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Old 10.12.2020, 11:55
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

Hi olygirl,
I am in 20's, and I am on A0 level in German . As I mentioned, I never spoke to a younger janitor- only to the older one and he only spoke to me in simple English like "5 minutes done- ok!" or simple German like 'Wie geht's'.

Hi smileygreebins,
- Yes, the janitors has a master key for all rooms in our building apartments... so that's why I felt a bit paranoid because there is a possibility that something could happen (although they sounded nice and never tried to do anything outside their job scope-- but you know, they have the power and ability to do it if they want to). So I just bought a personal alarm and some door stopper (<10 CHF from Amazon- could be handy anyway), and I already have a surveillance camera I got for free at home...

As someone already said, I wouldn't feel paranoid if I get such a note from e.g. my classmate at school, someone at a bar, or even a stranger on the street- because I can understand that they just want to express their feelings. It is a totally different case here when the janitor men have the ability to come to my bedroom at unexpected time, etc.

- I think it was coincidental that I bumped into him "at the lobby" (regarding the location), but I think he already planned to give me the note when he first knocked my door (as he didn't knock my flatmate's doors-- if his true intention is just to let all of us know that there is no room cleaning) but changed his mind after I seemed too sleepy.

Hi Talk to you later,
- totally agree with your point that 'If it was a sexual advance and if it got rejected, how did the guy think that he could still enter OP's bedroom regularly and continue to clean and act as if nothing happened'
- The janitors come from a cleaning company, and I talk to my flatmate who has been here for years- there used to be another janitor group from the same company long long time ago, but this group works regularly probably for a year already.
- I at first thought too that maybe they give me a number just in case someone is looking for a cleaner too or if I need their cleaning outside normal hours- but I think it's unlikely given that they are based on a company (unless they want some outside-company work to earn extra money?), but I agree the giggle makes it seem unlikely.
- Not really, I put everything in the closet and shut it every time they come (because I am normally already cautious when I need to let non-friend males to enter my bedroom). No sex toy definitely haha. And just to even more descriptive, I probably look like an Ah-jumma most of the time regarding my dressing style and appearance , so totally 0% sexiness (I can't even do it even if I want ). I didn't even comb my hair yet most of the time they came. The only things that the janitors would see when they come to my bedroom is my bed, my table, my academic book shelf, and my closet (which is shut).

- Yes, now I was paranoid about the hidden camera... but actually I have been looking at them doing their job in my room every time (I never let them be in my room without me standing there looking at them doing the job), so it should be unlikely.
- Yes I actually want to do my own cleaning..., but somehow this mandatory cleaning is on the rental contract... I actually just wrote the landlord asking if I could clean my bedroom myself (and the janitors can still clean the kitchen- I don't mind)

Last edited by danilins; 10.12.2020 at 13:43.
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  #122  
Old 10.12.2020, 12:11
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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So I'm not saying that the janitor's note is the same as putting his hand on the OP's shoulder (or whatever) -- I feel the need to clarify that -- but the fact that what he did made her uncomfortable does not necessarily mean that the janitor was sexually harassing her or intending to imply that he wants to have sex with her.
Might have been trying, as smileygreebins said, to advertise his services i.e. cleaning or whatever. But still, I don't know what to say. I agree OP should treat the matter firmly, but kindly.
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  #123  
Old 10.12.2020, 12:31
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

Ha haaaa!!! That "Ah-jumma" thing up there his hilarious!!!

That's probably me in 20 years. I have seen my fate!
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  #124  
Old 10.12.2020, 12:34
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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I think it's a thinly veiled unwanted sexual advance.
Definitely. Back in the day when I did online dating, a very common request from men (especially men who in no way matched what I was looking for) would write something along the lines of: "Wärst du offen für einen unverbindlichen Drink, bei Sympathie gerne mehr, alles kann, nichts muss?" (Would you be open to having a drink with no strings attached, more if we are sympatico? Everything is possible, nothing is expected.).

Now let me see, Hans-Peter, 54-year old bearded smoker from Wil(SG) who appears to have last done any physical exercise at birth - would this reasonably attractive non-smoker in her twenties who is online dating because she is too busy to go out to meet people be open to a time-consuming dalliance with someone who either can't read or chooses to ignore what was written? It puzzles me how so many men think that having the audacity is enough.
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  #125  
Old 10.12.2020, 12:38
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Hi Talk to you later,


- totally agree with your point that 'If it was a sexual advance and if it got rejected, how did the guy think that he could still enter OP's bedroom regularly and continue to clean and act as if nothing happened'
- The janitors come from a cleaning company, and I talk to my flatmate who has been here for years- there used to be another janitor group from the same company long long time ago, but this group works probably for a year already.
- I at first thought too that maybe they give me a number just in case someone is looking for a cleaner too or if I need their cleaning outside normal hours- but I think it's unlikely given that they are based in one company (unless they want some outside-company work to earn extra money?), but I agree the giggle makes it seem unlikely.
- Not really, I put everything in the closet and shut it every time they come (because I am normally already cautious when I need to let non-friend males to enter my bedroom). No sex toy definitely haha.
- Yes, now I was paranoid about the hidden camera... but actually I have been looking at them doing their job in my room every time (I never let them be in my room without me standing there looking at them doing the job), so it should be unlikely.
- Yes I actually want to do my own cleaning..., but somehow this mandatory cleaning is on the rental contract... I actually just wrote the landlord asking if I could clean my bedroom myself (and the janitors can still clean the kitchen- I don't mind).

Does the cleaner have a master key for the entrance door only or to the actual rooms too? Assuming the rooms have locks? You did good asking the landlord that you don't want your room cleaned by anyone.

If you feel brave enough, you could ask the cleaner directly what the phone number was for? Or maybe casually go to him and say that you asked your other friends, and none of them are looking for a cleaner. Then hand the piece of paper back to him Have a friend nearby just to be safe.

You should not have to deal with this kind of stuff but it is the reality of life. Be confident and I wish you all the best.
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  #126  
Old 10.12.2020, 12:42
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

Hi Talk to you later,
The cleaner has a master key for all individual rooms in the building, so that's why I buy extra door stopper.

this is a great tip -> "Or maybe casually go to him and say that you asked your other friends, and none of them are looking for a cleaner."
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  #127  
Old 10.12.2020, 13:02
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Now let me see, Hans-Peter, 54-year old bearded smoker from Wil(SG) who appears to have last done any physical exercise at birth - would this reasonably attractive non-smoker in her twenties who is online dating because she is too busy to go out to meet people be open to a time-consuming dalliance with someone who either can't read or chooses to ignore what was written? It puzzles me how so many men think that having the audacity is enough.
you've never heard 'a closed mouth doesn't get fed'?
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  #128  
Old 10.12.2020, 13:50
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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you've never heard 'a closed mouth doesn't get fed'?
I prefer "shy bairns get nought".

If someone clearly states a certain age range that you "out-mature" by more than a decade and that smoking as a complete no no and you are a smoker, why waste your and that person's time? Isn't it a bit like applying for a job as a doctor based on the fact that you quite like the idea of being one but couldn't be bothered to go to medical school? Or contacting someone who is looking to sell a set of dining chairs to ask them how much they want for the cat that happened to walk through the frame when they took the picture? Or making reservations at Hiltl and then asking them for a beef steak?

You would not believe the amount of messages and utterly inappropriate stuff you get sent as a woman, especially in traditional dating apps where anyone can contact you. And I already know that the bitter and modern reality adjacent will flame me for saying this but it's freaking exhausting, especially if you were brought up to be polite and not just ignore people. But you have to do it in the end, as it would be a full time job otherwise.

Getting back on topic, I'm still utterly baffled by people not understanding how these particular circumstances make it an entirely inappropriate proposition by default.
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  #129  
Old 10.12.2020, 14:28
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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You would not believe the amount of messages and utterly inappropriate stuff you get sent as a woman, especially in traditional dating apps where anyone can contact you. And I already know that the bitter and modern reality adjacent will flame me for saying this but it's freaking exhausting, especially if you were brought up to be polite and not just ignore people. But you have to do it in the end, as it would be a full time job otherwise.
Unfortunately there are many stupid females who go for such things hence there is a market for such stupid men!

Don't women lie about their age? Use younger age photos? Manipulate men and waste time? Cheat? I understand your frustration with men but what you are dealing with is stupid humans. Nothing to do with being male!
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  #130  
Old 10.12.2020, 14:30
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

Kittster

All that inappropriate messaging on dating apps usually stops for women who are 55 plus. Actually, almost all messaging on dating sites stops for women 55 plus.
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  #131  
Old 10.12.2020, 14:33
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Kittster

All that inappropriate messaging on dating apps usually stops for women who are 55 plus. Actually, almost all messaging on dating sites stops for women 55 plus.
Almost all messaging never starts for most men!
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  #132  
Old 10.12.2020, 14:47
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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I'd say, maybe OP just needs to open the door to him surrounded by all her roomates and say "What's up, pops" and be very merry, not worried. That also seems to have worked
The crazy thing is that it isn't even clear who actually wrote that note. Not that lack of information had ever stopped EF'ers from speculating.

This thread is pure comedy gold!
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  #133  
Old 10.12.2020, 14:53
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Now let me see, Hans-Peter, 54-year old....
See there is a market even for Hans Peter



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  #134  
Old 10.12.2020, 14:57
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Now let me see, Hans-Peter, 54-year old bearded smoker from Wil(SG) who appears to have last done any physical exercise at birth - would this reasonably attractive non-smoker in her twenties who is online dating because she is too busy to go out to meet people be open to a time-consuming dalliance with someone who either can't read or chooses to ignore what was written? It puzzles me how so many men think that having the audacity is enough.
Hans-Peter needs to shave....


Sometimes younger women are attracted to older men. Maybe Hans-Peter is too busy and therefore also resorting to online dating?

As I see it, generalisations flow both ways. You can delete Hans-Peter's messages. Or use Tinder where only mutual matches can chat.
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  #135  
Old 10.12.2020, 15:07
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Hans-Peter needs to shave....


Sometimes younger women are attracted to older men. Maybe Hans-Peter is too busy and therefore also resorting to online dating?

As I see it, generalisations flow both ways. You can delete Hans-Peter's messages. Or use Tinder where only mutual matches can chat.

These guy don't need online dating!


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Old 10.12.2020, 15:43
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Hans-Peter needs to shave....


Sometimes younger women are attracted to older men. Maybe Hans-Peter is too busy and therefore also resorting to online dating?

As I see it, generalisations flow both ways. You can delete Hans-Peter's messages. Or use Tinder where only mutual matches can chat.
The point(s): -------------->

Your head:

Yes, sometimes, especially if they are intelligent, at peace with the world, funny and look after themselves. And also not as prone to mansplaining while simultaneously not reading things properly as you are However, I would not choose one as a permanent life partner, age differences of more than a third from the perspective of the younger party are not really my thing.

OP, when are they next coming to clean? I'm invested now!
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  #137  
Old 10.12.2020, 15:48
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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However, I would not choose one as a permanent life partner, age differences of more than a third from the perspective of the younger party are not really my thing.
Did you ever hear the half your age plus 7 guide for acceptable age differences? Works fairly decently.
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Old 10.12.2020, 15:52
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

Hi Kittster,
They are coming next Tuesday, and it will be a week for bedroom cleaning.
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Old 10.12.2020, 16:25
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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They are coming next Tuesday, and it will be a week for bedroom cleaning.
If you are planning to use my previous suggestion then be mentally prepared for any follow-up questions from them. For example-

- I wanted to take you out for a drink...
- The young guy has a crush....
- Would you like to come to my Mum's farm house for Raclette...

Just look directly at them in the eye and nicely say- "Oh! Sorry I misunderstood the reason why you gave me the note. I am really not looking for anyone nor interested."
Then just walk away, they should get the message. If not, then you definitely will need to escalate it with the landlord!
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Old 10.12.2020, 16:56
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

Thank you for your advice, Talk to you later.

As he doesn't really speak English and I don't really speak German, I just plan to leave notes in front of the room saying "Danke, aber keiner meiner Freunde und Familie sucht einen Hausmeister." and "Eine Zimmerreinigung ish nicht erforderlich." Hope he gets the hint...

I am not sure if leaving a note would be better than saying it directly (using my read-a-script German).
  • Maybe he will leave me back more notes (which could be evidence too).
  • Maybe he will knock my door anyway and ask me the follow-up questions directly, but then I am not sure if I would immediately understand the German sentences he say and whether I could form a good-enough-to-be-understood sentences in German in real time. Not sure if it would be too silly to ask him to write down what he says. I guess I am practicing the scripts like "Ich habe schon ein Freund.", "Bitte schreiben Sie solche Zettel nicht mehr."...
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