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Old 28.02.2017, 16:46
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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You may think you have skipped the early phase of your life where you have to overcome your fear of being shot down in flames when you ask someone if they would like to dance. You haven't skipped it, it's still there, and it's been patiently waiting for you all these years.
Only when you're a guy and you're about 19 and you ask a girl, the perceived probability is about 95% that she will shoot you down in flames.

When you're 40+ the probability of a positive outcome shifts massively in your favour.

I think the real world and tough experiences reshapes the expectations women have of men and makes them more likely to tolerate minor faults and peculiarities. And I think it goes the other way too.
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  #202  
Old 28.02.2017, 16:48
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Don't make offers you're not willing to follow up on.
Can you dance like Ginger Rogers, or Cyd Charisse?
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  #203  
Old 28.02.2017, 17:03
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Only when you're a guy and you're about 19 and you ask a girl, the perceived probability is about 95% that she will shoot you down in flames.
My empirical studies, conducted over a long period, show that 95% is a conservative estimate.

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When you're 40+ the probability of a positive outcome shifts massively in your favour.
40+, or married, or own a dog.

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I think the real world and tough experiences reshapes the expectations women have of men and makes them more likely to tolerate minor faults and peculiarities. And I think it goes the other way too.
The turning point for me was my 20th highschool reunion. A surprisingly large number of the goddesses I had admired from afar said "I had such a crush on you!." It was then that it dawned on me that I had wasted my youth trying to guess what other people were thinking, rather than just asking them.
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  #204  
Old 28.02.2017, 17:14
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

One of our nieces is getting married next month, aged 54. She recently met the young man she fell in love with at High School- and never ever dared tell him at the time. They met at a school reunion last year- he did marry someone else, but all his life thought of her, my niece- and again he never told her he loved her. His marriage didn't last long- as he was always thinking about said niece...

How tragic and sad- all this love untold, and wasted. So happy they are now not wasting any more time and have finally found each other.
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  #205  
Old 28.02.2017, 17:27
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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In all probability you won't be alone.

Think about it. The individuals who know all the tricks and can get all the dates they want don't need to attend such events.

No, the people there are precisely the people who don't have the social skills to chat people up on train platforms or in supermarkets. You know, people who need a spot of alcohol and a slightly controlled environment to loosen their tongues.
Ok, that argument I can buy. If it's more or less a meeting of the Aspergers Association, I'll be ok. Seriously, I have social skills. To make friends and have good relationships with colleagues. Even with men, they always end up wanting to be my drinking buddy and confide in me about their problems with women. Nice, like I'm not one. It's the seduction game that terrifies me.

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Can you dance like Ginger Rogers, or Cyd Charisse?
Can you dance like Fred Astaire?

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One of our nieces is getting married next month, aged 54. She recently met the young man she fell in love with at High School- and never ever dared tell him at the time. They met at a school reunion last year- he did marry someone else, but all his life thought of her, my niece- and again he never told her he loved her. His marriage didn't last long- as he was always thinking about said niece...

How tragic and sad- all this love untold, and wasted. So happy they are now not wasting any more time and have finally found each other.
My aunt had a similar story, except more tragic. She dated a guy when she was 16, then they lost touch. She remained single until she was 60, they met again by coincidence and started dating. She died 4 years later of cancer. The poor man is totally crushed. They had 4 good years, but because she was caring for my grandma (only girl in the family) their liberty to really enjoy the time they had together was rather limited.
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  #206  
Old 28.02.2017, 17:30
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Can you dance like Fred Astaire?
Not any more. Your place or mine?
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  #207  
Old 28.02.2017, 17:35
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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One of our nieces is getting married next month, aged 54. She recently met the young man she fell in love with at High School- and never ever dared tell him at the time. They met at a school reunion last year- he did marry someone else, but all his life thought of her, my niece- and again he never told her he loved her. His marriage didn't last long- as he was always thinking about said niece...

How tragic and sad- all this love untold, and wasted. So happy they are now not wasting any more time and have finally found each other.
What a romantic ending, I am happy for them! Sad they waited so many years, but glad it worked out at the end.

I'd rather hear a loud HELL, NO! from a guy and move on with my life than not knowing/being in doubt for 40 years

Then again, putting oneself out there can be very intimidating.
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  #208  
Old 28.02.2017, 17:42
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Ok, that argument I can buy. If it's more or less a meeting of the Aspergers Association, I'll be ok. Seriously, I have social skills. To make friends and have good relationships with colleagues. Even with men, they always end up wanting to be my drinking buddy and confide in me about their problems with women. Nice, like I'm not one. It's the seduction game that terrifies me.
Don't worry. Happens to me too.

I have a number of female friends who like to come to me to complain about how either men in general or their partners in particular don't get them.

They say I'm the only man they know they can discuss that with as we're "just good friends" and I'm the only one who can listen and who understands.

Then they get drunk and start making advances on me.
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  #209  
Old 28.02.2017, 18:26
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Not any more. Your place or mine?
Am so missing the little devil smiley I have on my iPhone right now!

Sorry, but I don't dance like Ginger Rogers. Future-X is rhythmically challenged and not very interested in the activity; we tried ballroom and salsa when we were students, but world peace required that we stop fairly early. So missed out on that, I'm afraid.

Now I don't need or wait for a partner to dance in my living room.
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  #210  
Old 28.02.2017, 18:27
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Yes, but it's a pub. It involves drinking
You mean the speed of the dating slows down while the opposites get prettier and nicer?

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Only when you're a guy and you're about 19 and you ask a girl, the perceived probability is about 95% that she will shoot you down in flames.

When you're 40+ the probability of a positive outcome shifts massively in your favour.

I think the real world and tough experiences reshapes the expectations women have of men and makes them more likely to tolerate minor faults and peculiarities. And I think it goes the other way too.
Not sure. Could also be, when you get older you get fussier; Not that again .... had that .... not way, won't put up with that .....

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One of our nieces is getting married next month, aged 54. She recently met the young man she fell in love with at High School- and never ever dared tell him at the time. They met at a school reunion last year- he did marry someone else, but all his life thought of her, my niece- and again he never told her he loved her. His marriage didn't last long- as he was always thinking about said niece...

How tragic and sad- all this love untold, and wasted. So happy they are now not wasting any more time and have finally found each other.
Why did it cross my mind you got that mixed up with the last romance-novel you read?

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Don't worry. Happens to me too.

I have a number of female friends who like to come to me to complain about how either men in general or their partners in particular don't get them.

They say I'm the only man they know they can discuss that with as we're "just good friends" and I'm the only one who can listen and who understands.

Then they get drunk and start making advances on me.
That's a crap job, eih?
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  #211  
Old 28.02.2017, 18:28
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Am so missing the little devil smiley I have on my iPhone right now!

Sorry, but I don't dance like Ginger Rogers. Future-X is rhythmically challenged and not very interested in the activity; we tried ballroom and salsa when we were students, but world peace required that we stop fairly early. So missed out on that, I'm afraid.

Now I don't need or wait for a partner to dance in my living room.
You could have shot me down before I retrieved my walker from under the pile of crisp bags!

bloody women!
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  #212  
Old 28.02.2017, 19:03
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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You realise I'd be so terrified I'd look like a deer staring at a truck's headlight? Or behave like an autist? Or possibly both? Me meeting people in real life without a proper online introduction? Not so sure...
I think it would be a perfect learning curve for you. You might new people every week and I bet you make a decent judgement of your new pupils within the first few minutes. Plus, the venue is small and has a tram stop right outside, so you can make a quick getaway.

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Can you dance like Ginger Rogers, or Cyd Charisse?
Cyd Charisse was far superior.

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Seriously, I have social skills. To make friends and have good relationships with colleagues. Even with men, they always end up wanting to be my drinking buddy and confide in me about their problems with women. Nice, like I'm not one.
It is nice and gives you a huge advantage because you actually know what makes men tick. The majority of girls I know who are over 30 and single, only have sisters and most of them have an unrealistic idea of how men should be. I'm not saying that all women with only sisters are like that, just the single ones that I know.
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Old 28.02.2017, 19:16
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

I'm watching a prize piece of nightly bubblegum tv at the moment called 'Celebs Go Dating' and it's tortuous / hilarious. Last night and tonight are the speed dating sessions and, besides Joey Essex believing the girl he asked on a date was a real life princess rather than a children's entertainer (perfect match for him ) But it did remind me of a word people use to describe themselves that used to send me screaming for the hills... Spiritual!

I dated a 'spiritual' guy once. We met when I was on a solo work trip to Edinburgh, and he chatted me up in the bar across the road from my hotel where I'd gone for a glass of wine. On our second date, he gave me a rose crystal...aww bless He stayed the night, in seperate rooms (honestly) then went and bought himself a bottle of Baileys for breakfast and drank it in less than an hour. There wasn't a third date.
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  #214  
Old 28.02.2017, 19:23
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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I think it would be a perfect learning curve for you. You might new people every week and I bet you make a decent judgement of your new pupils within the first few minutes. Plus, the venue is small and has a tram stop right outside, so you can make a quick getaway.
Except I can't go, it's strictly for people up to 40 years old. I'm 2,5 months late in other words. But yes, I was warming up to the idea. Slowly.

I'm not totally socially handicapped. I'm actually cleared to do the most demanding guests here and I used to negotiate loan agreements for oil platforms. In a profesionnal setting I don't really mind because I'm in control of the situation and I'm not easily intimidated.

Note the use of the word control...and what do you not have when dating???
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Old 28.02.2017, 19:25
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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I'm watching a prize piece of nightly bubblegum tv at the moment called 'Celebs Go Dating' and it's tortuous / hilarious. Last night and tonight are the speed dating sessions and, besides Joey Essex believing the girl he asked on a date was a real life princess rather than a children's entertainer (perfect match for him ) But it did remind me of a word people use to describe themselves that used to send me screaming for the hills... Spiritual!

I dated a 'spiritual' guy once. We met when I was on a solo work trip to Edinburgh, and he chatted me up in the bar across the road from my hotel where I'd gone for a glass of wine. On our second date, he gave me a rose crystal...aww bless He stayed the night, in seperate rooms (honestly) then went and bought himself a bottle of Baileys for breakfast and drank it in less than an hour. There wasn't a third date.
I fell asleep at the movies on date 2. The film was interesting, the chemistry with the guy was sub-zero, I was tired and...I missed the end. Followed drinks in a bar where he spent an hour complaining about his ex. There was no 3rd date.

Btw, have you seen J.P. Sears' Ultraspiritual videos on YouTube?
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Old 28.02.2017, 22:19
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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it´s depressing, a lot of the women seem to be damaged goods, on the market for the second or third time
Ahem.. nobody reaches their 40s and 50s without having lived.
I'd be very concerned to meet a gentleman of that age who hasn't lived his life. And living obviously means having loved and perhaps lost.
Do you think your comment is fair?
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Old 28.02.2017, 22:29
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

Uhmm..Is it just me or others, too, but older one is more they know what they want or not? Amogles, with experience grows the discerning and healthily discriminatory skill set? Hence - weirdos one would get all soft in knees for when young, no longer entice? Other (more...real and good) weirdos seem interesting? I don't think women are picky per se and with age and their market value dicreasing, they mellow down. I think this might be valid for some people (I wouldn't want to hang out with), only. Both genders.
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Old 28.02.2017, 22:30
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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I go training and when I come back the thread is suddenly 2 pages longer. Thanks guys, for wasting your Sunday on a very mundane topic.
Trollemor.... the most polite attentive gentlemen happen to be British.
Impeccable manners and just perfect in my books, well one in particular.
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  #219  
Old 28.02.2017, 22:31
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Ahem.. nobody reaches their 40s and 50s without having lived.
I'd be very concerned to meet a gentleman of that age who hasn't lived his life. And living obviously means having loved and perhaps lost.
Do you think your comment is fair?
I would also add that a first hand candidate above 40 is likely to have some serious, more or less hidden flaws. Definition of first hand being: without a single long-term relationship. A not too damaged second hand is probably a better bet. Third hand would worry me more, but even there, who am I to judge?

Some also heal over time and get back on the market after having solved issues that kept them in their previous relationship. Ever thought of that? I'm tempted to say that I'm much less damaged and much sounder today than I was 20 years ago, but since it's me I can't really be objective, scientifically speaking, can I? Hence, personal experience can't be used as evidence. Bummer.
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Old 28.02.2017, 22:37
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Here we differ 100%. My child, and our past intertwined history is a part of what makes the good bits of me. To miss that out of the conversation would be deception
Beautifully said. I am proud of my son. He's a young man, kind and accomplished. I'm pleased of the way I've raised him.
Speaking of your children is lovely. If you're in your 40s and 50s, most probably the gentleman you are having dinner with etc. has children too. If you are a warm and loving parent with your own child, you will most probably be the same with his children (without taking on a specific parent role, just the attitude in general).
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