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Old 08.12.2020, 18:46
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confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

Today something really weird happened to me . I was asleep in my apartment at the time when janitor men come, then I woke up from his door knock. He just wanted to tell me that that there is no room cleaning today- only kitchen cleaning. Me, half asleep half awaken, led him to my stove asking him not to turn it off because I was stewing something.

Before he left, he gave me a note saying

"Many regards!
House keeping [his name].
[his number]
Du bist sehr sympatisch!!!"

and then giggle with another janitor Does anyone have a clue what he means or wants? I looked up the meaning of 'sympatisch' and it just means 'nice/friendly', so perhaps he just wanted to be friends (???)

Maybe a bit more context- the janitor men are already uncles in 50's I think. They are sent by my landlord to clean the apartment every week. I already saw him 4-5 times so far, and we chatted a bit while he cleaned.
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Old 08.12.2020, 18:59
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

Are you interested in him? If yes, then congrats, he is interested in you.

In your situation, I would be pretty unhappy about his: these guys have access to your apartment because they were instructed to do a job and see it as an opportunity to hit on you. I'm pretty sure your landlord would not be happy to hear about this.

Now I am sure the usual suspects will jump on here and say that "a man should be allowed to show interest" or "she should be flattered" or even "would this be a problem if he were handsome?". None of those things are an appropriate response to someone taking advantage of a situation like this. Depending on how safe you feel, you can either give the dude a chance to do better by taking it up directly with him or, the nuclear option, tell the landlord that you don't want him cleaning your place anymore because he has made advances.

It is not an easy choice: In an ideal world, saying "No thank you" should be the end of the matter but experience has taught me otherwise. The important thing is that you feel comfortable and safe in your own apartment. He has not done anything that would warrant him losing his job (in my view) but he should not be hitting on his clients like this. If it were me, I would confront him directly with the other guy present and make it clear that any further behaviour of this kind will be escalated to the boss.
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Old 08.12.2020, 19:16
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

IMO, where you work you shouldnít date or try to tease/date/conquer anyone.
Itís my understanding as well this can be considered harassment, once this person have access to your place, somehow to your routine, consequently becoming a kind of ępowerĽ or superiority.

I wouldnít confront him, I would report it to whom manages his company/contract...

Before someone think to throw rocks on me, this is my opinion, if you have yours you can share, but keep it in a civilized way.


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Are you interested in him? If yes, then congrats, he is interested in you.

In your situation, I would be pretty unhappy about his: these guys have access to your apartment because they were instructed to do a job and see it as an opportunity to hit on you. I'm pretty sure your landlord would not be happy to hear about this.

Now I am sure the usual suspects will jump on here and say that "a man should be allowed to show interest" or "she should be flattered" or even "would this be a problem if he were handsome?". None of those things are an appropriate response to someone taking advantage of a situation like this. Depending on how safe you feel, you can either give the dude a chance to do better by taking it up directly with him or, the nuclear option, tell the landlord that you don't want him cleaning your place anymore because he has made advances.

It is not an easy choice: In an ideal world, saying "No thank you" should be the end of the matter but experience has taught me otherwise. The important thing is that you feel comfortable and safe in your own apartment. He has not done anything that would warrant him losing his job (in my view) but he should not be hitting on his clients like this. If it were me, I would confront him directly with the other guy present and make it clear that any further behaviour of this kind will be escalated to the boss.
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Old 08.12.2020, 19:21
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

Photos, we canít help without photos. Of you, of him and of his friend, itís vital in cases such as this!
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Old 08.12.2020, 19:24
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Today something really weird happened to me . I was asleep in my apartment at the time when janitor men come, then I woke up from his door knock. He just wanted to tell me that that there is no room cleaning today- only kitchen cleaning. Me, half asleep half awaken, led him to my stove asking him not to turn it off because I was stewing something.

Before he left, he gave me a note saying

"Many regards!
House keeping [his name].
[his number]
Du bist sehr sympatisch!!!"

and then giggle with another janitor Does anyone have a clue what he means or wants? I looked up the meaning of 'sympatisch' and it just means 'nice/friendly', so perhaps he just wanted to be friends (???)

Maybe a bit more context- the janitor men are already uncles in 50's I think. They are sent by my landlord to clean the apartment every week. I already saw him 4-5 times so far, and we chatted a bit while he cleaned.
Given the context and your description, they are very likely being sleazy. If you are genuinely offended by the behaviour then take a photo of the note and send it to the landlord and tell him/her that their behaviour has been inappropriate.

Last edited by Chuff; 08.12.2020 at 19:49.
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Old 08.12.2020, 19:28
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Today something really weird happened to me . I was asleep in my apartment at the time when janitor men come, then I woke up from his door knock. He just wanted to tell me that that there is no room cleaning today- only kitchen cleaning. Me, half asleep hal....
When I read your posting, (as I do not know your gender), I thought of a young dude on his boxing shorts opening the door to a (gay) cleaning chap -- who happens to hit on him.... only when I started reading the comments, people (either know danilins, or) assume it was a female-male situation....

i guess my head just work differently...
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Old 08.12.2020, 19:34
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

According to my google translate, "sympatisch" means sympathetic. When does calling someone sympathetic translate into flirting with them? Or is that a common phrase used in German to flirt or imply that you're interested in someone?
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Old 08.12.2020, 19:37
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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According to my google translate, "sympatisch" means sympathetic. When does calling someone sympathetic translate into flirting with them? Or is that a common phrase used in German to flirt or imply that you're interested in someone?
It means you are a nice person and empathetic person who is good to talk to and I have heard it many times both in regular conversation and in flirting. it depends on the context.

Why else would the guy write his mobile number and that message on a piece of paper?
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Old 08.12.2020, 19:44
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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They are being sleazy. Take a photo of the note and send it to the landlord and tell him/her that their behaviour has been inappropriate.
Hell no. Ignore it, and/or tell the guy to stop it before you play Gestapo informant.
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Old 08.12.2020, 19:56
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

I agree completely with what Kittster said. However, itís also imperative that your behavior doesnít encourage any possibility of romance. Be kind but firm and stop any inappropriate behavior before it leads to uncomfortable situations.
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Old 08.12.2020, 20:01
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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According to my google translate, "sympatisch" means sympathetic. When does calling someone sympathetic translate into flirting with them? Or is that a common phrase used in German to flirt or imply that you're interested in someone?
Very common. Itís like someone saying youíre very nice. In fact, depending on the context, ďdu bisch mit sehr sympathischĒ can mean Iím extremely attracted to you.
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Old 08.12.2020, 20:11
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Photos, we canít help without photos. Of you, of him and of his friend, itís vital in cases such as this!
lol very true.

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Old 08.12.2020, 20:28
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Very common. Itís like someone saying youíre very nice. In fact, depending on the context, ďdu bisch mit sehr sympathischĒ can mean Iím extremely attracted to you.
Interesting. I had no idea... (well, obviously).

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It means you are a nice person and empathetic person who is good to talk to and I have heard it many times both in regular conversation and in flirting. it depends on the context.

Why else would the guy write his mobile number and that message on a piece of paper?
Yeah, that is quite odd.

To the OP... To me, I think he was just trying to be nice and complimentary (but in a flirty way). Maybe just try to be nice about it or ignore it but kindly get the message across that you're not interested. And if all else fails, tell him you're gay.
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Old 08.12.2020, 20:39
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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When I read your posting, (as I do not know your gender), I thought of a young dude on his boxing shorts opening the door to a (gay) cleaning chap -- who happens to hit on him.... only when I started reading the comments, people (either know danilins, or) assume it was a female-male situation....

i guess my head just work differently...
That's exactly what I first thought, too. A young man getting out of bed sleepily, in his boxers, to open the door to the cleaners.
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Old 08.12.2020, 21:17
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

Hi everyone,

Thank you for all your answers, and sorry for the confusion, yes I am a 20's girl

= I think I should go with a diplomatic way first and say that either I am already married or I am gay. I think this would be a good idea, unless more problems can come (?). If no problem, how should I write it in German?
= Or another idea- I think I can ask my guy flatmate to fake be a boyfriend with me (?)
= Should I also write the landlord about this now? Or safe it for later?

I am actually not too offended because so far he has not done anything that scares me, but of course it doesn't feel great knowing that I will still see him every week and there could be awkwardness (regardless of whether I respond or not). They are actually nice so far, but maybe they took a wrong hint from me (although I think I never hinted anything ) In fact so far the only things I talk to them are like he said he will finish in 5 minutes, I say ok, etc., so I am confused how he suddenly has interests.

also more context about myself- I think I don't think I am likeable by mainstream standard of ladies . I look nerdy, always dress like guys as I wear soccer jerseys, my skin condition isn't great, I eat so much. And I never had a guy liking me in 20+ years of life. So confused!

Last edited by danilins; 08.12.2020 at 21:29.
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Old 08.12.2020, 21:27
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

Hi danilinis,

You didn’t do anything wrong, he did...

With that being said, you can use any strategy that you think that fits better, however in my opinion it’s easier to say: no, I’m not interested and your behavior it’s not appropriated....

It’s important that you remember what we used to say when we like boxing: protect yourself all the times.

Hope that helps :-)


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Hi everyone,
Thank you for all your answers, and sorry for the confusion, yes I am a 20's girl
I think I should go with a diplomatic way first and say that either I am already married or I am gay. I think this would be a good idea, unless more problems can come (?). If no problem, how should I write it in German?
Or another idea- I think I can ask my guy flatmate to fake be a boyfriend with me (?)
Should I also write the landlord about this now? Or safe it for later?

It's a bit sad because I really like this apartment. In fact so far the only things I talk to them are like he said he will finish in 5 minutes, I say ok, etc., so I am confused how he suddenly has interests. I am also very unpretty by any standard lol.

Last edited by rumshot; 08.12.2020 at 21:27. Reason: Forgot a word
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Old 08.12.2020, 21:31
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Hi everyone,
Thank you for all your answers, and sorry for the confusion, yes I am a 20's girl
I think I should go with a diplomatic way first and say that either I am already married or I am gay. I think this would be a good idea, unless more problems can come (?). If no problem, how should I write it in German?
Or another idea- I think I can ask my guy flatmate to fake be a boyfriend with me (?)
Should I also write the landlord about this now? Or safe it for later?

It's a bit sad because I really like this apartment. In fact so far the only things I talk to them are like he said he will finish in 5 minutes, I say ok, etc., so I am confused how he suddenly has interests. I am also very unpretty by any standard lol.
That is a lot of effort on someone who left a note telling you're "sympathisch" - and there is absolutely nothing sleazy about saying that, it is a casual, non-specific compliment - and a phone-no. which you never have to use.

You don't even need to react to it. And should he follow it up all it requires is a thank you but no thank you. So far all this is, is human interaction.
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Old 08.12.2020, 21:33
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Hi everyone,
Thank you for all your answers, and sorry for the confusion, yes I am a 20's girl
I think I should go with a diplomatic way first and say that either I am already married or I am gay. I think this would be a good idea, unless more problems can come (?). If no problem, how should I write it in German?
Or another idea- I think I can ask my guy flatmate to fake be a boyfriend with me (?)
Should I also write the landlord about this now? Or safe it for later?

It's a bit sad because I really like this apartment. In fact so far the only things I talk to them are like he said he will finish in 5 minutes, I say ok, etc., so I am confused how he suddenly has interests. I am also very unpretty by any standard lol.
Someone tried to flirt with you, did not insult you, did not attack you nor do or say anything that would be even mildly inappropriate so why in the world would you need to write landlord about it? Like someone actually tried to be nice, maybe not in perfect way but still.

How f&%& up world do we live that people actually, seriously think this person should be reported and possibly lose their job because handing out a note to an lady telling she is nice.

How about just ignore it in case not interested or simple: thanks but no thanks.
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Old 08.12.2020, 21:38
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

Hi everyone,

Of course I wouldn't want him to cause him to lose a job because they did nothing bad (besides the flirty note) and have been nice so far, so that's why I say I will respond diplomatic first I will wait until I see him again next week if he would say or ask anything. If not, I will just never mind and show clearly that I am not interested so that he doesn't get a wrong hint. I was actually also planning to buy him a small box of chocolate for new year to thank him for coming to clean my room, but I think that plan must be cancelled.

Also not sure if the note is actually from the older janitor or the young janitor. I never talked to the young janitor.
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Old 08.12.2020, 21:41
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Re: confused- got a note from janitor man that I am 'sympatisch', plus his number

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Someone tried to flirt with you, did not insult you, did not attack you nor do or say anything that would be even mildly inappropriate so why in the world would you need to write landlord about it? Like someone actually tried to be nice, maybe not in perfect way but still.
Because this man comes into her private space?

It's very different from someone working in a bar giving you a note, or someone at a hobby group meeting.

Would it be okay for a doctor to give you such a note after examining you?

Two extremes of course but I think this could be seen as inappropriate.
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