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  #41  
Old 24.09.2012, 16:30
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

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I don't know where you got the idea that I don't speak french, I speek french at a good level and I have no problem in keeping a conversation in french, ...
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Here:
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My first language is not english nor french, however it's much easier for me to speake/write/joke/etc in english. At work I speak french, and only use english if I really need (I don't know the nam ein french or something similar).

During the time I've worked in international companies there was no problem, but now I work surrounded by french, swiss-french and swiss-germans... and It's a nightmare.
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Recently I heard some comments from my boss saying that after xx time with them my french isn't getting any better. In addition it starts to be clear the advantages&trust given to a french/swiss-french in detriment of the non-fluent-french-speakers.


It's the first time people react in a bad way and I feel the language barrier after 8 years in Switzerland. Is this normal? should I just pack my stuff and move again to an international company?
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If someone asked me for my parents' birthplace in the first place as a condition for friendship, I would frankly tell him to buzz off.

And if someone is unwilling or unable to follow a conversation in French after 8 years, I take it as a sign of a heavy lack in any interest of knowing other people and as a proof of zero interest in local culture, people and free-time activity, no offense. Always not having speech impediment, dyslexic syndroms or other problems there as a cause of a given "exclusion".

this was supose to be a joke.
At least in GE this is a normal joke, there are no "real" swiss around .
no one is asking for family backgrounds, even between swiss this is a normal joke and a normal convervsation topic "there are no real swiss people in GE".
...
... only 3-4 where "real" swiss, everyone else is italian-swiss, french-swiss,german-swiss,spanish-swiss,....
So what are you complaining about?
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  #42  
Old 24.09.2012, 17:04
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

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Yes, tell locals that, and also how cool is Budapest with all your friends.

Will make a Swiss or Swiss resident really feel precious and not like a spare tyre at all.

Cheers.

You seem to have a problem if someone expresses feelings. Do I have to say I am sorry I did that on an English forum in the right topic?
Yes, I feel this, so what? Obviously I do not speak about it with swiss people, it does not make sense. And what happens if it turns out that they are just not the warmest people on earth? Is this a religious taboo?

I worked in the USA, London, Poland, Amsterdam. Long term, short term, all the same. After a couple of weeks I had people around me. Probably not the closest friends, but we had parties, we went out, we did sport together, I still keep contact with many of them.
They had a great sense of humour, we could even discuss personal things.



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Just a curiosity:

That persons without friends (actually I didn't really get if they have no friends at all or if they just complain about not having "true Swiss" friends, in case they got appetite for something "new") how do they survive in Switzerland? Being on the phone "home" 10 h a day or how does it work?

What are they doing in Switzerland and why are they here? Just for the money? I really would feel such a ***. Would be a shame.
You are right, you do not really get!
People have friends, most of us work here or is a trailing spouse. Or someone's child.
Are you here only because of the great welcoming swiss people?
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  #43  
Old 24.09.2012, 17:17
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

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Are you here only because of the great welcoming swiss people?
Why would anybody welcome you if all what you keep in mind is how beautiful your Budapest (or Amsterdam, London and who cares what else) is, i.e. how horrible the place and the folks are where you actually live obviously just because you or your family can make an easy dough, not thinking for a second what you could bring to the place and to the people.
So if you show some interest towards someone from the place it would be only to fill the void, and that person would be considered a twit anyway as in your mind elsewhere people are much cooler.

So one must really be stupid to accept your "friendship".


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People have friends, most of us work here or is a trailing spouse. Or someone's child.
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You mean that your partner, your parents or your kids are your friends?
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  #44  
Old 24.09.2012, 17:27
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

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Why would anybody welcome you if all what you keep in mind is how beautiful your Budapest (or Amsterdam, London and who cares what else) is, i.e. how horrible the place and the folks are where you actually live obviously just because you or your family can make an easy dough, not thinking for a second what you could bring to the place and to the people.
So if you show some interest towards someone from the place it would be only to fill the void, and that person would be considered a twit anyway as in your mind elsewhere people are much cooler.

So one must really be stupid to accept your "friendship".

erm...who said that? she just said "from lively budapest".
we had millions of threads and it is difficult to find wiss friends. just a new example: for the denner compitition i made a video. i did this with somebody i have never met in person before. he is swiss, his family roots are asian though. i knew him over a facebook group and asked him if he likes the plot, idea. etc. and as i have seen his video skills, if he wants to join in. he did, wow! i was amazed!

allright...we shot the vid, edited it, spent some days together and it was all easy. last week i met him at my local butcher. i cant express how stiff it was! how friggin´awkward! he shouted hello at me, swiss high 5...and then didnt knew what to say! it was that he said "hello" just not to point out that if he didnt and i had noticed that, it was obvious that he gives not a penny! and thats fair! he should do so! instead i stopped by... and i asked him about his holidays... man! why did i bother and not just headed my way? waste of time! hello& good bye ftw.

Last edited by flow23; 24.09.2012 at 18:17.
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  #45  
Old 24.09.2012, 17:49
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

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erm...who said that? she just said "from lively budapest".
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Exactly. Which is exclusive i.e. she wrote it as her actual living place obviously is not. As she said actually, all CH is not.


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... we had millions of threads and it is difficult to find Swiss friends.
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But it's because your are quite newbies to the place, and of course who got used to places like Berlin, Budapest, London or NY has to change his strategy if one day (but rarely by chance) he finds himself at Payerne, Morges, Giubiasco or Cham. And neither are Basel and Zurich real metropole cities in comparison to the beforementioned. But because of their size, not because Swiss people would be strange.


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... just a new example: for the denner compitition i made video. i did this with somebody i have never met in person before. he is swiss, is family roots are asian though. i knew him over a facebook group and asked him if he likes the plot, idea. etc. and as i have seen his video skills, if wants to join in. he did, wow! i was amazed!

allright...we shot the vid, edited it, spent some days together and it was all easy. last week i met him at my local butcher. i cant express how stiff it was! how friggin´awkward! he shouted hello at me, swiss high 5...and then didnt knew what to say! it was that he said "hello" just not to point out that if he didnt and i had noticed that, it was obvious that he gives not a penny! and thats fair! he should do so! instead i stopped by... and i asked him about his holidays... man! why did i bother and not just headed my way? waste of time! hello& good bye ftw.
Hab' nich gerallt, was Du sagen willst.


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  #46  
Old 24.09.2012, 18:07
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

If it helps, I'm Swiss, born here, brought up here, parents, grand parents etc. born and brought up here. I always thought it was because of me that I never had many "friends", as in people I would actually refer to as "Fründ / Fründin" instead of "Kolleg / Kollegin". Then I moved to Scotland and within 1 year I had at least 3 people that I think of as actual friends. Been back in good old CH for 9 months, still miss my Scottish friends more than any-thing, and the only new "Kollegin" I have that in time might become a "Fründin" is a German expat.
I guess what I am saying is, it's not necessarily the language-barrier, or what you do or don't do, it's just how many Swiss are.
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  #47  
Old 24.09.2012, 18:10
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

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Why would anybody welcome you if all what you keep in mind is how beautiful your Budapest (or Amsterdam, London and who cares what else) is, i.e. how horrible the place and the folks are where you actually live obviously just because you or your family can make an easy dough, not thinking for a second what you could bring to the place and to the people.
So if you show some interest towards someone from the place it would be only to fill the void, and that person would be considered a twit anyway as in your mind elsewhere people are much cooler.

So one must really be stupid to accept your "friendship".
being proud of where you come from, or thinking fondly of where you have been, doesn't prohibit you from also being proud of where you live currently, or of thinking fondly of it. no need to be so defensive.
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  #48  
Old 24.09.2012, 18:12
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Just a curiosity:

That persons without friends (actually I didn't really get if they have no friends at all or if they just complain about not having "true Swiss" friends, in case they got appetite for something "new") how do they survive in Switzerland? Being on the phone "home" 10 h a day or how does it work?

What are they doing in Switzerland and why are they here? Just for the money? I really would feel such a ***. Would be a shame.
Can't speak for others, but I have no friends and spend my time at home alone counting all the money I've earned...
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  #49  
Old 24.09.2012, 18:27
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

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Exactly. Which is exclusive i.e. she wrote it as her actual living place obviously is not. As she said actually, all CH is not.




you are quite newbies to the place




Hab' nich gerallt, was Du sagen willst.

i live here since 6 years... noob?

ok, ganz einfach: über ne facebook gruppe hab ich n typen kennen gelernt, der ist cutter für videos. macht freshe sachen, ok? für ne aktion "denner" habe ich ihn gefragt: ich hab ne idee und n plot und cast, hast du lust zu drehen, mit zu schneiden, bei dem video mitzumachen? er: yo. er ist schweizer, viell 30 lenze alt. also fast gleiches alterslevel, gleiche interessen. der shoot war nett, alles tutti bene. wir haben zusammen in seiner wohnung geschnitten, alles ok. also es war entspannt und lustig, fast schon kumpelhaft. ok? kannste folgen?

jetzt also, ein paar wochen nach dem shoot, treffe ich ihn beim fleischer. nicht direkt treffen, er hat mich gesehen und konnte sich nicht verpissen, also hat er gegrüsst. ich hab ihn gegrüsst, und hielt kurz an aufn schnack. ich hab über facebook gesehen, dass er in italien war, kitesurfen. hab ihn alles aus der nase ziehen müssen (wie angereist, wo war er genau, wie wars wetter...also pillepalle smalltalk) und ich merkte, dass ihm das gespräch unangenehm war, er gar nicht mit mir reden wollte. war steif, zugeknöpft, guckte andauernd umher und alles... verstehste?

ich hab kein gespräch gesucht, ein hallo und tschüss wäre vollauf ok gewesen von meiner seite aus... und wenn er gar nicht gegrüsst hätte: fein. hätte mich null gejuckt! mich juckt am ende nur, dass ich zeit und aufmerksamkeit verschwendet habe an so eine..weiss nicht... für mich unehrliche person. und dergleichen kann ich noch endlos auflisten. deshalb: schweizer kann, muss aber nicht sein.
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Old 24.09.2012, 18:52
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Why don't you just speak to him and ask him why he acted that way? Most of the time you don't have the full picture...
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Old 24.09.2012, 19:12
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

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Good swiss friends are hard to find, but dont worry... once you find one, he or she will invite you out for a beer at least once a year.... probably.
Mmmm I have lots of Swiss friends German friends English friends etc and our calendar is 90% full for the weekends.
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Old 24.09.2012, 19:16
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

3 years here, and also no Swiss friends. I guess they're just brought up with a different mentality and personality that isn't too accepting to those who are not to their norm standards.
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  #53  
Old 24.09.2012, 19:29
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

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i live here since 6 years... noob?

ok, ganz einfach: über ne facebook gruppe hab ich n typen kennen gelernt, der ist cutter für videos. macht freshe sachen, ok? für ne aktion "denner" habe ich ihn gefragt: ich hab ne idee und n plot und cast, hast du lust zu drehen, mit zu schneiden, bei dem video mitzumachen? er: yo. er ist schweizer, viell 30 lenze alt. also fast gleiches alterslevel, gleiche interessen. der shoot war nett, alles tutti bene. wir haben zusammen in seiner wohnung geschnitten, alles ok. also es war entspannt und lustig, fast schon kumpelhaft. ok? kannste folgen?
...
... verstehste?
...
I did understand the words, what I didn't get is why you've said that and what's the message behind (the guy being of asian origin? A Swiss acting like a jackass? No wine, women & song in CH?).


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I always thought it was because of me that I never had many "friends", as in people I would actually refer to as "Fründ / Fründin" instead of "Kolleg / Kollegin". Then I moved to Scotland and within 1 year I had at least 3 people that I think of as actual friends. Been back in good old CH for 9 months, still miss my Scottish friends more than any-thing, and the only new "Kollegin" I have that in time might become a "Fründin" is a German expat.
...
What made you come back? Switzerland is no prison, afaik.


OK, true that I'm not living in the Northern part of CH, however I have always had friends from the German and the French part of CH, too. Seems often here that we are talking different countries, however.

And OK apart maybe from the Americans whom one can recognize from miles away (but in Ticino if not from Montagnola maybe neither them) one cannot even see if a person is Swiss, Italian, German, Spanish or everything of that. How can you say "That sinner over there who did this and that to myself is surely Swiss, and that's why he is a uncommunicative twit.". Imho very odd as an attitude. And not productive at all.

Last edited by Bucentaure; 24.09.2012 at 19:41.
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Old 24.09.2012, 19:35
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

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i live here since 6 years... noob?

ok, ganz einfach: über ne facebook gruppe hab ich n typen kennen gelernt, der ist cutter für videos. macht freshe sachen, ok? für ne aktion "denner" habe ich ihn gefragt: ich hab ne idee und n plot und cast, hast du lust zu drehen, mit zu schneiden, bei dem video mitzumachen? er: yo. er ist schweizer, viell 30 lenze alt. also fast gleiches alterslevel, gleiche interessen. der shoot war nett, alles tutti bene. wir haben zusammen in seiner wohnung geschnitten, alles ok. also es war entspannt und lustig, fast schon kumpelhaft. ok? kannste folgen?

jetzt also, ein paar wochen nach dem shoot, treffe ich ihn beim fleischer. nicht direkt treffen, er hat mich gesehen und konnte sich nicht verpissen, also hat er gegrüsst. ich hab ihn gegrüsst, und hielt kurz an aufn schnack. ich hab über facebook gesehen, dass er in italien war, kitesurfen. hab ihn alles aus der nase ziehen müssen (wie angereist, wo war er genau, wie wars wetter...also pillepalle smalltalk) und ich merkte, dass ihm das gespräch unangenehm war, er gar nicht mit mir reden wollte. war steif, zugeknöpft, guckte andauernd umher und alles... verstehste?

ich hab kein gespräch gesucht, ein hallo und tschüss wäre vollauf ok gewesen von meiner seite aus... und wenn er gar nicht gegrüsst hätte: fein. hätte mich null gejuckt! mich juckt am ende nur, dass ich zeit und aufmerksamkeit verschwendet habe an so eine..weiss nicht... für mich unehrliche person. und dergleichen kann ich noch endlos auflisten. deshalb: schweizer kann, muss aber nicht sein.
That's great that you can write German, and all, but please don't do it here -- this is called the English Forum for a reason.
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  #55  
Old 24.09.2012, 19:39
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

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That's great that you can write German, and all, but please don't do it here -- this is called the English Forum for a reason.
My fault, as Flow thought I wouldn't get what he has posted before in English. The other post in German was just its translation, and he only wanted to do me a favour.
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Old 24.09.2012, 19:47
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

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Does anyone know where and how to find more than '0' people in Switzerland who are willing to easily make friends?
seriously, please chill.

a) 6 months is not a long time. It takes people that long to find and settle into an apartment, figure out the trains and trams, work out how to get their groceries and laundry done...

b) You're in a foreign country. It's called foreign because it's different from back home, wherever back home is. They speak foreign languages. I'm assuming you're not fluent in French??

c) It's not that different from a lot of other places, including - in all likelihood, wherever you come from. People in their 30s and 40s, especially the ones who have grown up locally, have full lives - including friends, neighbors, colleagues and classmates they have known for ever; not to mention kids or extended families (and their friends/neighbors/classmates) Unless you are super scintillating or followed by papparazzi or throw outrageous parties, why exactly would locals fall over themselves to friend you?

d) some 20% of the CH population are expats. they are in the same boat, and probably just as pissed off at not making friends with the locals. join hands with them!

e) you're probably going to be here for a few years. why waste all that time and effort into making locals friends when the expats are so much easier to mix with? and while we're on that subject, why would a Swissie want to spend time getting to know someone who will probably be off to somewhere else before it's time to invite them home for a drink??
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Old 24.09.2012, 21:18
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I did understand the words, what I didn't get is why you've said that and what's the message behind (the guy being of asian origin? A Swiss acting like a jackass? No wine, women & song in CH?).
well i have written plenty about me, that i had 2 swiss GFs, met so many different swiss on different occasions, locations, situations or what have you. i can say based on my massively own experience that making swiss friends is difficult. my one swiss Gf had the same trouble as this on poster above said about his scottish and swiss experience.

what i wanted to say i said in other threads that i dont get (in comparison with my past live, places, people) why it is even hard though i meet people my age, with same interests as me that there is no common ground to meet on?! so this guy is intrested in advertising, music, graphic design, art ... thousands of things we have in common and the days we did the project was fun. but after that we had no contact (yes, did nothing about it) and now we meet coincindentially and it felt like he meets somebody he feels absolutely horrible to be around this person. that leads to the thought: what have i done wrong? and as i can say (again explained in many other threads) that there is nothing... that i dont care at all anymore. skipped, next! but when i came here it bothered me the same way it does like the op! but 6 month is really nothing...
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Old 24.09.2012, 22:26
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

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Does anyone know where and how to find more than '0' people in Switzerland who are willing to easily make friends?
I regret to tall you that "easily make friends" and Switzerland is an oxymoron. But you might go to a Pub NOT dominated by Americans or Brits but rather by Swiss and people from the Mediterranean. Or depending on your personal interests you may join a club/associatiion (Verein) and then you will be with the party
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Old 24.09.2012, 22:29
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

Don't worry about their nationality, just get out and make some friends among your neighbours, expats, etc. Wherever you're based there's probably an English speaking group who meets on a regular basis near you. They have all kinds of events going on throughout the year.

Come to Morges on the 6th October to see the British Classic Cars along the lakeside and call in at Grumpygrapefruit's British Cheese stand. There's bound to be some expats gathered there when they're not looking at the cars. Make yourself known and see where it leads.
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Old 24.09.2012, 22:32
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Re: 6 months... still no Swiss friends.

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do you go out ? do you participate to local life ? do you speak french ?
Sure, to speak the local language is important, even with people with a good command of English or Italian. The OP apparently is from Eritrea and so possibly has a decent command of Italian. And this means that the OP also can join any Italian or Ticinese association in Switzerland
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