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Old 16.06.2019, 10:43
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Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

Hi All, this is my first post. Please don't judge me from the title (I have seen many threads on here getting trolled when talking about hooking up / finding girls / finding a GF in Switzerland).

Some premises:
- I am Swiss
- I have a good education & good job
- I am brutally honest
- I am average build (I am not doing too much fitness because that doesn't help - see below)
- I have had quite a sad adolescent life (very long divorce / war between parents for divorce)
- I moved quite a lot recently (stayed 5 years in Lausanne VD, 2 years in France near Geneva, 1 year in Nyon VD and now 2 years in Lenzburg AG)
- I have severe trust issues with women now (been cheated on by 2 ex GFs, been lied on by too many women I can count now )
- I am quite open / at ease talking with men (no, I'm not gay )
- I feel definitively awkard approaching women
- I have some severe hormonal problems somehow that nobody can/could explain. **Extreme** sex drive which if unsatisfied leads to sadness. When I said extreme I am talking about the male equivalent of a nymphomane (unless other men / women can relate if a say that 2-3 hours of sex each day is normal )
- I am almost always highly stressed (about anything: even the simplest thing such as finding a parking spot, being stuck in traffic jam, ...)

Now about my social life:
- I am not socially integrated / I don't have a social circle
- Currently only social interaction is at work
- I walk my dog but don't really meet single girls
- Bottom line is social life is level zero
- I don't like doing to clubs / pubs / bars / ... Definitively too many people so I feel uneasy. I tried to go there a few times but I feel far too much uneasy. It's just not my thing
- I would be up more for small groups / events. I just subscribed for two meetups where 5-10 people attend. Will go at one tomorrow. At least that will force me to go out (after 2 years of staying shut inside)
- I find it hard to justify losing / spending / investing time and money to meet girls (had enough of girls that just want me to pay all their shit )
- Isn't there something here in Aargau? Almost all events / meeetups are either in Zürich or in Basel

Please, if you can relate and willing to give me a hand, I will gladly accept any suggestion (except relocating, that's too expensive and stressful for me). For all the others that would just like to have their dose of fun / troll, please keep your comments for yourself .
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Old 17.06.2019, 00:15
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

Great first post.


That said, I'd guess that your high sex-drive is probably a side-effect of having nobody to love and nobody loving you.

In the mean-time, you've probably developed some form of sex-addiction.

You should try to conquer that first. Except for other sex-addicts, nobody wants to be with one, which is kind of a negative feedback loop.

In any case, seeking psychological help would probably be the first step.

This forum is not a dating or hookup site, nor can it dole out professional advice on these issues.
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Old 17.06.2019, 16:49
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

A mistake I have often made is thinking that someone else will 'complete' me. They compliment you but don't complete you. you have to be complete to begin with. Would be good to have a chat with a Therapist and explore some of your reflections. And if in person interaction is challenging, start with virtual interactions (OKCupid, Parship, Tinder) and then see how it goes. And yes, it does help to be honest about what you are looking for and ideally it should be beyond a quick roll in the hay. All the best.
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Old 17.06.2019, 16:57
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Great first post.
..
This forum is not a dating or hookup site, nor can it dole out professional advice on these issues.
Lenzburg? My advice is to get an abgas test. 60CHF. It is amazing how much farting can put off prospective GFs. I got tested yesterday. Phew. I passed.

https://www.englishforum.ch/transpor...rtificate.html
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Old 18.06.2019, 10:21
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

Having a social life may help to meet girls, but it's not the silver bullet. Bars are good places for people who first of all like to hang out in bars. Salsa courses are good places for people who first of all like salsa. There may of course be secondary benefits but if you go in looking for that you'll probably be disappointed IMHO.

People who are principally interested in dating go to dating websites. People principally interested in sex go to sex hookup websites, or even straight to hookers.
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Old 18.06.2019, 11:01
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

troll or not, troll or not, troll or not Still contemplating whether to give an actual answer or just roll eyes...
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Old 18.06.2019, 11:12
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Hi All, this is my first post. Please don't judge me from the title (I have seen many threads on here getting trolled when talking about hooking up / finding girls / finding a GF in Switzerland).

Some premises:
- I am Swiss
- I have a good education & good job
- I am brutally honest
- I am average build (I am not doing too much fitness because that doesn't help - see below)
- I have had quite a sad adolescent life (very long divorce / war between parents for divorce)
- I moved quite a lot recently (stayed 5 years in Lausanne VD, 2 years in France near Geneva, 1 year in Nyon VD and now 2 years in Lenzburg AG)
- I have severe trust issues with women now (been cheated on by 2 ex GFs, been lied on by too many women I can count now )
- I am quite open / at ease talking with men (no, I'm not gay )
- I feel definitively awkard approaching women
- I have some severe hormonal problems somehow that nobody can/could explain. **Extreme** sex drive which if unsatisfied leads to sadness. When I said extreme I am talking about the male equivalent of a nymphomane (unless other men / women can relate if a say that 2-3 hours of sex each day is normal )
- I am almost always highly stressed (about anything: even the simplest thing such as finding a parking spot, being stuck in traffic jam, ...)

Now about my social life:
- I am not socially integrated / I don't have a social circle
- Currently only social interaction is at work
- I walk my dog but don't really meet single girls
- Bottom line is social life is level zero
- I don't like doing to clubs / pubs / bars / ... Definitively too many people so I feel uneasy. I tried to go there a few times but I feel far too much uneasy. It's just not my thing
- I would be up more for small groups / events. I just subscribed for two meetups where 5-10 people attend. Will go at one tomorrow. At least that will force me to go out (after 2 years of staying shut inside)
- I find it hard to justify losing / spending / investing time and money to meet girls (had enough of girls that just want me to pay all their shit )
- Isn't there something here in Aargau? Almost all events / meeetups are either in Zürich or in Basel

Please, if you can relate and willing to give me a hand, I will gladly accept any suggestion (except relocating, that's too expensive and stressful for me). For all the others that would just like to have their dose of fun / troll, please keep your comments for yourself .
1) What makes you think being "brutally honest" is a good quality? Women generally look for honesty, but without the brutal part.

2) Not having any social circle is unfortunately generally not a good sign as far as potential dates are concerned. It shows you are not comfortable in social situations and have trouble meeting people and forming relationships. Hardly an attractive or aspirational quality to the vast majority of women who enjoy some kind of social life.

3) The dating scene will always be much bigger in more populated and cosmolitan places like Zurich or Basel etc, than in Aargau farmer land.

If you are as anti-social as you say you are then your best hope is to use:

-Dedicated dating agencies
-Dedicated dating websites
-Meetup.com (for events)
-Internations (for events)

There is no magic solution, you just have to get out there and meet people and do your best. Statistically, you will probably find someone interested in you at some point.

Last edited by Chuff; 18.06.2019 at 13:37.
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Old 18.06.2019, 11:56
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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1) What makes you think being "brutally honest" is a good quality? Women generally look for honesty, but without the brutal part.
Especially if brutally honest is a code word for rude.
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Old 18.06.2019, 14:33
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

Don't know if it's any different in Switzerland than it is from rest of the world, but there really isn't any magical way of making things happen.

Have you figured out what were the red flags in your past relationships that may have been indicators of your partners cheating on you? So you know to be ready next time and what kind of details to be wary of.

Overall the fact that you don't have a social life is fine, by my (limited) experience and knowledge so far .. it seems more or less 6 people out of 10 don't have any if we leave out work outings and events. Don't stress too much over it.

As others have said there really are just 2 options:

1) Try different group activities like meetups, volunteering, finding some club activities. It's a bit difficult to find any, but you can always think of organizing something yourself.

2) Online dating. I am pretty sure online dating is just as 'normal' here as anywhere else.

To be successful you need to be well groomed, meaning perfectly fitted clothes, fresh looking hairstyle, several professional photos and some personality wouldn't hurt. In your bio don't just say "i have a dog. i hate parties. i like sex" or something. Just take it easy.
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Old 18.06.2019, 14:40
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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troll or not, troll or not, troll or not Still contemplating whether to give an actual answer or just roll eyes...
I've been on this forum long enough....nah, it has been decided right after reading about his unusual sexual appetite: roll eyes!
Edit> actually no, right after "sad adolescent life"...btw, I am pretty sure some will give their opinions and advice nonetheless.
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Old 18.06.2019, 14:41
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Don't know if it's any different in Switzerland than it is from rest of the world, but there really isn't any magical way of making things happen.

Have you figured out what were the red flags in your past relationships that may have been indicators of your partners cheating on you? So you know to be ready next time and what kind of details to be wary of.

Overall the fact that you don't have a social life is fine, by my (limited) experience and knowledge so far .. it seems more or less 6 people out of 10 don't have any if we leave out work outings and events. Don't stress too much over it.

As others have said there really are just 2 options:

1) Try different group activities like meetups, volunteering, finding some club activities. It's a bit difficult to find any, but you can always think of organizing something yourself.

2) Online dating. I am pretty sure online dating is just as 'normal' here as anywhere else.

To be successful you need to be well groomed, meaning perfectly fitted clothes, fresh looking hairstyle, several professional photos and some personality wouldn't hurt. In your bio don't just say "i have a dog. i hate parties. i like sex" or something. Just take it easy.
pro pics look fake though, smiling is good, dressed well.

Topless, filters, drunk pics are all huge turn offs (ok the first may not be if the guy is really fit but then girls know he's out for a shag)
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Old 18.06.2019, 15:13
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

Just like a few have remarked, do you need to be BRUTALLY honest? Can't you simply be honest?

If you and your doc looked at your sex drive and established it is a (severe?!) hormonal disturbance, you both, and an endocrinologist, as a team, should be able to work on it to taper it down with meds, no? If your tests came in fine, it sounds like addiction to me, so therapy and meds.

Some solutions - tons of therapy; lots of self-satisfaction; possibly BDSM as a sub looking for a dom, or maybe a switch.

I like rainer_d's and logo123's posts.
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Old 18.06.2019, 15:41
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Just like a few have remarked, do you need to be BRUTALLY honest? Can't you simply be honest?
I think people who are offensively rude generally use this self-descriptor. "I'm not rude, you just can't handle my honesty".
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Old 18.06.2019, 15:41
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

Step 1: Take holidays
Step 2: Install Tinder, make a profile (A NORMAL One, and don't be дебилы)
Step 3: Travel abroad (can recommend: Bukarest, Sofia, Odessa, Chelyabinsk)
Step 4: Hookup on tinder (easier as you are a foreigner)
Step 5: ???
Step 6: Profit

Protip: Take dance lessons before you travel abroad with the intend to hookup, especially eastern europe. If you can't dance or refuse because you are shy, you will look like an ass.

There will also be some desirable side effects: You will feel more comfortable approaching women, you will improve your posture, it will help you to deal with stress, your social life will improve, you will feel less awkward in club and you may find somebody for a long term relationship, so you don't need to travel to eastern europe at all.


TLDR: Get a hobby (any hobby) and maybe see a doctor that takes care of your health condition.
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Old 18.06.2019, 15:43
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Step 1: Take holidays
Step 2: Install Tinder, make a profile (A NORMAL One, and don't be дебилы)
Step 3: Travel abroad (can recommend: Bukarest, Sofia, Odessa, Chelyabinsk)
Step 4: Hookup on tinder (easier as you are a foreigner)
Step 5: ???
Step 6: Profit

Protip: Take dance lessons before you travel abroad with the intend to hookup, especially eastern europe. If you can't dance or refuse because you are shy, you will look like an ass.

There will also be some desirable side effects: You will feel more comfortable approaching women, you will improve your posture, it will help you to deal with stress, your social life will improve, you will feel less awkward in club and you may find somebody for a long term relationship, so you don't need to travel to eastern europe at all.


TLDR: Get a hobby (any hobby) and maybe see a doctor that takes care of your health condition.
this is why dating is now dead
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Old 18.06.2019, 16:37
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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this is why dating is now dead



Drink pineapple juice
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Old 18.06.2019, 17:20
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

Take up Golf, you'll meet lots of new people. It's no longer full of retired folks. It's something you can do around the world and you'll see great places and make new friendships.

Just last week a former Miss Schweiz candidate came for a lesson and then went to play. I'm sure there was a slot free in her tee times after. Go for it.
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Old 18.06.2019, 17:37
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

Hey Op,

Sounds like circumstances in life have really eaten at your inner core to feel like this (or you're just the average ETH student), on EF we have no way of knowing.

But I would definitely recommend going to a psychotherapist who can coach to help you restore your confidence.

There are links on this site, but you can also PM me if you would like an address.
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Old 18.06.2019, 17:42
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland




#problemsolved
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Old 18.06.2019, 19:12
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Re: Meeting Girls / Hooking Up / Finding a GF in Switzerland

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Take up Golf, you'll meet lots of new people.
I used to play golf as a teenager, as it was the cheapest way to spend the day ($3.00/day, bring your own beer)

Tom
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