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  #81  
Old 26.02.2017, 14:35
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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See, this is exactly what I mean: your net was too small for that particular butterfly.

2 hours of Roast beast, Porkshire pud, and a 10£ bottle of wine - what more could a girl want before 323 Seconds of bouncy castle?
Agree, life's too short for a 10£ bottle of wine
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Old 26.02.2017, 15:24
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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or learning to paraglide...
Very good idea BTW : ideal to meet outdoory types, more males than females, you spend your summer up in the alps, you already have all the goretex stuff. Just don't do it for the dating aspect alone!

Oh yes : and the flying is absolutely fantastic, speaking from personal hangglider experience ...

Jos
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  #83  
Old 26.02.2017, 16:21
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

Not in my 40's yet but gotta admit dating in this country has been ummmmm interesting, is that he term?

Hope you have better luck!
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Old 26.02.2017, 16:42
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

Jesus, I go training and when I come back the thread is suddenly 2 pages longer. Thanks guys, for wasting your Sunday on a very mundane topic.

Was looking at my biceps while balancing on a curved board placed on top of an air filled pillow listening to my habitual Linkin Park soundtrack (gym is about the only place where I can listen to that kind of music, Future-X is more a Lana del Rey type). They're not that bad. But the shoulders are starting to look a bit rugby player-ish. Never mind, I need the bulk for hauling, lifting, dragging and pushing adult beginners, when I'm not carrying their skis.

Blue Angel, you're absolutely right that we never know what the future has in store for us. But I can guarantee that going back to Future-X isn't in the cards. I'm not going to go into details because it's not only my story to tell (or not), but although I have lots of fraternal love for him, it stops at fraternal.

EastEnders, the dust settled on me and Future-X about 18 years ago! It's all about dusting it off now.

Slammer and JW, you made me laugh, but I feel for you at the same time. Are the women online that bad?

Roegner, I don't feel low, I just feel like I don't belong. I just have to find "my" crowd now. It's a bit harder because I've always evolved in male dominated environements and I relate better to men than women, but I'm working on it.

Jdr, I'm definitely not enjoying alpine activites for the sake of meeting guys, since I do them mostly alone. I guess, I'm just a tad more adrenaline seeking than many women my age and I like to try new stuff.

Parship I'm not ready for. It's too serious. The idea of meeting someone who's open about looking for a life partner frankly freaks me out a bit. I'm just looking for a decent looking, fit guy to ski/hike with and more if the chemistry is right, then we take it from there and see if it lasts 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years or 60 years. I'm currently on Okc and since yesterday on Tinder, will see if it leads to some simple fun or only a bunch of creeps. At least it give the occasion to laugh...some really can't be for real.

Anyhow, thanks everyone for the suggestions. I had never heard of Meetup, and being more socially awkward in real life than online I haven't dared joining group activities so far (and I'm not even thinking about joining them with the goal of meeting men, but just of joining them in order to do stuff). I definitely should and will. In the meantime, I'll be bold and invite anyone who'd like to meet and do something, be it dancing (Future-X hates it, I love it), going to a concert, grab a beer or gin & tonics, or whatever to just pm me. Just as friends, no intentions behind. Because now I'm free and I want to enjoy it.
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  #85  
Old 26.02.2017, 16:45
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Anyhow, thanks everyone for the suggestions. I had never heard of Meetup, and being more socially awkward in real life than online I haven't dared joining group activities so far (and I'm not even thinking about joining them with the goal of meeting men, but just of joining them in order to do stuff). I definitely should and will. In the meantime, I'll be bold and invite anyone who'd like to meet and do something, be it dancing (Future-X hates it, I love it), going to a concert, grab a beer or gin & tonics, or whatever to just pm me. Just as friends, no intentions behind. Because now I'm free and I want to enjoy it.
I'm in
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Old 26.02.2017, 17:55
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Thanks guys, for wasting your Sunday on a very mundane topic.
I'd say you're welcome, but it'd be disingenuous - I "wasted" my day on the slopes at Klewenalp instead. ;-)
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Old 26.02.2017, 18:26
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

Sorry to hear that you split.

Though you may be even more sorry to hear that dating is now obsolete.

Now it's just hooking up and casual sex, probably while snapchatting on you phone at the same time.
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Old 26.02.2017, 18:47
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

41 is no big deal, whether 21, 51, 81 or 101, there are lots of single people out there.

Re the parents at school, forget about them, find new experiences.

You have forgotten how to flirt;

How about just been extra nice to people of all ages and sexes on occasion. Next time in a shop when paying, maybe compliment that person on some aspect, nice tie, great hair, interesting nail vanish – you will get different responses, some will compliment you, others will thank, others will knock you back.

There is one problem you are still living with your X, the thing I say about that is you do not have the hunger of loneliness, of being alone that many singles do and wish to share their lives with someone.

I am not suggesting you should not live with your X, just to point that out and take on-board when meeting someone else who is single.

Keep an eye on Gold Diggers and don’t be one yourself. A couple of men have mentioned that experience on this thread, it happens to women as well whether they have money or not.

Try new experiences, whether going for a coffee or glass of wine somewhere you have never been before and on your own – it will gradually boost your confidence. Try and get away to new places, if you are limited to half a day, then do a half day somewhere new or somewhere you have not been for a long time.


Good luck to you, sorry not able to offer any advice re on-line social media sites, never was my thing, though have friends who have and do use them.


ps; the biggest turn off for me, is anyone who waffles on about Xs'
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Old 26.02.2017, 19:00
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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The idea of meeting someone who's open about looking for a life partner frankly freaks me out a bit.
Only thing I've ever been interested in myself.

Anything else is a waste of time.

Words of wisdom from mommy: never date someone you wouldn't want to marry.

Me: fortunately I'm fine with marrying a total slut.

Tom
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  #90  
Old 26.02.2017, 19:09
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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I'm in
P.S.. Those that know me also know that I don't always look like my avatar
Excellent! Leaving tomorrow for 4 days of work/training in the world's most beautiful open space office, but back Friday evening and in theory staying for 9-10 days.

Am game for pretty much anything that doesn't involve art galleries, shopping (unless it's at Transa) or interior decoration.
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Old 26.02.2017, 19:11
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

I am afraid I don't have a lot of valuable contributions to make to this thread, just some random pre-brunch Sunday thoughts in no particular order.

My best friend (late 30s) is on eHarmony and, on average, is meeting good guys. My husband on the other hand tried it briefly to "test the waters" after his divorce from wife #1 years ago, but did not like it at all. Maybe it's different times, or different for a guy/gal, I am not sure.

I am weird and never enjoyed dating. I dated very little in the common sense of the term: 99% of my relationships, including my husband, were friendships that, after some time (months, years) developed into romance. I also liked "experimental one-night stands" when single, approaching this type of romance with the same curiosity I'd have when trying out a new restaurant, learning a new language, or visiting a new country for the first time.

I am in the camp of "meet people doing what you like, and see what happens". For this reason, I like Meetup as a vehicle to do things I enjoy with like-minded people, without pressure or expectations.

The one time I can recall when I went on a "classic" date, it was with someone I had previously met at a university alumni event, and I figured that, even if the date was bad, at least we could talk about fiscal policy. We did not click that way, but as predicted, we had lots to talk about and the date was not boring. We are still friends, and he is now a regular guest at our house with his (now) spouse.

Most times, my response to "you should be going out and date" was "I'd rather...[read a book/get my nails done/watch Law and Order/bake bread/...]

I am what you would define an "extroverted introvert", "outgoing introvert", etc. - I am friendly, social and bubbly, I love to hear people's life stories, but lengthy and prolonged interaction with people tires me, and I need solitude and my own personal space to "recharge". Like Roegner said, "I crave solitude".

In addition to being solitary, I am independent to the extreme. I do enjoy knowing that my husband is there and supports me 100%, but my instinct always tries to revert back to complete self-sufficiency.

If I was still in Zurich, I'd totally propose that Roegner, you and I meet up, crack open a bottle of wine, and talk about life. You all sound like my type of people!!!

Good luck and a big hug!
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Old 26.02.2017, 19:31
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Keep an eye on Gold Diggers and don’t be one yourself. A couple of men have mentioned that experience on this thread, it happens to women as well whether they have money or not.
At least one woman has alluded to it as well
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  #93  
Old 26.02.2017, 19:32
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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41 is no big deal, whether 21, 51, 81 or 101, there are lots of single people out there.

Re the parents at school, forget about them, find new experiences.

You have forgotten how to flirt;

How about just been extra nice to people of all ages and sexes on occasion. Next time in a shop when paying, maybe compliment that person on some aspect, nice tie, great hair, interesting nail vanish – you will get different responses, some will compliment you, others will thank, others will knock you back.

There is one problem you are still living with your X, the thing I say about that is you do not have the hunger of loneliness, of being alone that many singles do and wish to share their lives with someone.

I am not suggesting you should not live with your X, just to point that out and take on-board when meeting someone else who is single.

Keep an eye on Gold Diggers and don’t be one yourself. A couple of men have mentioned that experience on this thread, it happens to women as well whether they have money or not.

Try new experiences, whether going for a coffee or glass of wine somewhere you have never been before and on your own – it will gradually boost your confidence. Try and get away to new places, if you are limited to half a day, then do a half day somewhere new or somewhere you have not been for a long time.


Good luck to you, sorry not able to offer any advice re on-line social media sites, never was my thing, though have friends who have and do use them.


ps; the biggest turn off for me, is anyone who waffles on about Xs'
I haven't forgotten how to flirt, I never knew how to. I met Future-X right after I turned 18, we were quite drunk to be honest and I made the first move because I wanted to have something to show for at the end of the evening; my friend was staying at my place that night and SHE had gotten the first prize, a super viking type hunk. Not a very honourable story, I know... I still have a very neanderthal style, I'm afraid. Makes me a good hiking/skiing/drinking buddy, but possibly not very good girlfriend material, at least on paper. But I'm nice and friendly, just not good at being coquettish. More the type to race a guy down a slope than swooning and complimenting him on his manly skiing style with an admiring voice.

Still living with Future-X because we live in a company flat. They pay the rent until the end of June, we'd be idiots to move out before. Ideally we'd move to each our own place then, but me not having found a job yet makes it a bit more complicated especially since we are having Junior 50/50. The flats needs to be big enough for 2 at all times, they need to be within walking distance of each other and so forth. If I'm still unemployed we may keep flatsharing and rent a 3 bedroom in Zürich and a studio in the Alps (so I can work as a ski instructor in the winter and we can have a "private zone" otherwise). We also have the issue that he travels for work sometimes or has late meetings, I would need to be flexible with regards to that as long as I don't work anyway.

I'd prefer to live alone though, if anything because he's not exactly the most autonomous guy in a house (and I'm being polite ). And because it would be quiet and I would be able to do as I wish a week out of 2, no questions asked. I love it when I'm in Zermatt alone...no need to take care of others... Honestly I'm not even sure I would want to live with anyone again. He would definitely have to show that he has some basic survival skills and is not looking for a second mom, otherwise I'd be more in favour of keeping each our own place and visiting.

The Gold Diggers can come and dig, as long as they tell me if they find anything. I may be rich in many things, but money is not one of them.

Re. going out alone, I tried it in Zermatt a couple of times, it's truly depressing and definitely not for me. I think activities are more my thing.

I really hate people who talk about their ex. Had a couple if disastrous dates in the fall where the guys only bitched about their ex for the entire evening. On a second date!!! One of them was still so full of bitterness after 7 years, I was totally depressed on his behalf by the end of the evening. Possibly they were looking for kinship, but I have nothing to say except that I feel sorry for them, and that I drink gin&tonic with my ex while discussing our dating experiences... Been carefully avoiding divorced men since, which is probably not very wise because 40 year olds who have never had a longer relationship usually have other serious issues. I don't even talk about my kid on early dates, I don't hide the fact that I have one, but kids is a super boring topic for outsiders.
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Old 26.02.2017, 19:37
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

Women are like motorcycles and guitars, I'm only interested in those I want to keep for life.

Tom

P.S. Two of my guitars are older than my wife, and one a year younger.
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Old 26.02.2017, 19:37
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Only thing I've ever been interested in myself.

Anything else is a waste of time.

Words of wisdom from mommy: never date someone you wouldn't want to marry.

Me: fortunately I'm fine with marrying a total slut.

Tom
Good we're all different. I married once and it was supposed to be forever, I'm oerfectly happy with enjoying niw and the near future with someone without trying to plan for a common retirement.

I wouldn't date someone I don't find genuinely interesting. As I wouldn't sleep with someone who's only good looking and that I have no intellectual or emotional connection with. For the rest, I'm happy to go with the flow. I'm not a slut and I'm definitely neither a one night stand nor a non-monogamous type, but the girl definitely has urges (and there disappeared the last little rest of respectability I may have had on this forum ).
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Old 26.02.2017, 19:47
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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I don't even talk about my kid on early dates, I don't hide the fact that I have one, but kids is a super boring topic for outsiders.
Here we differ 100%. My child, and our past intertwined history is a part of what makes the good bits of me. To miss that out of the conversation would be deception
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Old 26.02.2017, 19:53
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

I never dated much either....had relationships with guys who started out as friends. One that lasted a while....but it was a disaster. Major introvert, really bad at small talk. Sort of geeky. (Me, I mean)

When I was in my late 30's I went to grad school again and met my husband at 38. we married not quite two years later. We were friends first, for about 8 months....there were some prickly bits to our situation. This was his first job, and he was a professor in my department. But he never taught or evaluated me, and fortunately, our uni had no specific rules about such things. I was a non - traditional student paid by my employer and 8 years older than him...sort of created a balance. But anyway, we started going out to dinner on a regular basis, i had a car (he didn't) and we ran errands....it was really very fun, and special.

Maybe 10 months after we met, we decided to marry. We spent a lot of time together, we were very comfortable with each other. I think for some people dating works really well. not me.

The key is to find a venue where you can meet lots of people. Online may work for that. School worked well for me, but maybe meetup has some interesting groups.
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Old 26.02.2017, 21:14
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Here we differ 100%. My child, and our past intertwined history is a part of what makes the good bits of me. To miss that out of the conversation would be deception
Well, they know I have a kid. And eventually I share more about said offspring, especially since he's a pretty cool dude. But I would hate for someone to feel that I have nothing else to talk about than my kid. Besides, as an unwilling Hausfrau, I kind of hate the idea of being defined solely by my role as a mother and I really enjoy having something else to talk about than parenting when I first meet someone new. Personal hang-up of mine.

It's like Future-X. I'm open that we still live together, although we would prefer not to, and that we get along well and intend to continue to get along well. He will always be my son's father and we will always be a family even if we're not together anymore. Anyone having issues with that probably isn't right for me (Future-X actually broke up with a woman who was totally paranoid about me wanting to have him back. As if... ). But it's not like I talk so much about him when I meet new men. They don't care, and it's ok.
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Old 26.02.2017, 21:26
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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it's not like I talk so much about him when I meet new men. They don't care, and it's ok.
Both of my wives have had kids from their previous marriages, why wouldn't I care?

That said, I have very close relationships with my two kids, my 2 stepkids from my late wife, and the two stepkids from my current wife/

Tom
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Old 26.02.2017, 21:47
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Re: Dating again in your 40s

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Was looking at my biceps while balancing on a curved board placed on top of an air filled pillow listening to my habitual Linkin Park soundtrack (gym is about the only place where I can listen to that kind of music, Future-X is more a Lana del Rey type).
Linkin Park? Really? Nah... When I was your age, I was watching Nick Oliveri strip bare bollock naked during a QOTSA gig.

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Roegner, I don't feel low, I just feel like I don't belong. I just have to find "my" crowd now. It's a bit harder because I've always evolved in male dominated environements and I relate better to men than women, but I'm working on it.
Don't bother. That's not going to change. Been there, done that. A few of my dates complained that they had to run the gamut of my male friends en masse when they were expecting to meet a group of pink and fluffy ladies. Ha! With a few exceptions, my female friends are their wives.
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