I do.

Tom

me too.

some among my relatives too, unfortunately.

I have several friends who were students until their mid 40s, one got his diploma from the C.S. Jung institute (finally), the other law degrees at UZH and in the US.

Tom

So do I.

This turn is making me laugh.

To what degree is one allowed to be uncommitted to their degree, and what days..or years..to pass the quality judgment. And, compared to other careers, say corporate world, which in terms of rituals and hierarchy is similar to academia only wealthier, would OP pass her blokes' shit tests if she did not mention her work, then..Ranks are and aren't important, depending how we are looking at it, again. I think I wouldn't like someone who would be uncommitted to work or not wanting to work, out of principle. Taking a break or slowing down is ok...but since I love my work it would bug me to be around someone completely professionally unambitious, anti-job or relying on support of others. Maybe OP needs somebody driven, to not be bored, I can see that.

How's that for an over-analysis. Gnuff?

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"L'homme ne peut pas remplacer son coeur avec sa tete, ni sa tete avec ses mains." J.H. Pestalozzi

“The only difference between a rut and a grave is a matter of depth.” S.P. Cadman

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." A. Einstein

That is unfortunate.

Eh? Commitment is excellent. Passion. Drive. All brilliant necessary things. However leading the charge by waving ones qualifications around is a trifle crass. IMO. Drive and intelligence and passion do not need to be arrogant. Confidence is attractive. Cockiness is a massive turn off.

There's a balance. Plus "clicking"with everyone is unlikely. I forget where I read it but apparently we're likely to hate every sixth person we meet. Just because. Chemistry is vital. Can also be brutal.

OP, looks like you might have to meet a lot of toads before you find a keeper. To quote the inestimable Dolly Parton, "Find out who you are and do it on purpose."

I've written and deleted this a few times over the course of this thread....

I love guys who have a passion, something so consuming that it's almost like a mistress to them. I'm not particularly bothered about confidence because some of the most talented and engaging guys I known, including some of my closest male friends, are incredibly shy, though they may not always look it to people who don't know them well.

Also, this was mentioned in passing a few pages ago, one of the most charming, talented people I've ever met was also very modest about it. We met on holiday and she said that she and her friend were journalists and colleagues. A few late night boozy dinners and day long snorkelling trips later, 8 of us were becoming firm friends. The one evening we'd got back from a swim and were having sundowners in the bar, when a new arrival came over and asked my friend for her autograph. Little did I know that, not only was she the Editor of Vogue Living Australia, but she had Olympic and Commonwealth medals for swimming, and had also set 12 individual World records. When I asked why she'd not mentioned any of this, she said "It's what I do, not who I am".

Yep. Confidence is not necessarily "loud". A quiet, reserved, eminently capable confidence is amazing.

Such a nice story.

Reminds me of the story of Goschinny and Uderzo, creators of Asterix, who once related how they were waiting at an airport. On the bench opposite them was a family with children who were reading an Asterix book and having a lot of fun, laughing at the jokes, and doing impressions of the various charcters.

Their mother asked them to quiet down a bit, because they were bothering the two gentlemen sitting there. But the two gentelmen just said, no worries. Let them continue playing.

Seeing people enjoy your work is reward enough. No need to boast and tell the whole truth.

Now I just know I'm probably going to open myself up to a load of groans …..but here goes. I am waiting for an appointment in Zug and just sat outside a coffee shop doing a spot of people watching. Please don't hold me to account on the statistical significance of my posting (this is not a controlled experiment) but has anyone else noticed how common it is in Zug to see a gentleman of a 'certain age' with a much much much younger, seriously attractive lady on his arm? Today this seems to apply to every couple walking past. I am sat here seriously wondering what they have small talk about? What do they have in common or where do they have cultural references from their childhood they can share or relate to? Discuss...…

She likes money and he has it.

This!
This has been on my mind all through the thread. You can do all kinds of things in professional life (I know, I have and enjoyed thriving in each one) but at the end of the workday it's your personality people want to spend time and have fun with.
So to me it's personality first - abilities later.

Plus: Abilities can always be added through life, the personality is quite fixed by the age people start dating.

I think we are far from OP's predicament. Nobody is disputing that modesty is good but you cannot prescribe OP to be happy with your choice of the best quiet and reserved guy.

There are many couples of similar age and cultural backgrounds who don't get along and end up having miserable marriages and/or terrible divorces. If two people are happy with an arrangement, however it works, then good for them.

I think a 10-15 year age gap for a man and a woman is more than acceptable, often even ideal.

Which way?



(And ideal for who?)

Woman with a younger partner, IMO.

I hope.

Just curiosity, no judgement. Are you living under this arrangement?

Small talk? Who is looking for small talk?

My boyfriends were always much older than me (the biggest gap was him 36 and me 18) and nope, it was not money, I always was this "I pay my own way freak". Very annoying apparently.
Older guys were a well of information, knowledge, input. Glorious! And I kept them on their toes. Never a dull moment.
When I was about 30 it changed and they started being younger than me. Not purposely but maybe by then I knew most stuff the oldies had to tell. Since then it's the young ones who keep me on track and it never gets boring.

I really thought this "age-gap" discussion was yesterday's thing. You click or you don't.

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It's all a matter or perspective.
So move your butt and look at it from the other side