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-   -   Swiss men and dating (https://www.englishforum.ch/daily-life/297011-swiss-men-dating.html)

MusicChick 03.03.2020 14:39

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Hmmm...Offering a dinner is a gesture that communicates a lot. If that doesn't work that way here, so be it. That communicates a lot, too.

Then you have locals looking elsewhere and being confronted with new rituals, that also communicates a lot.

All of a sudden the small gestures gain significance. I.e. we are ok playing along some rituals, for those special people. I say it is even subconscious (rationalizing it later, with whatever). So, hello Darwin.

In the same vein I'd chuck OP and her advertizing herself under the same principle.

Chemmie 03.03.2020 15:02

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by greenmount (Post 3153511)
Blind agreement? Then maybe you're not really listening...you just tune out. :D
I rarely hang out with people whose company make me tune out. As for those with PhDs, I only found out because it was relevant to the discussion. One of my friends has a PhD in a field that is of interest to me (although unfortunately he doesn't work in that field anymore), so I am the one who keeps opening up the subject. I think he's pretty comfortable with that because we're having very relaxed conversations over a meal or whatever, nobody has to prove anything.

Sorry, blind agreement means listening and taking in without questioning, confrontation, or debate.

Some countries this is a very common, diplomatic way of communicating with strangers. Of course other countries this isn't done at all.

I'm sure we have all dealt with both (and can generalize which countries do what :msngrin: )

amogles 03.03.2020 15:12

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicChick (Post 3153519)
Back home the fact that people are even willing to listen already means they are interested, no matter if agreeing or disagreeing with you. Disagreeing is a compliment, spending time to actually explain one's pov and contrast it to be able to reach something new or suitable, together. If somebody agrees frequently, you run. :D Boring.

My experience in Hungary is that they assume I'm interested. They don't even ask. Otherwise I wouldn't be there. That's a given. And after a couple of pálinkas they either start reciting some high poetry or telling me how badly they kicked Russian arse back in the day or try to teach me some new swearwords (which unfortunately I'm not very good at remembering, or making correct use of).

MusicChick 03.03.2020 15:16

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Looks like people overreact when somebody mentions PhD. I guess or hope that OP doesn't sell hers as a pickup line, but maybe it is part of the natural communication about where she's been and what she's done. If that little thing triggers guys, then she doesn't want them. Is that what the shit test means?

When people casually mention PhD my mind goes into..."povre niños state, ulcers, gnaff, life long sleep troubles". And then I think about what the degree is actually in. In the US the sympathy is deeper, I picture poor community adjunct lecturers sleeping in the college parking lots, scrumbling by. :o

MusicChick 03.03.2020 15:16

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by amogles (Post 3153550)
My experience in Hungary is that they assume I'm interested. They don't even ask. Otherwise I wouldn't be there. That's a given. And after a couple of pálinkas they either start reciting some high poetry or telling me how badly they kicked Russian arse back in the day or try to teach me some new swearwords (which unfortunately I'm not very good at remembering, or making correct use of).

Gawd, that makes me homesick.

amogles 03.03.2020 15:32

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicChick (Post 3153555)
Gawd, that makes me homesick.

Me too. And it's not even home.

MusicChick 03.03.2020 15:34

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Yup. Some places make more sense than home. Like here. Minus the discourse, hehehe..

Guest 03.03.2020 15:49

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
On our first date, my husband and I didn't discuss levels of education or work. Far more interesting things to talk about.

Turned out, eventually, I was technically more qualified than him, then we earned similar amounts. Utterly irrelevant, as it turned out. Other stuff far more important.

What is all this fuss about doctorates? I don't understand. It shows a level of original research and critical thinking in a certain field. Doesn't necessarily have much of a real world implication, depending on subject/topic, I suppose. Dunno. Can be fascinating, can be dull as. Are some folk so defined by a qualification? Interesting. Never really thought of it that way.

amogles 03.03.2020 16:30

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

On our first date, my husband and I didn't discuss levels of education or work. Far more interesting things to talk about.
I would even consider that if the topic of money came up too early (and things like PHDs and professional achievements are often just code for expressing a rough salary bracket), that the whole things smells of gold digging. Not a good way to start a relationship.

Guest 03.03.2020 16:33

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by amogles (Post 3153595)
I would even consider that if the topic of money came up too early (and things like PHDs and professional achievements are often just code for expressing a rough salary bracket), that the whole things smells of gold digging. Not a good way to start a relationship.

Indeed. So we started ours in a far more interesting way.

Blueangel 03.03.2020 17:00

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

On our first date, my husband and I didn't discuss levels of education or work. Far more interesting things to talk about.
First time I met my ex husband, I was photographing the RAC Rally and was deep in conversation with the sports photographer for The Observer, when an idiot ran across the track just as the whistle blew to indicate that the next car was approaching. I said "What are you effing doing? Trying to kill yourself?" He answered "What the eff's it got to do with you? Why should you care?". :D None of my relationships began with a first date.

greenmount 03.03.2020 18:06

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by amogles (Post 3153517)
I disagree.

Sometimes people say things that I maybe find interesting, that i want to understand better, or see the other side of an argument, even if I disagree. So I want to know more. But if i tell them I disagree they stop talking or get argumentative. I need to pretend to agree with them so I can work it out a bit better. But I can't say that i do agree, as that would be telling an outright lie. So I find some vague and ambiguous things to say so that they don't stop, but so I haven't actually agreed. Such as, "how interesting, I never considered that before", or "I never looked at it that way, but I can see where you're coming from".

I'm talking here more about the type of conversation you might have with a stranger in a bar. Not really about dates.

Haha, yes, it's a good strategy especially when applied to strangers. I was thinking of closer relationships.
Random conversations with random people can be funny or...weird. Depending on the circumstances of course, if I don't find anything interesting in that conversation or it is something that it just doesn't make sense, I might pretend I'm interested and tune out. Or, more probably, find a pretext and run away...:D You have a lot more patience. (this is something I sometimes feel like I have to strengthen in myself, but wouldn't use that potential new energy for this stuff)

litespeed 03.03.2020 18:17

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by amogles (Post 3153595)
I would even consider that if the topic of money came up too early (and things like PHDs and professional achievements are often just code for expressing a rough salary bracket), that the whole things smells of gold digging. Not a good way to start a relationship.

The last time I dated was around 5 years ago, I dabbled with the well known swipe left-right app. On many of the dates (these ones were in fact all Swiss), the other side were vague and giving away very little feedback or signals. I suspected in the end they were dating multiple guys and assessing them materialistically. I stopped playing that game.

MusicChick 03.03.2020 18:19

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Hmmmm. Tbh, if OP is very nice and she excells at her career too, I am sure her dates are not going to hold it against her :D

It is funny where the thread is going.

amogles 03.03.2020 18:21

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicChick (Post 3153657)
It is funny where the thread is going.

Where do you think this thread is going?

As far as I can see we've just done a very thorough and unqualified over-analysis of the OP, based on a rather short and inconclusive posting. And the OP hasn't been back. So either we are spot on are we are way off or the OP doesn't care.

Ouchboy 03.03.2020 18:37

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by litespeed (Post 3153655)
The last time I dated was around 5 years ago, I dabbled with the well known swipe left-right app. On many of the dates (these ones were in fact all Swiss), the other side were vague and giving away very little feedback or signals. I suspected in the end they were dating multiple guys and assessing them materialistically. I stopped playing that game.

tinder is a different game. but yeah that is common still today.

MusicChick 03.03.2020 19:38

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by amogles (Post 3153658)
Where do you think this thread is going?

As far as I can see we've just done a very thorough and unqualified over-analysis of the OP, based on a rather short and inconclusive posting. And the OP hasn't been back. So either we are spot on are we are way off or the OP doesn't care.

Or, she regrets even mentioning it, which I can completely understand. To immediately assume that OP is a gold digging phony full of her degree can be as off as her assuming men don't find smart and established girls sexy nor worth their investments. That comment about the poorer and needier was really tacky, that's true. Another thing I don't get is this useless comparison - as if the market was limited, it is not. Maybe OP's criteria limit her choice in a way we don't know.

Degrees don't mean anything per se but being commited to learning and one's passion is sexy. I wonder if she expects all candidates to understand that maybe she doesn't present herself as a status but as an adventure and a journey behibd that status symbol. I know some established PhDs and I value and respect them aside of other things also very much for what they have achieved. They can usually crack great bad jokes, too. Quite a few are attractive because they don't care about being totally spaced out and because communication tends to be laborious and hilarious.

So...Swis men and dating.

Where were we?

amogles 03.03.2020 19:43

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicChick (Post 3153688)
Or, she regrets even mentioning it, which I can completely understand. To immediately assume that OP is a gold digging phony full of her degree can be as off as her assuming men don't find smart and established girls sexy nor worth their investments.

so she failed our shit test?

(like a lot of newbies on the EF unfortunately)

Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicChick (Post 3153688)
Degrees don't mean anything per se but being commited to learning and one's passion is sexy.

Some people do PhD's because staying on at Uni for a couple more years is more comfortable than actually looking for a job.

MusicChick 03.03.2020 20:00

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by amogles (Post 3153691)
so she failed our shit test?

(like a lot of newbies on the EF unfortunately)

Anonymity makes people unkind.

Quote:

Some people do PhD's because staying on at Uni for a couple more years is more comfortable than actually looking for a job.
I don't know any of these.

st2lemans 03.03.2020 20:14

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by amogles (Post 3153691)
Some people do PhD's because staying on at Uni for a couple more years is more comfortable than actually looking for a job.

Or doing military service (I know several people here and in some neighboring countries who did just that).

Tom


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