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-   -   Swiss men and dating (https://www.englishforum.ch/daily-life/297011-swiss-men-dating.html)

greenmount 02.03.2020 20:45

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicChick (Post 3153325)
I don't think it is a male issue, or gender stuff. I think it is just a jerk issue. Look on the forum, or any community, you will see after a while those who stalk others just to "show them that they aren't that smart", it is comical. But as you said, pretentiousness isn't hot in any way. Neither is a fragile ego or an inability to be happy for some else's achievements, tbh.

Indeed. Never truer words. :rolleyes:


Diplomas/titles/hobbies/money etc etc bragging is uncool. Don't know if other people/dates are interested in all this stuff, after a while it really gets boring.

amogles 02.03.2020 21:02

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by greenmount (Post 3153331)


Diplomas/titles/hobbies/money etc etc bragging is uncool. Don't know if other people/dates are interested in all this stuff, after a while it really gets boring.

True.

When you date the other person is interested in you. Who you are, what values and outlooks you have, what sort of person you are, how you deal with situations.

Talking about youir diplomas is almost like talking about work. It's boring to everybody else.

MusicChick 02.03.2020 21:18

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by amogles (Post 3153339)
True.

When you date the other person is interested in you. Who you are, what values and outlooks you have, what sort of person you are, how you deal with situations.

Talking about youir diplomas is almost like talking about work. It's boring to everybody else.

It is not boring to listen to people sharing about their work and missions. But my opinion might be in a minority, I realize that.

It is not what people say but how. How dates share about what makes life interesting (whatever it is, work included - we still have to spend more or less majority of awake time at work) tells me a lot about them. There are people who really like their work.

Maybe OP grates on guys by simply being confident. But again, I fail to see it as a gender issue.

amogles 02.03.2020 21:25

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicChick (Post 3153342)
It is not boring to listen to people sharing about their work and missions. But my opinion might be in a minority, I realize that.

It is not what people say but how. How dates share about what makes life interesting (whatever it is, work included - we still have to spend more or less majority of awake time at work) tells me a lot about them. There are people who really like their work.

Maybe OP grates on guys by simply being confident. But again, I fail to see it as a gender issue.

You have a job where your work says a lot about who you are. You interact with people and their values and outlooks and that says as much about you as it does about them.

But if your job is to sit in an office and look at Excel all day, there is only so much you can narrate before it's time to change the topic.

Now if instead you talk to a taxi driver or a tourist guide, I'm sure you can hear anecdotes by the dozen and talking about work is totally different.

MusicChick 02.03.2020 21:36

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
I always thought that the frea..I mean the person who can get really excited about some boring rut or wreched number crunching deserves attention.

What's Excel?

I am kidding.

The cab drivers and tourist guides I know dream about a bit of dull, I swear. That reminds me, maybe OP needs to ditch her dating apps and take a cab a few times...book herself a couple of tourist tours?

Today I tried to get people excited about one phoneme. I am not sure that I managed to spread the phoneme joy.

Sonnenbrand 02.03.2020 21:37

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Talking about the grind or schooling is a bit of necessary evil to help understand who this new person you are meeting is. I agree, work is sometimes dull to talk about, sometimes it is also exciting as MusicChick said.

It's part of that Shit Test

MusicChick 02.03.2020 21:39

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
What's a shit test. I am a cave person.

That site makes no sense, tbh. It is too strategic. People who care for that feel disingenuous. Which brings me to the bit that I like (probably the most) when people genuinely share their passions..

Sonnenbrand 02.03.2020 21:41

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by amogles (Post 3153286)
Maybe that's just the shit test. American society seems to be big into that sort of thing.

shit test

Happens in CH too, but it's much more subtle.

Right there, the game that people play with each other..

Pancakes 02.03.2020 21:48

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Yeah, there is a difference between someone simply talking about their work or their interests and someone who is bragging about what they do or what degrees they have, etc. Also, someone who has a fragile ego might easily perceive someone else as bragging when actually they aren't. The other day, my friend asked me what book I'm reading. I said it's about quantum gravity, and she made a weird bowing down gesture and said something to the effect that I am smarter than she is, which I found a bit strange.

I agree with MusicChick that it isn't just a gender thing. I think it's just an ego thing in general. And of course, now we're living in the age of social media, where bragging and overt narcissism seems to be considered, by many, to be the new norm. :msncrazy:

Belgianmum 02.03.2020 22:20

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by greenmount (Post 3153331)
Indeed. Never truer words. :rolleyes:


Diplomas/titles/hobbies/money etc etc bragging is uncool. Don't know if other people/dates are interested in all this stuff, after a while it really gets boring.

Indeed. All the ‘look at me! Look at me! Look how clever I am’ stuff is really not cool at all.

st2lemans 02.03.2020 22:24

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Belgianmum (Post 3153360)
Indeed. All the ‘look at me! Look at me! Look how clever I am’ stuff is really not cool at all.

I've always done the opposite.

Back when I was dating between wives, my girlfriend (now wife) described me as the richest bum she'd ever met! :eek:

Tom

Halfasleep 02.03.2020 22:26

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
I find a lot of the woman here who are independent are so into developing their careers they never make the time or put effort into a relationship.

I'd date a quantum analyst in Zug if they are a really nice person!;)

greenmount 02.03.2020 22:35

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pancakes (Post 3153351)
Yeah, there is a difference between someone simply talking about their work or their interests and someone who is bragging about what they do or what degrees they have, etc. Also, someone who has a fragile ego might easily perceive someone else as bragging when actually they aren't. The other day, my friend asked me what book I'm reading. I said it's about quantum gravity, and she made a weird bowing down gesture and said something

Talking about work or what one has studied is just inevitable. It's part of who you are. And it can be interesting too. Some people can and do talk about their work without sounding boring or self-important...at least as long as it's not the only thing they can talk about.
A bit of empathy goes a long way though. Trying to impress can achieve just the opposite. If we're talking only about "dates"...well, chemistry depends on so many other things. It can be simple gestures or the way one smiles, it's not all...purely intellectual. :)
And about your friend.... well, I guess you would know if she meant it or was just making some self-deprecating joke. Or was being insecure. (people can be weirdly insecure at times)

amogles 02.03.2020 23:33

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicChick (Post 3153348)
What's a shit test. I am a cave person.

That site makes no sense, tbh. It is too strategic. People who care for that feel disingenuous. Which brings me to the bit that I like (probably the most) when people genuinely share their passions..

It's like most of those supposedly super useful dating tips.

They sound cool in theory, but unless you're somehow manipulative and scheming or a seasoned pickup artist, you forget about all that in a real situation and just talk whatever feels right, and then you wonder that things worked out (or didn't) nevertheless.

Sonnenbrand 03.03.2020 00:12

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Haha, Dating Apps are the worst!

I remember in America years ago (like 8-10) when they first started arriving on the scene, WOWzers the amount of lies, fake pictures, 10 year old pictures, crazies that will say anything online. I am assuming its worse nowadays.

I met my wife through work and we knew each other for awhile before anything transpired.

Nowadays, I would assume the good ol' friend of a friend, work, group activities, random encounters at the supermarket or gym, etc. are one's best bet for meeting a potential date, male or female.

I think for one to successfully date a Swiss, they just need to be themselves. Either you and the other person like each other or you don't and thats not just uniquely Swiss.

ZurichLuck 03.03.2020 02:34

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
did anyone read 'the hausfrau' book from a few years ago. it stars a swiss man as the antagonist.

MusicChick 03.03.2020 09:17

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by ZurichLuck (Post 3153384)
did anyone read 'the hausfrau' book from a few years ago. it stars a swiss man as the antagonist.

Will it ease the OP's mind?

Quote:

Originally Posted by amogles (Post 3153373)
It's like most of those supposedly super useful dating tips.

They sound cool in theory, but unless you're somehow manipulative and scheming or a seasoned pickup artist, you forget about all that in a real situation and just talk whatever feels right, and then you wonder that things worked out (or didn't) nevertheless.

Yeah, I know.

OP seems to be checking with us if the attitude she's getting is Swiss particular or if she should still keep giving chances to the local..."offers", I guess. I don't think there is anything particularly cultural about that here, if anything it would be more honesty, or directness. Which I like, lot of people appreciate it. Though it is true that the traditional "Head of the family" (male) stuff existed here for real long, it was even an official term.

greenmount 03.03.2020 09:24

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Belgianmum (Post 3153360)
Indeed. All the ‘look at me! Look at me! Look how clever I am’ stuff is really not cool at all.

Clever people don't need to point that out. I don't know, I always associated cleverness with a good dose of modesty and how should I put it...restraint.

Belgianmum 03.03.2020 09:41

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by greenmount (Post 3153407)
Clever people don't need to point that out. I don't know, I always associated cleverness with a good dose of modesty and how should I put it...restraint.

That’s my feeling too.
Truly clever people don’t need to tell everyone how clever they are, their intelligence speaks for itself.

Chemmie 03.03.2020 10:47

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
I'm quite a passive person, and not a lot of friend making skills so I do a lot of listening and blind agreement. So a lot of the people I hang out with are ones that need to talk about themselves (no one on EF for those who know me :P ).

It's almost entertaining: I know exactly which of these people have PhDs because they seem to mention it in every conversation. Sometimes twice.
I know which ones work in finance, because again apparently it needs to come up in every conversation.
Don't get me started on endurance sports :o

Just recently I received the one random comment on how they KNOW how to use excel and they use it at work all the time!?!? Strange flex.

Inferiority complex is a fascinating and amusing topic!


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