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-   -   cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏ (https://www.englishforum.ch/daily-life/183372-cultural-difference-lack-luck-please-advise-where-you-met-your-lover.html)

mattalex 26.07.2013 21:33

cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
Hi, I am 26, just finished my master degree in Swiss and started my new job in finance for 2 months. Every time seeing family pictures and/or babies' pics of my former classmates posted on FB, I feel jealous and even more, I am actually a loser.

I am a guy but I really have no time to waste as I am supposed to have a family and babies at my age like my classmates. (apologises for those who laughing at me, but keep in mind that I am Asian and my parents started to worry about my late marriage)

I have education, job, good english, fit body type, sense of humour, etc.

I am non-smoker, no abuse of alcohol, no drug, not very into night-life, etc. But keeping a healthy life with balanced diets and regular sports/gym 5 days per week.

HOWEVER, I am not attractive to european women at all (only asian women like me). My social network is extra small. Sometimes went to friend's parties, I was talking with people well but absolutely no further development.

I bet I am lack of sense of european cultures. Please kindly advise for the below:
1. what should I learn to find my Ms. Right? If you are a girl, what are you concerned the most at first sense?
2. where did you meet your lover? should I do the same?
3. should I look for some dating website (free if possible)?

Many thanks in advance. I will keep update this post after I try your suggested tricks if I succeed.


PS: I have to tell a significant weakness of myself. As I am Asian, I look a few years younger than my actual age and I know european girls don't like it but prefer a mature man-looking. But at least I am a responsible and reliable person and unfortunately cannot be seen through appearance.

Nil 26.07.2013 23:02

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
I met my husband on an expat forum. :)

I joined the forum to meet other people and went to an event. I also met some great friends who are still close to me even if we all moved away. Stick around and participate at the events, you can even creat one yourself.

Be yourself, most important thing and while I understand that you feel old compared to your culture, you are not. My husband is also coming from a culture where people tend to marry young and his parents were getting desperate to see grandchildren from him, they have now 2 monkeys to enjoy.

Don't rush and enjoy being single and child free, you are young!!

You'll find her when you won't expect it.

Nil

Sbrinz 26.07.2013 23:25

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
I would suggest you find out where Asian people meet in Geneva, and then visit it regularly. Maybe there is an Asian club?

It is usually a good idea to develop a large circle of friends, as these will introduce you to a wider field of romantic possibilities.

Guest 26.07.2013 23:31

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
I met my beloved in a field. It was a wonderful sunny summer day. As we made love for the first time, her mother looked on from the shade of a nearby tree.

I don't think she approved of our match. Not that she said very much, but the occasional "baa" did pass her lips. I got my revenge later, with the help of a dollop of mint sauce.

darwiniandemon 26.07.2013 23:47

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
I don't get it. Are you saying you have no luck with women overall or no luck with European women? Or are you saying your preference is European women, since you mentioned only Asian women like you? :confused:

Upthehatters2008 26.07.2013 23:53

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
Langstrasse...Less hassle and cheaper in the long run.

Ladybegood 27.07.2013 00:44

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by User (Post 1937354)
I met my beloved in a field. It was a wonderful sunny summer day. As we made love for the first time, her mother looked on from the shade of a nearby tree.

I don't think she approved of our match. Not that she said very much, but the occasional "baa" did pass her lips. I got my revenge later, with the help of a dollop of mint sauce.

Now I know where your name comes from :D

Chuff 27.07.2013 01:19

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mattalex (Post 1937308)
Hi, I am 26, just finished my master degree in Swiss and started my new job in finance for 2 months. Every time seeing family pictures and/or babies' pics of my former classmates posted on FB, I feel jealous and even more, I am actually a loser.

I am a guy but I really have no time to waste as I am supposed to have a family and babies at my age like my classmates. (apologises for those who laughing at me, but keep in mind that I am Asian and my parents started to worry about my late marriage)

I have education, job, good english, fit body type, sense of humour, etc.

I am non-smoker, no abuse of alcohol, no drug, not very into night-life, etc. But keeping a healthy life with balanced diets and regular sports/gym 5 days per week.

HOWEVER, I am not attractive to european women at all (only asian women like me). My social network is extra small. Sometimes went to friend's parties, I was talking with people well but absolutely no further development.

I bet I am lack of sense of european cultures. Please kindly advise for the below:
1. what should I learn to find my Ms. Right? If you are a girl, what are you concerned the most at first sense?
2. where did you meet your lover? should I do the same?
3. should I look for some dating website (free if possible)?

Many thanks in advance. I will keep update this post after I try your suggested tricks if I succeed.


PS: I have to tell a significant weakness of myself. As I am Asian, I look a few years younger than my actual age and I know european girls don't like it but prefer a mature man-looking. But at least I am a responsible and reliable person and unfortunately cannot be seen through appearance.

Define "Asian". Indian? Pakistani? Chinese? Thai?

Either way I suggest joining dating sites like OKCupid.com and POF.com, they will allow you to get in touch with people who are in general looking more seriously for a relationship than in a bar or club (which you say you don't like going to anyway), and then you can put your personality across more easily. Either way, good luck!

little_isabella 27.07.2013 07:20

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
I think you sound like a really lovely person. Sorry to hear you're feeling pressure from family and friends to settle down. Are you definitely wanting to settle though, or is your post more of a response to that pressure?

There's really no one size fits all when it comes to the right/best place to meet someone. Everyone says bars are terrible but I can think of some married friends who met their partners in a bar. I have a friend whose one-night stand ten years ago turned into a marriage and two babies. Not conventional but it happens. An alternative to online dating sites are online hobby sites. I met my husband that way when I wasn't at all looking to date and settle down. It turned out that we had a bunch of mutual friends too. Maybe a music or cooking forum? It's a good way to meet guys and girls, and sometimes that friendly group meeting might spark a connection with someone.

Worry not about looking younger. In fact, worry not about looks too much. Be as fit, groomed and healthy as you are happy to be and your confidence will connect you with someone deserving of your worth. My husband and I were friends for years and I saw that his natural preference has been to older, slightly plus-size women - my opposite. Sometimes you fall for someone who doesn't match what you thought you wanted.

So you ask what you should learn and do? Be you.

Wollishofener 27.07.2013 08:12

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mattalex (Post 1937308)
Hi, I am 26, just finished my master degree in Swiss and started my new job in finance for 2 months. Every time seeing family pictures and/or babies' pics of my former classmates posted on FB, I feel jealous and even more, I am actually a loser.

I am a guy but I really have no time to waste as I am supposed to have a family and babies at my age like my classmates. (apologises for those who laughing at me, but keep in mind that I am Asian and my parents started to worry about my late marriage)

I have education, job, good english, fit body type, sense of humour, etc.

I am non-smoker, no abuse of alcohol, no drug, not very into night-life, etc. But keeping a healthy life with balanced diets and regular sports/gym 5 days per week.

HOWEVER, I am not attractive to european women at all (only asian women like me). My social network is extra small. Sometimes went to friend's parties, I was talking with people well but absolutely no further development.

I bet I am lack of sense of european cultures. Please kindly advise for the below:
1. what should I learn to find my Ms. Right? If you are a girl, what are you concerned the most at first sense?
2. where did you meet your lover? should I do the same?
3. should I look for some dating website (free if possible)?

Many thanks in advance. I will keep update this post after I try your suggested tricks if I succeed.


PS: I have to tell a significant weakness of myself. As I am Asian, I look a few years younger than my actual age and I know european girls don't like it but prefer a mature man-looking. But at least I am a responsible and reliable person and unfortunately cannot be seen through appearance.

Some remarks.

You live in Switzerland, and may want to become a Swiss, and will gradually get some Swiss habits ---- It in French language is la Suisse for the country and also suisse as adjective. When you travel to London, you do not fly to British but to Britain, and the UK nationals are neither the British nor the Britishers but the Brits. When you visit Lyon you do not travel to French but to France, where the French speak French.

And when you apologize for anything, people may hear your apologies

Then you say that you are not attractive for European women. This not only is an absolute generalisation, it in this way is wrong. But European women do not feel attracted by "Asian" introverts :D Which means that you, just as "Nil" states, should get out and socialize. Even if you use an internet-agency to find a woman, you in the end will have to meet people

Supposed to have ..... family .... babies ? Supposed by whom ? The earth is overpopulated, so that you are totally free to proceed freely and do it YOUR WAY

BUT you indeed should relax and go to whatever events you like, and the EF gives you the chance to launch events yourself. Examples: Arrange an EF-meeting in the Bains-des-Pâquis . Arrange a meeting in/at that charming bistro at the AeroClub just accross from the airport buildings of Cointrin. Arrange a meeting at Thonon or Evians, possibly combined with a ship trip from either Geneva or Lausanne. Or arrange a meeting at the pub on the western end of the Place Cornavin or the large Pub on Rue de Neuchâtel or Rue de Berne right east of the Rue des Alpes

To combine it all, you do not represent a country or a continent (with lots of very different nations) but you represent YOURSELF.

Wollishofener 27.07.2013 08:18

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuff (Post 1937392)
Define "Asian". Indian? Pakistani? Chinese? Thai?

Either way I suggest joining dating sites like OKCupid.com and POF.com, they will allow you to get in touch with people who are in general looking more seriously for a relationship than in a bar or club (which you say you don't like going to anyway), and then you can put your personality across more easily. Either way, good luck!

In his profile he mentions Cantonese-Chinese as language :D

mattalex 27.07.2013 11:51

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nil (Post 1937341)
I met my husband on an expat forum. :)

I joined the forum to meet other people and went to an event. I also met some great friends who are still close to me even if we all moved away. Stick around and participate at the events, you can even creat one yourself.

Be yourself, most important thing and while I understand that you feel old compared to your culture, you are not. My husband is also coming from a culture where people tend to marry young and his parents were getting desperate to see grandchildren from him, they have now 2 monkeys to enjoy.

Don't rush and enjoy being single and child free, you are young!!

You'll find her when you won't expect it.

Nil

i have changed a bit my mind on age issue since I studied in Swiss coz I found my classmates are all older than me, around their 30's. Relatively, I am not that old but sometimes it's quite difficult to get rid of my thought of origin.

Mélusine 27.07.2013 12:02

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
First, I think you have a very open-minded and positive attitude toward the situation. Conversely to some other posters recently who decided than since they couldn't find a partner, it was because Swiss were socially retarded, you are ready to consider all options, including the fact that you may pose some challenges too.

I do think that seduction techniques are very different between Asia and Europe (not being judgmental here), so it might take time to adapt to the local ways. I don't think you are unattractive for European women, but they might simply be about puzzled about your attitude at the moment. This could very well change if
A) you meet the 'right' woman who is aware of the cultural differences between your two countries, and is not scared by them
B) you 'adapt' a bit more to the local seduction techniques and their codes

In any way, you are still VERY young in Swiss standard for marriage and families! At your age, many guys (and girls!) still want to party and travel as much as they can before they settle in, and there's nothing wrong with that!

As other mentioned, I'd suggest trying to get out more, meet new people and new friends. Don't focus on finding love at all costs: keep your options open, and see what happens!

mattalex 27.07.2013 12:05

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by darwiniandemon (Post 1937363)
I don't get it. Are you saying you have no luck with women overall or no luck with European women? Or are you saying your preference is European women, since you mentioned only Asian women like you? :confused:

I mean no luck with European women in particular. Asian women such as Chinese, Korean and Indian like to talk to me. However, I generally prefer people come from completely different culture (i.e. european) which makes me learning their tradition/hobbies/language all life long.

Pancakes 27.07.2013 12:06

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
Personally, I find a lot of Asian men very attractive. In fact, my ex is half Chinese and half Japanese.

If European women aren't giving you attention, don't worry. I think a lot of women here (especially in Switzerland) are known for giving men the "cold shoulder" and acting a bit conceited.

Anyways... you're only 26 years old! You still have a lot of time to get married and have kids. Enjoy your youth while you still can. :p

But to answer your question... I actually met my Swiss husband on myspace(!) while I was still living in the US. He had noticed a comment that I left on the profile of a band we both like (thanks, Boards of Canada) and sent me a friend request. We immediately fell into one another... and here I am, five years later. ;)

Love will come your way when the time is right. It's not something that can be forced.

Good luck! :)

mustard 27.07.2013 12:32

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
Blazing Saddles comes to mind...

http://youtu.be/493pL_Vbtnc


NotAllThere 27.07.2013 12:36

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
I am an introvert by nature. People who've met me sometimes express surprise over this as I do not appear introverted. The thing is I've learned extroversion. You can learn it too.

I know a Chinese man who married age 40, and is now a father of two. There's plenty of time yet. You are by no means a loser if you're not married by the time you're thirty. Though if that was the case, I'd be a definite "winner", seeing as I was married (and still am to the same woman) at 21.

greenmount 27.07.2013 12:39

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mattalex (Post 1937521)
I mean no luck with European women in particular. Asian women such as Chinese, Korean and Indian like to talk to me. However, I generally prefer people come from completely different culture (i.e. european) which makes me learning their tradition/hobbies/language all life long.

Why European? Why on earth do you think it is so special about "European" women? I would personally get in a love relation having in mind more serious criteria. You might miss the love of your life looking for some illusion. You don't seem ready for marriage.

PS> have you though about cultural differences and how would you deal with them along the road? Because marriage it is supposed to last.

cheesey 27.07.2013 13:07

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
Tell your family, friends and anyone pressuring you to get married to sod off. In a nice way off course. This is 2013 and you are an intelligent, educated internationally mobile and open minded person. Sounds normal and in my personal view, proper.

Although I'm confused as you say that Korean and Indian girls like you, but then say you want someone with a different cultural background. Now if what you really mean that you fancy Caucasian birds, and the cultural bit is just fluff then fair enough. But say so.

For what it's worthy I think you have poor taste in women if you prefer European sorts to east or south Asian. Sorry to any pasty european ladies reading this. My better half is quite exotic, and that was certainly part of the attraction, although quite what she sees in me is still a mystery. But ultimately I wouldn't care if she was a pasty European like me either, I'd still have fallen for her 200%. Love is not a formula. We met outside a shop. I should have taken that as a warning I guess. Hope she doesn't read this :)

Pancakes 27.07.2013 13:22

Re: cultural difference? lack of luck? please advise where you met your lover‏
 
26 is still quite young. So I'm not sure if your definition and understanding of "true love" has had much time or opportunity to develop yet.

But I can tell you this...

When you truly love someone, you love them for their soul -- not for something outward like their race, culture, etc. So don't give up on those Asian girls who do give you attention. ;) :)


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