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  #21  
Old 01.02.2012, 12:10
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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Wow actually three years and three Girlfriends.. this one moved in.. time for her to move out the fourth year is coming up.. right?
That's what I thought. He's getting restless and doesn't know how to tell her. Obviously, the truth doesn't seem an option.
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  #22  
Old 01.02.2012, 12:12
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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hot in bed ☆☆☆☆☆
hot in looks ☆☆☆☆
As much as it's important to find your partner sexually and physically appealing, if you're truly serious about this woman, you need to think about how 'hot' her personality is too.

Is she dynamic? Is she fun? Is she independent? Does she make you think, "My god what an amazing woman, I love spending time with her"?

It all comes down to what stage in life you're at. Your age and previous experience have an impact on what type of relationship you're capable of.

I agree with the others who say, "Be honest" - first and foremost be honest with yourself, as you can be honest with her until you know what YOU want.

It sounds like she's a really wonderful person and she's interested in taking it further with you. I wish you and her courage and strength to do what's best for you both.

Take care

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  #23  
Old 01.02.2012, 12:16
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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......

Last week she have asked me about her future with me that i don't know, I have to confess that i am being mean and not telling her about my feelings clearly, i am scared of letting her go.

Some kind advices may help a lot

thanks
I think that this part of your first post is interesting. If you feel that you are being "mean" by not being totally honest with your girlfriend about your feelings, the true feelings you have must not be directed toward a long-term relationship, since you said that that is what she truly wants.

You can either man-up and tell her in order that you both can move on, or you can choose to waffle about and justify it by telling yourself that you are scared to let her go, or you can't bear to hurt her, or her birthday is coming up and it wouldn't be right to break up with her then, or she's really hot and great in bed, or whatever.
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  #24  
Old 01.02.2012, 12:22
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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hot in bed ☆☆☆☆☆
hot in looks ☆☆☆☆
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  #25  
Old 01.02.2012, 12:22
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Re: Relationship dilemma

I would be mortified to find my boyfriend having such a thread on a public forum.
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  #26  
Old 01.02.2012, 12:26
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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I would be mortified to find my boyfriend having such a thread on a public forum.
You ought to change that profile pic, it distracts me every single time

On a serious note, most people never follow relationship advice off the internet, they'd still do what they want to...in OPs case it seems to be stall till you hit the wall!
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  #27  
Old 01.02.2012, 12:28
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Re: Relationship dilemma

Based purely on what you write, since I don't know you, I imagine two alternative scenarios:

A) you are truly scared because the moving-in together and everything happened really quickly, and you're getting adjusted to this new situation, and so is she. So there is a lot of tension, but still, deep down in your heart, you know that she is the one (not just because she is hot in looks and hot in bed, although that helps)

B) deep down in your heart, you know that she is not "long term", however, like many of us, you sort of go with the flow because, let's be honest, you might think it's easier, more comfortable, to be in a relationship with someone you like rather than alone. I read into your posts that you seem to attribute your being comfortable here exclusively to the fact that she, being Swiss, helped you through, and perhaps you are afraid of feeling "lost" on your own. Also, you said she had to fight with her family, etc., so perhaps you might also feel a bit "guilty" to throw it all up in the air after all this.

These are just speculations, only you can know which scenario you are in. What I want to say though it's that, from (sadly) personal experience, you can find all kinds of excuses with yourself, but it doesn't change the fact that deep in your heart you KNOW if something is not right or if it's just a temporary hard time. From there to being honest with yourself is a long road, but necessary. And then, once you have finally told yourself the truth, you need to be honest with her and bear the consequences, good or bad as they may be.

Good luck!

P.S. The other way around, e.g. fumbling your way through and going with the flow, doesn't work.
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  #28  
Old 01.02.2012, 12:30
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Re: Relationship dilemma

Hmm. I have been reading this thread and I am amazed by some of the responses.

To the OP:
Why don't you grow up, start making decisions, and communicate them honestly to the people around you. There is no substitute for the truth, and there is no substitute for communication.

My advice; decide to make this work, stop "keeping your options open", dedicate a part of your life to make it work with this girl. She seems worth it, although I am not sure you are. If you are not, you can change, and make it so. Only YOU know best. Note that this does not mean that you have to emphasize how you FEEL today. I don't really think that relations last because of how one FEELs today. I think relations last because we are willing to work on the relation - even if we do NOT feel like it today. That assumes, of course, that the "overall feeling" is positive towards the other partner. And this seems the case, because you specifically mention that "she is a big part of my life".

Communicate to whoever is appropriate that you have made a decision as a man and are ready to take upon any task that comes your way. You already made it into Switzerland, so you obviously have a "hands-on" mentality. Now do the same for your relationship. You will be the happier person for it, and at the same time you may make someone else happy. Not too shabby, huh?

Just my 0.02

Henk
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  #29  
Old 01.02.2012, 12:31
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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Break up with her and then give her my number for consolation and support.
You are a man!! All this while I thought you were a woman!

Just checked your pervious posts and realised that you are still a woman...but a pregnant woman. I have had girlfriends that had lesbian fantasies while pregnant....

Ok back to the original topic
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  #30  
Old 01.02.2012, 12:41
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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You are a man!! All this while I thought you were a woman!

Just checked your pervious posts and realised that you are still a woman...but a pregnant woman. I have had girlfriends that had lesbian fantasies while pregnant....

Ok back to the original topic
That is because you are a man that you took her consolation and support on a sexual level...
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  #31  
Old 01.02.2012, 12:44
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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That is because you are a man that you took her consolation and support on a sexual level...
Well to be fair...

*shifty eyes*
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  #32  
Old 01.02.2012, 12:45
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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As much as it's important to find your partner sexually and physically appealing, if you're truly serious about this woman, you need to think about how 'hot' her personality is too.
I was thinking the same.
Well said Paddy.
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  #33  
Old 01.02.2012, 12:53
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Re: Relationship dilemma

In the absence of information, people will start inventing information to fill the void. Best you take care of that before she convinces herself her interpretation is correct or she simply decides she's tired of waiting for you to figure out what to do (I've seen that happen to friends before and no amount of talking ever got the girl back). If you're scared and unsure because you're young and it's a big decision, she'd be much happier (unless she's immature and crazy) helping you figure that out instead of deciding you've found someone else.
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  #34  
Old 01.02.2012, 12:56
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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hot in bed ☆☆☆☆☆
hot in looks ☆☆☆☆

Don't be honest with her until you can be honest with yourself. Dont tell her something that you may later regret.
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  #35  
Old 01.02.2012, 13:02
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Re: Relationship dilemma

What exactly is the problem that you fear she might leave? Does she want a commitment from you and you are not ready to make it?
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  #36  
Old 01.02.2012, 13:11
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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I was thinking the same.
Well said Paddy.
Actually, I think you should look more into her character rather than her personality.
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  #37  
Old 01.02.2012, 13:17
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Re: Relationship dilemma

I can understand "Hot in bed" comment was too much information, but for me it is very important part in a relationship and to remind you all it is a anonymous forum.

now back to topic, I have some how built a relationship of trust with her family, her father really likes me and her sister visits us often with her BF and vice versa, i just don't want to jeopardize everything because i am not sure.

and yes i have not created this thread because i feel sad today.
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  #38  
Old 01.02.2012, 13:18
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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That is because you are a man that you took her consolation and support on a sexual level...
Actually, I am a woman but maybe I think like a man....
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  #39  
Old 01.02.2012, 13:19
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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Actually, I think you should look more into her character rather than her personality.
I am really impressed with her charachter, i can trust her with my whole heart without thinking twice.
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Old 01.02.2012, 13:21
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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I can understand "Hot in bed" comment was too much information, but for me it is very important part in a relationship and to remind you all it is a anonymous forum.

now back to topic, I have some how built a relationship of trust with her family, her father really likes me and her sister visits us often with her BF and vice versa, i just don't want to jeopardize everything because i am not sure.
Become a man or you'll be seen as a boy and people will begin to lose respect for you.
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