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  #41  
Old 25.02.2017, 22:18
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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My knowledge may be out of date. 10 years ago it was the killer formula for 40 something women.
I might be out of date, and confused from old age, but are you talking about a "dick pic"
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  #42  
Old 25.02.2017, 22:21
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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I might be out of date, and confused from old age, but are you talking about a "dick pic"
Hardly. I was referring to the average women's profiles.
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  #43  
Old 25.02.2017, 22:46
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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As to your initial post: I cannot help you from personal experience, met hubby when I had an internship during my university time, so.....

However, my SIL saw her hubby leave after 40 years together "to find himself". She is not looking for anyone new particularly but meets new people by going to the theatre or lectures.

It´s all chance. Be yourself, be happy and enjoy whatever crosses your way.

And, as said, come over for that dinner
In our case, I was the one to leave. Not to find myself, but because 700 km of hiking made me realise I was living the life of someone else that wasn't me at all. Meanwhile, Future-X was perfectly content with a marriage solely based on friendship, but once I suggested we spit he was happy to go play the field again. He's now very happy with gf number two. We were very young when we met and the truth is, we just never broke up; we're more like siblings than anything else after all this time.

Anytime! Am in Zürich most weekends and some weeks as well. Otherwise high up in Wallis until the end of April.
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  #44  
Old 25.02.2017, 22:53
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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We used British Rail - worked a treat - almost 46 years now
With all the time I spend in the train, maybe I'll meet a mate thanks to the SBB? Extra return on the GA fees...

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With this thread title, I expected LiB to have been poster #2 or #3... Chick a Bow Wow!

Horndog didn't disappoint.

Troll - GL. You seem pretty down to earth.
Thanks. I'm pretty down to earth, yes. I sometimes feel I'm falling between several chairs and don't really fit anywhere, but nobody can accuse me of not being authentic.
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  #45  
Old 25.02.2017, 22:56
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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In our case, I was the one to leave. Not to find myself, but because 700 km of hiking made me realise I was living the life of someone else that wasn't me at all. Meanwhile, Future-X was perfectly content with a marriage solely based on friendship, but once I suggested we spit he was happy to go play the field again. He's now very happy with gf number two. We were very young when we met and the truth is, we just never broke up; we're more like siblings than anything else after all this time.
You had me reflect on my marriage. But then I still had/have the butterflies in my stomach when flying home and seeing hubby again

I honestly do not have a good answer to your question. I enjoy solitude, I crave solitude despite being married, sometimes I need time alone. But then again, when you want to find a "soul mate"/partner, I am sure someone will cross your path.
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  #46  
Old 25.02.2017, 23:32
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

I liked being married, which is why I did it twice.

Tom
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  #47  
Old 26.02.2017, 00:09
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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You see, I'm a 41 yo woman hence past my due date like an old milk carton (),
Ha! If you take your time, I doubt you'll be able to read that comment back without laughing in 12mths time. I became single at 37 and, similar to you, it was the first time I'd been single since I was 17. I didn't have a clue about flirting or 'the dating game'. I didn't even know so many people see it as a game. Remember one guy asking me to 'be exclusive' with him when I'd no idea that I'd been one of several women he was dating.

Met my OH 'organically' at work when I was 46, and he was on his first day back in work after a 2yr placement in Zurich. But the years inbetween.... It was a huge learning curve. I only dated two guys who were my age or older (both were a disaster) and the rest were 6+yrs younger, which I didn't expect or plan.

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I'm not too keen, unlike him I'm not looking for a life-partner to move in and have more kids with. I'm not desperate to spend the rest of my life with another guy, I'd rather have a series of interesting relationships than a single sedate one.
Hmmm. Sorry love, but the choice isn't entirely yours. You could meet The One tomorrow or in 10 yrs time. You could turn round in a year and realise that you want solo time more than anything.

Lots of people will advise of the virtues of online dating, but it wasn't for me. I'm a strong person, yet it made me feel vulnerable.

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Meeting in real life is difficult as of our friends are parents from the Troll's school. Some moms have already labelled me radioactive material now that I'm out of the closet as single.
That happens whether you're newly single or widowed. I've seen that happen more times than you could imagine. The thing is, to a certain type of woman, you have become their worst nightmare, but all will become clear once one of their husband's makes a pass at you. Now is when you find out who your true female friends are.

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Am interested in advice from those of you in the more mature crowd that have gone back on the market and didn't get too traumatised in the process.
So do you only want PMA or the truth? The truth is, I don't have a crystal ball and neither do you. All I can do is wish you the very best.
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  #48  
Old 26.02.2017, 00:11
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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You had me reflect on my marriage. But then I still had/have the butterflies in my stomach when flying home and seeing hubby again

I honestly do not have a good answer to your question. I enjoy solitude, I crave solitude despite being married, sometimes I need time alone. But then again, when you want to find a "soul mate"/partner, I am sure someone will cross your path.
We never had the butterfly phase. I'd like to experience that one day.

For the moment I'm not even thinking about the soulmate thing. I'm just trying to understand how the whole dating thing works nowaday. I met Trollefar/Future-X in 1994, that's a looooooong time ago!

In many ways, I'm totally ignorant and inexperienced and I need massive amounts of time alone, which explains why a serious relationship isn't my first priority. I'm not against, but I'm not desperate for it. I already have a 22 years long relationship under my belt, I don't feel the need to sign up for another one right now at this very moment.

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I liked being married, which is why I did it twice.

Tom


A second marriage is definitely extremely low on my list of priorities. Way below climbing the Matterhorn or learning to paraglide...
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  #49  
Old 26.02.2017, 00:26
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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A second marriage is definitely extremely low on my list of priorities.
Good thing I'm off the market,then.

Tom

P.S. My late wife was from Tronna, and half Norwegian.
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Old 26.02.2017, 00:46
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Good thing I'm off the market,then.

Tom

P.S. My late wife was from Tronna, and half Norwegian.
Somehow I don't think I'd be your type. The market for 41 year old female ski bums/intensive hikers is surprisingly small.

P.S. I'm fully Canadian. Future-X is the Norwegian in the family.
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  #51  
Old 26.02.2017, 06:36
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Somehow I don't think I'd be your type. The market for 41 year old female ski bums/intensive hikers is surprisingly small.

P.S. I'm fully Canadian. Future-X is the Norwegian in the family.
Nonsense (to the second statement; I'll refrain from commenting on the first). In my single days in my late twenties / early thirties, I typically preferred much older women (8-10 years), and to find one of the relatively few who would enjoy tearing down a slope with me would have been amazing. In fact, a lack of shared interests including skiing broke up a few of my relationships, and my plan was to settle down with an older woman, even if it didn't work out as planned in the end.

The market is bigger than you're letting yourself realize - just look at divorce statistics these days. There are also plenty of people who weren't in a hurry to marry and are still single at that stage in their life. Stay away from the pit of thinking "there are so few fish in the sea" or "it's so hard" - down that path lies despair, and extended singleness.

The most important tip I can give you, though, is to let it happen naturally. If you go looking for a date, you'll go through a lot of disappointments first. That's certainly one way to do it, and it's the way I did it - but it sounds to me like you need to go the confidence-building route, which is to make lots of friends and wait until something happens, be it it 6 months or 6 years. Get involved with clubs, join forums for people with similar interests, that sort of thing, focus on the "social" part of activities, and dating will happen organically.

It's only been six months. Don't measure yourself against the future-ex; after all, the whole point is that you've discovered you're different people, right?
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  #52  
Old 26.02.2017, 08:16
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

1 word Facebook lol
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  #53  
Old 26.02.2017, 09:47
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Nonsense (to the second statement; I'll refrain from commenting on the first). In my single days in my late twenties / early thirties, I typically preferred much older women (8-10 years), and to find one of the relatively few who would enjoy tearing down a slope with me would have been amazing. In fact, a lack of shared interests including skiing broke up a few of my relationships, and my plan was to settle down with an older woman, even if it didn't work out as planned in the end.

The market is bigger than you're letting yourself realize - just look at divorce statistics these days. There are also plenty of people who weren't in a hurry to marry and are still single at that stage in their life. Stay away from the pit of thinking "there are so few fish in the sea" or "it's so hard" - down that path lies despair, and extended singleness.

The most important tip I can give you, though, is to let it happen naturally. If you go looking for a date, you'll go through a lot of disappointments first. That's certainly one way to do it, and it's the way I did it - but it sounds to me like you need to go the confidence-building route, which is to make lots of friends and wait until something happens, be it it 6 months or 6 years. Get involved with clubs, join forums for people with similar interests, that sort of thing, focus on the "social" part of activities, and dating will happen organically.

It's only been six months. Don't measure yourself against the future-ex; after all, the whole point is that you've discovered you're different people, right?
Thanks Corbets, it's very nice of you.

I realise I seem to be in a hurry. I'm not, and then again I am. I'm not in a hurry to find a long time partner, but I've been invisible for 22 years and now I want to live.

I've spent my entire adult life with an adorable guy who was (and still is) a great flatmate and a friend. I have no idea whether men would find me attractive, he sure didn't, but I'm reasonably comfortable in my own skin and not willing to change who I am for anyone. When I look at the other moms at school though, I measure the gap between me and them...they all look proper and distinguished, I'm full of bruises, I have visible biceps and since I currently don't have a proper job I wear mostly jeans and Dr Martens when in town. I don't quite fit in that crowd (note to self: find a new crowd), apparently I've failed miserably at becoming a distinguished woman.

In the absence of like-minded people in my social circle, and with close to no experience, it's more about being insecure and not knowing how to go about than about self-confidence (I'm doing ok in that department, at least with everything that doesn't have to do with guys).

You're therefore totally right though that I should focus on meeting people in a natural setting. Again, and it's not an excuse, it's really hard when you've built your entire social circle around your "forever marriage" and your kid. Right now I'm still pretty tied up up there in the Alps, but when I'm back I have to start rebuilding everything. It's scary, but it's also exciting in a way, I'll be having a life of my own.

Future-X is a guy, he has a good job and he's rather good looking; I'm not surprised he's already found someone, and I'm happy to see him so content. I was surprised that he went for a long-term thing right away and didn't want to play the field a bit, but then again we're very different (and the older we get, the more obvious it is) and he's definitely more the family type than me.
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Old 26.02.2017, 10:03
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

I'm not convinced that "online" is the only way to go. I think at 41 it is quite possible to go out and meet somebody "naturally". Maybe I'm naive, but if you do things people of your age do (whatever that is??), then you will be fishing in the same pool.


Maybe I'm just of the generation (I'm 49) that thinks "online" is weird.

Good Luck!
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  #55  
Old 26.02.2017, 10:17
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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I'm not convinced that "online" is the only way to go. I think at 41 it is quite possible to go out and meet somebody "naturally". Maybe I'm naive, but if you do things people of your age do (whatever that is??), then you will be fishing in the same pool.


Maybe I'm just of the generation (I'm 49) that thinks "online" is weird.

Good Luck!
I think "offline" is weird.

But yes, a good overhaul of my offline social life is sorely needed. And not even with regards to meeting a man, but because I need my own social life, with people that I find interesting and who find me interesting.
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Old 26.02.2017, 10:18
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

Just be yourself Trollemor, do what you enjoy and live your life.

And nothing wrong with the jeans and Doc Martens, love that myself
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Old 26.02.2017, 10:20
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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I started going out wit the women who became my wife when she was 53. We had previously met at school however had not seen each other in 38 years. It's never too late!
You mean nobody else was crazy enough to take you on ?
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Old 26.02.2017, 10:21
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Just be yourself Trollemor, do what you enjoy and live your life.

And nothing wrong with the jeans and Doc Martens, love that myself
We really have to meet! Friendship through shared love of solid and comfortable footwear. We might even like the same type if music?!

Am going to be myself and head for the gym for an autistic session of weight lifting (if there is a place where I don't want to socialise, it's the weight room).
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Old 26.02.2017, 10:34
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Nonsense (to the second statement; I'll refrain from commenting on the first). In my single days in my late twenties / early thirties, I typically preferred much older women (8-10 years), and to find one of the relatively few who would enjoy tearing down a slope with me would have been amazing. In fact, a lack of shared interests including skiing broke up a few of my relationships, and my plan was to settle down with an older woman, even if it didn't work out as planned in the end.
Precisely. There's a hell of a lot of younger guys out there who prefer older women because "they know who they are". It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking these guys all have some kind of oedipal complex, but I found them to be more self assured than older, divorced men, and far less likely to 'play games'.

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It's only been six months. Don't measure yourself against the future-ex; after all, the whole point is that you've discovered you're different people, right?
Bravo! Excellent point, well made.

However, reading Trollemor's original post reminded me (initially) of my best friend's parents. They divorced when he was 18 and his sister was 16. They dated various people over the years but got back together 9yrs later. A year later, they had my friend and his sister round for Christmas dinner, and after dinner, they watched a dvd of the Caribbean holiday they'd just returned from. The final scenes were of them getting married on the beach. Another friend was 24 when he found out his parents divorced when he was 6 but ended up staying together and having his little sister.

What I'm trying to say is, many times during the 9yrs I was single, I wanted a crystal ball to see where I'd be in 6mths time, and none of us know exactly what the future holds for us.
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Old 26.02.2017, 11:06
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

Hiking is a good way to meet like-minded people, if you want it to be . See my favorite blog by a full-time long distance hiker:

http://walkingwithwired.com/ta-201617

So just decide to hike from Mexico to Canada and you'll meet all the men that you want .

Also you can find groups that organize hikes at all levels. In Romandie, there is OVS = "on va sortir" = we're going out". I suppose there is a local equivalent - or start a Meetup...
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