Hi there
I know this might sound small-minded and stupid, but I was wondering if anyone could help me here. I have been living in Switzerland for 3 years now and work as a quantum analyst.
I have tried dating swiss men but it always goes wrong. Then I started noticing that they tend to tale seriously women with no education from poorer/needier backgrounds. It seems like every time they find out I am financially independent and have a PhD They get super turned off! this did not happen to me in other countries where I lived (Canada, Germany, Holland). In these countries men seem to appreciate having someone at their own intellectual height, someone to talk to and who goes to work as well.
How come swiss men are so much into women who are from poorer mentalities and financially needier (especially since they are not even up to picking up a dinner bill at least not with a professional woman)?

Oh boy. I'll bite. Where to begin...

Welcome to the forum.


Are you leading with the career and PhD or ... ? Maybe find some common ground aside from education etc for a start?

I agree.

Swiss protocol is all about modesty and understatement.

Look at people's houses for example. Of course you can tell the difference between the house of a millionaire and that of an average Joe. But the difference isn't anywhere near as massive as say in the US. There are no MacMansions in Switzerland. It's bad protocol to show your money too much.

Another one is the anecdotal story about cars. Apparently, if you compare car sales in Germany to those in Switzerland, Germans will go for the most up-market model they can afford and then opt to not take any extras or options so they can keep the price down. The Swiss on the other hand go for a cheaper model but then tick all the boxes for the extras. So it's pretending to have more than you have versus pretending to have less than you have.

Another anecdote. I have an Austrian friend who has two doctor titles. He has his full title on his driver's licence. He was stopped by the police in Austria for a minor traffic infraction. They saw his licence and his titles, mumbled an apology, and let him move on. Some weeks later he was stopped in Switzerland for more or less the same infraction, and the policeman looked at his titles and looked at him sternly and said, as a Dr Dr you ought to know better.

Swiss society is built on a deeply ingrained sense of equality, which probably comes from their democratic tradition.

If you start flaunting your diplomas and salary and olympic medals and nobel prizes on your second date, you are maybe coming across as superior and insensitive. And maybe even needy. It's not a job interview, it's a date. Treat it as such.

In a nut shell.
With the Swiss guys I know who are dating, they place a lot of emphasis on emotional maturity, kindness, small thoughtful gestures and being a good person.

Same, and being an 8+ usually helps too

I can see what the original poster is saying and there is at times truth to it.

I myself prefer to be involved with a partner that is at the same or around the same stage/level/maturity in life. My wife excels at certain things better than myself and vice versa, I excel at certain things better than her and we are able to meet in the middle and still have a laugh about it.

Some men are intimidated if a strong woman is per say at their level. I personally don't worry about such things. I would rather have a strong person as a partner, as I would not have to carry them. Some men & woman as well though want to be "der chef" the boss, the clear one wearing the pants and all that mumbo jumbo...

I also agree with the responses that followed, many good points were mentioned about Swiss mentality that are very accurate.

You sound like a lovely person and just have not yet met the right person. GL

Also, we get older by the day. I have lived in other countries before. I could make the correlation that something is wrong with the culture here, that somewhere else the grass is greener while conveniently forgetting my belly and eye bags.

Referring to people in such a manner is a huge turn off.

Another new account that starts complaining about either Switzerland or the Swiss...

Sheldon, is that you?

Some men have an inferiority complex when it comes to women's money and independence.
Not all do, and this isn't exclusive to Swiss men, let alone all Swiss men.

Some Swiss like to travel and be adventurous.
Not all do, and this isn't exclusive to Swiss, or Swiss women.

Some Swiss go abroad and then come back.
Not all do and this, too, isn't exclusive to Swiss, or Swiss women or men.


What it is is this:


Also, I find it highly amusing OP would qualify herself as such an incredibly self-sufficient, well-off woman, yet then she throws in a complaint about the fact that men here don't pick up the bill on her first date. Here's a little secret about the Swiss: it's not customary and women never EXPECT the man to pay.

Hmmm...Offering a dinner is a gesture that communicates a lot. If that doesn't work that way here, so be it. That communicates a lot, too.

Then you have locals looking elsewhere and being confronted with new rituals, that also communicates a lot.

All of a sudden the small gestures gain significance. I.e. we are ok playing along some rituals, for those special people. I say it is even subconscious (rationalizing it later, with whatever). So, hello Darwin.

In the same vein I'd chuck OP and her advertizing herself under the same principle.

Obvious troll is obvious.

Around 25% of people in Switzerland are foreigners from all nationalities, cultures and educational backgrounds. If you had to bet, who do you think will stay in Switzerland for a long time? Someone from no education from poorer/needier backgrounds or someone financially independent with a PhD?

If I had to bet, I'll bet that they're not scared of your intelligence or money but your mobility or adventurous spirit. Tomorrow, you can take a job offer in Singapore, Russia or whatever, so why invest emotionally in someone that tomorrow will live on the other side of the globe? You already said you lived before in Canada, Germany, Holland.....nobody wants to be left behind.

The Swiss that live here are attached to their land, the Swiss that are not that attached to their land you have to meet them while living somewhere around the globe. Most of people love a week in Thailand or Brazil, not so much living several years in another country. Never dated a Swiss man but got hammered with them lots of times. Around 28-30 years old they want to settle. It's much more probable that the poor girl will settle in a little town, are the guys at fault for looking what they want in life?

It's the same for friendships, they're so hard to develop with the Swiss because us foreigners tend to be very mobile. One day we're here, the next morning maybe not.

I remember a friend in my hometown complaining the young girls didn't like to travel and explore the world. I just told him, if you want a girl that travels, you wont find her in our town, you will find her while traveling.....and he did, they live and travel together now.

PS. have you looked at the definition of professional in the dictionary? "some who has a job that requires special training, education, or skill". Nothing special. Anyone in Switzerland with a CFC/EFZ fits the definition and that's a lot of people.

Note, this post contains unsubstantiated data and mass generalisations based on a spotty memory.
I can remember reading somewhere that there is a "problem" where highly educated women want an equally educated partner, whilst for men it is of less importance. This results in highly educated men having a larger pool of potential partners, whilst for the highly educated women looking for a highly educated partner they have far more competition.

Not so sure about that.

I know plenty of Swiss who have spent 5 to 10 years abroad but then come home. Canada seems to be quite popular for some reason, especially among the 50 plus generation, but I also know individuals who have been to the US, Brazil and South Africa.

I've heard it said about Austrians before, and it can relate to some of the swiss, they share traits with hobbits.

Not many crave adventure, but when they've had their fill of the rest of the world they want to come home drink beer, have their own food and marry Rosie. There's no place as peaceful and quite as the shire in a world filled with madness.

Hah, nice. I am going to steal this description for my own uses.

Okkers will take anything

As per the OSA (Organisation of Swiss abroad) and the BFS there are around 760k Swiss that currently do not live in Switzerland. If we ignore Swiss living in Europe the most popular countries are the US (80k + myself ), followed by Canada (40k), Australia (25k) and Israel (20k). Even though a majority of those Swiss are multinationals, surely, some of them will come back