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View Poll Results: Can men and women just be friends?
I'm a woman - Yes 40 33.61%
I'm a woman - No 6 5.04%
I'm a man - Yes 47 39.50%
I'm a man - No 24 20.17%
Dunno 2 1.68%
Voters: 119. You may not vote on this poll

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  #101  
Old 08.09.2017, 15:11
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

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Can a woman be just friends with a man?, yes we are more honourable and not just motivated by sex, which is why we have more varied in number and variety of friends.
Men are only motivated by sex? Women are more honourable?

Sometimes I wonder if I live in parallel Universe that only barely converges into the universe where other people live in.

The more I read things like this, the more I want to keep in my own parallel universe where people cover a way more colourful spectrum instead of fitting in random defined stereotypes out of the mind of station novels from the 50's.

Mathematically speaking: if men are not capable of being just friends with women, but women are capable of being just friends with men - and have a diverse group of friends - who are those men in her honourable friends group? Men who want to shtup her? Or only gays? Perhaps eunuchs?
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  #102  
Old 08.09.2017, 16:49
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

If you do a spot check on the answers on this thread is that women generally say yes they can be friends with men, (unless their husbands have left for a female 'friend'), the men on this thread bring up sexual attraction, friend zone (unrequited sexual attraction) or jokes about sex.. they know why they are 'friends' with a woman.

so in the ef universe .. men can see into their dark little hearts lol why would you want to ignore what they are telling you? anyway i wish it were a parallel universe

I think feelings can grow over time, why put yours or someone elses relationship at risk when its avoidable.

Anyway the muslim religion knows men can't be trusted around women, why do you think they have all those rules about contact between the sexes.
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  #103  
Old 08.09.2017, 17:08
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

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Anyway the muslim religion knows men can't be trusted around women, why do you think they have all those rules about contact between the sexes.
Do you perhaps mean that specific groups of Muslims believe men are too weak to control their impulses? This is not Muslim specific, some puritans groups play for the same team and are Christians.

Fortunately, there are quite a few other religious people, and non-religious people, who believe humans have evolved beyond the basic "women are the devil incarnate" and "men are sexual predators only waiting for the right moment".

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If you do a spot check on the answers on this thread is that women generally say yes they can be friends with men, (unless their husbands have left for a female 'friend'), the men on this thread bring up sexual attraction, friend zone (unrequited sexual attraction) or jokes about sex.. they know why they are 'friends' with a woman.
You, of all people, should know how to read a poll: the majority of people of both sexes who have answered this questionnaire believe friendship is unrelated to genitalia.
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  #104  
Old 09.09.2017, 03:05
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

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They've all thought about shagging you in various specific ways ,
No way! Never! Absolutely not!

They've all seen me at my absolute worst, and I've seen them worse than that. My closest mate of the group had the nickname 'Lover Boy' before he began dating his wife. That lad should have been a male model, he was so handsome. When I was having a wisdom tooth removed, he met me at the dentist's for my house keys. When I got home, he'd brought the duvet down onto the sofa, and set a side table up with a box of tissues, paracetemol, a mug of salted water and a coffee, then we spent all evening watching MTV until I fell asleep. That's the kind of stuff a real friend does.

From the first day I met that lad, I always knew he'd end up marrying the girl who's now his wife. He always thought she was out of his league. For 7 long years, I was his confidante through all his trials and tribulations over girlfriends until he got brave and asked 'The One' for a date. Another of the same group of friends took 12yrs to get the courage to date the girl he's now married to. I can't begin to count how many times we've stayed up all night talking about life, the universe and everything over a bottle of vodka.

You're really selling men short if you think they're all only after one thing. Having men as your closest friends is a privilege, and when they unanimously approve of your new man instead of saying he's a feckless **** and wanting to knock his light out, you know you've got it right.

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Can a man be just friends with a woman?, no not really, not unless they are planning some move in the future, otherwise they don't waste their time.
All I can say to that is, you need some new male friends. Honestly.
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  #105  
Old 09.09.2017, 09:20
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

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Just for the record Obviously pollution has a different meaning for you. To me it is exclusively negative.
Of course it is - and it used that way on purpose, ironically. Because dscriminating against attractive friends of our partners is not smart.

I keep reading here about "dangerous teritory", "risk" and preventative mindset, etc. Everybody has a lot to lose, to compare is futile.

My point was - before we get lost again in some sematic nitpickin, that adults can surely control themselves enough to not have to limit the positive gain of friendship. There is a little detail in it, though, they would have to want that control first, I think. Not wanting it speaks volumes, about what has been going on up until now. Not much about what will happen with an attractive friend.

To preventatively close doors to friendship says nothing about the new, potential bond (hasn't gotten a chance to develop yet, innit), maybe more about how protective one has to be of the old one.

In my experience, the most solid (mature and trust based), partnerships give eachother the most freedom and trust to have friends. Attractive friends, too. People have crushes all the time, to deal with it sensibly is a different question. But in a solid bond I think there is no need for a puritan, ascetic and dull preventative/limiting mindset or what-if scenarios or limiting one's partners friends choice or having control over how far he/she can deal with friends. One can protect but it can only go as far as the willingness of the other partner to cherish the mutual bond as well. If he does not, time to redefine or find what suits.

I reacted to the idea of "risk". Life is a risk. Everything is. No risk and any attraction/chemistry for anyone slowly evaporates. Of course that with time it mostly does and we stay for other reasons, but actively trying to preventatively limit the risk imho says that we either do not trust him or ourselves, or are very aware of human nature and chemistry that we might not provide any more.

People should have friends. Period. Attractive too.

We don't bite, hahahah. Mostly.
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  #106  
Old 09.09.2017, 09:55
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

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You're really selling men short if you think they're all only after one thing. Having men as your closest friends is a privilege, and when they unanimously approve of your new man instead of saying he's a feckless **** and wanting to knock his light out, you know you've got it right.

All I can say to that is, you need some new male friends. Honestly.
Having proper friends is a privilege. regardless of if they're male, female, or mathematicians.

If Cath's male friends are as she stereotypes (or her female friends only see that stereotype) then none of them are friends.

If you can't rely on your friends to point out when you're screwed up, how on earth would you notice?
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  #107  
Old 09.09.2017, 10:18
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

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Having proper friends is a privilege. regardless of if they're male, female, or mathematicians.

If Cath's male friends are as she stereotypes (or her female friends only see that stereotype) then none of them are friends.

If you can't rely on your friends to point out when you're screwed up, how on earth would you notice?
Mathematicians might be weird as shit, but they are decent people - the lowly mortals (with their social mores) don't even register on a mathematician's radar, talk about parallel universes.

Cath, I agree, too, that you need a new set of male and female friends. Or a different social code - it could be that your view is skewed and not that of your friends.
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  #108  
Old 09.09.2017, 10:28
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

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Having proper friends is a privilege. regardless of if they're male, female, or mathematicians.

If Cath's male friends are as she stereotypes (or her female friends only see that stereotype) then none of them are friends.

If you can't rely on your friends to point out when you're screwed up, how on earth would you notice?
This is definitely true.

On the side note, it does not define the reason why I have friends. I am a bit weary of "stuff friends should do for us" and the odd lists that are out there on how to recognize a true friend, honesty and some kind of "willingness to fix me" is always on the list. I don't expect that from friends but from myself. But the info is definitely appreciated, if they feel like it.

That said, I think friends should just simply "be". Be themselves. Hot or ugly, honest or not, as they need to be, in a particular moment. They gotta just let the decision making of whether I want them in my life, on me. It is a risk we all take.

I think we expect too much from partners and friends, as it is. Fix us, be loyal and not hurt our feelings, then we come with a laundry list of what hurts our feelings. According to this thread some think attractive friend should be on the list. I think the minute people stop trying to control so much and start trusting their own decision making instead, they lay off a bit their intense expectations or demands we have on our partners and friends. So far from some here it sounds that - we can pick a hot partner (who is our friend of course, too) just to not choose hot friends (because it collides with us wanting to only have hot partners but not hot friends). Bs. Pick whoever you love as a partner and save the special kind of friend thing for a friend. Attractiveness, crushes or how people deal with them, has nothing to do with our definitions of a lover bond or a friend bond. You can be attracted to a friend, and people are all the time...it often comes from knowing your friend for a while, security, loyalty we need, being supported etc. not necessarily from physical attraction. Acting upon it is a whole another story, but why kill a friendship instead of learning to control oneself better and doing some soul searching on how that happened and why.

The stereotypes here are interesting, too: do women try to get rid off their partner's hot friends more, than guys suggesting their wives to not hang out with a hot buddy? Why am I thinking guys care less about this "potential danger" or maybe feel like since they are the ones to take her home then they don't have to worry?
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  #109  
Old 09.09.2017, 10:45
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

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The stereotypes here are interesting, too: do women try to get rid off their partner's hot friends more, than guys suggesting their wives to not hang out with a hot buddy? Why am I thinking guys care less about this "potential danger" or maybe feel like since they are the ones to take her home then they don't have to worry?
Not that I am a big fan of stereotypes, or generalisations, but I think guys deal with conflict, disagreement, or tension which happens within a friendship differently. In my experience they're more likely to say their piece, let you fall on your nose, and help deal with the aftermath without that interfering in your friendship.

Not that this is universally the case, just that that is how my male friends tend to be. It isn't much use to have any friend say "I could see where it was going, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings/jeopardize our friendship..." after the fact.

I think guys tend to do a better job of being pissed at someone without that interfering in the relationship, but that's just my opinion.
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  #110  
Old 09.09.2017, 12:42
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

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It isn't much use to have any friend say "I could see where it was going, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings/jeopardize our friendship..." after the fact.

I think guys tend to do a better job of being pissed at someone without that interfering in the relationship, but that's just my opinion.
Oh the number of lectures I've had that began with "I'm telling you straight..." or "What was all that about on Saturday night?" Those same lectures also usually ended with... "It takes a man to know a man, and he's not right for you!" I appreciated the bluntness.

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The stereotypes here are interesting, too: do women try to get rid off their partner's hot friends more, than guys suggesting their wives to not hang out with a hot buddy? Why am I thinking guys care less about this "potential danger" or maybe feel like since they are the ones to take her home then they don't have to worry?
My OH is still good friends with his very attractive ex-fiancee. I've met her, we've had lunch together and we sometimes combine forces to take the mick out him when he's done something silly. I actually love that he still cares about his ex and her family. They were a huge part of his life for a long time, so it just shows me what a big heart he has.
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  #111  
Old 09.09.2017, 12:58
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

I don't know about a woman and a man being friends but it works more less like that ...
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  #112  
Old 09.09.2017, 13:27
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Mathematicians might be weird as shit..
No, they aren't. Everybody else is.

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I don't know about a woman and a man being friends but it works more less like that ...
You mean they can't see that they are both chicks?

Life always brings interesting surprises
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  #113  
Old 09.09.2017, 13:51
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

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.....
On the side note, it does not define the reason why I have friends. I am a bit weary of "stuff friends should do for us" and the odd lists that are out there on how to recognize a true friend .......

I think we expect too much from partners and friends, as it is.
I guess we do with partners.
But friends ... there is not list of what they should do for us. There are tiny little things I notice where I'm flabbergasted about "how did he know", "how could he sense this" ...... and the huge things, where he pulls you out or through a rough time in life without you asking for it .... and one day it hits you: This guy is an amazing friend. By then the bond of friendship has already established.
You can't promise to be a friend, you can just be one.

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.... It isn't much use to have any friend say "I could see where it was going, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings/jeopardize our friendship..." after the fact......
That sounds more like someone who wanted to see you stumble.

My real friends are the ones who make me look at the things I try to ignore when I'm about to make decisions. They never give me advice, they point out things. "Did you think about this?", "Did you take that into consideration?", "How do you plan to deal with it if xy happens?", "Do you want to keep putting up with this?"
I don't have to answer those questions, they make me ponder the problem and see the whole picture before I make my own moves.

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If you do a spot check on the answers on this thread is that women generally say yes they can be friends with men, (unless their husbands have left for a female 'friend'), the men on this thread bring up sexual attraction, friend zone (unrequited sexual attraction) or jokes about sex.. they know why they are 'friends' with a woman.

so in the ef universe .. men can see into their dark little hearts lol why would you want to ignore what they are telling you? anyway i wish it were a parallel universe

I think feelings can grow over time, why put yours or someone elses relationship at risk when its avoidable.

Anyway the muslim religion knows men can't be trusted around women, why do you think they have all those rules about contact between the sexes.
You make it sound as if guys are attracted to woman just because they are female – no matter how ugly, how bitchy, how ignorant they may be. In fact your opinion comes across as incredibly misandrous.

<<I think feelings can grow over time, why put yours or someone elses relationship at risk when its avoidable.>> Because this is life? I wouldn't want a partner to stay with me just because he didn't have a chance to get to know other people. LOL. If I'd have to lock him up / shield him off he would definitely not be the guy I'd want to spend my life with.
As MC said: The one who takes him/her home is the one that counts :-)

Ah and there is the saying: “Show me your friends and I tell you who you are”. For that the other one needs to have friends. ;-)
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  #114  
Old 10.09.2017, 02:57
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

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I'm thinking more along the lines of "yes, I'm attracted to you, and obviously you are attracted to me, but we both know we can't act on that due to our personal situations, so let's just have lunch and enjoy each other's company" kinda thing.

Is it OK to just enjoy the company of an attractive person, but just leave it as that? Nothing more required?
It won't be left at 'just that'!
I love having straight male friends until the situation turns sticky. Even when you are led to believe they are gay, suddenly they are not.
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  #115  
Old 10.09.2017, 04:25
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

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It won't be left at 'just that'!
I love having straight male friends until the situation turns sticky. Even when you are led to believe they are gay, suddenly they are not.
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  #116  
Old 10.09.2017, 09:34
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

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It won't be left at 'just that'!
I love having straight male friends until the situation turns sticky. Even when you are led to believe they are gay, suddenly they are not.
The advantages of a spectrum.

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A man's best friend.

Although I'd prefer a German shepard, I think.
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Old 10.09.2017, 10:22
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

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Having proper friends is a privilege. regardless of if they're male, female, or mathematicians.
That made me laugh.. I will tell it to my husband

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Mathematicians might be weird as shit, but they are decent people - the lowly mortals (with their social mores) don't even register on a mathematician's radar, talk about parallel universes.
.
OMG, what an image... Good weird Funnybone, good weird.
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Old 10.09.2017, 14:47
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

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It won't be left at 'just that'!
I love having straight male friends until the situation turns sticky. Even when you are led to believe they are gay, suddenly they are not.
It may just be me here, but... Eh?
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Old 10.09.2017, 22:03
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

Well, as the OP I am impressed with the Response to this thread. I will break it down quite clearly.
  • At work there is a very comely Young Lady who fancies my Company.
  • We do lunch.
  • I enjoy the Company of said Young attractive woman who clearly likes me.
  • I will not make any Kind of move on her, fully knowing the shitstorm that would unleash.
  • If she makes a move on me, all bets are off.
  • She won't. It's not what women do, especially attractive ones. They always leave it up to the guy.

So my bet: I am safe. Nice lunches, nice Company. And I can call her a friend, right?
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Old 10.09.2017, 22:33
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Re: Can a man and a woman be just friends?

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[*]If she makes a move on me, all bets are off.[*]She won't. It's not what women do, especially attractive ones. They always leave it up to the guy.
I think you are correct there.
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