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Old 12.03.2020, 13:43
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Re: Swiss men and dating

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I think telling a PhD that she has to be selective when dating is....uhmmmmm....what's the right word

This thread is hilarious, I love it.
Not telling her to be selective (PhD or not, people can be equally clueless in social interactions) but to focus more on what she wants from a relation not what her previous dates want....if you read carefully the OP it actually makes sense, even though I agree with the "hilarious" part, if anything a PhD starting this thread is hilarious.
But, as said, PhDs or not, people do seem to make poor choices at times.

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But OP isn't here to be paid to study. It sounds that it is just guys overreacting to an assertive female, because they may have expected a foreigner with a lot more self-effaced attitude or somebody needing them. She sounds like she just doesn't need to play the ever so boring and expected damsel-in-distress game, or other games, for that matter.
.
I have no idea what different men want or expect, but I'm glad that this thread provided these very well documented and thoughtful findings.
Thanks.

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Mental floss.
Time travel machine, just so you can pop back to "before deciding to read anything here"?

Last edited by greenmount; 12.03.2020 at 13:59.
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  #322  
Old 12.03.2020, 13:58
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Re: Swiss men and dating

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Same here. It is funny that it us actually constantly my local buddies and colleagues who tell me to flaunt it, where I am from nobody cares, in fact it is a bit of a "gawd, poor you, we need more naieve people like you devoting time to such charity and glamorless life".

But OP isn't here to be paid to study. It sounds that it is just guys overreacting to an assertive female, because they may have expected a foreigner with a lot more self-effaced attitude or somebody needing them. She sounds like she just doesn't need to play the ever so boring and expected damsel-in-distress game, or other games, for that matter.
It's not just whether you say it, but it's in what context you say it.

Conversation, and especially initial smalltalk, is about finding common ground and things that match. So if the other person tell you they spent a lot of time at university, you could ask what they did and chat about that topic for a bit, and then at some point mention that you also sacrificed your best years in research. And by and by you can come to the PhD bit.

But if the other person says they were on the reserve list for FC Basel for three years and now work as a coach at the gym, maybe it's better to talk about you own sporting prowess, however mediocre in comparison, rather that jumping immediately to your PhD.

One way is finding common ground. The other way is a pissing context.
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  #323  
Old 12.03.2020, 14:11
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Re: Swiss men and dating

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It's not just whether you say it, but it's in what context you say it.

Conversation, and especially initial smalltalk, is about finding common ground and things that match. So if the other person tell you they spent a lot of time at university, you could ask what they did and chat about that topic for a bit, and then at some point mention that you also sacrificed your best years in research. And by and by you can come to the PhD bit.

But if the other person says they were on the reserve list for FC Basel for three years and now work as a coach at the gym, maybe it's better to talk about you own sporting prowess, however mediocre in comparison, rather that jumping immediately to your PhD.

One way is finding common ground. The other way is a pissing context.
..... which is why me old wrinkled bag is all you get now? LOL.

Funny, this PhD discussion. It will not make any difference what so ever to my private relationship with that person. The subject the person studied might make him an interesting person to me. PhD or not.
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  #324  
Old 12.03.2020, 14:46
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Re: Swiss men and dating

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Same here. It is funny that it us actually constantly my local buddies and colleagues who tell me to flaunt it, where I am from nobody cares, in fact it is a bit of a "gawd, poor you, we need more naieve people like you devoting time to such charity and glamorless life".

But OP isn't here to be paid to study. It sounds that it is just guys overreacting to an assertive female, because they may have expected a foreigner with a lot more self-effaced attitude or somebody needing them. She sounds like she just doesn't need to play the ever so boring and expected damsel-in-distress game, or other games, for that matter.

I think if one loves their work, you will hear about it and it can be completely selfless. It is like loving other things, you want to share. It is probably a lack of curiosity on OP's side about the guys' lives maybe that the guys might not like. But curiosity in my cultural setting is interpreted on a 1st date as lack of manners, nosy-ness? We let people decide what they want to share and how much. So. Not really passive but respectful.
I just mentioned the PhD student time because that's when I learned it was a sensitive topic. Years later, things have not changed that much due to my career choices. Better talk about the weather.

I don't date guys but I drink a lot with them We don't expect self-effaced attitudes in women, sometimes we go full negging on them. I bet OP as quantum analyst must not like a lot "banker" jokes.

Now that OP mentioned the foreign background, I start to understand. Huge class divides in other parts of the world may explain the origin of the poor mentality thing. It's not that hard to live a life abroad without meeting lots of people of poor mentality because your peers are all relatively high income. Come to Switzerland where class divides are blurrier and most people has relatively high come regardless of cultural background and education......it's more probable to meet the guys with poor mentality because they look the same as the "right" ones. The filter that worked somewhere else, doesn't work here.
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  #325  
Old 12.03.2020, 14:59
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Re: Swiss men and dating

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..... which is why me old wrinkled bag is all you get now? LOL.

Funny, this PhD discussion. It will not make any difference what so ever to my private relationship with that person. The subject the person studied might make him an interesting person to me. PhD or not.
What??? You could marry the PhD, move to Austria and become Frau Dr. Curley
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  #326  
Old 12.03.2020, 15:05
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Re: Swiss men and dating

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What??? You could marry the PhD, move to Austria and become Frau Dr. Curley
I have a friend who's sometimes addressed with her Austrian husband's title and she appears to be an engineer, but she has a PhD in economics herself...
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  #327  
Old 12.03.2020, 16:00
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Re: Swiss men and dating

Thanks for replies again! This thread is becoming quite entertaining
I found a solution I think: I go back to Sweden or Netherlands for holidays and bring a lad with myself to marry ... preferably somebody who can cook and looks after kids 😋
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  #328  
Old 12.03.2020, 16:01
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Re: Swiss men and dating

Jokes aside I really think the issue is Rooted in the male-diminated mentality here: a lot of my female friends also have The same problem here
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  #329  
Old 12.03.2020, 16:01
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Re: Swiss men and dating

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Thanks for replies again! This thread is becoming quite entertaining
I found a solution I think: I go back to Sweden or Netherlands for holidays and bring a lad with myself to marry ... preferably somebody who can cook and looks after kids 😋
Be aware that neither countries are known for great cuisine
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  #330  
Old 12.03.2020, 16:19
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Re: Swiss men and dating

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What??? You could marry the PhD, move to Austria and become Frau Dr. Curley
Not all that long ago, you didn't need to move to Austria for this.

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Thanks for replies again! This thread is becoming quite entertaining
I found a solution I think: I go back to Sweden or Netherlands for holidays and bring a lad with myself to marry ... preferably somebody who can cook and looks after kids 😋
Yes, it is a very common reason for "Familiennachzug" here.
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  #331  
Old 12.03.2020, 16:23
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Re: Swiss men and dating

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I just mentioned the PhD student time because that's when I learned it was a sensitive topic. Years later, things have not changed that much due to my career choices. Better talk about the weather.

I don't date guys but I drink a lot with them We don't expect self-effaced attitudes in women, sometimes we go full negging on them. I bet OP as quantum analyst must not like a lot "banker" jokes.

Now that OP mentioned the foreign background, I start to understand. Huge class divides in other parts of the world may explain the origin of the poor mentality thing. It's not that hard to live a life abroad without meeting lots of people of poor mentality because your peers are all relatively high income. Come to Switzerland where class divides are blurrier and most people has relatively high come regardless of cultural background and education......it's more probable to meet the guys with poor mentality because they look the same as the "right" ones. The filter that worked somewhere else, doesn't work here.
Maybe you are being too analytical, really. I'd hate a weather oriented small talk, unless it is specific and data packed but that just because. I think it is way simpler than all our theories, OP just made a simple observation about some scareddycat behavior and while my experiences are different, I still understand her. I also bet she'd appreciate a decent banking bad joke. Gimme bad jokes about teachers/schools any time.

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Jokes aside I really think the issue is Rooted in the male-diminated mentality here: a lot of my female friends also have The same problem here
Well, the defensiveness in this thread seems to prove your point

I must be lucky with exceptions to what you wrote, I wonder if it is some big city/small place thing or what. Or maybe I shrug off the first few dates as some adjustment period, it is good to maybe practice some patience. Generally, teachers are patient. Some see as daft or thick skinned.
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  #332  
Old 12.03.2020, 16:31
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Re: Swiss men and dating

You gto a PhD?


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  #333  
Old 12.03.2020, 17:40
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Re: Swiss men and dating

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you gto a phd?

😂😂
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  #334  
Old 12.03.2020, 17:51
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Re: Swiss men and dating

I have my Cycling Proficiency certificate from 1987...
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Old 12.03.2020, 17:53
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Re: Swiss men and dating

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I have my Cycling Proficiency certificate from 1987...
I have a certificate saying I can get a rubber brick from the bottom of a swimming pool while dressed in pyjamas. I always start conversations with that. I like short conversations.
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Old 12.03.2020, 18:01
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Re: Swiss men and dating

it seems to me that the phd was not in social skills.
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Old 12.03.2020, 18:12
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Re: Swiss men and dating

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Jokes aside I really think the issue is Rooted in the male-diminated mentality here: a lot of my female friends also have The same problem here
Sorry we can't help.
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Old 12.03.2020, 18:22
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Re: Swiss men and dating

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Jokes aside I really think the issue is Rooted in the male-diminated mentality here: a lot of my female friends also have The same problem here
I know you said jokes aside, but I think the problem your friends are having is rooting men. Well the Aussie definition of it anyway.
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  #339  
Old 12.03.2020, 19:26
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Re: Swiss men and dating

Why Swiss men when there are plenty of charming, witty, intelligent, gallant, well-educated, gentle, caring, good-looking, kilt-wearing, lonely Scotsmen here in Switzerland?
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Old 12.03.2020, 19:45
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Re: Swiss men and dating

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I have a certificate saying I can get a rubber brick from the bottom of a swimming pool while dressed in pyjamas. I always start conversations with that. I like short conversations.
In pyjamas?! We did that in full gear, including shoes. At the age of 10, nota bene. But I lost the proving paper for it ..... lonely times ahead, I guess.
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