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Old 28.06.2017, 14:07
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the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

Hello there!

So, this is my first time posting on this forum. I have been doing (extensive) research about Swiss German guys, but can't find satisfying answer.

I'm new to Switzerland and met this charming german swiss guy about a month and a half ago. But I must stay he acts a bit.. strange. I mean, he is EXTREMELY passive and uncommunicative between our dates. When we hang out together we really have great banter and chemistry, but he never initiates dates and takes days to reply any text.

Now I am not the clingy type (not a huge fan of texts either) but I find this really strange. Is this a cultural thing?

We are intimate now but he clearly isn't just after sex, we sometimes just go to the park or on hikes.

I really try to take it easy but I just wonder if he is that into me at all.. If there is just a cultural difference at play it's fine, but this starts to look like indifference to me

Help please?

Thanks!
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:13
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

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Is this a cultural thing?
No.

While the Swiss are on the reserved side, that has never kept any of them texting and calling and initiating anything if they really want to. Maybe they do so somewhat less aggressively than others, but certainly not not at all.

He's simply not particularly interested, maybe in a serious relationship, or maybe in general. That's all.
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:17
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

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No.

While the Swiss are on the reserved side, that has never kept any of them texting and calling and initiating anything if they really want to. Maybe they do so somewhat less aggressively than others, but certainly not not at all.

He's simply not particularly interested, maybe in a serious relationship, or maybe in general. That's all.
Maybe that is just his personality. OP just be upfront and ask him where he sees this relationship going?

I dont think its a cultural thing.
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:20
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

I don't think it's cultural.

You're a woman. Do it the way that countless generations have done since time immemorial: Tell him what the hell he's supposed to do.
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:21
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

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Maybe that is just his personality. OP just be upfront and ask him where he sees this relationship going?

I dont think its a cultural thing.
Possibly, sure. However, never initiating is one thing. Not responding for days on end another. Apparently, he has enough time to sleep with her, just not enough to respond to her texts (or calls?). IMHO - oldest story in the book.

Of course with the exception of the man himself, no one will ever know what's up, so yeah, why not ask him instead of here...
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:24
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Thank you both for your reply!

I did make a joke about this (told him he was a bit elusive at times) but he just laughed and didn't take it seriously I think.

I don't want to get into the "where is this going" just yet, I am fine with keeping things casual right now, but I just need to feel like he actually puts some effort into seeing each other.

Honestly, this just makes me sad and frustrated, especially since he is so sweet when we meet.

As I told, I don't think he's just after that. Last time for example we went on a date, I offered him to go to his place but he told me he had to leave early the morning after and did not want to act rude by making me leave early too..Then he kissed me on the forehead.. so yeah, that's confusing behavior to me

Last edited by 3Wishes; 28.06.2017 at 15:24. Reason: merging consecutive replies
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:31
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

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Thank you both for your reply!

I did make a joke about this (told him he was a bit elusive at times) but he just laughed and didn't take it seriously I think.

I don't want to get into the "where is this going" just yet, I am fine with keeping things casual right now, but I just need to feel like he actually puts some effort into seeing each other.

Honestly, this just makes me sad and frustrated, especially since he is so sweet when we meet.
Don't mistake this for a personal attack, that isn't what it is.

You appear to be interested enough in the "where is this going?" thing to ask a group of complete strangers who know neither you, nor him, about how to read the local road signs.

There's only one person who can answer questions about what he thinks of you, that's him.

He may very well think that you're not all that serious yourself, and that may frustrate him and make him sad.

There's one way to tell, and you won't find it on google.
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:32
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

Sorry, not changing my viewpoint quite yet... There's a slight chance he is super shy and super reserved or doesn't know what you want. The likelier explanation is that he is not super-interested.

You aslo seem to think about this too much for it to 'not quite matter much yet'.

The key is communication as always. Better learn how to do that right away.
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:36
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

There have been a few threads on the same subject, and quite a lot of comments in real life from female friends of mine (as well as my experience of quite a few Swiss guys), so I think that it is a partial cultural thing.

This is the first thread I could find, but I'm sure there are more!

https://www.englishforum.ch/general-...swiss-men.html
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:38
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

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As I told, I don't think he's just after that. Last time for example we went on a date, I offered him to go to his place but he told me he had to leave early the morning after and did not want to act rude by making me leave early too..Then he kissed me on the forehead.. so yeah, that's confusing behavior to me
Have you *ever* been to his place? Could there be a reason he doesn't want you to go there?

Having said that, my fiancée is Swiss and has long made a point of not dating Swiss men, especially not Swiss German. I do think there may be a cultural aspect to your guy's behaviour.
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:42
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

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Have you *ever* been to his place? Could there be a reason he doesn't want you to go there?

Having said that, my fiancée is Swiss and has long made a point of not dating Swiss men, especially not Swiss German. I do think there may be a cultural aspect to your guy's behaviour.
Yes I have, and his place was fine... The fridge was just empty
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:43
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

Suggest next weekend away in the Black Forest, then you will find out if he is married.
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:45
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

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Have you *ever* been to his place? Could there be a reason he doesn't want you to go there?
My thoughts exactly.
You say you don't care too much where this is heading, yet spending time here you must care some. As already proposed above, only he can snwer you, so ask him, and let him know what you want from the relationship. If you are not getting what you want, move on. It's not serious yet so your heart won't get broken.
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:45
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

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Yes I have, and his place was fine... The fridge was just empty
Ah, well, you can scratch "already in a serious relationship" off the list, then!

Maybe you should propose a date in Migros and make it a recurring event... every Tuesday and Friday?
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:46
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

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Sorry, not changing my viewpoint quite yet... There's a slight chance he is super shy and super reserved or doesn't know what you want. The likelier explanation is that he is not super-interested.
Or could be that he is..old school let's say, and counts on him doing the pursuing, which OP might not give him enough chance for?

It seems more to me that he is considering and testing the field..what is out there for him. Uncommitted. Which would be all very OK if OP did not long for something else. A kiss on a forehead? After sex?

Sorry OP - plan a wild weekend and there is a plenty of fish and all the other witticism.

Or the rota - lol. He might respond.

Empty fridge - he might not be, uhm...solvent? What if he thinks he cannot afford a relationship? Cash is big here. Did he take you out?
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:52
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

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Or could be that he is..old school let's say, and counts on him doing the pursuing, which OP might not give him enough chance for?
Possible. But everything's possible

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It seems more to me that he is considering and testing the field..what is out there for him. Uncommitted. Which would be all very OK if OP did not long for something else.
Agree.

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A kiss on a forehead? After sex?
And I thought I was the only one finding that weird
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:52
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

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Yes I have, and his place was fine... The fridge was just empty
Ok, just to be absolutely clear...

I'M NOT THE GUY!
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:56
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

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Possible. But everything's possible



Agree.



And I thought I was the only one finding that weird

Haha no he did not kiss me on the forehead AFTER sex, he just declined my offer to have sex THEN kissed me on the forehead.. which made me feel a bit like a 6 years old tbh
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Old 28.06.2017, 14:57
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

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Haha no he did not kiss me on the forehead AFTER sex, he just declined my offer to have sex THEN kissed me on the forehead.. which made me feel a bit like a 6 years old tbh
Doesn't make it any weirder and you said yourself why
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Old 28.06.2017, 15:00
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Re: the struggle of dating a Swiss German guy?

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Haha no he did not kiss me on the forehead AFTER sex, he just declined my offer to have sex THEN kissed me on the forehead.. which made me feel a bit like a 6 years old tbh
Ruuuuunnnnnn..That's worse. Unless you have a tendency to absolutely wear guys off.

I am expecting a social event thread for the wknd, btw.

Anyways - if he ever reads this, you might not get more than a kiss on a forehead, like ever.
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