling the same cans of beer in packs of 6 (chilled in the firdge) for 9.80CHF...

Why were people buying them from the stall?

It made parking the car harder than it is normally...

Welcome to Switzerland. I guess you arrived this morning.

so did you pass up the opportunity to invoice the strassenvekehrsamt for washing services?

Yes I did, I may have gotten a bill for using the Strassenverkehrs-und Schfffahrtsamt´s water

The bill for that will come seperately of course...

if you flirt with the policemen downstairs before going up you don't have to pay as much.

I'd have given them a final piss rinse and handed them back to her with a smile.

Crikey! That's a bit much isn't it? I'll remember this next time I get you to do the washing up

I suspect it might just be you Mr Slammer. My experience this lunchtime was (in my less than perfect swiss german):

"Hello, I have lost my driving licence"
"Here is the form, if you have the credit-card one you don't need a photo" (with smile)
Shuffle off to side to fill out form
"I have filled out the form. Do you have a black pen for the signature? You gave me a blue pen."
"No that is no problem at all" (with smile)
"I spoke to your colleague on the phone this morning and they said I could wait for it. I happy to wait the 20 or 30 minutes"
"One moment" (with smile)
She shuffles off to speak with colleague.
"I will call Frau who issues the licences" (with smile)
"If you go to room xyz Frau who issues the licences will help you. Through the door and up the lift and follow the signs" (with smile)
"Thank you"
Shuffles off up the stairs and to room xyz.
"Hello. I have spoken to your colleague and she said you would be able to issue a replacement licence."
"Yes, one moment" (with smile)
Shufffles off behind a wall.
Shuffles back
"There you Hr Dodgyken. I am not always in the office to do this." (with smile)
"Thank you very much. How much will it be?"
"It is a replacement so the usual fee of 15chf" (with smile)
"Thank you again. Have a nice afternoon"
"You too" (with smile)

I think you need to move to Zurich

(or be better looking)

"Worschtle" doesn't sound Swiss at all. Could it be that you got Germanized (i.e. Swabified, Badened or Palatinated) there?

Actually, that does sound Baslerdiitsch to me - however I agree that they do speak funny down there.

Ah! You noticed my Ausgschburger dialect then!:-)

I'm not a Basler, but I'd venture to say it's Weerschtli. Worschtle definitely is Southwestern Germany.

You do know though that the major part of that money was taxes, so you will not get a tax bill?

After hearing that tale, I don't think I'll ever be able to give up my car, or move out of BL. My plates are filthy.