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  #21  
Old 18.06.2019, 20:23
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Topless, filters, drunk pics are all huge turn offs (ok the first may not be if the guy is really fit but then girls know he's out for a shag)
As a man i must say that the first one is not really a turn off...
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  #22  
Old 18.06.2019, 21:06
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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As a man i must say that the first one is not really a turn off...
Believe me, I think I speak for all on EF that no-one has any interest whatsoever on your sexual interests.

Anything interesting / useful to post?
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  #23  
Old 18.06.2019, 21:27
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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#problemsolved
he's cute but I wouldn't swipe right because who wants a guy who is just bragging and trying to shag anything?
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  #24  
Old 19.06.2019, 20:09
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

Thank you for all mostly interesting replies. I don't get notifications every time somebody replies, which is why I didn't know the thread grew so big .

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Having a social life may help to meet girls, but it's not the silver bullet. Bars are good places for people who first of all like to hang out in bars. Salsa courses are good places for people who first of all like salsa. There may of course be secondary benefits but if you go in looking for that you'll probably be disappointed IMHO.

People who are principally interested in dating go to dating websites. People principally interested in sex go to sex hookup websites, or even straight to hookers.
No thanks!

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1) What makes you think being "brutally honest" is a good quality? Women generally look for honesty, but without the brutal part.

2) Not having any social circle is unfortunately generally not a good sign as far as potential dates are concerned. It shows you are not comfortable in social situations and have trouble meeting people and forming relationships. Hardly an attractive or aspirational quality to the vast majority of women who enjoy some kind of social life.

3) The dating scene will always be much bigger in more populated and cosmolitan places like Zurich or Basel etc, than in Aargau farmer land.

If you are as anti-social as you say you are then your best hope is to use:

-Dedicated dating agencies
-Dedicated dating websites
-Meetup.com (for events)
-Internations (for events)

There is no magic solution, you just have to get out there and meet people and do your best. Statistically, you will probably find someone interested in you at some point.
1) They look for honesty and only give lies in return. I have enough reverse engineering to do at work
2) Yeah maybe just the first 10 seconds are awkard. I can be social. It's more that at this point I lost most of the trust in human society (girls for the most part)
3) I went to a meetup yesterday. Was cool

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Especially if brutally honest is a code word for rude.
Read before you judge ...
Radical honesty means telling just the thruth, without bullshit around like most of people (in particolar girls) do.

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Have you figured out what were the red flags in your past relationships that may have been indicators of your partners cheating on you? So you know to be ready next time and what kind of details to be wary of.
Yeah when I will her my GF talking suspiciously on the phone I'll start to sharken my axe and knifes

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1) Try different group activities like meetups, volunteering, finding some club activities. It's a bit difficult to find any, but you can always think of organizing something yourself.

2) Online dating. I am pretty sure online dating is just as 'normal' here as anywhere else.

To be successful you need to be well groomed, meaning perfectly fitted clothes, fresh looking hairstyle, several professional photos and some personality wouldn't hurt. In your bio don't just say "i have a dog. i hate parties. i like sex" or something. Just take it easy.
Well it's been mostly online dating so far with very limited success. Something like maybe 4 dates per year and a conversion factor date -> sex of about 50%. Kind of good (for the conversion factor) but definitively the number of dates is WAY too low!

Nowadays I mostly look for sexfriends as online dating because unless it's a very good girl, chances are that any other kind of relationship won't last long ...

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pro pics look fake though, smiling is good, dressed well.

Topless, filters, drunk pics are all huge turn offs (ok the first may not be if the guy is really fit but then girls know he's out for a shag)
I would say I look the best and have the most "success" when I dress casual-moderately formal, well groomed and so on. Still the number of dates is way loo!

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If you and your doc looked at your sex drive and established it is a (severe?!) hormonal disturbance, you both, and an endocrinologist, as a team, should be able to work on it to taper it down with meds, no? If your tests came in fine, it sounds like addiction to me, so therapy and meds.

Some solutions - tons of therapy; lots of self-satisfaction; possibly BDSM as a sub looking for a dom, or maybe a switch.

I like rainer_d's and logo123's posts.
OK for anyone that thinks it is a **serious** hormonal disturbance right now here's the thing. If you know what a (ultra) low-carb / ketogenic diet is (did that) I can assure you that there it gets really much worse. I could yank myself 20-25 times per day there. Right now it's only 3-5 times per day so still relatively low. Endocrinology tests done (even during this diet) only tested thyroid hormones. They were fine (although a bit high, slightly hyperactive thyroid).

And I wouldn't say that I'm a sub. Switch maybe. But even there you first need to find your play partner / sexfriend first (tried on FetLife, nobody answers).

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Step 1: Take holidays
Step 2: Install Tinder, make a profile (A NORMAL One, and don't be дебилы)
Step 3: Travel abroad (can recommend: Bukarest, Sofia, Odessa, Chelyabinsk)
Step 4: Hookup on tinder (easier as you are a foreigner)
Step 5: ???
Step 6: Profit

Protip: Take dance lessons before you travel abroad with the intend to hookup, especially eastern europe. If you can't dance or refuse because you are shy, you will look like an ass.

There will also be some desirable side effects: You will feel more comfortable approaching women, you will improve your posture, it will help you to deal with stress, your social life will improve, you will feel less awkward in club and you may find somebody for a long term relationship, so you don't need to travel to eastern europe at all.


TLDR: Get a hobby (any hobby) and maybe see a doctor that takes care of your health condition.
I had very limited success on any dating platform (not more than 1 night stand / girlfriend for any of the online apps, including tinder). Not so sure about traveling abroad to eastern europe.

I have hobbies but the problem is that they don't really involve socializing too much. I like mainly programming, engineering, dogs and psychology. Went yesterday to a psychology meetup in Basel there were only girls . Nothing happened though

I'm trying to be aware and correct my posture. I used to do martial arts a while ago so that helps a bit. But to "transfer" all the knowledge to the "girls domain" is a whole different matter (at least, for me)

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Hey Op,

Sounds like circumstances in life have really eaten at your inner core to feel like this (or you're just the average ETH student), on EF we have no way of knowing.

But I would definitely recommend going to a psychotherapist who can coach to help you restore your confidence.

There are links on this site, but you can also PM me if you would like an address.
I appreciate the idea but somehow lost faith. Back a few years ago, even before my 1st GF, I went to a psychologist because I felt bad about my life situation. In the end after running in circles for 1 year I said stop (her tip was that "I need to change my attitude"). Good words, but (as impatient as I am) the results don't show up after I change my attitude, I get even more low.
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  #25  
Old 19.06.2019, 20:25
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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1) They look for honesty and only give lies in return. I have enough reverse engineering to do at work
2) Yeah maybe just the first 10 seconds are awkard. I can be social. It's more that at this point I lost most of the trust in human society (girls for the most part)
...
Radical honesty means telling just the thruth, without bullshit around like most of people (in particolar girls) do.

Yeah when I will her my GF talking suspiciously on the phone I'll start to sharken my axe and knifes
You seem to have trust issues. You cannot love (or be loved) if you cannot trust.
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Old 19.06.2019, 20:29
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

But…. your posts are mainly about you….. there's not too much focus on the other.
Does that happen when you are having a conversation with a young lady?

Perhaps if you could say what you find interesting about the ladies you've met, what type of character, where you went, what made you both smile and laugh on a date, what thrilled you, what you would share with a significant other etc.

Most important.. have good sense of humor on a date.
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Old 19.06.2019, 20:35
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Thank you for all mostly interesting replies. I don't get notifications every time somebody replies, which is why I didn't know the thread grew so big .


No thanks!


1) They look for honesty and only give lies in return.

without bullshit around like most of people (in particolar girls) do.

Seems that is where your problem is.....
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  #28  
Old 19.06.2019, 21:09
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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You seem to have trust issues. You cannot love (or be loved) if you cannot trust.
Well to some extent yes. Not sure how deep it is. I feel like I can trust guys "naturally" whereas even before starting talking/thinking about a girl I am "expecting to hear bullshit"

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But…. your posts are mainly about you….. there's not too much focus on the other.
Does that happen when you are having a conversation with a young lady?

Perhaps if you could say what you find interesting about the ladies you've met, what type of character, where you went, what made you both smile and laugh on a date, what thrilled you, what you would share with a significant other etc.

Most important.. have good sense of humor on a date.
No, on a date of course we talk about each other, roughly 50 50 so to say. I must say that most of the times it doesn't feel very "smooth / fluid", it always feel kind of mechanical (thinking about 10000 things and how to proceeed with the conversation).

Depends on the girl I guess. I either I appear as "awkard" or it just goes ("quite" smootly)
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  #29  
Old 19.06.2019, 22:03
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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1) They look for honesty and only give lies in return.
With an attitude like that you're doomed. You've clearly got major issues, but you'll get nowhere if you continue to think that way.

Women are just people, really not very different at all. You don't need any special skills - if you can get on with men, you can get on with women too. Failure to do so is your fault, not theirs.

And no-one's remotely interested in your solo sex life. It's not relevant here. At all.
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  #30  
Old 20.06.2019, 07:49
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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With an attitude like that you're doomed. You've clearly got major issues, but you'll get nowhere if you continue to think that way.

Women are just people, really not very different at all. You don't need any special skills - if you can get on with men, you can get on with women too. Failure to do so is your fault, not theirs.

And no-one's remotely interested in your solo sex life. It's not relevant here. At all.
Anything useful to say ?

And I was just trying to clarify to those that believe that my hormones are (not) totally out of balance right now. Relevant or not that's to be seen
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Old 20.06.2019, 08:13
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

Find a nymphomaniac.

Avoid other girls for their sake, please.

It is funny how women on this forum comment his sexual life and men are much more discreet on the subject...
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  #32  
Old 20.06.2019, 08:16
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Find a nymphomaniac.

Avoid other girls for their sake, please.

It is funny how women on this forum comment his sexual life and men are much more discreet on the subject...
1) There are not many around unfortunately. Only met 1 so far

2) Why?
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  #33  
Old 20.06.2019, 08:21
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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1) There are not many around unfortunately. Only met 1 so far

2) Why?


Because you have to learn from your past mistakes.
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  #34  
Old 20.06.2019, 08:24
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Yeah when I will her my GF talking suspiciously on the phone I'll start to sharken my axe and knifes .
Is that radical honesty..or just a figure of speech?



I like direct, open people, it is quite refreshing. But to me it sounds like you need a friend or two, 1st.
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  #35  
Old 20.06.2019, 08:24
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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2) Why?

That you fail to understand MioStar's point (Avoid other girls for their sake, please.) is the crux of the matter.

Love isn't sex, and sex isn't love. Sex is a part of a healthy relationship, but there's a whole lot more involved in founding and maintaining a healthy relationship.
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  #36  
Old 20.06.2019, 08:24
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Because you have to learn from your past mistakes.
I don't get it ... Why for **their** sake and **my past mistakes** ?
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Old 20.06.2019, 08:32
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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That you fail to understand MioStar's point (Avoid other girls for their sake, please.) is the crux of the matter.

Love isn't sex, and sex isn't love. Sex is a part of a healthy relationship, but there's a whole lot more involved in founding and maintaining a healthy relationship.
Yes, of course. But at the top of the list should (IMO) be honesty. As long as that's not on the table how can you even think of a relationship (other than just sexual)?
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Old 20.06.2019, 08:39
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Yes, of course. But at the top of the list should (IMO) be honesty. As long as that's not on the table how can you even think of a relationship (other than just sexual)?
You're convinced that women cannot be trusted? (!).

Are you being honest with yourself here? Every day thousands of couples form loving relationships, your inability to do so must somehow be the responsibility of women?
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  #39  
Old 20.06.2019, 09:30
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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You're convinced that women cannot be trusted? (!).
Somehow yes. I guess being cheated on (twice!) makes you doubt that. We can discuss if those were girls worth having a relationship with in the first place (after thought: no ing change in hell now that I am a bit more mature ).

Still the fact is that so far, finding a girl that was totally honest, not "nice words and bad actions", has shown 0 results. Probably everybody here agrees & accept all the bullshit talk from girls as it's their "way of speaking". Me personally it just makes me mad to hear a woman say "I like you" or "I care about you" or smth like that when it's just empty words and they don't mean what they say ...
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Old 20.06.2019, 09:40
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Somehow yes. I guess being cheated on (twice!) makes you doubt that. We can discuss if those were girls worth having a relationship with in the first place (after thought: no ing change in hell now that I am a bit more mature ).

Still the fact is that so far, finding a girl that was totally honest, not "nice words and bad actions", has shown 0 results. Probably everybody here agrees & accept all the bullshit talk from girls as it's their "way of speaking". Me personally it just makes me mad to hear a woman say "I like you" or "I care about you" or smth like that when it's just empty words and they don't mean what they say ...
So, you tried with two girls and it didn't work out. As my mother said to my sister many, many years ago: "You have to kiss a lot of toads."

To judge all women on the basis of your experience with two individuals is a mistake.
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