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Old 30.01.2017, 23:40
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

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Hard won experience.
Agreed.

OP, emotional strength is needed - a couple of years on your own, feel the sun on your face, wind in your hair.. enjoy everything, be free, love life and it will love you.

You're too dependent on the love from someone else to prop you up. Not good.
A strong soul needs a bit of pain.. then lots of life and fun.

So, one road leads to misery and weakness; the other to strength, happiness and hope.

Your choice. Choose well.
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Old 31.01.2017, 00:29
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

Not sure I agree with you SwissTree.
Do not see the necessity of pain to know happiness.

..then again, I kinda like my rose-tinted glasses

I'd say no, there's no need to live alone because you're supposed to tough it out and know who you really are.
There's no real value in saying "yes I made it on my own"

We become ourselves when we genuinely love.
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Old 31.01.2017, 00:36
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

NEXT, Please
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Old 31.01.2017, 00:43
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

Better to discover early that love is not always reciprocated in kind, that being selfless will not convert someone in the habit of seeing a relationship as a power struggle, better that, than to spend time, energy, and love in a relationship where it isn't reciprocated.

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But both sides have to see it the same way.
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Old 31.01.2017, 00:47
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

Corinthians
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  #46  
Old 31.01.2017, 00:51
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

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Damn right.

All I wanted was for her to be happy. I told her, my happines was for her to be happy only and that I would live for her. I made an oath to her that she could do or ask me to do anything I can and I would accept it with even knowing. And I did. I would spend time searching for trips we could take or things that she might like to surprise her and I would push back the haircut and pair of socks I needed this month so I could take her to the cinema ... it is endless, the rings from banggood, flowers, wine, cooking, museums, starbucks, perfums ... all of this was when I had no money to spare other than for food.
But I was the happiest I have ever been, because she filled that empty void space nothing else could fill

I was even excited for the job I might get, just so I can do more for her.

Now it's back to square one


Anyway, I have 10-30% chance she will want to reconcile somehow and I would take it in a heartbeat because I am weak.

Unless some time passes before she calls and I find someone even a little distraction.

Anyway, off to watch a movie so I can forget the chest pains .. thanks for the condolences
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Old 31.01.2017, 00:55
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

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Corinthians
Shhhh... most people think it is Nicholas Sparks.

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Old 31.01.2017, 09:44
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

All the good advices on here!
I think the main challenging thing after separation or being left by someone is to learn to love yourself.
OP, chin up and move on, there's a bright future waiting ahead of you
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Old 31.01.2017, 09:46
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

The one thing I have figured out is that you can't rely on anyone else for your happiness. You need to find happiness within yourself, focus on the things that are genuinely important to you and rid yourself of emotional vampires.

A happy you will attract someone who wants to be happy with you.
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Old 31.01.2017, 09:58
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

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A strong soul needs a bit of pain.. then lots of life and fun.
.
...and if there's no real pain in someone's soul, they can always pop in here for a good one.

We care.
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Old 31.01.2017, 10:11
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

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Damn right.

All I wanted was for her to be happy. I told her, my happines was for her to be happy only and that I would live for her. I made an oath to her that she could do or ask me to do anything I can and I would accept it with even knowing. And I did. I would spend time searching for trips we could take or things that she might like to surprise her and I would push back the haircut and pair of socks I needed this month so I could take her to the cinema ... it is endless, the rings from banggood, flowers, wine, cooking, museums, starbucks, perfums ... all of this was when I had no money to spare other than for food.
But I was the happiest I have ever been, because she filled that empty void space nothing else could fill

I was even excited for the job I might get, just so I can do more for her.

Now it's back to square one


Anyway, I have 10-30% chance she will want to reconcile somehow and I would take it in a heartbeat because I am weak.

Unless some time passes before she calls and I find someone even a little distraction.

Anyway, off to watch a movie so I can forget the chest pains .. thanks for the condolences
Maybe you did just too much and she felt suffocated.

Just try and be yourself and chill a bit, even if she does come back, you'll try to move the world for her and this is probably part of the problem, and will lead to further disapointment

CHILL
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  #52  
Old 31.01.2017, 11:00
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

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Not sure I agree with you SwissTree.
Do not see the necessity of pain to know happiness.

..then again, I kinda like my rose-tinted glasses

I'd say no, there's no need to live alone because you're supposed to tough it out and know who you really are.
There's no real value in saying "yes I made it on my own"

We become ourselves when we genuinely love.
It's curious why we always consider pain to be negative, something to get rid off, the quicker the better.. when pain can often be a positive, leads to positive change, a better self, sound well-being.. when we hurt a limb, pain tells us we can't walk on it, needs rest.. yet we pop pills at the slightest niggle of pain which is just our body's way of sending us important information. Emotional well-being and mental strength are the same.. like building a muscle when we are young adults. Even children who have to buried a beloved pet, teaches them so much even though it is incredibly sad experience.

Love and heartache is a part of life. Always has been and always will..

You'll never fully enjoy the love of another person if you don't love yourself first, OP. Do not depend on the the love of someone to prop yourself up - you're the problem, not her. Let her go and begin to emotionally stand on your own two feet. It's not as difficult as it sounds either..and at the end of it, you'll have much more love and fun in your life.

Last edited by Swisstree; 31.01.2017 at 12:15.
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  #53  
Old 31.01.2017, 12:38
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

Good debate SwissTree

Just don't see the point of rollercoaster emotions in a relationship. In fact, ups and downs, sharp pain then sharp constrasted happiness just feels tedious.
Peace, quiet pleasant life, with a loving partner, no games, no gender wars, instead tenderness, genuine emotion and intellectual exchange.

There's no age for this.
Upon reading the OP young man, it seems to be what he is seeking, something along those lines.
Why do people spend lifetimes trying to twist themselves inside out to correspond?

Instead of the OP feeling he has to endure, or change his personality (some people truly enjoy being emotionally generous in their relationship) why not say: one day, soon, you'll meet a young lady who will appreciate you exactly as you are. Don't change.
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Old 31.01.2017, 13:14
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

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All I wanted was for her to be happy. I told her, my happines was for her to be happy only and that I would live for her. I made an oath to her that she could do or ask me to do anything I can and I would accept it with even knowing. ...
This is very nice, but oftentimes overdoing it, i.e. putting people on a pedestal, is actually counter-productive.

Don't spend too much time over-analyzing everything (just a bit), chin up and be happy on your own for a while, then move on with someone else if you want/need.


edit: I see I just reverberated what others have already written. Well..
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Old 31.01.2017, 15:03
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

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haha, yep, the serious business of youth!
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Old 31.01.2017, 15:27
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

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haha, yep, the serious business of youth!
Sadly a broken heart hurts, no matter what age you are.

The OP will eventually recover and be able to realise he's had a lucky escape... but it'll take time. At the moment he's in pain and needs a little bit of sympathy.
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Old 01.02.2017, 12:37
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

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Sadly a broken heart hurts, no matter what age you are.

The OP will eventually recover and be able to realise he's had a lucky escape... but it'll take time. At the moment he's in pain and needs a little bit of sympathy.
I honestly don't want to think I escaped lucky one day. I still want her, but reading this thread made me feel better than yesterday.

Still expecting that phonecall though.

Also as @todayonly and @dbucar said ... I might have given her too much attention and love because she wanted to be alone sometimes and/or go somewhere else and didn't return my calls or reponded to my messages very late, too oftern ... but she never wanted to seperate and remain friends.

The problem is that she, never gave me a reason as to her lack of investment in our relationship and I took that as if she didn't like me or she was in love with someone else..

Now it kinda makes sense that I was suffocating her and she needed her or tried to make a statement without words.

But it could also be the otherway around and she was no longer interested. I guess I can't tell for sure which one but I feel better. Thanks EF

Last edited by twentea; 01.02.2017 at 14:16.
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Old 01.02.2017, 13:22
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

Quite honestly I don't think it is possible to give someone too much love and I'm not too sure about giving too much attention either. However the attention may be negative if it seems to leave no room for the partner to be themself.

If, in addition, the 'love' is somehow felt by one's partner as 'I give you all this, it will make you happy, and then I can be happy too' then this may definitely be smothering, or, to my mind, approaching bribery. 'I can only be happy if you are happy' sounds selfless, but I'm glad Mr Longbyt didn't try this out on me.
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Old 01.02.2017, 13:32
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

I think one can't think you can exchange one's amount of love for another one's affection and love. One can just show the amount of love and affection one feels, make effort, be attentive...and hope the other one reciprocates. Cash has nothing to do with it. We all have different ways of showing..then there are traditions, stereotypes. Sounds like OP's choice was not ideal, or his ways of showing. It makes people grow up. Learn fast. Good luck, OP, there is a saying..something about many fish and a pond, or something.
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Old 01.02.2017, 13:34
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Re: Gf and I had a fight, trying to make up for it, need a suggestion for a nice rest

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Quite honestly I don't think it is possible to give someone too much love and I'm not too sure about giving too much attention either. However the attention may be negative if it seems to leave no room for the partner to be themself.

If, in addition, the 'love' is somehow felt by one's partner as 'I give you all this, it will make you happy, and then I can be happy too' then this may definitely be smothering, or, to my mind, approaching bribery. 'I can only be happy if you are happy' sounds selfless, but I'm glad Mr Longbyt didn't try this out on me.
There aren't many universal truths, however, two of them are:

Everyone needs love.

Not everyone works with the same definition of "love".
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