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  #121  
Old 21.06.2012, 14:57
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Re: Having it all or... ? Babies and career in CH, how?

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How did you manage with no child care and full time work? I can only imagine you were able to work from home? (which with two kids must have been very difficult to juggle......hats off to you Tom )
Well, in Ticino school hours are fixed, so no juggling. Also, I live 800m from work (I've almost always lived within walking, or at least bicycling, distance), and also go home over the lunch break (unless I decide to go for a motorcycle ride), so our schedules were pretty similar.

Now, the one (and sometimes two) week long business trips to Norway would have tested most people, but by the time the eldest was 13 they preferred to stay by themselves for such things. They learnt long ago how to cook from scratch, and to buy what they needed at the local Denner.

It's really a question of how YOU organize YOUR life, and NOT how everyone else organizes THEIRS!

Don't like the school hours, then move somewhere that has regular hours!

Don't like the commute to work, then move closer to work!

Your job doesn't give you enough flexibility, then find a new job!

Ultimately, it's up to YOU to make do with the various options available to you.

Tom
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  #122  
Old 21.06.2012, 15:33
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Re: Having it all or... ? Babies and career in CH, how?

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Funny, I didn't read that at all! She talked about these so called "Yummy Mummys" who want to marry rich husbands and put kids before careers. Frankly, I didn't realize this was such a statistically significant portion of society! Had I known it was that easy...
Well, the whole 'yummy mummy' label was misapplied I think as, unless it has changed a whole lot in the meaning it carries, there aren't a whole lot of Liz Hurley's running around with an entire staff before and after the birth of their children along with the personal trainer to get them back into the clothing they wore when they were teenagers. Also, these aren't the types who have kids for the sake of having kids, rather they're an accessory like a Hermes bag or shoes. (Also, the 'yummy' part does imply that only the gorgeous need apply which is why it's not so 'easy'...)

And, even if she was railing against gold diggers, what's to like from the perspective of women who worked hard to get an education, did well in a career, have kids and try daily to break the stereotype of being a lady who lunches? In a way, even though the gold-digging lifestyle is anathema to them
it is a threat to what we were all taught to believe was possible. It's also a bit inconceivable that someone would choose being property over making their own way in life. It's less a judgement and more a disbelief.

The movie "Brave" comes out tomorrow and I've already got tickets for my daughter and I to go see it and cheer for the girl who rejects all the old ways and fights for her own hand after being unenamored of her suitors. I'm just hoping she won't ask for archery lessons after the movie is over as that could get...complicated.
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  #123  
Old 21.06.2012, 15:48
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Re: Having it all or... ? Babies and career in CH, how?

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With your husband entitled to it and depending how high it is ----
Come again?

In case there was some confusion, I'm the one working and he'd (sahd) be the recipient of the life insurance if something happened to me. But it goes both ways of course and I agree women should be able to support themselves. Life insurance just gives some extra security.
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  #124  
Old 21.06.2012, 15:49
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Re: Having it all or... ? Babies and career in CH, how?

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Come again?
Just joking gal, just joking...
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  #125  
Old 21.06.2012, 16:28
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Re: Having it all or... ? Babies and career in CH, how?

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It's really a question of how YOU organize YOUR life, and NOT how everyone else organizes THEIRS!

Don't like the school hours, then move somewhere that has regular hours!

Don't like the commute to work, then move closer to work!

Your job doesn't give you enough flexibility, then find a new job!

Ultimately, it's up to YOU to make do with the various options available to you.

Tom
I totally agree but my situation is slightly different as my daughter isn't even Kindergarten age yet, let alone at school. My life is nicely organised but with the assistance of daycare as we simply couldn't afford to live off one salary yet and as my boyfriend is not her biological daddy, I think it's a bit unfair to expect him to go out earning all the money whilst I get to stay at home with my little girl.

I work 10 minutes from home and my job is also flexible so no problems there.

I didn't complain about any of these things
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  #126  
Old 21.06.2012, 16:42
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Re: Having it all or... ? Babies and career in CH, how?

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Just joking gal, just joking...
;p

Missed it entirely but that's more about me than you, I expect. Too hot today. I'll probably get it after a bowl of ice cream. =D
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  #127  
Old 21.06.2012, 17:09
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Re: Having it all or... ? Babies and career in CH, how?

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Well, in Ticino school hours are fixed, so no juggling. Also, I live 800m from work (I've almost always lived within walking, or at least bicycling, distance), and also go home over the lunch break (unless I decide to go for a motorcycle ride), so our schedules were pretty similar.

Now, the one (and sometimes two) week long business trips to Norway would have tested most people, but by the time the eldest was 13 they preferred to stay by themselves for such things. They learnt long ago how to cook from scratch, and to buy what they needed at the local Denner.

It's really a question of how YOU organize YOUR life, and NOT how everyone else organizes THEIRS!

Don't like the school hours, then move somewhere that has regular hours!

Don't like the commute to work, then move closer to work!

Your job doesn't give you enough flexibility, then find a new job!

Ultimately, it's up to YOU to make do with the various options available to you.

Tom
Tom, I am sure you did a great job! It's amazing how resourceful we humans can get when we are forced by life's turns.
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  #128  
Old 21.06.2012, 23:16
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Re: Having it all or... ? Babies and career in CH, how?

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I'm kind of with Cherie on this one. I was encouraged by my parents to chip away at my education and come out with something decent, get in with a good company, keep working and moving around until you get into a fulfilling role and create a comfortable life for yourself. It takes planning, determination, grit, a certain amount of luck and intelligence.

It seems that for some women, when children arrive all bets are off and whereas all their hard work and achievements were highly approved of, suddenly they are perceived as the devil woman who is selfishly pursuing a career at the expense of her child's development and well-being.

Funny how something can turn 180 degrees.

For me it would be a bloody waste if I gave up on everything I worked for. It helps to know that my son has been happy in daycare and now loves his school life. Perhaps if he'd been unhappy with the arrangements I would have had to make some adjustments but I think I chose the right path.

As an additional point, I don't know why dads can't be brought into the equation. If our son is sick or has an impromptu day off both my husband and I are equally responsible for sorting out coverage and often it's my husband who is the one having to take the day off because he's more set up for working at home than I am.
Yes, but I'd still like to see how you would cope if you had 3 children! Agreed, it can be doable with one child but things start getting more and more complicated the more children one has...
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  #129  
Old 22.06.2012, 08:13
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Re: Having it all or... ? Babies and career in CH, how?

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Yes, but I'd still like to see how you would cope if you had 3 children! Agreed, it can be doable with one child but things start getting more and more complicated the more children one has...
I have absolutely no idea but you can be sure that any solution found would be our own solution and one that suits us all equally as much as possible.
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  #130  
Old 22.06.2012, 10:10
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Re: Having it all or... ? Babies and career in CH, how?

My mother once said to me we are the 'have it all generation'.. to which I replied, in fact, we are the 'do it all generation', and there is no easy answer. I've found each solution is as unique as the family living it and I am super careful not to judge other's choices, just as I expect my choices to be respected.

My husband elected to take time out for a few years so I can pursue my career and its been a gift in terms of his time with our boys, but I can tell you, its equal parts rewarding and difficult for both of us. our marriiage went through a big readjustment and I'm glad for the depth we now have, but god I do miss my boys and him when I am travelling all the time!

Even though I work, I still read to my boys at bedtime but sometimes its on skype and it means I get up at 4am when I am in places like NZ to ensure I get my goodnights in round their bedtime.

The only thing I have found really unhelpful is being called a 'ravensmutter' by other local mums (to my face!!) even though the 'nest' I choose to put my boys in is that of my husband!!!
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  #131  
Old 24.06.2012, 16:04
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Re: Having it all or... ? Babies and career in CH, how?

Excellent article in The Atlantic this month about this very topic (only in the US...). Very, very interesting reading - http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/...ve-it-all/9020
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