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Old 26.08.2015, 22:13
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To ask her out or not?

might seem stupid, but what the hell a simple ring on the fourth finger on right hand does mean?!

I have been lucky(?) to manage to meet a local lady while my German language is like her Japanese language. She all pleasant and nice, and been seeing here for various things (Work related, activities etc) and I had a feeling that shes interested, so today I decided to man up and ask her on a date, however, we met today and there was this ring on her right hand and she was making all these moves in attempt to flash it to me on many occasions. Prior to that, I dropped couple of hints that Im going to approach someone I like and she was all encouraging (that was over texts), 2 days later we met and I saw that ring for first time! (been meeting the lady for over a month and never seen here wearing a ring, hence I thought she wanted to hint to me that shes attached or so, thus save myself the embarrassment).

As much as how disheartening today's meeting was, as much as Im interested to understand what the hell does a ring on right hand means here in Switzerland. Any local ladies or guys or anyone had similar experience? please share!

In USA (and pretty much around the globe), that ring usually means she attached, or promised or just not looking.. but considering the swiss using the right hand for marriage, I thought it might be the opposite? (i know, im smart arse sometimes!)
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Old 26.08.2015, 22:21
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Re: To ask her out or not?

Depends on the ring? Does it look like an engagement/wedding ring?

I wear my wedding ring on the right hand but then a lot of people wear it left.

Simple solution: ask her?
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Old 26.08.2015, 22:26
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Re: To ask her out or not?

it looks like a cheap ring, defo not engagment or wedding... something like goldish color with crystal stone with lailac color..

the reason I did not ask because she wore the ring for first time (we been meeting for over a month) and also after she "encouraged" me to approach that *imaginary lady*
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Old 26.08.2015, 22:36
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Re: To ask her out or not?

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it looks like a cheap ring, defo not engagment or wedding... something like goldish color with crystal stone with lailac color..

the reason I did not ask because she wore the ring for first time (we been meeting for over a month) and also after she "encouraged" me to approach that *imaginary lady*


Trainspotter: You'll never get to heaven if you don't die first. ASK HER. You could ask if the ring is new, you hadn't noticed it before, you could also ask her out on a date straight off.


Worst case, you go down in flames. you aren't the first, and you certainly won't be the last. We'll be here with milk and cookies while you recover.
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Old 26.08.2015, 22:38
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Re: To ask her out or not?

thanks Jag.. appreciated. I suppose I will follow yer advice.
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Old 26.08.2015, 22:39
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Re: To ask her out or not?

And maybe she just has a new ring and really really loves it and loves to show it off.

Again, ask her.
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Old 26.08.2015, 22:48
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Re: To ask her out or not?

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And maybe she just has a new ring and really really loves it and loves to show it off.

Again, ask her.


Perhaps she has decided that trainspotter is a keeper, and has started wearing the ring to ward off the other toads.


Perhaps she herself doesn't understand which ring on which finger means what.


Perhaps she was just trying rings on at home and this one is too small and she can't get it off.


We'll never know unless.... Trainspotter asks.


Trainspotter, this is no longer just about you. The whole of EF will spam you endlessly with messages and emails until you ask her.


Are you a man, or a mouse? Squeak up now!
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Old 26.08.2015, 22:54
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Re: To ask her out or not?

Compliments are the best opener bar none.

If the ring itself isn't worth complimenting on you could always make something up. Literally anything will do, even a lie - the stone color matches her eyes, her hair, it complements her slender hand, etc. If she wants to tell the story attached to it you don't even need to ask, otherwise that option is still open. Or you could tell your own story of a similar ring as usually people feel compelled to reciprocate - your sister's (if you have one) engagement ring you helped her pick looked similar, etc.
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Old 26.08.2015, 23:01
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Re: To ask her out or not?

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it looks like a cheap ring, defo not engagment or wedding... something like goldish color with crystal stone with lailac color..
she bought a cheap ring to make you think she was in a relationship.
you are in the friend zone
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Old 26.08.2015, 23:15
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Re: To ask her out or not?

k_and_e you are not helping me here :-) this is what am afraid of.. "ya know, Im in a relation". but defo will play dumb compliment on her and take the leap and ask her out, and will update ye how it goes
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Old 26.08.2015, 23:18
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Re: To ask her out or not?

by the way, last time I complemented on her looks (2 days ago), she replied with a smile on her face: you know, weather helps. and then awkward 10 mins of silence on both sides. she does not lean toward me at all, and the good bye hug is very awkward, she pulls me then pushes me as if it took more than 3 seconds and I have to get lost now.
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Old 28.08.2015, 15:58
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Re: To ask her out or not?

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it looks like a cheap ring, defo not engagment or wedding... something like goldish color with crystal stone with lailac color..

the reason I did not ask because she wore the ring for first time (we been meeting for over a month) and also after she "encouraged" me to approach that *imaginary lady*
The imaginary lady thing is going to bury you if you dont come clean. You are lying to her mate. OK certainly not a serious one but clear that up. Honesty can be a real killer issue with relationships, and life. Or just say it didnt work out. But that is dangerous because she knows roughly what you want. Her.

Ask her if she has a partner. The answer of course will be NO (you havent got the message yet, like most men, me included).

The chances are about 99.999999999999999999999999999% that she knows you are keeen on her.

Be open. Give her a chance to slip the knife in your heart. That what the girls like. Well one of the things.

I have read the books on psychology mate. The girls are in the drivers seat in these situations with few exceptions. They just trick the men into thinking the opposite.

Oh and one other thing. Women have 50% better periferal sight than men. They can check you out without looking directly at you. And they know when they are being observed.

Lastly, a appology to the girls for giving away some of your secrets. Periferal vision is one most men dont know about. Not knowing worked well for me.


Good luck mate.
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Last edited by Jack of all trades.; 28.08.2015 at 16:02. Reason: Sorry more relationship/sex info. Sorry.
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Old 28.08.2015, 16:07
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Re: To ask her out or not?

if everything goes well, we might have a thread about the birds and the bees next Friday.
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Old 28.08.2015, 19:48
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Re: To ask her out or not?

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if everything goes well, we might have a thread about the birds and the bees next Friday.
If everything goes well I might have my knees under the table in Genf soon and goodbye to this Fred.
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Old 28.08.2015, 16:27
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Re: To ask her out or not?

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Compliments are the best opener bar none.

If the ring itself isn't worth complimenting on you could always make something up. Literally anything will do, even a lie - the stone color matches her eyes, her hair, it complements her slender hand, etc. If she wants to tell the story attached to it you don't even need to ask, otherwise that option is still open. Or you could tell your own story of a similar ring as usually people feel compelled to reciprocate - your sister's (if you have one) engagement ring you helped her pick looked similar, etc.


Slender hands? what? That's a bit...serial killer-ish. Like he wants to wear the skin from her hand as a glove. For gods sake, don't mention her slender hands.


I'd suggest you not play games about the ring (since they will likely be completely transparent) and just ask her. Something along the lines, 'IS there a story behind that ring?'.

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Can't you just Facebook stalk her like everyone else does?

Amen brother.

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No thank you. Some other time, maybe. But thanks anyway!


Shot down in flames, son.
Still, you tried.
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Old 28.08.2015, 16:38
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Re: To ask her out or not?

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The chances are about 99.999999999999999999999999999% that she knows you are keeen on her.
LOL. Reminds me of a comment my wife once made:

"We [all wimin'] always know straight away if we were going to let you [all men] pull us* or not... we just like to prolong the process to see how keen you are."





*English for "scoring"
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Old 28.08.2015, 16:49
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Re: To ask her out or not?

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The chances are about 99.999999999999999999999999999% that she knows you are keeen on her.
Because of this:



Not because we have some weird sixth sense or anything...
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Old 28.08.2015, 19:39
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Re: To ask her out or not?

My bestest friend is a man.

He recently moved house and showed me my bedroom in his flat, all ensuite. an online tour.

And the pizza place is about 20 metres away!!!

I found it quite nice that he showed me my room. Maybe get one of those kiddie signs - Patsy's room ceramic dooda things stuck on the door.
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Old 26.08.2015, 22:29
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Re: To ask her out or not?

Sounds to me like there are so many cultural overlays here, that you are unlikely to know what that ring means, no matter what anyone tells you... unless you ask her.

I'd suggest you ask her to go along with you to some specific activity that doesn't automatically set the scene for a date/romance/partnership/sex. For example: some non-romantic movie, an art exhibition, a lecture, a short hike to a museum/castle or to a viewpoint. Make it something that is interesting in itself, and not very flashy/expensive, and make it during the daytime, or immediately after work.
That way, you can spend time with her and she's less likely to feel under pressure, and you are less likely to feel like you're risking embarrassing yourself.

Of course you will be looking at that finger and that ring. Just take it easy, and maybe the opportunity will arise in your conversation to ask her about it. Then, not "does it mean you are in a partnership?" but "does it have a story?" or some such more neutrally phrased question. If she's interested in you, she will then most likely take the opportunity to make it quite clear whether or not the ring means anything important.
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Old 26.08.2015, 22:35
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Re: To ask her out or not?

brilliant doropfiz!

the first part - light activities - is done over 20 times but partly due to shared activity anyway, so we both feel comfortable around each others, in fact, very comfortable, but we do not text frequently as we both busy day and evening time.

the second part is the one! i wanted to ask because she flashed it A LOT, but she had to run to catch her flight and I left with a big disappointment that I couldnt ask in the manner you suggested.. Im just afraid, not used to something different, and dont feel confident enough in the country as am still relatively new here... especially with language barrier..

Im tempted to ask about the ring using text msg, but it would be inappropriate or needy, so I guess I will wait until shes back (in 1 month time!!!), thats if she would ever contact me again after such misunderstanding
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