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Old 30.09.2012, 02:30
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First Party experience in CH

Hi All,

I just came back from a a party and Im feeling down.

I was the only " black" woman there. The rest were Latin women, Europeans etc and I felt quite lonely. Every woman there were approached by men to engage in conversation and I was left standing alone. Obviously, I engaged in small talk with people around me but I couldn't help feeling "rejected". Nobody took a real interest in me. So instead of trying to force a conversation from people, I just left. Back home, whenever i would go out, I would always be approached by a guy and flirt alot.

Its such a different experience to be in the minority...

Anyway, Just wanted to get this off my chest so that I can feel better about myself.
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Old 30.09.2012, 02:53
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Re: First Party experience in CH

[Anyway, Just wanted to get this off my chest so that I can feel better about myself.[/QUOTE]
Don't feel bad about yourself. They were probably just too in awe of you to be able to make party small talk.
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Old 30.09.2012, 03:41
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Re: First Party experience in CH

In Bern i do not know but in Zurich or Lausanne you will not feel that. There is people from everywhere.

Just need to find the right places.
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Old 30.09.2012, 10:49
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Re: First Party experience in CH

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Hi All,

I just came back from a a party and Im feeling down.

I was the only " black" woman there. The rest were Latin women, Europeans etc and I felt quite lonely. Every woman there were approached by men to engage in conversation and I was left standing alone. Obviously, I engaged in small talk with people around me but I couldn't help feeling "rejected". Nobody took a real interest in me. So instead of trying to force a conversation from people, I just left. Back home, whenever i would go out, I would always be approached by a guy and flirt alot.

Its such a different experience to be in the minority...

Anyway, Just wanted to get this off my chest so that I can feel better about myself.
I do not say that it is not possible that your "experience" HAD to do with racism, but in view of the Latin Americans you mention I have my doubts. So that the question is about your approach.
A) "Small Talk" ? People often like to talk about something real for a short while
AND
B) "change of topic" ? Can you deal with a sudden change of topic by the others or do you get fixed on a topic of before ?
C) do you have the patience to stand beside some folks and listen what they talk about and then at a good time give a contribution ?
C-2) Do they know that you understand and speak German ? And how about your Bärn-Tüütsch ?
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Old 30.09.2012, 11:25
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Re: First Party experience in CH

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Old 30.09.2012, 15:46
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Re: First Party experience in CH

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Its such a different experience to be in the minority...
Do you really think it is because you are "in the minority" and "the only black woman"? To me, this shows that you are making too much of a thing about your appearance and you consider your fellow party-goers to be shallow. Perhaps you subconsciously conveyed this somehow to them and they kept their distance? Your post describes other foreigners there but they seemed to engage in the party.

Switzerland is nothing if not diverse in its population. It has one of the highest % of foreigners in Europe so I think they might just be used to occasionally seeing people of a different skin tone to their own and probably not even noticing it.

Looking at it the other way around, these people obviously cared enough to invite you to their party and because you didn't find them paying you enough attention you left. There are always two ways of looking at any situation.
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Old 30.09.2012, 16:18
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Re: First Party experience in CH

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Back home, whenever i would go out, I would always be approached by a guy and flirt alot.

Its such a different experience to be in the minority...
(
Hm, I wouldn't let one experience get you down. I think simply waiting to be approached, no matter your race, is something that can have a varied outcome in different parts of the world (or even different cities!).

Also, to be honest, it may have nothing at all to do with your race, but with the general feeling of the party-goers that night. Perhaps there weren't any single men that night, or the ones who were single preferred redheads. And people simply had other interests that night. Who knows? Either way, it's just one party, so please don't feel sad about it.

I'm a black woman as well, by the well, however it doesn't give my response any more merit than others.

Last edited by Kyrakat; 30.09.2012 at 16:20. Reason: fixed typo
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Old 30.09.2012, 16:34
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Re: First Party experience in CH

Thank you for all your responses.

After thinking about it, I think it was perhaps more of a language barrier??My German is still pretty bad. What I found was that many men were soooo attracted to the Spanish speaking women. But perhaps I also gave off that vibe of " Im not comfortable" here.

I dont really drink and dont smoke. I was offered red wine but it was so strong and I told the guy next to me its too strong for me to drink. Could that have been interpreted am me rejecting their wine?In some cultures, its frowned about to reject what you are offered.

I guess it was more of a case of me reading too much into it.
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Old 30.09.2012, 16:37
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Re: First Party experience in CH

Ive noticed that whenever I tell people im from South Africa, i get the big " OH"...haha....but on the up side, i get compliments about my English and accent!!!I was told I sound British but with a softer tone.
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Old 30.09.2012, 16:53
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Re: First Party experience in CH

I think coming into the situation with the idea your color is different will only hold you back. You are different and that should be unique. When I go to Swiss parties, I'm the only American in the room, 9 times out of 9 times out of 10, you don't see me getting down about it.

I'm being sarcastic of course, well not entirely, but don't think that because those girls were different then you, that there is less interest. If you are here any amount of time you will find a lot of inter racial couples and more often girls of darker skin, then latin women(though, full discloser, I think latin women are wonderful, ie all women are wonderful).

It's not South Africa, and you are different, but that's all part of coming to somewhere else. It's a new experience. I am sure you are genuinely flirt-worthy.
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Old 30.09.2012, 16:54
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Re: First Party experience in CH

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Ive noticed that whenever I tell people im from South Africa, i get the big " OH"...haha....but on the up side, i get compliments about my English and accent!!!I was told I sound British but with a softer tone.
I wouldn't take called being British with a softer tone a compliment, personally, but I also know that aluminum isn't pronounced "Al-U-min-eum" either.
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Old 30.09.2012, 16:57
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Re: First Party experience in CH

When I woke up this morning, i realised it actually had nothing to do with the party crowd. I was really missing home this past weekend and that influenced how i felt when i got to the party. People in Swiss are cool except when im in a shop and I tell the lady I can only speak hoch German and she still insists on speaking Swiss German. I actually laugh and tell her never mind...

Dont worry, I actually am feeling more positive today about being in Swiss!What has been happening is that my friends back home have not been responding to my emails and the guy i was suppose to be dating disappeared on me!So I have been feeling pretty lousy!

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I think coming into the situation with the idea your color is different will only hold you back. You are different and that should be unique. When I go to Swiss parties, I'm the only American in the room, 9 times out of 9 times out of 10, you don't see me getting down about it.

I'm being sarcastic of course, well not entirely, but don't think that because those girls were different then you, that there is less interest. If you are here any amount of time you will find a lot of inter racial couples and more often girls of darker skin, then latin women(though, full discloser, I think latin women are wonderful, ie all women are wonderful).

It's not South Africa, and you are different, but that's all part of coming to somewhere else. It's a new experience. I am sure you are genuinely flirt-worthy.
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Old 30.09.2012, 17:02
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Re: First Party experience in CH

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I wouldn't take called being British with a softer tone a compliment, personally, but I also know that aluminum isn't pronounced "Al-U-min-eum" either.
Well,my classmates mainly comprise of students from Latin America and Asia. So we have Professors from the USA and Europe and many of them told me that they struggle to understand English with the American accent as compared to South Africans, Australians and British. They find these accents much easier to understand.

The reason why I took it as compliment was because I found it funny. Mabye because in SA, Im always told I sound more American yet in Swiss, Im told I sound more British...I personally cannot compare my accent to any country...the South African accent is very different.
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Old 30.09.2012, 17:18
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Re: First Party experience in CH

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I personally cannot compare my accent to any country...the South African accent is very different.
You're certainly right there... it's nothing like either the British or American accent. To my British ears, the closest resemblance is to a New Zealand accent, but I am sure that anyone from either SA or NZ will disagree with that
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Old 30.09.2012, 17:32
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Re: First Party experience in CH

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You're certainly right there... it's nothing like either the British or American accent. To my British ears, the closest resemblance is to a New Zealand accent, but I am sure that anyone from either SA or NZ will disagree with that
haha New Zealand?Ive never had the pleasure of ever speaking to someone from New Zealand...
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Old 30.09.2012, 18:26
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haha New Zealand?Ive never had the pleasure of ever speaking to someone from New Zealand...
I have, and his turntable even sounds better.
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Old 30.09.2012, 18:30
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Re: First Party experience in CH

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haha New Zealand?Ive never had the pleasure of ever speaking to someone from New Zealand...
Strange - the men folk are usually well into the All Blacks.

Look on the bright side - at least you've had a party invite, in a relatively short time.
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Old 30.09.2012, 18:38
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Re: First Party experience in CH

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I wouldn't take called being British with a softer tone a compliment, personally, but I also know that aluminum isn't pronounced "Al-U-min-eum" either.
No, but aluminium is pronounced "al-u-min-e-um"
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Old 30.09.2012, 22:27
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Re: First Party experience in CH

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Old 30.09.2012, 22:29
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Re: First Party experience in CH

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[Anyway, Just wanted to get this off my chest so that I can feel better about myself.
Don't feel bad about yourself. They were probably just too in awe of you to be able to make party small talk.[/QUOTE]

And I think that post is being quite realistic.

I've heard it said, the people from the northern part of Switzerland can be a bit short on words, and perhaps shy.

I would believe this if my experience is anything to go by, some of the nice people here can't even string a few words together to describe the work they do.
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