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  #121  
Old 24.02.2019, 18:43
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

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I did but it's a weekly issues, not just once. Just gets annoying and was curious if others have the same.... that is why I asked.

I don't give a toss about what she thinks/feels at the end of the day.
This makes me feel both a little sad for you, and want to commend you on asking about it.

I agree with many other posters here: yes, I have been told to go back to my country, but no, it is not at all common in my life in Switzerland.

When I was relatively new here and mentioned at work that I didn't like the way people treated me, my Swiss manager was surprised, and offered to come out for a walk with me. We separated, so she could observe my interactions, and thereafter she was able to offer me some frank criticism of my behaviour. All of the things she'd noticed would have been normal, friendly, polite or polite-enough behaviour where I'd grown up, but some, she explained to me, were not tge right manner(s) here. Her criticism must have been accurate, and my subsequent slight modifications, too, since the issues quickly stopped.

Perhaps you could find someone local (whom you know and trust to give you honest feedback) who would be prepared to watch you interacting "out there in real life" and tell you honestly if you are perhaps inadvertently pressing local people's buttons, as it were, provoking a negative reaction. Good luck!

Last edited by doropfiz; 24.02.2019 at 21:10. Reason: Adding "whom you know...
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  #122  
Old 24.02.2019, 19:21
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

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This makes me feel both a little sad for you, and want to commend you on asking about it.

I agree with many other posters here: yes, I have been told to go back to my country, but no, it is not at all common in my life in Switzerland.

When I was relatively new here and mentioned at work that I didn't like the way people treated me, my Swiss manager was surprised, and offered to come out for a walk with me. We separated, so she could observe my interactions, and thereafter she was able to offer me some frank criticism of my behaviour. All of the things she'd noticed would have been normal, friendly, polite or polite-enough behaviour where I'd grown up, but some, she explained to me, were not tge right manner(s) here. Her criticism must have been accurate, and my subsequent slight modifications, too, since the issues quickly stopped.

Perhaps you could find someone local who would be prepared to watch you interacting "out there in real life" and tell you honestly if you are perhaps inadvertently pressing local people's buttons, as it were, provoking a negative reaction. Good luck!

To be fair, I think it was established fairly early on in the thread that the bit when you as the johnny foreigner start a sentence with ‘Where I come from...” it normally rubs the indigenous population up the wrong way.

Probably does in the OP’s origin country, and I know you’re likely to get told to f00k off if you come out with that in a queue in Tesco in the UK, probably stabbed if you’re in the right bit of the city. No different here. Apart from the stabbing bit, maybe.

No need for following round and observing.
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  #123  
Old 24.02.2019, 19:40
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

Following around and observing..will probably provoke another wtf reaction. Just sayin'. "I am trying to integrate" as an excuse when people realize that they are under a surveillance or giving some sociological research as an excuse won't fly, either.

Last edited by MusicChick; 24.02.2019 at 20:40.
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  #124  
Old 24.02.2019, 21:06
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

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To be fair, I think it was established fairly early on in the thread that the bit when you as the johnny foreigner start a sentence with ‘Where I come from...” it normally rubs the indigenous population up the wrong way.
Oh yes, I agree with you completely about using that particular phrase or versions thereof. It's hardly likely to win any friends, and can offend. Agreed.

Since OP said it happens often (so not only in that one supermarket queue situation described), I wondered whether he/she might, in other incidents, be doing something else, too, that comes across as offensive, besides using the "Where I come from" phrase.
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  #125  
Old 24.02.2019, 21:26
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

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When I was relatively new here and mentioned at work that I didn't like the way people treated me, my Swiss manager was surprised, and offered to come out for a walk with me. We separated, so she could observe my interactions, and thereafter she was able to offer me some frank criticism of my behaviour.
That behaviour by your boss seems extremely weird. Was she normal otherwise?

What, in her eyes, were you doing so wrong?
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  #126  
Old 24.02.2019, 22:27
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

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That behaviour by your boss seems extremely weird. Was she normal otherwise?

What, in her eyes, were you doing so wrong?
Doropfiz is an Inuk, originally from Greenland. It took a while to get out of the habit of rubbing noses with everyone she encountered.

Also, Swiss people seem to have a problem with being offered whale meat.

I can well understand her frustration.
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  #127  
Old 24.02.2019, 22:40
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

The 2nd time whale has been brought up today.

What's up?
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  #128  
Old 24.02.2019, 22:45
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

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The 2nd time whale has been brought up today.

What's up?
Whale oil, beef hooked?
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  #129  
Old 24.02.2019, 22:47
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

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Whale oil, beef hooked?
That’s a blast from the past!
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  #130  
Old 24.02.2019, 22:51
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

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That behaviour by your boss seems extremely weird. Was she normal otherwise?

What, in her eyes, were you doing so wrong?
She had her odd moments (don't we all?) but she taught me a great deal about how Switzerland works and for that I'll always be grateful.

One thing she said I did "wrong" was look people straight in the eye and smile broadly. She said that doing that, here, was so unusual that both men and women could interpret it as an invitation beyond what I might have meant. Once I modified that slightly, I found that there were far fewer creeps buzzing around.

She was shocked to see me not greeting shop assistants as I crossed the threshold into the shop, which hadn't been the way to do things where I grew up. And yes, once I modified that, I found the interactions in shops and at enquiry desks became so much easier.
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  #131  
Old 24.02.2019, 23:24
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

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.

One thing she said I did "wrong" was look people straight in the eye and smile broadly. She said that doing that, here, was so unusual that both men and women could interpret it as an invitation beyond what I might have meant. Once I modified that slightly, I found that there were far fewer creeps buzzing around.
.
I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t respond positively to eye-contact and a smile. On the contrary, not making eye-contact and greeting with zero expression is giving off a shifty or disinterested vibe.

Certainly no different here. Your boss sounds like she was either pulling your leg or has some social awkwardness herself.

Out of interest, where are you from?
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  #132  
Old 24.02.2019, 23:42
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

Oh I got in loads of trouble when I first arrived in Switzerland for direct eye contact and big smiles. I got followed by men and I had to convince them I wasn't looking for anything.
Sometimes woman thought I was mocking them.


When I rubbed a 90 year olds freezing hands in the restaurant I worked. I was accused of wanting to inherit from him, even though I didn't know him from Adam!


It was a minefield and in hindsight I had to let go of a lot of my natural behaviour not to be misunderstood.
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  #133  
Old 25.02.2019, 00:23
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

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I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t respond positively to eye-contact and a smile. On the contrary, not making eye-contact and greeting with zero expression is giving off a shifty or disinterested vibe.

Certainly no different here. Your boss sounds like she was either pulling your leg or has some social awkwardness herself.

Out of interest, where are you from?
Maybe it is different here than over there...but people get warm and responsive to somebody who smiles a lot, maintains direct eye contact and is up front and spontaneous, as long as one is polite.
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  #134  
Old 25.02.2019, 00:49
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

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Certainly no different here.
Oh, yes, there is a difference. As Oldhand set it out so well, it's a difference of degree and of interpretation.

That was my point, for OP: that he/she may be behaving in a way which just doesn't work well for "here" even though it might have been completely okay for "there", and a modified version might do very well, here.

Now, Mr Breakfast, what did you do with my whale?
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  #135  
Old 25.02.2019, 00:52
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

Not sure why this thread obsesses with queueing.
A few times I've heard the unveiled "go back to your country" from my work colleagues, engineers, usually when saying something critical about CH.
It tells a lot what they think but don't usually say.
Edit: In some cases they had foreign wifes from far-away cultures. Interesting.
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  #136  
Old 25.02.2019, 09:41
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

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Not sure why this thread obsesses with queueing.
A few times I've heard the unveiled "go back to your country" from my work colleagues, engineers, usually when saying something critical about CH.
It tells a lot what they think but don't usually say.
Edit: In some cases they had foreign wifes from far-away cultures. Interesting.
That's it, don't say anything critical. You've seen the reactions here on Ef which is full of foreigners, except that some of them don't believe they're foreigners. lol Or are more entitled than others to be here...(I've had a couple of "interactions" with this type before, surprisingly this genus thrives even in some multinational companies..)
Jokes aside, you can learn to be critical without bringing the worst in people. It's a delicate choreography on a very thin ice layer, not only as a person living in a foreign country....but in general! Trade wisely, being point-blank in a conversation is not always appreciated. And many a times we could be wrong ourselves.

Last edited by greenmount; 25.02.2019 at 09:57.
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  #137  
Old 25.02.2019, 11:45
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

C'est le ton qui fait la musique. See OP for one of the phrases that should be avoided.

But yes, critique from an Eastern European, as I'm assuming yacek is based on the nick, may provoke a different reaction than the same comment from a western European, let alone a Swiss. What's news?
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  #138  
Old 25.02.2019, 13:01
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

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But yes, critique from an Eastern European, as I'm assuming yacek is based on the nick, may provoke a different reaction than the same comment from a western European, let alone a Swiss. What's news?
Oh, there aren't many European more west than us, and believe me, people looooove to tell me to go back to my country if I dare mention something that could use some improvement*.

Those comments come not only from the Swiss, but quite often from the expats that feel 200% Swiss. How dare I say anything that could put a macula on their new chosen place of residency? Purrrrrrfect! Everything is puuuuuuurrrrfect!


* May I mention one time was because I told them the (building) handicap laws are absurdly evasive in Switzerland and more should be done to protect that minority like in other countries?
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  #139  
Old 25.02.2019, 13:39
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

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......* May I mention one time was because I told them the (building) handicap laws are absurdly evasive in Switzerland and more should be done to protect that minority like in other countries?
I think the trigger is in the comparison.
Why not just say << the (building) handicap laws are absurdly evasive in Switzerland and more should be done to protect that minority>> Full stop. ?

You are absolutely right about that. And not only the buildings but also the awareness of the handicapped. We had a ramp into our house for - several - people who live in wheel-chairs and tons of space and parking lots right in front of the house. Yet the maintenance people ALWAYS parked their van exactly at the end of the ramp, blocking it off. Even after I explained to them why that was not the thing to do (would you believe, you have to explain such a thing to people??!!).

Remembering Germany - just at the border to Switzerland and Munich and Frankfurt - it ain't better though.
So who cares about "other countries", it is not good enough here.

Comparison will probably always trigger "if you don't like it leave it". Isn't that the whole point of moving around in the world? That "here" is not like "there" and "there" is not like where I was last month? It is to me.

The tendency to "support" one's opinion by "it's better somewhere else" or - an other very popular one is "everybody else says so too" - is not a productive way to trigger changes. Imo.
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  #140  
Old 25.02.2019, 13:54
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Re: Go back to your own country, anyone else hear this?

Can people please refrain from posting those country comparison charts on this forum in relevant threads
- for example those regarding income, divorce rates, smoking rates, murder, drug use etc) because it's become clear that they're frowned upon by Swiss and wannabe-Swiss unless they paint Switzerland in a particularly good light.

Seriously...
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