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-   -   A walking toilet spray!!! (https://www.englishforum.ch/daily-life/294169-walking-toilet-spray.html)

McTAVGE 18.09.2019 18:25

A walking toilet spray!!!
 
This woman (no, not my nice Friday driver!) calls me this afternoon, having heard through a friend of a friend that I might have a spare room to rent.


I explain that I already have someone who has visited and is interested, waiting for confirmation tomorrow of their job appointment in our village and in theory moving in next week. She insists on coming to visit the room nonetheless and I explain again that unless things fall through last minute, it might be worth saving a trip and wait until I hear from my first applicant, a nice, decent kid who is going to start an apprenticeship with a friend of mine (school is paying for his accommodation, so it's all pretty safe and secure).


Woman very pushy insists she is already in the village on her lunch break (it is 3.00 p.m. but why not) and please, please, please, can she just have a quick look. Well, you know how soft I can be, so I let her.


JESUS CHRIST! The woman rings and as soon as I open the door, she walks right in (uninvited) and I cannae believe it, she is like a walking loo spray! Imagine the bloody teenagers "Sphynx effect", multiply that times 100 and apply it to a 50 or so completely spaced out auld slag! My head birls, such is the overwhelming strength of it!


Anyway, she walks round in conquered territory, touching stuff that belongs to my kids without asking ("Dinnae dae that", I think to myself loudly!), commenting on what a lovely place I have and she'll happily settle here. She even has the guts to say that it's lovely to have such a big open space so that we can keep chatting if I watch TV and she (I quote), works on the computer (pointing at MY computer on MY computer station)!!
And chatter she had shitloads of, god she could babble for the whole of Geneva and even Switzerland. Now, I don't like to fash and I am a polite person (most of the time!), but what comes out of her mouth is like knapdarloch (for those not in the Scottish rural know, it's shit hanging from an animal fur!!) and I try to hush her out of my place with the usual "I'll call you if I ken anything new" (no, I bloody won't, ever!) but it did take me a good 10 minutes.


Well, wouldn't you say I must have a gift for attracting the more "unusual" type of Swiss women? Time to retire in a monastery, me thinks!

Guest 18.09.2019 18:28

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
You are Truman Burbank and I claim my £5!

McTAVGE 18.09.2019 19:28

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
It bloody felt like a (freak) show, true(man) enough!

McTAVGE 18.09.2019 19:32

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
5 hours on, I still have the windows wide open to try and get rid of the deodorant/loo spray smell!:(

RufusB 18.09.2019 19:35

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
It's a little word, but an important one: no.

:msnnerd:

Hope the stink goes soon.

greenmount 18.09.2019 20:05

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by McTAVGE (Post 3101555)
Well, wouldn't you say I must have a gift for attracting the more "unusual" type of Swiss women? Time to retire in a monastery, me thinks!

What type would you like to attract? :msntongue:


On a more serious note, they seem to be just lonely women with some unrealistic hopes and a peculiar way of expressing their interest. They probably think you're shy or something...:rofl:

McTAVGE 18.09.2019 20:16

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by greenmount (Post 3101578)
What type would you like to attract? :msntongue:


On a more serious note, they seem to be just lonely women with some unrealistic hopes and a peculiar way of expressing their interest. They probably think you're shy or something...:rofl:



Just plain normal...with no allergies to Haggis, bagpipes, yodel and someone who does not feel they have to voice aloud every thought going through their mind. :rolleyes:

Belgianmum 18.09.2019 20:26

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
So, did she get the room then?

greenmount 18.09.2019 20:28

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by McTAVGE (Post 3101583)
and someone who does not feel they have to voice aloud every thought going through their mind. :rolleyes:

They wanted to keep the conversation going....:D
(Judging by your descriptions I'd say they were a tad "special", but I don't know that, maybe just lonely?)

Or maybe you're too nice.

Raffles 18.09.2019 20:43

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
This sounds like a normal occurrence in England. All the ladies seem go over the top with their perfumes and business, I didn't realise it's a thing elsewhere.

RufusB 18.09.2019 21:05

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Raffles (Post 3101587)
This sounds like a normal occurrence in England. All the ladies seem go over the top with their perfumes and business, I didn't realise it's a thing elsewhere.

All the ladies in England, eh? Oh my.

Raffles 18.09.2019 21:09

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
Ok the ones on a Saturday evening in the bar.

McTAVGE 18.09.2019 21:12

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by greenmount (Post 3101585)
They wanted to keep the conversation going....:D
(Judging by your descriptions I'd say they were a tad "special", but I don't know that, maybe just lonely?)

Or maybe you're too nice.



People say I can be sullen and incredibly smiling at the same time, a complete paradox...not sure if it classifies as "nice".

McTAVGE 18.09.2019 21:18

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
I just got another phone call 10 minutes ago from another weirdo asking for a room...now! Politely declined, explaining I had someone moving in on Monday and it was all set up for that particular person.


I wonder if she's not a mate from the other smelly wacko who turned up earlier on my doorstep. I wonder if the word has not gone round that a single Scotsman with a nice big place in Geneva is up for grab on the " singles loony farm market"...I think I'll stick with the conventional farmers' market, a nice cheese and a good bottle of local wine!:p


I am locking my door tonight, though!:eek:

McTAVGE 18.09.2019 21:19

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Raffles (Post 3101587)
This sounds like a normal occurrence in England. All the ladies seem go over the top with their perfumes and business, I didn't realise it's a thing elsewhere.



You've spent too many week-ends out in the town in Nottingham, me duck!

RufusB 18.09.2019 21:22

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Raffles (Post 3101600)
Ok the ones on a Saturday evening in the bar.

You're clearly going to the wrong places.

Raffles 18.09.2019 21:30

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
I clearly was bud. So I moved on to brighter pastures, got me sen a filly in Switzerland now.

Sky 18.09.2019 21:47

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
So too many lonely gents in the UK and too many lonely ladies in Switzerland.
Strangely a truth.. I wonder why?

McTavge will be seeking EF protection soon 😊

22 yards 18.09.2019 22:00

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by McTAVGE (Post 3101555)
knapdarloch

Really?

We Aussies keep it nice and simple. Dag.

Yeah, that's what I took away from your post... :D

Sky 18.09.2019 22:13

Re: A walking toilet spray!!!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by 22 yards (Post 3101621)
Really?

We Aussies keep it nice and simple. Dag.

Yeah, that's what I took away from your post... :D

I looked up the words!
Amazing «ken» same as in German.


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