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  #81  
Old 02.02.2012, 17:20
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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I just don't want to regret any decision i make, I am just sure i can't let her go, i will miss her a lot, she is part of my life a big part i cannot live without.
if i were you, i wd have a clear plan for future with her. I wdnt expect that there is a guy who is 100pct perfact for me.
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  #82  
Old 02.02.2012, 17:56
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Re: Relationship dilemma

hey, i like yr attitude.

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Hmm. I have been reading this thread and I am amazed by some of the responses.

To the OP:
Why don't you grow up, start making decisions, and communicate them honestly to the people around you. There is no substitute for the truth, and there is no substitute for communication.

My advice; decide to make this work, stop "keeping your options open", dedicate a part of your life to make it work with this girl. She seems worth it, although I am not sure you are. If you are not, you can change, and make it so. Only YOU know best. Note that this does not mean that you have to emphasize how you FEEL today. I don't really think that relations last because of how one FEELs today. I think relations last because we are willing to work on the relation - even if we do NOT feel like it today. That assumes, of course, that the "overall feeling" is positive towards the other partner. And this seems the case, because you specifically mention that "she is a big part of my life".

Communicate to whoever is appropriate that you have made a decision as a man and are ready to take upon any task that comes your way. You already made it into Switzerland, so you obviously have a "hands-on" mentality. Now do the same for your relationship. You will be the happier person for it, and at the same time you may make someone else happy. Not too shabby, huh?

Just my 0.02

Henk
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  #83  
Old 02.02.2012, 18:18
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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hey, i like yr attitude.
Happy to read that. Maybe the OP appreciates it as well...
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  #84  
Old 02.02.2012, 18:27
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Re: Relationship dilemma

Sweet Jebus.

Just stay the course dude. Either she has her sh!t in one sock and will finally quit justifying to herself this relationship and leave of her own accord, or she's as clueless as you are a wet noodle of a man and you will have a long and unfulfilling relationship based on coasting along the easiest possible path at all times.

Both outcomes are perfect for you as there are no decisions to make.
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  #85  
Old 02.02.2012, 20:45
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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Tell her that. If you don't know what your future plans are, tell her that too. Just don't tell her that you told the whole bloomin' internet world she's hot in bed.
5/10 is just average
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  #86  
Old 02.02.2012, 20:50
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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Sweet Jebus.

Just stay the course dude. Either she has her sh!t in one sock and will finally quit justifying to herself this relationship and leave of her own accord, or she's as clueless as you are a wet noodle of a man and you will have a long and unfulfilling relationship based on coasting along the easiest possible path at all times.

Both outcomes are perfect for you as there are no decisions to make.

Do you think that creating false expectations and using someone's naivity/ lack of experience or simply good will in order to have your own (miserable) way is a sound advice?

As the OP lacks the courage to be himself and openly communicate, even though he is still confused, I am wondering if he is really aware how come he led her to believe there could be more to their relationship? Since she asked she obviously expects more and she might have taken the moving in together as a clear sign of his interest.
Saying this, it is my opinion they are both clueless. However, an exercise an honesty would't hurt. And next time they will know better..
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  #87  
Old 02.02.2012, 20:56
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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I have been in Switzerland since three years and already three relationships, my current GF is swiss and she is insanely in love with me, I have enjoyed my last year at most because of her and my german improved, costs reduced, bla bla.

She gives me all the attention i need and i don't have a feeling of being in a foreign country, i am the only foreigner in her big entire family and she had to fight with her mother to move in with me and since we moved in together things have been different, it was so nice before we moved in together.

Last week she have asked me about her future with me that i don't know, I have to confess that i am being mean and not telling her about my feelings clearly, i am scared of letting her go.

Some kind advices may help a lot

thanks
Sorry. You got lots of answers already but... I don't see a question here. In fact. I don't even see one word in here about how you feel. I honestly don't know if you even like her. I'd assume you do if you let her move in. So it seems fair she should ask about the future.

Don't waste her time or yours by being selfish if you've no intentions of asking her to marry you or at least to perpetually cohabitate. And if you're not ready to ask her to do that... then tell her. Like everyone else said. Be honest. If she walks away, then let her go. But let it be her choice.
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  #88  
Old 02.02.2012, 21:24
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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Do you think that creating false expectations and using someone's naivity/ lack of experience or simply good will in order to have your own (miserable) way is a sound advice?
I'm not suggesting that, but why not? In any relationship situation where the audience determines one actor to be deficient, the other is automatically elevated to Superior Human status. His chick may be dimmer than a 10 watt bulb, in which case getting stuck in a rut with someone who makes a dishrag look like a freakin Egyptian Pyramid of solidity isn't necessarily a bad thing.

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As the OP lacks the courage to be himself and openly communicate, even though he is still confused, I am wondering if he is really aware how come he led her to believe there could be more to their relationship? Since she asked she obviously expects more and she might have taken the moving in together as a clear sign of his interest.
Saying this, it is my opinion they are both clueless. However, an exercise an honesty would't hurt. And next time they will know better..
Let me get my cozy sweater and let's discuss this for a few hours.

That was a joke (just in case, you know).

This thread could drag out over dozens of pages and the OP wouldn't be any closer to a resolution. He's wishy washy 'cause he's eating cake everyday and can't be honest with himself about his own intent. Sorry, that was too kind. He's purposely deluding himself to take advantage of a situation he doesn't have the huevos to deal with. So the situation will deal with him. Either, like I said, the tepid grey water of their 'love' will carry them through a mediocre life, or the chick is a super person, will wake up, see that she's with a nutria and spread her Eagle wings and seek out a mate that matches her glory- End of Story, or he'll grow some pubic hair- End of Story.

Nobody is going to suffer.
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  #89  
Old 02.02.2012, 21:59
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Re: Relationship dilemma

I think you should take it easy and try to not make any rush decisions... I mean, she just moved in, things change when you're living with someone, try to relax and take it as it comes, the world will not end tomorrow, so you don't reaaaaally need to live as if today was the last day of your life! With calm and time you'll find the right thing to do. Good luck!!
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  #90  
Old 02.02.2012, 22:07
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Re: Relationship dilemma

Ok, Mud, I see what you meant.

So annoying having to deal with people who don't know their mind or just having their cake while complicating others in the process. Spot them early, remain stress free..
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  #91  
Old 02.02.2012, 22:17
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Re: Relationship dilemma

Tell her the truth and let her move on.
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  #92  
Old 02.02.2012, 22:29
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Re: Relationship dilemma

It sounds like you dont want her, but dont want anybody else to have her....

I say this becuase you say, "she is a big part of my life", "I cant live without her"..... both these suggest that your relationship has become one of habit since moving in together, thus feeling different than when you were living apart.

You have to work out what you really want, not just from her, but your long term wants. If she doesnt fit in with that then, unfortunately, you will have to let her go. If she does fit in with your life plan then dont be a fool and commit to the relationship.

In either case, you must let her know what your feeling and more importantly why.If you have a solution to your concerns then talk about them. So many relationships break down because partners do not speak with each other and by the time they do its all over.

Good luck with sorting things out and I hope you can find a way through things.
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  #93  
Old 03.02.2012, 01:54
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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It sounds like you dont want her, but dont want anybody else to have her....
It does.......
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  #94  
Old 03.02.2012, 09:47
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Re: Relationship dilemma

Can we please also get your (self-perceived) hotness rating (in stars) before we continue?
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  #95  
Old 06.02.2012, 00:23
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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Can we please also get your (self-perceived) hotness rating (in stars) before we continue?


This is me. My selfrating is a hundred stars while jumping tha coach.....
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  #96  
Old 06.02.2012, 00:44
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Re: Relationship dilemma

Anybody else get the feeling that the OP isn't really looking at this thread anymore?
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Old 06.02.2012, 01:22
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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Handle it like a mature man or get out until you're ready to have a meaningful relationship that includes commitment.
and live without any youth?
not everything is commitment, responsibility, maturity.

FFS give this guy a break, he'll have plenty of "responsible" things to do later in life.
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  #98  
Old 06.02.2012, 03:29
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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and live without any youth?
not everything is commitment, responsibility, maturity.

FFS give this guy a break, he'll have plenty of "responsible" things to do later in life.
Youth excuses being dumb, not being an a55.
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Old 06.02.2012, 08:11
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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and live without any youth?
not everything is commitment, responsibility, maturity.

FFS give this guy a break, he'll have plenty of "responsible" things to do later in life.
Not to get all b*itchy female but a friend of mine was married to a man who couldn't figure his shizz out despite repeated assertions that she was "the one." Stupid her for staying, but she thought marriage serious business when for him it was just another few years to deflect responsibility. He's pushing 40 and he traded up for a 23 year old (who is astonishingly like she used to be before his years of crap dragged her down) now that he knows what he wants.

Anyway, my point is, unfortunately, not a lot of women besides Madonna can do the same. Horribly anti-feminist of me yes, but isn't the same for women when it comes to wasting time in relationships, especially if they want children.
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  #100  
Old 06.02.2012, 08:36
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Re: Relationship dilemma

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and live without any youth?
not everything is commitment, responsibility, maturity.

FFS give this guy a break, he'll have plenty of "responsible" things to do later in life.
That's fine, he can just do it with someone else and, if he's a man, he owes it to her to break it off now so she can move on, yes?
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