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  #81  
Old 09.12.2020, 16:07
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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The kind of men who have the self-confidence to chat up random women...
On a piece of paper, secretely at work, when nobody's around. It looks like zero self confidence to me really, to be honest.

I think it wigs OP out coz she's polite and kind and doesn't know how to react in awkward monents because she herself wouldn't do that anyone. Maybe I am wrong. But OP - if you don't want to deal with it, don't. Ignore him completely, maybe clean up your place yourself, door with a note saying:

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Old 09.12.2020, 16:12
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

Don’t forget some women actually like being chatted up by men.

Everyone is different.

You cannot tag the guy(s) as some kind of sexual predator just because one fancied the OP. He has given her space, she felt comfortable enough when starting this thread. But probably not now.....
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  #83  
Old 09.12.2020, 16:16
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

We live in a very strange era. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying it was a smart move by the person or even very likely to succeed........but in the absence of anything else it really does seem somewhat harmless.

I think we're going to get to the point where our life is run by corporations, we will all be mandated to use apps with inbuilt waivers and disclaimers...

(only joking, but I do think we are becoming very sensitised to everything).
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  #84  
Old 09.12.2020, 16:34
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

My ex's parents actually called me sympatisch after meeting me the first time. I was really confused by it. Anyway apparently it's not a direct translation and is a normal/positive compliment.
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  #85  
Old 09.12.2020, 16:41
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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My ex's parents actually called me sympatisch after meeting me the first time. I was really confused by it. Anyway apparently it's not a direct translation and is a normal/positive compliment.
Basically it means "you're a pleasant person, nice, easy going, you make people feel comfortable around you".

Have received this compliment many a time but like you, in totally different social contexts.

As they say - context is everything.
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  #86  
Old 09.12.2020, 16:55
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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But since when is telling someone that they are sympathetic an "unwanted sexual advance?"

I am so glad I'm not a man. I'd probably never have a girlfriend because I'd be scared shit-less to ever ask someone out.
Not at all. We do much more risky and reckless stuff, proved by hospital visits, chats with the police and a record of spoiled relationships. If any man ever comes up with being scared shitless to ever ask someone out.....it's a man scared shitless for a lot of things in life beyond women.
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Old 09.12.2020, 17:05
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Not at all. We do much more risky and reckless stuff, proved by hospital visits, chats with the police and a record of spoiled relationships. If any man ever comes up with being scared shitless to ever ask someone out.....it's a man scared shitless for a lot of things in life beyond women.
I guess it's a matter of subjectivity, isn't it? You have to admit that some women / people do exaggerate. I have a friend who once asked a co-worker out after she had been asking him to take lunch breaks with her, etc. every day for a while, and then he was fired for asking her out, after she 'told on him' for it and blew it completely out of proportion.

I'm female, but I can imagine how it might sometimes be difficult for men, in particular, to know when a woman is interested in him romantically and when she isn't (not that I'm implying that this is what happened in the OP's case). But of course there is also the type of man who misinterprets the slightest thing as being an act of flirting with him (and some women do this as well). The fact is, some men are more bold than others when it comes to asking a woman out (and personally, I've always been attracted to the more shy, introverted type who doesn't throw himself at women, so to speak).
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Old 09.12.2020, 17:40
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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I guess it's a matter of subjectivity, isn't it? You have to admit that some women / people do exaggerate. I have a friend who once asked a co-worker out after she had been asking him to take lunch breaks with her, etc. every day for a while, and then he was fired for asking her out, after she 'told on him' for it and blew it completely out of proportion.

I'm female, but I can imagine how it might sometimes be difficult for men, in particular, to know when a woman is interested in him romantically and when she isn't (not that I'm implying that this is what happened in the OP's case). But of course there is also the type of man who misinterprets the slightest thing as being an act of flirting with him (and some women do this as well). The fact is, some men are more bold than others when it comes to asking a woman out (and personally, I've always been attracted to the more shy, introverted type who doesn't throw himself at women, so to speak).
Yes, some people exaggerate. And yes, it's difficult for men to guess if someone is interested in you or not. Add to the mix some cultural differences and it's a recipe for disaster. Even thought the outcome is sometimes disastrous, that has never stopped the average guy.

From an optimistic perspective, at least we don't have to deal today with the traditions of 2-3 generations ago.

From a pessimistic perspective, there are men of my age who went to segregated schools, and other traditions don't involve interacting with women. Ahh, women, so hard to understand.....said by a guy who had education only with guys and then went to the army. Better stop here, I may get into really controversial stuff.
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Old 09.12.2020, 18:37
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

Actually, a potential romance between a "janitor man" and a young lady reminds me of the Monty Python sketch "Ken Shabby" ( Naked Ant series) where a lavatory cleaner meets the father of his fiancť, a gentleman from the aristocracy, for the first time.

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2t7j73

It is lovely to watch, but remember that these were the days before PC.
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Old 09.12.2020, 19:25
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Actually, a potential romance between a "janitor man" and a young lady reminds me of the Monty Python sketch "Ken Shabby" ( Naked Ant series) where a lavatory cleaner meets the father of his fiancť, a gentleman from the aristocracy, for the first time.

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2t7j73

It is lovely to watch, but remember that these were the days before PC.
OP is twenty something and the janitor is fifty something and giggled with his colleague... I might have read too much into it but it doesn't look like that kind of romance.

As for guys being afraid to ask someone out : BS. Do it respectfully and in appropriate situations and be ready to accept a No. I am certain no-one will get hurt.
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Old 09.12.2020, 21:29
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

At the beginning of the thread...

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According to my google translate, "sympatisch" means sympathetic. When does calling someone sympathetic translate into flirting with them? Or is that a common phrase used in German to flirt or imply that you're interested in someone?
Then when it was explained to you...

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Interesting. I had no idea... (well, obviously).

Yeah, that is quite odd.

To the OP... To me, I think he was just trying to be nice and complimentary (but in a flirty way).
And then now you once more post...

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But since when is telling someone that they are sympathetic an "unwanted sexual advance?"
Are you going a bit senile pancakes?

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I am so glad I'm not a man. I'd probably never have a girlfriend because I'd be scared shit-less to ever ask someone out.
So, lets go over this logic. If you were a guy, you'd never ask a girl out simply because it's not cool to do it in a workplace where you are in a position of trust and thus expected not to hit on the people whose apartments you service?

Wow, some of you really do need some very basic things explaining to you.

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Don’t forget some women actually like being chatted up by men.

Everyone is different.

You cannot tag the guy(s) as some kind of sexual predator just because one fancied the OP. He has given her space, she felt comfortable enough when starting this thread. But probably not now.....
Would I be right in guessing you are a middle aged man or beyond? I mean, it woud explain the archaic 60's messed up attitude in thinking that 20 year old young women like to be chatted up by 50 year old janitors who regulrly service and have access to their apartments.

"Ahh it's alright mate, some women like to be chatted up... nudge nudge wink wink".

I mean seriously, wtf.

Last edited by Chuff; 09.12.2020 at 21:45.
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Old 09.12.2020, 21:46
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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I mean seriously, wtf.
Exactly. And why can I hear you screaming when just reading your posts?
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Old 09.12.2020, 21:52
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Are you going a bit senile pancakes?


Is 'trying to be nice and complimentary (but in a flirty way)' really the same as an 'unwanted sexual advance?'
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Old 09.12.2020, 22:05
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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OP is twenty something and the janitor is fifty something and giggled with his colleague... I might have read too much into it but it doesn't look like that kind of romance.
she also said the other janitor was 'a teenager probably 20s to 30s'. she's in her twenties herself so the 'fifty something' is probably more like 35
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Old 10.12.2020, 00:09
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Are you going a bit senile pancakes?

So, lets go over this logic. If you were a guy, you'd never ask a girl out simply because it's not cool to do it in a workplace where you are in a position of trust and thus expected not to hit on the people whose apartments you service?

Wow, some of you really do need some very basic things explaining to you.
I actually use to like you, Chuff, but I think I'm finally starting to understand now why so many people don't seem to like you here on the EF. You really need to put your aggression in check.

You just completely misinterpreted my post. I never once said that if I was a guy I'd never ask a girl out "simply because it's not cool to do it in a workplace..." etc. I never once mentioned anything about a workplace in that comment. Go back and read it.

Your comments are rude, irrational and unnecessarily aggresive and say more about you than myself.
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Old 10.12.2020, 07:20
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Is 'trying to be nice and complimentary (but in a flirty way)' really the same as an 'unwanted sexual advance?'
Lets have a reality check here. If he was being "nice and complimentary" then he would not have give her his number, he would simply have said, verbally only, "Do you know what? You are a really nice person and I enjoy talking to you, thanks and see you next time."

The fact he gave her his number means that his motives are very different from being 'simply complimentary'. If you can't get that linkage then I think you likely just don't know the minds of men very well.

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I actually use to like you, Chuff, but I think I'm finally starting to understand now why so many people don't seem to like you here on the EF. You really need to put your aggression in check.

You just completely misinterpreted my post. I never once said that if I was a guy I'd never ask a girl out "simply because it's not cool to do it in a workplace..." etc. I never once mentioned anything about a workplace in that comment. Go back and read it.

Your comments are rude, irrational and unnecessarily aggresive and say more about you than myself.
Well, we are talking about a 50 year old guy who works in an apartment building with access to people's apartments, a position of trust, hitting on a 20-odd year old woman whose apartment he services.

Logically speaking, why else would you write as a response: "If i were a guy I wouldn't dare to ask anyone out" unless it was in reference to this topic? By writing that, straight after you also wrote that you don't think he did anything bad simply by saying she was "sympathetic", you are in my view implying that this is all much ado about nothing and that if a 50-odd year old guy can't hit on a 20-odd year old girl in this situation, in a place where he works, then when can he do it and how is he supposed to know when to do it? It's all so complicated, right? Well no, it's not really.

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Exactly. And why can I hear you screaming when just reading your posts?
Interesting... do you scream and shout in real life when having a debate with people about a topic that you have some stronger feelings about? No? Nah, me neither.

Last edited by Chuff; 10.12.2020 at 08:10.
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Old 10.12.2020, 08:10
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

Obviously the OP felt uncomfortable otherwise she wouldnít have posted the question. Unfortunately, we donít know the OPís level of German nor her age, which would give us a reality check. Iím not even sure who wrote the note.

However, the OP is under no obligation to post that criteria as this is a public forum and itís none of our business.

My short assessment is that the note was inappropriate and the OP should make it clear in either her behavior or words that she is not interested in anything but a professional relationship. If the inappropriate behavior continues, it needs to be reported.
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Old 10.12.2020, 09:14
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Logically speaking, why else would you write as a response: "If i were a guy I wouldn't dare to ask anyone out" unless it was in reference to this topic? By writing that, straight after you also wrote that you don't think he did anything bad simply by saying she was "sympathetic", you are in my view implying that this is all much ado about nothing and that if a 50-odd year old guy can't hit on a 20-odd year old girl in this situation, in a place where he works, then when can he do it and how is he supposed to know when to do it? It's all so complicated, right? Well no, it's not really.
Your comment to me is below. You specifically accused me of saying that I wouldn't ask a woman out (quote) "simply because it's not cool to do it in a workplace where you are in a position of trust and thus expected not to hit on the people whose apartments you service." And the fact is, I never once said that. But you took it upon yourself to "put words in my mouth" and misinterpret me and then accuse ME of being irrational. My first comment about (theoretically) being afraid to ask a woman out has nothing to do with my later comment regarding my friend who was fired from his job. Your mind correlated the two and then, again, made an irrational and aggressive statement toward me because of it -- all while trying to essentially accuse ME of being too stupid to understand something.

Indeed. It's not complicated. Don't misinterpret someone and make false assumptions and/or correlations regarding their comments and then simultaneously accuse THEM of being stupid because of it.

The fact is, you had accused the janitor of making a (quote) "unwanted sexual advance." Do you really think that if the OP tried to take this to the courts or the police that they would accuse the janitor of making an "unwanted sexual advance" toward the OP because of calling her "sympatisch" and giving his phone #?

Name:  sympatisch meaning.jpg
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https://www.quora.com/What-does-it-m...ok-sympathetic

So yes, while what the janitor did may be inappropriate, I don't think it should be conflated with an "unwanted sexual advance."

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So, lets go over this logic. If you were a guy, you'd never ask a girl out simply because it's not cool to do it in a workplace where you are in a position of trust and thus expected not to hit on the people whose apartments you service?

Wow, some of you really do need some very basic things explaining to you.
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Old 10.12.2020, 09:29
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Your comment to me is below. You specifically accused me of saying that I wouldn't ask a woman out (quote) "simply because it's not cool to do it in a workplace where you are in a position of trust and thus expected not to hit on the people whose apartments you service." And the fact is, I never once said that. But you took it upon yourself to "put words in my mouth" and misinterpret me and then accuse ME of being irrational. My first comment about (theoretically) being afraid to ask a woman out has nothing to do with my later comment regarding my friend who was fired from his job. Your mind correlated the two and then, again, made an irrational and aggressive statement toward me because of it -- all while trying to essentially accuse ME of being too stupid to understand something.

Indeed. It's not complicated. Don't misinterpret someone and make false assumptions and/or correlations regarding their comments and then simultaneously accuse THEM of being stupid because of it.

The fact is, you had accused the janitor of making a (quote) "unwanted sexual advance." Do you really think that if the OP tried to take this to the courts or the police that they would accuse the janitor of making an "unwanted sexual advance" toward the OP because of calling her "sympatisch" and giving his phone #?

Attachment 140888

https://www.quora.com/What-does-it-m...ok-sympathetic
Sorry pancakes but I think yo uare really mistaken with what you are talking about in this instance.

1) He gave his phone number, thus it's obvious what his intentions are. Otherwise, why would he give his phone number? There is no other logical reason in this situation to give her his number and anyone who is sensible and has even a passing knowledge of male behaviour, in combination with all the details the OP told us about the behaviour of the guys such as the whispering and giggling etc, would realise this in a heartbeat.

2) The link you provided was the subjective opinion of a native German. Sympatisch in Switzerland can be contextually used for flirting https://www.google.com/search?q=symp...hrome&ie=UTF-8

I have personally heard it used as such multiple times. If you think that seemingly innocent phrases can't be used in flirting then I assume you really must out of practise and/or in a well established relationship since years. I can say someone seems "really nice", give them my number, and it's obvious what I am doing. When done in this context it's simply a more discreet and less obvious way of saying the same thing as "I fancy you".

But anyway please, feel free to believe what you like. I feel that I am simply explaining basic social awareness here to people who aren't very experienced with these kinds of interactions. Anyway, the OP has already decided to give it back and the guy will either hopefully say a polite "ok no problem, thank you" or he will go into denial mode and say she got the wrong impression (very common make rejection tactic).

Good luck to the OP.

Last edited by Chuff; 10.12.2020 at 09:39.
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Old 10.12.2020, 09:45
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Sorry pancakes but I think yo uare really mistaken with what you are talking about in this instance.

1) He gave his phone number, thus it's obvious what his intentions are. Otherwise, why would he give his phone number? There is no other logical reason in this situation to give her his number and anyone who is sensible and has even a passing knowledge of male behaviour, in combination with all the details the OP told us about the behaviour of the guys such as the whispering and giggling etc, would realise this in a heartbeat.

2) The link you provided was the subjective opinion of a native German. Sympatisch in Switzerland can be contextually used for flirting https://www.google.com/search?q=symp...hrome&ie=UTF-8

I have personally heard it used as such multiple times. If you think that seemingly innocent phrases can't be used in flirting then I assume you really must out of practise and/or in a well established relationship since years. I can say someone seems "really nice", give them my number, and it's obvious what I am doing. When done in this context it's simply a more discreet and less obvious way of saying the same thing as "I fancy you".

But anyway please, feel free to believe what you like. I feel that I am simply explaining basic social awareness here to people who aren't very experienced with these kinds of interactions.
Chuff, this isn't about believing what I like. This is about taking what the guy wrote and not knowing what his real intentions were with it or what his mindset was while writing it (none of us really know for sure)... and realizing that calling someone "sympatisch" is not the same as making an unwanted sexual advance toward them. In this case, it's like the difference between someone complimenting a woman on her personality and asking her out and someone saying "Hey baby, you got a nice ass. Here's my number."

So again, I agree that what he did was inappropriate, and especially due to the age difference, but I wouldn't mistake it with being an "unwanted sexual advance."
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