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Old 15.12.2020, 15:39
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Coronavirus Jokes

Here's my gift to all of humanity to help ease the suffering of a monumental, historical global pandemic ....

I will start a thread on English Forum where people can post jokes about coronavirus.

Then, people all over the world can read them to bring respite from the demands of these times.

Hope the laughter eases any distress from living through this era and boosts your immune system.

Sincerely, MakeABigWish


------------------------------


Here are my two jokes I will offer to kick things off:

Joke #1:
Knock knock. Who is there?
Seriously, don’t touch my door and get back 6 meters to social distance.

Joke #2:
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible"
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe go to a packed concert."
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  #2  
Old 15.12.2020, 15:52
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

If someone asks...

Tel them you're optimistic, not positive.
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Old 03.06.2021, 22:43
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

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If someone asks...

Tel them you're optimistic, not positive.
Ouch I always say I am a realist - not negative, So that’s not going to work here lol
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Old 04.06.2021, 21:30
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

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Old 07.06.2021, 07:52
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

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Old 08.06.2021, 13:43
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

https://twitter.com/SteelHester/stat...94971317751809

Quote:
i told my housemate the vaccine knocked me out and he said "ah yes, set pfizers to stun" and friends, i am ANGRY
(Star Trek reference)
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Old 15.12.2020, 15:53
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

Funny, just yesterday I was thinking that there is good reason why I hadn't heard one person anywhere (including comedians, TV personalities, etc), making jokes out of the COVID pandemic
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Old 15.12.2020, 15:59
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

When I saw "Jokes" I thought there'd be something funny.
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Old 15.12.2020, 16:05
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

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When I saw "Jokes" I thought there'd be something funny.

Okay, then .... offer something ......


Always easier to strike a sophisticated pose and criticize others ....


How about this one?:


How many people with coronavirus does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


Only one, but they like to make a party out of it and invite their 50 closest friends.
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Old 15.12.2020, 16:06
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

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Old 15.12.2020, 16:20
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

There aren't any funny corona-virus jokes.

All the corona-virus jokes I've seen are tasteless.
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Old 15.12.2020, 16:22
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

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How many people with coronavirus does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one, but they like to make a party out of it and invite their 50 closest friends.
Sounds like the party they had in Unteriberg last weekend.
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Old 15.12.2020, 16:42
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

There was a special on quebecois comedians explaining on the national TV here how tone down the end of the year major TV show will be, all the things that are out of the question to make fun of...And there was I thinking that laughter makes people healthier and more immune, most probably.

3..2...1..
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Old 30.12.2020, 22:24
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

Can some one explain this joke?
I tried it and did not taste any difference.

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Old 01.01.2021, 12:24
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

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Can some one explain this joke?
I tried it and did not taste any difference.



Thanks for the contribution. I'm not sure whether to groan or thanks you.
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Old 01.01.2021, 12:27
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

Ten years from now, you'll put on a jacket and find a mask in the pocket.

"Oh man, what a weird year that was," you'll chuckle to yourself.

Then you'll pick up your machete and continue across the wasteland, keeping to the shadows to avoid the roving gangs of cannibal raiders.
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Old 01.01.2021, 13:34
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

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Ten years from now, you'll put on a jacket and find a mask in the pocket.

"Oh man, what a weird year that was," you'll chuckle to yourself.

Then you'll pick up your machete and continue across the wasteland, keeping to the shadows to avoid the roving gangs of cannibal raiders.
...on your relentless search for toilet paper.
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Old 01.01.2021, 22:48
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

1. The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.

2. 2019: Stay away from negative people. - 2020: Stay away from positive people.

3. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house & their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!

4. This morning I saw a neighbour talking to her dog. It was obvious she thought her dog understood her. I came into my house & told my cat. We laughed a lot.

5. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

6. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?

7. This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars & keep men at home!

8. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!

9. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

10. Appropriate analogy. "The curve is flattening so we can start lifting restrictions now” is like saying “The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now.”

11 The spread of COVID-19 is based on 2 things:
How dense the population is
How dense the population is

12. I will stay up late this New Year’s Eve. Not to see 2021 come in, but to be sure 2020 leaves !
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Old 01.01.2021, 12:23
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

Remember back when we used to eat cake after someone blew all over it trying to blow out the candles?

We really used to live so wild.
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Old 17.01.2021, 22:15
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Re: Coronavirus Jokes

I've heard there's a new Bern variant of the virus.




But it's ok. It spreads very very very slowly.
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