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Old 27.11.2011, 23:33
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Feeling very far away from home.....

Home for me is the UK so in travel time not very far away but today it is feeling very very far away.

I guess I am starting to feel the downers or blues from living here and away from my family, friends and familiarity. Been here since June so I guess I'm going through the motions.

Found out today my Nan has been admitted to hospital, she has dementia, and her brain has stopped functioning her movement including swallowing. She needs to be rehydrated with a drip as she hasn't been eating or drinking and the care home have battled with her on this. The hospital said there is nothing they can do and will eventually send her back to the care home where inevitable she will die.

Despite speaking with family on the phone tonight I am feeling pretty down, hopeless and so far away from everyone I care for. I guess back in the UK I took for granted that friends are around me and my family are easy to visit if I needed too. I also feel so removed from everything and everyone now.

My sister is also expecting her first child and I wish in a way I was there to be with her.

Although I have a great life here and don't regret moving here but I do feel like I am alone right now with no one turn to. I guess that's why I am posting tonight if not just for a verbal release.
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Old 28.11.2011, 00:32
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Re: Feeling very far away from home.....

I'm sorry to hear about your grandma...it is especially hard to be away in situations like these, but also the more joyful ones too, like a new family member on the way.

I'm not sure if others have felt this way or not, but I found I seemed to go through a bit of a honeymoon period when I arrived. First 6 months were amazing, interesting, intriguing, and then it became a bit harder. I'm still in the midst of that, but I think and hope there is some balance to be found. I think this process may be normal, but I would be curious to hear about other's experiences.

Anyhow, just wanted you to know that you are not alone, even though it feels like it sometimes.
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Old 28.11.2011, 00:39
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Re: Feeling very far away from home.....

I get that every so often. Have been away from the fam for 10 years now (with regular visits). gonna move to the USA this summer with literally NOONE we know.... .

Scary but on the other hand---->New life again , fresh slate, noone knows you etc etc. besides with plane travel we are never far away again. within 2 days at the max you can be wherever you need to be in the world.

Get skype or some video chat, it has helped me many times since it is still different to see and speak to someone.

Have a beer, go to bed and start a new happy day tomorrow!!!


And to be completely honest....Switzerland is the only place that has ever done that to me......
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Old 28.11.2011, 00:41
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Re: Feeling very far away from home.....

I'm sorry to hear about your grandma. It sounds like an extremely difficult situation.

I too moved here in June. Things were great and I was meeting people left and right. I didn't have much of any homesickness, but suddenly in late October I seemed to spiral into a nasty funk. I was confused at first. I mean, I was doing great, and then I just wasn't. I thought it was due to a two-week trip back home, but weeks after I'd been back I just seemed to linger in the funk.

Things are finally starting to look up again, but I just wanted you to take some comfort in knowing that you're not alone in feeling the way you do.
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Old 28.11.2011, 02:18
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Re: Feeling very far away from home.....

One thing it might help to be aware of - we are going into winter which can be months mainly under the Nebelmeer (fog sea). Years ago, when I realized that I could get into the sunshine just by going a little above it and what a difference that made - ok, for working folks that's not possible every day - but the knowledge that I could made a huge difference.

Also we're going into the holiday season, for us ex-statesiders, knowing we missed the very best holiday (no presents, no guilt) thanksgiving, is a bit difficult - now comes Christmas, another family holiday and, altho I have my husband's family here, whom I adore, I sure miss my own.

So just enjoy a sort of hibernation life for now, warmth, books, friends, TV, whatever, and next spring - everything blooms and blossoms and the days get longer and more joyful.
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Old 28.11.2011, 10:20
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Re: Feeling very far away from home.....

Sad to read what you are going through.
I don’t have any advice, as each case is obviously different. In the end you’ll see which forces are stronger: the ones pulling you back or the ones keeping you here. You’ve managed to build “a great life here”: that’s an accomplishment worth cherishing.
I have a strong conviction though that a year somewhere is the minimum time to be able take stock and be able to assess things with a clear head.
I hope things work out for you and I have a feeling they will.
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Old 28.11.2011, 11:04
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Re: Feeling very far away from home.....

You are not alone.

My nan passed away earlier this year and my mum told me not to come home for the funeral. My mum then went on to have a knee surgery and she is a heart patient. She again said not to come home. She convinced me that she had the full support of the whole family for her recovery and there really isnt a need for me to pay 1200CHF for a 13 hours flight back just to sit by her.

But I think she missed the point on both occasions. I still felt helpless and so removed. Angry even now that I think back about it for listening to her.

If there is anything I've learnt: if it makes you feel better to book a flight home, DO IT. Dont let anyone convince you otherwise. Stuff here can be re-arranged. Money spent on flights can be saved up again. Most importantly, dont kick yourself over the "what-ifs" and the "I wish I did that..." in time to come.

Sending positive thoughts for your grandmother...
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Old 28.11.2011, 11:14
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Re: Feeling very far away from home.....

I hear you. I only see my mom every 3 years or so (she's in the US). With a family here we alternate between 2 sets of grandparents at xmas, and then spend one here...before you know it 3 years have passed. Now she's in her 80's, falling a lot, can barely drive, is having problems with her eyesight, memory, etc. all the problems of getting old. And she lives alone (Dad died 15 years ago). I call her weekly, but that's all I can do. Feel lucky you can hop on a cheap Easyjet flight and see your family within a few hours.
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Old 28.11.2011, 11:16
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Re: Feeling very far away from home.....

I agree with summerrain, if you ever feel like going home even if for a weekend then do it. I've only been here 3 months but have made sure that I have enough spare cash for a last minute trip home. I also worry for my Grandmother and the rest of my family, but unfortuantely that is one of the sacrifices we have to make for our lives here.

Having a Swiss partner (or someone from any country other than your own) is always going to mean that one of you must be away from home at any given time. My mother is just glad that I didn't choose an Aussie like my sister did (I'm from UK)!
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Old 28.11.2011, 11:23
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Re: Feeling very far away from home.....

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I get that every so often. Have been away from the fam for 10 years now (with regular visits). gonna move to the USA this summer with literally NOONE we know.... .

Scary but on the other hand---->New life again , fresh slate, noone knows you etc etc. besides with plane travel we are never far away again. within 2 days at the max you can be wherever you need to be in the world.

Get skype or some video chat, it has helped me many times since it is still different to see and speak to someone.

Have a beer, go to bed and start a new happy day tomorrow!!!


And to be completely honest....Switzerland is the only place that has ever done that to me......
Thank you. Took your advice had a large glass of wine and went to bed. Woke up late this morning and went for a long walk in the sun with my dog. Just going to focus today on other things today.

Thank you everyone for your comments. Although I don't personally know you all I do apppreciate your responses. I often find it strange how comforting virtual friends can be.
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Old 28.11.2011, 11:26
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Re: Feeling very far away from home.....

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I agree with summerrain, if you ever feel like going home even if for a weekend then do it. I've only been here 3 months but have made sure that I have enough spare cash for a last minute trip home. I also worry for my Grandmother and the rest of my family, but unfortuantely that is one of the sacrifices we have to make for our lives here.

Having a Swiss partner (or someone from any country other than your own) is always going to mean that one of you must be away from home at any given time. My mother is just glad that I didn't choose an Aussie like my sister did (I'm from UK)!
So true! My OH originally lived n Perth, WA before travelling which is how we met in the UK. Thankfully he wanted to come to Switzerland where his family are from and where he was born. It's really not far to get back to London.
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Old 28.11.2011, 13:18
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Re: Feeling very far away from home.....

Feeling the same way been here since october last year, seem to be having more arguments with my other half lately he, s from the uk but lived here 30 years and refusing to move back there not sure what to do. Do I go back on my own and lose my husband or stay here and be miserable
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Old 28.11.2011, 13:27
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Re: Feeling very far away from home.....

Thinking of you - been there, done that - only the other way round (I am Swiss but spent my life in the UK) - in the days before the Internet, Skype, cheap phone calls and flights- and with a long and difficult train journey for each visit. Hope you feel better soon - and can remain positive. I really feel for those who have their loved ones in NZ for instance, where visiting can cost 10000s during school holidays and older parents just cannot visit you anymore due to distance. Europe is so small now - and your family just a hop away. And yet, I know this is not how it feels- and remember it so well.
We finally decided to return here on retirement as my parents were very frail and in great need of support - but we came back too late for them in the end.

My grand-children are in the UK- and I so wish I was closer to help my daughter and sil. But they know I can jump on the next TGV/Eurostar or plane and be there in a few hours in an emergency. We went to look after them for a long week-end recently, so that parents could go away for a well-deserved first ever week-end on their own since they've had the kids, and they will be here for Christmas. So it really is NOT far.
Another daughter in Tenerife, and with EasyJet flights from Basel/Mulhouse- again just a hop away.
Hugs xxx Odile

Last edited by Odile; 28.11.2011 at 13:44.
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Old 28.11.2011, 13:34
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Re: Feeling very far away from home.....

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Home for me is the UK so in travel time not very far away but today it is feeling very very far away.

I guess I am starting to feel the downers or blues from living here and away from my family, friends and familiarity. Been here since June so I guess I'm going through the motions.

Found out today my Nan has been admitted to hospital, she has dementia, and her brain has stopped functioning her movement including swallowing. She needs to be rehydrated with a drip as she hasn't been eating or drinking and the care home have battled with her on this. The hospital said there is nothing they can do and will eventually send her back to the care home where inevitable she will die.

Despite speaking with family on the phone tonight I am feeling pretty down, hopeless and so far away from everyone I care for. I guess back in the UK I took for granted that friends are around me and my family are easy to visit if I needed too. I also feel so removed from everything and everyone now.

My sister is also expecting her first child and I wish in a way I was there to be with her.

Although I have a great life here and don't regret moving here but I do feel like I am alone right now with no one turn to. I guess that's why I am posting tonight if not just for a verbal release.
book easyjet flight home, alot of people only stay the week here and have the weekends back home, if you block book in advance it is so cheep you can decide to stay or go on the fly.
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