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Old 09.07.2018, 09:14
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Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

I had a more than 2 years relationship that went astray and I know there is little hope in making it work. I need to do something to stop thinking about her or how to fix it or stop thinking about the past and the mistakes I did or might have done etc. All these thoughts are making me crazy. She cut all contact and so did I. Yes I have some dignity and self-respect and know well how much worse it can get when you start insisting to get her back with texting, calling etc. it just never works.

What can I do in Zurich to feel better, fill my time and get over this relationship faster besides going to a counselor? things that have crossed my mind:
  • Socializing but I'm not the most social type, rather picky with people and friends
  • Partying not really, maybe one or two times going out per month
  • Tinder? time-wasting, tried it in the past and makes me depressed
  • Discussion groups?

I'm also not working at the moment so have more time and it is the worst because I think about her all the time.
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Old 09.07.2018, 09:23
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

Buy a motorcycle.

Tom
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Old 09.07.2018, 09:25
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

Pack a bag and take a break from life - travel somewhere different. You won't be able to forget her, specially if it's recent, but it will distract you with different things, different people, different cultures.

When I go through a hard patch, travel helps me heal. If I keep on the same environment, it takes longer to heal.
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Old 09.07.2018, 09:41
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

You will have to go through the phases.
The pain, the self-doubt, the anger (you're not there yet, it seems), the resignation. If you let those happen, one day you will suddenly notice, that it turned into a memory.

There's a time to mourn, if you try to skip it you won't get over it properly. If you find out you made mistakes, learn from them for a next time. Backwards is not a direction!

But there is a time to move on. When I need to get over something and I've gone through the phases above, I set myself a date after a while. Sounds weird maybe but I kind of decide that for one last week-end I shall allow myself every emotion that overcomes me. Even if it is simple self-pitty. And on Monday I will move on. It works!

Tom's advice is actually quite good too.
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Last edited by curley; 09.07.2018 at 16:06.
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Old 09.07.2018, 09:52
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

Been there. No cash, no friends, broken heart.

I went for walks - lots of them. No headphones, eyes open, no map. Each footfall shook a bit more of her away. Serendipity led me to some wonderful places. The views were fantastic. I got a tan, lost some weight.

When I could afford a GA, I bought one. I walked further afield.

Then, one day, I realised that I hadn't thought about her at all.

It will get better.
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Old 09.07.2018, 10:17
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

It's a bit like a cold...



- If you do everything you can, medicine, bed rest, etc., you should get over it in seven days.


- If you just let it go its course and go along for the ride, it'll probably wind up in a week.
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Old 09.07.2018, 10:49
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

sorry to hear that. it's something that most people have gone through and can empathise with. in the end, it will just take time, but i would suggest physical activity while time does its work. taking up swimming, cycling or some sport would probably be helpful. i like swimming as your brain has to switch off and focus on what you are doing. cycling i find meditative. and sport such as football or badminton is competitive, keeps you fit and is social too. good luck!
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Old 09.07.2018, 10:59
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

If you're not working then go to a place where the guys are fugly and the chics are hot - Ukraine , Romania , Croatia - plenty to choose from. Hang out in a hostel and you'll meet folks and have an adventure.
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Old 09.07.2018, 11:05
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

Remember you like yourself..

Remind yourself with the little things. A meal or food you loved as a kid/teenager, make it.. a place you haven't visited in years, go. Talk to old friends and with loved family members. Get back to you.. not just the you, she knew.. but you, you.

The wholeness is always there. Love and like yourself and keep going.
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Old 09.07.2018, 11:07
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

I am seconding st2lemans, if I remember right you already had one once?
Pack a bike and go somewhere, especially if you are not working. You will still have an urge to go home, lay in bed and be miserable, but you will be to far away to to it.
Yelling and crying in motorbike helmet is another good thing, no one can see you or hear you. Than you just flip your visor up and you start crying from the wind in your eyes.
And finally trips gives you enough momentary problems that you have a feeling that you are not entirely useless.
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Old 09.07.2018, 11:12
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

I raised more than once that I find Switzerland a bit boring at times. However, the summer is one of two exceptions! (the other one being the skiing season...). Go out to the lake. Get a stand up board and paddle around. Go to one of the rivers and float them down on a rubber boat. Hike a mountain. Go running/cycling/mountain biking/...


Sports are great to free your mind and you don't need to become the next Cancellara to feel better... loads of sport meetups around if you don't feel like doing it alone.


P.S> SO I am the only one to tell you to not pack and go somewhere else right now. Do that Thailand trip in November when the weather sucks again in ZH.
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Old 09.07.2018, 11:22
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

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Do that Thailand trip in November when the weather sucks again in ZH.
And get stuck in a cave?

Tom
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Old 09.07.2018, 11:31
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

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And get stuck in a cave?

Tom
Well, such a thing does tend to take your mind off other things and puts them in perspective
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Old 09.07.2018, 11:31
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

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And get stuck in a cave?

Tom
Or in a hole in the wall..

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Old 09.07.2018, 11:49
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

maybe join internations.
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Old 09.07.2018, 15:21
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

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Been there. No cash, no friends, broken heart.

I went for walks - lots of them. No headphones, eyes open, no map. Each footfall shook a bit more of her away. Serendipity led me to some wonderful places. The views were fantastic. I got a tan, lost some weight.

When I could afford a GA, I bought one. I walked further afield.

Then, one day, I realised that I hadn't thought about her at all.

It will get better.
What is a GA? xD
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Old 09.07.2018, 15:26
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

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What is a GA? xD
Generalabonnement.

It takes you everywhere in Switzerland. And you meet all the nice girls.
But in DB's case, EF was enough for that.
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Old 09.07.2018, 15:46
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

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[*]Tinder? time-wasting, tried it in the past and makes me depressed
Come on, don't discount the new technologies!

1) Install Tinder, Happn, Badoo, etc. on your phone; Tip: you need to play these apps at least twice a day and exhaust all the profiles. This will help you match with tourists.
2) Consider a wide age range for the girls. Trust me, there are a lot of 20-year old girls who likes older guys.
3) Put the best of photos of yourself, preferably those where you seen confident, smiling, adventuring, etc.
4) Have around 5 or so pre-defined flirt phrases so you just copy and paste and thus save time;
5) Don't be shy, be bold, and ask for her whatsapp after having had developed a conversation. Ask for more photos, invite her out as soon as possible, take action and lead. In a world polluted with crap feminism, there are a lot of ladies out there crying out for a dominant male.
6) Don't be a "white belt" and invite her our for dinner. Go for a bar instead and use alcohol for your benefit: suggest a drink made of heavy liquor (e.g. vodka) but sweet so she won't notice. Suggest a second heavy liquor drink, a third... If she says "oh no thanks, I am getting dizzy.." finish up by suggesting "hey, you are right, let's ask something light" and ask a bottle of Prosecco (or champagne). The bubbles of the prosecco help it get in faster in the bloody stream and after that she will become a more "courageous", if you know what I mean.

Anyway, after scoring some girls I pretty sure you will forget your ex.
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Old 09.07.2018, 15:50
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

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Come on, don't discount the new technologies!

1) Install Tinder, Happn, Badoo, etc. on your phone; Tip: you need to play these apps at least twice a day and exhaust all the profiles. This will help you match with tourists.
2) Consider a wide age range for the girls. Trust me, there are a lot of 20-year old girls who likes older guys.
3) Put the best of photos of yourself, preferably those where you seen confident, smiling, adventuring, etc.
4) Have around 5 or so pre-defined flirt phrases so you just copy and paste and thus save time;
5) Don't be shy, be bold, and ask for her whatsapp after having had developed a conversation. Ask for more photos, invite her out as soon as possible, take action and lead. In a world polluted with crap feminism, there are a lot of ladies out there crying out for a dominant male.
6) Don't be a "white belt" and invite her our for dinner. Go for a bar instead and use alcohol for your benefit: suggest a drink made of heavy liquor (e.g. vodka) but sweet so she won't notice. Suggest a second heavy liquor drink, a third... If she says "oh no thanks, I am getting dizzy.." finish up by suggesting "hey, you are right, let's ask something light" and ask a bottle of Prosecco (or champagne). The bubbles of the prosecco help it get in faster in the bloody stream and after that she will become a more "courageous", if you know what I mean.

Anyway, after scoring some girls I pretty sure you will forget your ex.
Probably better than hanging about the vegetables section in Coop, demonstratively buying single servings of fresh fruit and veg.
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Old 09.07.2018, 15:50
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Re: Heartbroken and more less alone in ZH, how to cope?

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If you're not working then go to a place where the guys are fugly and the chics are hot - Ukraine , Romania , Croatia - plenty to choose from. Hang out in a hostel and you'll meet folks and have an adventure.
Great tip. I will add Poland too, particularly university cities such as Krakow and Wroclaw. Polish women are so sweet, so nice, so feminine...
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