English Forum Switzerland

English Forum Switzerland (https://www.englishforum.ch/forum.php)
-   Daily life (https://www.englishforum.ch/daily-life/)
-   -   Swiss men and dating (https://www.englishforum.ch/daily-life/297011-swiss-men-dating.html)

AliciaNarisa 02.03.2020 08:30

Swiss men and dating
 
Hi there
I know this might sound small-minded and stupid, but I was wondering if anyone could help me here. I have been living in Switzerland for 3 years now and work as a quantum analyst.
I have tried dating swiss men but it always goes wrong. Then I started noticing that they tend to tale seriously women with no education from poorer/needier backgrounds. It seems like every time they find out I am financially independent and have a PhD They get super turned off! this did not happen to me in other countries where I lived (Canada, Germany, Holland). In these countries men seem to appreciate having someone at their own intellectual height, someone to talk to and who goes to work as well.
How come swiss men are so much into women who are from poorer mentalities and financially needier (especially since they are not even up to picking up a dinner bill at least not with a professional woman)?

Guest 02.03.2020 12:17

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by AliciaNarisa (Post 3153113)
Hi there
I know this might sound small-minded and stupid, but I was wondering if anyone could help me here. I have been living in Switzerland for 3 years now and work as a quantum analyst.
I have tried dating swiss men but it always goes wrong. Then I started noticing that they tend to tale seriously women with no education from poorer/needier backgrounds. It seems like every time they find out I am financially independent and have a PhD They get super turned off! this did not happen to me in other countries where I lived (Canada, Germany, Holland). In these countries men seem to appreciate having someone at their own intellectual height, someone to talk to and who goes to work as well.
How come swiss men are so much into women who are from poorer mentalities and financially needier (especially since they are not even up to picking up a dinner bill at least not with a professional woman)?


Oh boy. I'll bite. Where to begin...

Welcome to the forum.


Are you leading with the career and PhD or ... ? Maybe find some common ground aside from education etc for a start?

Blueangel 02.03.2020 12:28

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by AliciaNarisa (Post 3153113)
How come swiss men are so much into women who are from poorer mentalities and financially needier (especially since they are not even up to picking up a dinner bill at least not with a professional woman)?

:msnsarcastic: Referring to people in such a manner is a huge turn off.

Guest 02.03.2020 12:30

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Another new account that starts complaining about either Switzerland or the Swiss...

Chuff 02.03.2020 12:30

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by AliciaNarisa (Post 3153113)
Hi there
I know this might sound small-minded and stupid, but I was wondering if anyone could help me here. I have been living in Switzerland for 3 years now and work as a quantum analyst.
I have tried dating swiss men but it always goes wrong. Then I started noticing that they tend to tale seriously women with no education from poorer/needier backgrounds. It seems like every time they find out I am financially independent and have a PhD They get super turned off! this did not happen to me in other countries where I lived (Canada, Germany, Holland). In these countries men seem to appreciate having someone at their own intellectual height, someone to talk to and who goes to work as well.
How come swiss men are so much into women who are from poorer mentalities and financially needier (especially since they are not even up to picking up a dinner bill at least not with a professional woman)?

Obvious troll is obvious.

amogles 02.03.2020 12:34

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
I agree.

Swiss protocol is all about modesty and understatement.

Look at people's houses for example. Of course you can tell the difference between the house of a millionaire and that of an average Joe. But the difference isn't anywhere near as massive as say in the US. There are no MacMansions in Switzerland. It's bad protocol to show your money too much.

Another one is the anecdotal story about cars. Apparently, if you compare car sales in Germany to those in Switzerland, Germans will go for the most up-market model they can afford and then opt to not take any extras or options so they can keep the price down. The Swiss on the other hand go for a cheaper model but then tick all the boxes for the extras. So it's pretending to have more than you have versus pretending to have less than you have.

Another anecdote. I have an Austrian friend who has two doctor titles. He has his full title on his driver's licence. He was stopped by the police in Austria for a minor traffic infraction. They saw his licence and his titles, mumbled an apology, and let him move on. Some weeks later he was stopped in Switzerland for more or less the same infraction, and the policeman looked at his titles and looked at him sternly and said, as a Dr Dr you ought to know better.

Swiss society is built on a deeply ingrained sense of equality, which probably comes from their democratic tradition.

If you start flaunting your diplomas and salary and olympic medals and nobel prizes on your second date, you are maybe coming across as superior and insensitive. And maybe even needy. It's not a job interview, it's a date. Treat it as such.

olygirl 02.03.2020 12:34

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Sheldon, is that you?

Blueangel 02.03.2020 13:02

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by amogles (Post 3153172)
Swiss protocol is all about modesty and understatement.

In a nut shell.
With the Swiss guys I know who are dating, they place a lot of emphasis on emotional maturity, kindness, small thoughtful gestures and being a good person.

Full Circle 02.03.2020 13:07

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Blueangel (Post 3153180)
In a nut shell.
With the Swiss guys I know who are dating, they place a lot of emphasis on emotional maturity, kindness, small thoughtful gestures and being a good person.

Same, and being an 8+ usually helps too

Axa 02.03.2020 13:12

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by AliciaNarisa (Post 3153113)
Hi there
I know this might sound small-minded and stupid, but I was wondering if anyone could help me here. I have been living in Switzerland for 3 years now and work as a quantum analyst.
I have tried dating swiss men but it always goes wrong. Then I started noticing that they tend to tale seriously women with no education from poorer/needier backgrounds. It seems like every time they find out I am financially independent and have a PhD They get super turned off! this did not happen to me in other countries where I lived (Canada, Germany, Holland). In these countries men seem to appreciate having someone at their own intellectual height, someone to talk to and who goes to work as well.
How come swiss men are so much into women who are from poorer mentalities and financially needier (especially since they are not even up to picking up a dinner bill at least not with a professional woman)?

Around 25% of people in Switzerland are foreigners from all nationalities, cultures and educational backgrounds. If you had to bet, who do you think will stay in Switzerland for a long time? Someone from no education from poorer/needier backgrounds or someone financially independent with a PhD?

If I had to bet, I'll bet that they're not scared of your intelligence or money but your mobility or adventurous spirit. Tomorrow, you can take a job offer in Singapore, Russia or whatever, so why invest emotionally in someone that tomorrow will live on the other side of the globe? You already said you lived before in Canada, Germany, Holland.....nobody wants to be left behind.

The Swiss that live here are attached to their land, the Swiss that are not that attached to their land you have to meet them while living somewhere around the globe. Most of people love a week in Thailand or Brazil, not so much living several years in another country. Never dated a Swiss man but got hammered with them lots of times. Around 28-30 years old they want to settle. It's much more probable that the poor girl will settle in a little town, are the guys at fault for looking what they want in life?

It's the same for friendships, they're so hard to develop with the Swiss because us foreigners tend to be very mobile. One day we're here, the next morning maybe not.

I remember a friend in my hometown complaining the young girls didn't like to travel and explore the world. I just told him, if you want a girl that travels, you wont find her in our town, you will find her while traveling.....and he did, they live and travel together now.

PS. have you looked at the definition of professional in the dictionary? "some who has a job that requires special training, education, or skill". Nothing special. Anyone in Switzerland with a CFC/EFZ fits the definition and that's a lot of people.

Ato 02.03.2020 13:20

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Note, this post contains unsubstantiated data and mass generalisations based on a spotty memory.
I can remember reading somewhere that there is a "problem" where highly educated women want an equally educated partner, whilst for men it is of less importance. This results in highly educated men having a larger pool of potential partners, whilst for the highly educated women looking for a highly educated partner they have far more competition.

Sonnenbrand 02.03.2020 13:21

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
I can see what the original poster is saying and there is at times truth to it.

I myself prefer to be involved with a partner that is at the same or around the same stage/level/maturity in life. My wife excels at certain things better than myself and vice versa, I excel at certain things better than her and we are able to meet in the middle and still have a laugh about it.

Some men are intimidated if a strong woman is per say at their level. I personally don't worry about such things. I would rather have a strong person as a partner, as I would not have to carry them. Some men & woman as well though want to be "der chef" the boss, the clear one wearing the pants and all that mumbo jumbo...

I also agree with the responses that followed, many good points were mentioned about Swiss mentality that are very accurate.

You sound like a lovely person and just have not yet met the right person. GL

Axa 02.03.2020 13:37

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Also, we get older by the day. I have lived in other countries before. I could make the correlation that something is wrong with the culture here, that somewhere else the grass is greener while conveniently forgetting my belly and eye bags.

Ato 02.03.2020 13:50

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Axa (Post 3153190)
Also, we get older by the day. I have lived in other countries before. I could make the correlation that something is wrong with the culture here, that somewhere else the grass is greener while conveniently forgetting my belly and eye bags.

I mean I never forget my belly, but I've left my eye bags at home every now and then, it's so difficult to find a place to rest your eyes.

Axa 02.03.2020 14:18

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ato (Post 3153198)
I mean I never forget my belly, but I've left my eye bags at home every now and then, it's so difficult to find a place to rest your eyes.


hahaha, fine. bags under the eyes ;)

curley 02.03.2020 14:26

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Poor mentality ..... hmmm, first time I heard this term.

Anyway: Elite Partner "für singles mit Niveau" I laugh every time I hear that slogan. But it might be exactly OP's thing. :msnsarcastic:

k_and_e 02.03.2020 14:44

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
This thread is really useless without pictures!

greenmount 02.03.2020 14:45

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by curley (Post 3153213)
Poor mentality ..... hmmm, first time I heard this term.

Anyway: Elite Partner "für singles mit Niveau" I laugh every time I hear that slogan. But it might be exactly OP's thing. :msnsarcastic:

Have seen that too and find it very funny. I'm sure some people take it (and themselves and their diplomas) very, very seriously though. :rolleyes:

amogles 02.03.2020 15:15

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Axa (Post 3153183)

The Swiss that live here are attached to their land, the Swiss that are not that attached to their land you have to meet them while living somewhere around the globe. Most of people love a week in Thailand or Brazil, not so much living several years in another country. Never dated a Swiss man but got hammered with them lots of times. Around 28-30 years old they want to settle. It's much more probable that the poor girl will settle in a little town, are the guys at fault for looking what they want in life?

Not so sure about that.

I know plenty of Swiss who have spent 5 to 10 years abroad but then come home. Canada seems to be quite popular for some reason, especially among the 50 plus generation, but I also know individuals who have been to the US, Brazil and South Africa.

amogles 02.03.2020 15:19

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by curley (Post 3153213)
Poor mentality ..... hmmm, first time I heard this term.

Anyway: Elite Partner "für singles mit Niveau" I laugh every time I hear that slogan. But it might be exactly OP's thing. :msnsarcastic:

First time I read that I misread it is as "Singles mit Nivea".

Good to know that they take their skincare seriously.

Ato 02.03.2020 15:23

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by amogles (Post 3153229)
Not so sure about that.

I know plenty of Swiss who have spent 5 to 10 years abroad but then come home. Canada seems to be quite popular, but I also know individuals who have been to the US, Brazil and South Africa.

I've heard it said about Austrians before, and it can relate to some of the swiss, they share traits with hobbits.

Not many crave adventure, but when they've had their fill of the rest of the world they want to come home drink beer, have their own food and marry Rosie. There's no place as peaceful and quite as the shire in a world filled with madness.

omtatsat 02.03.2020 15:58

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by AliciaNarisa (Post 3153113)
Hi there
I know this might sound small-minded and stupid, but I was wondering if anyone could help me here. I have been living in Switzerland for 3 years now and work as a quantum analyst.
I have tried dating swiss men but it always goes wrong. Then I started noticing that they tend to tale seriously women with no education from poorer/needier backgrounds. It seems like every time they find out I am financially independent and have a PhD They get super turned off! this did not happen to me in other countries where I lived (Canada, Germany, Holland). In these countries men seem to appreciate having someone at their own intellectual height, someone to talk to and who goes to work as well.
How come swiss men are so much into women who are from poorer mentalities and financially needier (especially since they are not even up to picking up a dinner bill at least not with a professional woman)?

These sort of swiss " men" are just after a quicky. But many of course have a strong sense of inferiority and when you come along it reinforces that. Maybe you should play dumb and dont give too much away.

Chuff 02.03.2020 16:07

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ato (Post 3153234)
I've heard it said about Austrians before, and it can relate to some of the swiss, they share traits with hobbits.

Not many crave adventure, but when they've had their fill of the rest of the world they want to come home drink beer, have their own food and marry Rosie. There's no place as peaceful and quite as the shire in a world filled with madness.

Hah, nice. I am going to steal this description for my own uses. :D

omtatsat 02.03.2020 16:08

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuff (Post 3153249)
Hah, nice. I am going to steal this description for my own uses. :D

Okkers will take anything:D

scipio 02.03.2020 16:13

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by amogles (Post 3153229)
Not so sure about that.

I know plenty of Swiss who have spent 5 to 10 years abroad but then come home. Canada seems to be quite popular for some reason, especially among the 50 plus generation, but I also know individuals who have been to the US, Brazil and South Africa.

As per the OSA (Organisation of Swiss abroad) and the BFS there are around 760k Swiss that currently do not live in Switzerland. If we ignore Swiss living in Europe the most popular countries are the US (80k + myself ;)), followed by Canada (40k), Australia (25k) and Israel (20k). Even though a majority of those Swiss are multinationals, surely, some of them will come back :)

Pancakes 02.03.2020 16:16

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
I do think there are some men out there, regardless of their culture or where they live, who do have an inferiority complex that causes them to have a need to feel intellectually superior to the women they're with. I've experienced this before in forums where guys have tried to challenge everything that I say (and yet they don't do that to other men). And my best friend, who is a psychology professor, once told me that her male students do it to her all the time in the classroom.
I can certainly understand why a woman would want to date someone that she considers her "intellectual equivalent," because for myself at least, a man's intelligence is the most attractive thing about him. However, no one likes someone who brags and/or is pretentious. That can be a huge turn off. It reminds me of that quote by Einstein:

"More the knowledge, lesser the ego. Lesser the knowledge, more the ego."

Something like that. :)


omtatsat 02.03.2020 16:28

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pancakes (Post 3153253)
I do think there are some men out there, regardless of their culture or where they live, who do have an inferiority complex that causes them to have a need to feel intellectually superior to the women they're with. I've experienced this before in forums where guys have tried to challenge everything that I say (and yet they don't do that to other men). And my best friend, who is a psychology professor, once told me that her male students do it to her all the time in the classroom.
I can certainly understand why a woman would want to date someone that she considers her "intellectual equivalent," because for myself at least, a man's intelligence is the most attractive thing about him. However, no one likes someone who brags and/or is pretentious. That can be a huge turn off. It reminds me of that quote by Einstein:

"More the knowledge, lesser the ego. Lesser the knowledge, more the ego."

Something like that. :)


One should stay open. Its sometimes the opposites that hit it off much better and find a more lasting relationship

Ato 02.03.2020 16:31

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by scipio (Post 3153251)
As per the OSA (Organisation of Swiss abroad) and the BFS there are around 760k Swiss that currently do not live in Switzerland. If we ignore Swiss living in Europe the most popular countries are the US (80k + myself ;)), followed by Canada (40k), Australia (25k) and Israel (20k). Even though a majority of those Swiss are multinationals, surely, some of them will come back :)

The last official figures show 1.47 million Irish citizens abroad, around 23% of Irish Citizens are living abroad. Compared to Switzerlands 8%, the difference is notable. Then again there are far more reasons for leaving Ireland than for leaving here, at least last time I added them up.

Treverus 02.03.2020 17:00

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by k_and_e (Post 3153219)
This thread is really useless without pictures!

Mentality out for the lads!

scipio 02.03.2020 17:17

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ato (Post 3153261)
The last official figures show 1.47 million Irish citizens abroad, around 23% of Irish Citizens are living abroad. Compared to Switzerlands 8%, the difference is notable. Then again there are far more reasons for leaving Ireland than for leaving here, at least last time I added them up.

It's 11% for Switzerland (you don't include non-Swiss citizens living in Switzerland to determine the share of Swiss abroad, the data is from 2018 btw). And yes, obviously there are different reasons/motivations to leave a country. In the case of Switzerland a significant number are people who are 65+ and decide to retire abroad (though, they are not overrepresented by much with respect to the age structure in Swiss demographics). Anyways, this is getting a bit too much offtopic.

amogles 02.03.2020 17:35

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ato (Post 3153261)
The last official figures show 1.47 million Irish citizens abroad, around 23% of Irish Citizens are living abroad. Compared to Switzerlands 8%, the difference is notable. Then again there are far more reasons for leaving Ireland than for leaving here, at least last time I added them up.

That, and also I think, Ireland makes it easier for n-th generation Irish living outside Ireland to claim citizenship.

Sonnenbrand 02.03.2020 18:10

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pancakes (Post 3153253)
I do think there are some men out there, regardless of their culture or where they live, who do have an inferiority complex that causes them to have a need to feel intellectually superior to the women they're with. I've experienced this before in forums where guys have tried to challenge everything that I say (and yet they don't do that to other men). And my best friend, who is a psychology professor, once told me that her male students do it to her all the time in the classroom.

As an American, I have to say I have been subjected/forced to many different ideals coming out of the American Media about a person's status in society. Whether it be sexual orientation, gender roles, socioeconomics, expectations, etc. I will say Switzerland is conservative and old-school in my experiences. It's still for the most part a Man's world over here. I feel the odds are good in Switzerland for most women to excel and advance in the same fashion as a man will, including dating.

What's sometimes confusing to process as a person that crosses back and forth over the pond a few times a year; is that in America, as a man, one will surely experience almost the exact opposite at this point if dealing with women under the age of 35. I am caucasian, above average height, above average education, above average experiences in life and I will fully vouch that many women in America (regardless of intelligence) will try to rip you apart and throw you to the curb just for being a man with any worth.

So it can go both ways in a sense.

amogles 02.03.2020 18:15

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sonnenbrand (Post 3153283)
What's sometimes confusing to process as a person that crosses back and forth over the pond a few times a year; is that in America, as a man, one will surely experience almost the exact opposite at this point if dealing with women under the age of 35. I am caucasian, above average height, above average education, above average experiences in life and I will fully vouch that many women in America (regardless of intelligence) will try to rip you apart and throw you to the curb just for being a man with any worth.

Maybe that's just the shit test. American society seems to be big into that sort of thing.

shit test

Happens in CH too, but it's much more subtle.

Caryl 02.03.2020 18:38

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
I met my wife when I was a graduate student in NYC. She had grown up mainly in Germany child of Dept of Defense civilian. in the course of her marriage she finished her undergraduate degree and an MA in history; I collected a number of degrees up to PhD. So what? We lived in 6 or 7 countries in the course of our marriage until she passed away 2 weeks before our 50th anniversary leaving 4 children and 8 (soon to be 9) grandchildren, some in US, some in GB and some in Switzerland. For what it’s worth.

Downerbuzz 02.03.2020 18:46

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by curley (Post 3153213)
Poor mentality ..... hmmm, first time I heard this term.

Anyway: Elite Partner "für singles mit Niveau" I laugh every time I hear that slogan. But it might be exactly OP's thing. :msnsarcastic:

So she can talk to other fake trolls with PHDs?

Sonnenbrand 02.03.2020 18:51

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by amogles (Post 3153286)
Maybe that's just the shit test. American society seems to be big into that sort of thing.

shit test

Happens in CH too, but it's much more subtle.

Great read! Reminds me of dating back before I moved here. I think you are correct when you say American Society seems to be into that sort of thing.

curley 02.03.2020 19:18

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Downerbuzz (Post 3153297)
So she can talk to other fake trolls with PHDs?

Yes. The only thing not fake will be the bill.

k_and_e 02.03.2020 20:07

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
this could be a good potential partner for the OP

st2lemans 02.03.2020 20:27

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by AliciaNarisa (Post 3153113)
How come swiss men are so much into women who are from poorer mentalities and financially needier (especially since they are not even up to picking up a dinner bill at least not with a professional woman)?

Perhaps they simply find them to be nicer and not so full of themselves? ;)

Tom

MusicChick 02.03.2020 20:30

Re: Swiss men and dating
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pancakes (Post 3153253)
I do think there are some men out there, regardless of their culture or where they live, who do have an inferiority complex that causes them to have a need to feel intellectually superior to the women they're with. I've experienced this before in forums where guys have tried to challenge everything that I say (and yet they don't do that to other men). And my best friend, who is a psychology professor, once told me that her male students do it to her all the time in the classroom.
I can certainly understand why a woman would want to date someone that she considers her "intellectual equivalent," because for myself at least, a man's intelligence is the most attractive thing about him. However, no one likes someone who brags and/or is pretentious. That can be a huge turn off. It reminds me of that quote by Einstein:

"More the knowledge, lesser the ego. Lesser the knowledge, more the ego."

Something like that. :)


I don't think it is a male issue, or gender stuff. I think it is just a jerk issue. Look on the forum, or any community, you will see after a while those who stalk others just to "show them that they aren't that smart", it is comical. But as you said, pretentiousness isn't hot in any way. Neither is a fragile ego or an inability to be happy for some else's achievements, tbh.

I was wondering about the OP's dilemma. I would like to ask OP, since she seems to single out the local guys. And accuses them of prejudice. How is singling out potential suitors based on nationality not a prejudice? What if the guys don't discriminate against her intellect but think "another post-doc who will need a permit...". Would OP understand their experience? Or is it them not wanting a smart girl.

OP, when/if you come back, let us know if you want to change your log-in name.


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 17:01.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0