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  #101  
Old 23.06.2019, 23:53
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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If that were true who would men cheat with?
Tanya from Marketing.
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  #102  
Old 24.06.2019, 00:53
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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If that were true who would men cheat with?
Maybe it's a question of definition. When is it cheating and when is it just sailing very close to the red line. From discussions with my female friends I do have the impression they have another definition. Well, some of them at least. Such as, if you can find a good enough excuse it's no longer cheating.

Maybe it's also a question of statistics. Statistically there are slightly more women in the world than men. But they also live longer, statistically speaking and on average, so on average in the age bands before a massive dying off of men occurs, men will be more numerous than women. If you then pair a large number of those off into relationships, the ones that will be left over will magnify the imbalance withe there being way more unmatched men than women. And this will have an effect on the dating market.

Just ideas.
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Old 24.06.2019, 12:07
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

Fascinating.
This thread is dealing with so many issues which are connected but also quite independent. Started off with a dude talking about his relationship issues and we are now talking about Market Value, Wage Disparity, Dating in modern world, cheating trends etc. Quite a wide expanse.

In some ways reflects the challenges of dating today I guess. Instead of looking through the prism of gender politics, look at it as how society is functioning today. Short attention spans, multiple confusing messages (equality with chivalry, commitment with choice) and things look a bit more clear.

To the OP, not sure there is an easy answer. But with all things in life, what you give out comes back to you. A wise man once said, you get whatever you go looking for. If you want to see good in people, you will find it. If you want to see the bad in people, you will find it. Ask yourself what are you looking for.
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  #104  
Old 24.06.2019, 13:41
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

If I was to summarize the modern dating scene using online sites or apps such as Tinder as an example it is that it has all becoming extremely superficial.

To heavily generalize, most people nowadays seem to want to go into any new relationship with the cast-iron delusion that it isn't serious, that they can break out of any time and not feel tied down etc. They want someone who screams in their photos and profile they ares a world-traveler, someone inspirational, even if it is usually the Instagram showoff types with 2000 photos who are the most painfully boring and trying to overcompensate for all the other things they lack.

Luckily in Zürich there are a lot of social groups and events to go and meet people the old-fashioned way, so no need to rely on online sites or apps even if like the OP you are not very social. Statistics should eventually work in your favour.
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  #105  
Old 24.06.2019, 14:41
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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there is an easy explanation for this, girls tend to cheat less
Male to female prostitute rate probably reflects that as well. Or maybe not just that, but the fact that, due to evolution, men and women may have hardwired different reproduction strategy.
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One classic study found that when college students were approached on campus by opposite-sex confederates and asked if they wanted to "go to bed" with him/her, 75% of the men said yes while 0% percent of the women said yes
Or whatever:

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Flanagan and Cardwell argue[9] that men could not pursue this ideology without willing female partners. Every time a man has a new sexual partner, the woman also has a new sexual partner. It has been proposed, therefore, that casual sex and numerous sexual partners may also confer some benefit to females. That is, they would produce more genetically diverse offspring as a result, which would increase their chances of successfully rearing children to adolescence, or independence.[9]
Wikipedia reference-linkHuman_mating_strategies
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  #106  
Old 24.06.2019, 14:54
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Male to female prostitute rate probably reflects that as well. Or maybe not just that, but the fact that, due to evolution, men and women may have hardwired different reproduction strategy.
Some might say that statistically, men have a greater interest in sex and prostitution is simply a monetization of the delta.

I don't 100% buy that myself. I think it's much more complicated, but that would be a topic for a thread all to itself. For example, there are plenty of sex starved females out there but that's not significantly leading to male prostitution.

A look at the natural world shows there are species that are monogamous and species that are polygamous, but humans are neither really. Monogamy is a cultural and not a genetic trait. There are cultures out there where polygamy is considered normal. Many years ago I read a book called "What's love got to do with it" by Meredith Small. It was a long time ago and I forgot many of the details, and the author also says many things that i fundamentally disagree with. But one of the points she makes quite convincingly is that in human societies, already on a level of genetic programming, sex has ceased to be primarly about reproduction but it is about a lot of other things, with any reproductive effects being merely side benefits. Thus casual sex is used by both sexes but maybe more by females to build bonds within their social structure, gain allies, gain advantages.
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  #107  
Old 24.06.2019, 15:33
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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If I was to summarize the modern dating scene using online sites or apps such as Tinder as an example it is that it has all becoming extremely superficial.

To heavily generalize, most people nowadays seem to want to go into any new relationship with the cast-iron delusion that it isn't serious, that they can break out of any time and not feel tied down etc. They want someone who screams in their photos and profile they ares a world-traveler, someone inspirational, even if it is usually the Instagram showoff types with 2000 photos who are the most painfully boring and trying to overcompensate for all the other things they lack.

Luckily in Zürich there are a lot of social groups and events to go and meet people the old-fashioned way, so no need to rely on online sites or apps even if like the OP you are not very social. Statistics should eventually work in your favour.
That if you meet real people you will actually meet real people? Yes.

I tend to think that apps are there only for the convenience and control. But the leg work still neeeds to be done. The art is to make it fun and turn it into an experience but it's like that with anything. Some people nail it, some don't.
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  #108  
Old 24.06.2019, 16:03
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Some people nail it, some don't.
Dating threads can indeed be summarized like this.
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  #109  
Old 24.06.2019, 16:08
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Dating threads can indeed be summarized like this.
Not just dating threads. All general complaints threads on EF.
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  #110  
Old 24.06.2019, 16:16
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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That if you meet real people you will actually meet real people? Yes.

I tend to think that apps are there only for the convenience and control. But the leg work still neeeds to be done. The art is to make it fun and turn it into an experience but it's like that with anything. Some people nail it, some don't.

meeting in person doesn't mean the guys act different though, many have never even dated outside of apps now so they havent a clue how to chat up a girl.

More girls are falling into the quick hookup sex. Psychology taught for years that women require more connection before sex than men, so either all of these notions are not factual or the word is going to have some screwed up people soon!
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  #111  
Old 24.06.2019, 16:18
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

I am not moving this in the Complaint Corner. I got the impression that the OP isn't really complaing. Advertizing, oder? It is a way to posture.

The divide between girls and boys, though, is foreign to me. It doean't exist back home. There is alliance, camaredie..(not sure if that word exists in EN), conspiracy, complementarity and humor, but not competition or divide. There is a lot of teasing and no pc culture.

Last edited by MusicChick; 24.06.2019 at 16:35.
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  #112  
Old 24.06.2019, 16:29
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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meeting in person doesn't mean the guys act different though, many have never even dated outside of apps now so they havent a clue how to chat up a girl.

More girls are falling into the quick hookup sex. Psychology taught for years that women require more connection before sex than men, so either all of these notions are not factual or the word is going to have some screwed up people soon!
Or that the psychology textbook hasn't been updated this millennium.
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  #113  
Old 24.06.2019, 16:35
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Or that the psychology textbook hasn't been updated this millennium.
well that isn't true! The huge master's and johnson survey about sex wasn't eons ago.

So if people are all now happy with just casual sex, no dating, no companionship. Sex then back to their own home with their netflix and social apps, at what stage would this change back to a thinking of family? Or would it? Would people even know what a relationship is to be able to revert back to that way of thinking? Many under 30's haven't a clue now.

Are families and kids just on the way out the door? A trend that is now over?
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  #114  
Old 24.06.2019, 16:48
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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well that isn't true! The huge master's and johnson survey about sex wasn't eons ago.

So if people are all now happy with just casual sex, no dating, no companionship. Sex then back to their own home with their netflix and social apps, at what stage would this change back to a thinking of family? Or would it? Would people even know what a relationship is to be able to revert back to that way of thinking? Many under 30's haven't a clue now.
They have a clue. But might not suit the popular moral rethorics of the rest of the world. Nor do they care to.

I wouldn't worry. It doesn't get easier, it gets harder and most are pulling it off phenomenally.

It is a frequent thing to socialize by sharing a common complaint, but it may not be even a justified complaint, mind you.
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Old 24.06.2019, 16:53
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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They have a clue. But might not suit the popular moral rethorics of the rest of the world. Nor do they care to.

I wouldn't worry. It doesn't get easier, it gets harder and most are pulling it off phenomenally.

It is a frequent thing to socialize by sharing a common complaint, but it may not be even a justified complaint, mind you.
Well when interviewed they say they don't know.
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  #116  
Old 24.06.2019, 16:54
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Well when interviewed they say they don't know.
Interviewed for what?

A stranger interviewing is gonna get different answers. As with anything.

I find it honest. Decades ago people seemed to be deadset on the most sincere intentions and were as clueless or misguided as now but wouldn't dare to say. I do not feel any major shift nor doom lurking at us.
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Old 24.06.2019, 17:42
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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That if you meet real people you will actually meet real people? Yes.

I tend to think that apps are there only for the convenience and control. But the leg work still neeeds to be done. The art is to make it fun and turn it into an experience but it's like that with anything. Some people nail it, some don't.
Apps may work for some people. And good for them.

I do hear a lot of complaints though. People saying they are fed up and frustrated. Especially women actually.

But the big down side of these apps is that people are getting so fixated on them that more traditional methods of meeting up are dying off.
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  #118  
Old 24.06.2019, 17:45
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

People who approach it as shopping will get disappointed, I think.

Not that I'd know, really.
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Old 24.06.2019, 19:29
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

It's pretty simple really. Many guys who would make excellent boyfriends/partners/husbands simply don't know how to spark attraction in a woman to get a chance to demonstrate their positive characteristics. Unfortunately, many of the guys who do know how to spark this attraction aren't the best types for long term relationships. This leads to the endless cycle of women complaining that there aren't any decent guys out there and the decent guys scratching their heads wondering why they never get chosen.

There was a good study done by online dating site OKCupid which showed that the women using the site rated 80% of the men on the site below average in looks, which confirms that old 80/20 rule that seems to hold true for many things in life. So get off those dating apps if you're an average guy as they only suck money from you and leave you feeling bitter and worse off than you really are.

https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/ok...ox-attractive/

If you're a guy and you're not able to generate that spark, and to be fair most men can't, you have to develop a social circle where girls will get to know you and see your positive qualities. Case in point, in almost every relationship I know it goes like this: (guy) "It was love at first sight for me when I saw Susan in that sexy bikini on the badi in Thalwil all those years ago, I just knew I had to have her." (girl) "I didn't really like John all that much when we first met, but over time I got to see his funny side and great personality and one day I realized I was madly in love with him."
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  #120  
Old 24.06.2019, 19:38
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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If that were true who would men cheat with?
Women?

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