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Old 09.12.2020, 13:45
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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I actually think those guys are looking for a tip from OP.
Nope, I think they are looking to give her a tip..
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  #62  
Old 09.12.2020, 14:11
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

I am not going to generalise but on face value this sounds cute, up to a point.

OP, if you feel uncomfortable, ensure you make that clear. How you feel is paramount. I don't feel a rebuke, silent or otherwise, will be taken other than being a "not interested" signal.

It's hardly a #metoo moment (and for all we know, the OP could be a bunny boiler )
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Old 09.12.2020, 14:22
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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I am not going to generalise but on face value this sounds cute, up to a point.

OP, if you feel uncomfortable, ensure you make that clear. How you feel is paramount. I don't feel a rebuke, silent or otherwise, will be taken other than being a "not interested" signal.

It's hardly a #metoo moment (and for all we know, the OP could be a bunny boiler )
You wouldn't believe how inefficient "not interested" can get, in fact some see it as the opposite, for some bizarre reason.
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  #64  
Old 09.12.2020, 14:22
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

Girls: Two guys entered the OP's apartment and behaved inappropriately and unprofessionally with unwanted advances.

Guys: It sounds cute, be good, don't be mad, they were just having harmless fun!

I am so glad I am not a woman, I think I'd go insane having to deal with that crap.

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It's hardly a #metoo moment (and for all we know, the OP could be a bunny boiler )
*shakes head*
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  #65  
Old 09.12.2020, 14:34
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

when this all happened were you alone at the house or was your male flatmate also at home?
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Old 09.12.2020, 14:42
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

To cease,

My flatmates were at home in their bedroom when my door was knocked (when the janitor just said no room cleaning today). But their doors were not knocked by the janitors... Maybe the janitor knocked the door planning to give me the note already but maybe he saw that I looked too sleepy.

Then, later when the older janitor handed me the note, no one was around. That time, I just got out of the elevator on the ground floor - then I saw him there packing his equipments, and I didn't stop to chat. But then he saw me and stopped me saying he has something to give me, which is the note.

Last edited by danilins; 09.12.2020 at 15:03.
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Old 09.12.2020, 14:46
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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My flatmates were at home in their bedroom when my door was knocked (when the janitor just said no room cleaning today). But their doors were not knocked by the janitors... Maybe the janitor knocked the door planning to give me the note already but maybe he saw that I looked too sleepy.

When the older janitor handed me the note, no one was around. That time, I just got out of the elevator on the ground floor - then I saw him there packing his equipments, so I didn't stop to chat. But then he stopped me saying he has something to give me, which is the note.
so when he handed you the note you were in the lobby of your building and not in your house correct?
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  #68  
Old 09.12.2020, 14:51
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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so when he handed you the note you were in the lobby of your building and not in your house correct?
It does not affect the underlying principle if the note was handed to her outside of the apartment or in it. He still works for the building and goes to the OP's apartment to do a job.
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  #69  
Old 09.12.2020, 14:52
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

if that's correct then there goes the narrative of the creepy janitors approaching the isolated girl all alone in her home (not that it will matter to some )
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  #70  
Old 09.12.2020, 14:54
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

OP - can you share that note with your room-mate? Also both of you could return the favor and give the concierge post-it notes with fake numbers. That seems to have worked a few times, too.
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  #71  
Old 09.12.2020, 14:54
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

and am i right in assuming you live in a type of student accommodation which is all organised by your school?
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  #72  
Old 09.12.2020, 14:55
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

To cease,
Yes, it happened at the building lobby when no one was around (because there is no apartment, bedrooms, or any inhabitant room on the ground floor- just the laundry room for the whole building). I just took the note, returned to my room, and didn't look at it until a few hours later- and didn't get the German sentence part- then I asked here.

It is not a student dorm and is not organized by school. This is a private (Immobilien?) landlord. Just a regular shared flat sharing kitchen + shower room between 4 people

To MusicChick,
Yes I already shared the note with my flatmates, and they thought this is not nice of the janitor men, so they said they will keep an eye on for me.

Last edited by danilins; 09.12.2020 at 15:59.
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  #73  
Old 09.12.2020, 15:03
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Hi everyone,

Thank you for all your answers, and sorry for the confusion, yes I am a 20's girl

= I think I should go with a diplomatic way first and say that either I am already married or I am gay. I think this would be a good idea, unless more problems can come (?). If no problem, how should I write it in German?
= Or another idea- I think I can ask my guy flatmate to fake be a boyfriend with me (?)
= Should I also write the landlord about this now? Or safe it for later?

I am actually not too offended because so far he has not done anything that scares me, but of course it doesn't feel great knowing that I will still see him every week and there could be awkwardness (regardless of whether I respond or not). They are actually nice so far, but maybe they took a wrong hint from me (although I think I never hinted anything ) In fact so far the only things I talk to them are like he said he will finish in 5 minutes, I say ok, etc., so I am confused how he suddenly has interests.

also more context about myself- I think I don't think I am likeable by mainstream standard of ladies . I look nerdy, always dress like guys as I wear soccer jerseys, my skin condition isn't great, I eat so much. And I never had a guy liking me in 20+ years of life. So confused!
OP, I don't think they needed a "hint" to hit on you, who knows what sort of cultural stereotypes they run in their head.
Yes, I think asking your flatmate to pretend he's your boyfriend is a good idea. You know, whatever makes you feel comfortable if you're not the confrontational type. Some men believe you're not interested only if they think you have a reason. Sad but true.
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  #74  
Old 09.12.2020, 15:11
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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To cease,

Yes, it happened at the building lobby when no one was around (because there is no apartment, bedrooms, or any inhabitant room on the ground floor- just the laundry room for the whole building). I just took the note, returned to my room, and didn't look at it until a few hours later- and didn't get the German sentence part- then I asked here.

It is not a student dorm and is not organized by school. This is a private (Immobilien?) landlord. Just a regular shared flat sharing kitchen + shower room between 4 people

To MusicChick,
Yes I already shared the note with my flatmates, and they thought this is not nice of the janitor men, so they said they will keep an eye on for me.
thanks for the clarification.
given that your flatmates are concerned you probably should be too. good that they're looking out for you. take care of yourself.
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Old 09.12.2020, 15:21
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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thanks for the clarification.
given that your flatmates are concerned you probably should be too. good that they're looking out for you. take care of yourself.
oh that's what makes being concerned ok?
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  #76  
Old 09.12.2020, 15:34
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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if that's correct then there goes the narrative of the creepy janitors approaching the isolated girl all alone in her home (not that it will matter to some )
You can't say crap like this which intentionally aims to demean her experience...

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thanks for the clarification.
given that your flatmates are concerned you probably should be too. good that they're looking out for you. take care of yourself.
...and then think that these shallow well-wishes means anything.

It doesn't matter whether she was given the note in her home or in the corridor of her apartment building... it's still an unwanted advance from someone who works there and who has the power to go into her apartment. The fact you can't see this speaks volumes about what behaviour you think is and isn't acceptable.
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  #77  
Old 09.12.2020, 15:36
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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The fact you can't see this speaks volumes about what behaviour you think is and isn't acceptable.
Cease is a dupe account of a banned member - came online yesterday.
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Old 09.12.2020, 15:54
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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OP, I don't think they needed a "hint" to hit on you, who knows what sort of cultural stereotypes they run in their head.
Yes, I think asking your flatmate to pretend he's your boyfriend is a good idea. You know, whatever makes you feel comfortable if you're not the confrontational type. Some men believe you're not interested only if they think you have a reason. Sad but true.
I have do disagree. At some point, there needs to be shift away from hiding behind men in order to be left in peace. It only perpetuates this notion of either being someone's "property" or available. Whether a person is available for a romantic liaison is solely determined by that person's decision. Ok, if they are already "taken" by someone else, then common decency dictates that you should not present them with the option of making such a decision, but that is a different story...

Of course, it is not up to the OP to be the change if she does not feel confident in doing so. I am merely saying that we should stop telling women that this is a good solution because continuing this nonsense feeds into the mindset that won't take a simple no for an answer. The same mindset thinks that any unaccompanied woman is fair game for chatting up or worse and should not have the audacity to refuse the advances.
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Old 09.12.2020, 16:01
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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.
Unwanted sexual advances inside your home from people in a position of trust that you have allowed in there to perform work are not OK. End of story
But since when is telling someone that they are sympathetic an "unwanted sexual advance?"

I am so glad I'm not a man. I'd probably never have a girlfriend because I'd be scared shit-less to ever ask someone out.
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Old 09.12.2020, 16:03
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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You can't say crap like this which intentionally aims to demean her experience...

...and then think that these shallow well-wishes means anything.

It doesn't matter whether she was given the note in her home or in the corridor of her apartment building... it's still an unwanted advance from someone who works there and who has the power to go into her apartment. The fact you can't see this speaks volumes about what behaviour you think is and isn't acceptable.
i didn't intend to demean her experience, rather the narrative that she was alone in her home when all this happened. i probably wouldn't do what the janitor did but i'm not sure that he did it with bad intentions. perhaps misguided?

the well-wishes weren't for you so don't worry about them.
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